"I am your reason for living!" The voice spat bitterly "When I am gone you will see, Little Yuki. Everyone…even you… will remember me. But you?" The voice scoffed, "Everyone will continue to hate you."

These words echoed in Yuki's head as he stared blankly at the wall. As much as he wanted to let go, he found himself unwillingly holding onto that voice. Yuki was left with an emotion he did not even know he was capable of…anger. And Yuki was…angry. Before Yuki even had a chance to respond he heard the door begin to open.

"Come on, ya damn rat! Your going to make us all late." Kyo, another of Yuki's many cousins, barged into the room scowling at him.

"I already told you I'm not going…" He answered hollowly, his gaze still transfixed on the wall.

Kyo just stood there, waiting for one of Yuki's pithy responses…or anything, really. It was a well known fact that Yuki and Kyo had never gotten along, leaving each other bloody on more than one occasion. In fact, if Kyo was ever willing to be honest with himself, Yuki had won every single sparing match they had ever had. A fact Yuki was well aware he was hated for.

"Fine." Kyo huffed, slamming the door behind him when Yuki refused to respond.

Yuki did not move, or even blink. Even after listening to Kyo yell down the hall about his obstinance. As he heard the others leave the house he finally exhaled, not even realizing that he had been holding his breath in the first place.

Yuki was 25 now, the age Shigure had been when Yuki first came to live with him. Yuki had graduated top of his class in high school, and ended up being hospitalized by Akito after his graduation party…a gift, he had called it. And when Yuki received a full ride scholarship to the best university in the country Akito used his…persuasion…in order get Yuki to step down and decline the scholarship, offending several of his teachers in the process. After that Yuki settled quietly into work at a family owned book store in town. Quietly, that was, until last week when Akito passed away. Today was the funeral, and Yuki just sat there…staring at the wall in disbelief.

Time continued to move forward, and eventually Yuki stopped talking…to everyone. He moved through his days at the store avoiding the customers, and would lock himself in his room upon returning home. At first the response was concern, especially from Shigure. But eventually the caring concern faded into bewilderment and frustration. No one could understand Yuki's reaction. Akito was dead, after all, and Yuki's pain was gone…wasn't it?

It had been six months to the day since Akito's passing, and Yuki awoke to a spring downpour. It was early, and Shigure and Kyo were still sleeping. He got ready quietly, like he did every morning, in order not to disturb them. However, unlike most mornings, Yuki was not planning on showing up to work today.

He walked through the empty streets slowly, getting soaked by the rain as he had chosen to leave his umbrella behind. Despite being drenched Yuki quite enjoyed the walk. No one was around to stare at him with worry or, worse yet, pity. And he did not have to pretend to be anything else but what he had become…empty. Through his musing he had lost tack of time, and was surprised to find that he had made it to his destination so soon.

"So." He spat scornfully, the first word he had spoken in months. "I'm finally here, you bastard." His gaze narrowed at the gravestone. "I suppose you expect some spectacular display in your honor?" He scoffed, throwing his gaze downward, something clutched in his right hand. "You were wrong, you know. I hated this knife, but it seems to fit somehow." He pushed up his left arm sleeve roughly, eyes hardened. "It fits because it reminds me of how much I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" He began to scream repeatedly as he took the blade to his own forearm over, and over, and over again, driving it deeper into the skin.

Yuki smeared the blood dripping from his wounds onto the gravestone, giving Akito what he had always wanted in life. Pain and suffering. Then he let his arm drop limply from the headstone, his blood mingling with the rain to soak the ground around him, as his eyes glazed over from the sudden release.

"Oh my! What are you doing!?" A shocked voice cried out, causing Yuki to jerk his head up.

A young woman stood several feet from him clutching her umbrella, a look of horror on her face. She continued to stare at Yuki's left arm with large, dark blue eyes, her long brown hair pulled back in a formal braid rolled into a bun. Yuki simply stood staring back at her with a look of disbelief, trying to comprehend what she had just said. It had been quite some time since anyone had actually spoken to him, but there was something more to this woman.

"Excuse me?! Are you okay?" She asked, more than a little unnerved at the spectacle that had just unfolded right before her very eyes.

"Oh…" Yuki responded slowly, finally putting the pieces together as he followed her gaze to his own arm. "Yes, I'm fine." He answered, guarded, trying to keep his composure by averting his eyes from her face…this was not at all what he had expected.

"Well, you don't look like you're fine. What were you doing?" She asked again, clearly wishing she were somewhere else right now, but unwilling to leave.

Yuki stood there thinking for a moment, not quite sure how to respond. He looked again at his own arm, still bleeding profusely, before forming the words that finally came out of his mouth.

"Cathartic grieving." He said after some thoughtful reflection. "I highly recommend it." And the corner of the girl's mouth twitched up in an involuntary smile at this response.

"It doesn't seem like you liked them all that much." She continued to asses the situation of what she had just seen and heard. "In fact, weren't you just going on about how much you hate them?" A statement she immediately regretted when Yuki's expression hardened.

"It's complicated." He said coldly as he turned to walk away.

"Wait!" She shouted as he listened to her footsteps chase after him. "Don't you need a doctor or something?"

"I told you I was fine." He spat icily as he continued to walk, praying to the heavens that she would just leave him alone.

Yuki continued his journey home in silence, holding his injured arm. Every so often he would peek over his shoulder to see that she was still following him, silently, in the rain. Suddenly the rain stopped and Yuki looked up to find his view obscured by a thin pink veil. Letting his eyes drift to the left of him Yuki found the young woman walking next to him holding her umbrella up high above her in order to share. They walked side by side in silence, both looking straight ahead refusing to look at the other. As Yuki approached the front door of his home he could tell that both Shigure and Kyo were awake. He entered the house, saying nothing when the young woman came in behind him.

"Holy Shit, Yuki! What happened to you?" Shigure gasped, the first one to see him walk in.

"It's nothing, really. I'm fine." Yuki whispered weakly, falling to his knees.

"Yuki!" Shigure followed him to the floor, making sure he wouldn't hurt himself.

"Um…I think he's lost a lot of blood." The young woman replied timidly, only being noticed when she finally spoke.

"Excuse me?" Confusion flooded Shigure's face at the appearance of this strange woman. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh! I'm so sorry to intrude!" She began to stammer, her cheeks beginning to blush over the awkward situation she found herself in. "My name is Honda. Tohru Honda. And I found him at the nearby cemetery and followed him back here…I was really worried." Her voice faded as she looked at the ground, embarrassed at having intruded, but it had felt so natural.

"I see." Shigure smiled kindly at the young lady. "Thank you." Tohru returned the smile, nodding.

"Awe hell?! What did you do this time, ya damn rat?!" Kyo shouted from behind Shigure as he entered the room.

Yuki lifted his head weakly, peering over Shigure's shoulder at Kyo, his eyes narrowing with absolute contempt. Still holding his arm, and trying desperately to hold on to consciousness, Yuki leaned on Shigure as he kept his glare transfixed on Kyo.

"Shigure, get him out of here…or so help me." Yuki uttered feebly.

"Oh yeah! Make me leave, sissy boy!" Kyo yelled, pointing his fingerat Yuki.

"Kyo, take a walk." Shigure said, his voice low and serious.

"What? Seriously!?" Kyo shrieked, glaring at Shigure's back.

"Now!" Shigure retorted, leaving Kyo to storm out slamming the door behind him.

"There." Shigure sighed. "That's much better." he smiled, looking at Tohru. "Don't mind him. None of us do." And Tohru blushed, stifling an involuntary giggle. "Now." He started gravely. "I hate to ask, but I think I need your help since you're here."

"Okay." Tohru blinked, taken off guard by the seriousness of the request.

"I need to call our doctor. Could you stay here with him?" He asked, still supporting Yuki's weight to make sure he wouldn't fall.

"Um…sure, I guess." She blushed, looking at the fragile looking young man on the floor whom she had only just met.

Tohru knelt down behind Yuki and supported his back as Shigure leaned him against her, resting Yuki's head on her lap. Yuki's face was extremely pale from the loss of blood, and his breathing had become quite shallow. Tohru marveled at how beautiful and peaceful his face looked as he rested. Shigure thanked her before dismissing himself to go into the other room. She could hear Shigure on the phone, and as she listened her hand absentmindedly drifted to Yuki's hair as she began to run her fingers through it. She let out a startled gasp as Yuki's hand reflexively grabbed her wrist.

"I…I'm so sorry!" She yelped, feeling his hand relax a little around her wrist.

"No." He sighed, not opening his eyes. "It's fine." His hand going back to his injured arm. "It actually feels… very nice." He smiled, still keeping his eyes closed.

Tohru continued to stroke his hair, humming gently to herself, thinking that this was the type of thing her mother use to do for her. Shigure peeked his head in, still on the phone, to see Tohru tenderly cradling Yuki's head looking down at his face. Shigure had not seen that look of peace on Yuki's face in such a long time that he couldn't help smiling to himself. In his heart, he had always hoped that this might happen.

Mechanical beeping and strange voices came from all directions. Yuki sleepily went to rub his forehead with his arm only to be taken aback by the thick bandaging. He sat up, further confused by the IV stuck in his uninjured arm. Then something else unexpected made him stiffen.

"Hey there! How are you feeling?" The gentle voice came, and as Yuki turned his head his gaze met that of Tohru.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, the words coming out more harshly than he had intended.

"Oh! I'm so very sorry! I know I really shouldn't be here!" She stammered, immediately getting up from the chair to leave the hospital room.

Yuki just stared in amazement as he watched the young woman attempt to scramble out of the room. He found the whole display of clumsiness so thoroughly amusing that he began to laugh in spite of himself, which made Tohru freeze in her tracks. The sound of his laughter was unlike anything she had ever heard. She stared blankly at him, not exactly sure of what she should do.

"I didn't mean it like that." He said, regaining his composure. "Please, stay?" He beckoned her back to the chair next to his hospital bed.

"Are you sure?" She looked at him hesitantly, unsure of what to do.

"Yes. I would very much like it if you stayed." He answered, smiling politely, a smile so heartbreaking that it made Tohru feel like crying.

She moved slowly, taking her seat next to him. She held her breath, having so many unanswered questions about what she had seen that morning. Yuki picked up on the questions in her eyes and, with polite gentleness, he finally broke the silence.

"Thank you for your help this morning…Miss Honda, is it?" He whispered softly, staring deeply into her eyes, though the look was careful…guarded.

"Um!" She blushed deeply, averting her gaze. "Your welcome. And, you can call me Tohru." She gave a slight smile.

"Well, thank you, Tohru." He whispered again, emphasizing her name, making her blush deepen.

"Your welcome, Mr Sohma." She whispered back, taking Yuki off guard.

"Excuse me?" He blinked, a look of panic flashing across his face, not understanding how it was that she knew him.

"Well, I had a feeling you wouldn't remember me. But…" She began. "I'm pretty sure we went to the same high school together. You were the most popular guy in the entire school. Your looks haven't changed much, but you were surrounded by a lot more fans back then." She smiled, giggling at his bewilderment.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize…" He trailed off, a brief look of pain on his face. "So…" He looked dubiously at Tohru. "Were you…"

"What? A member of the 'Prince Yuki Fan Club'?" And with that they both began laughing. "No, no. Not me." She giggled warmly.

"Well, that's a relief." He smiled politely. "I never really had much patience for them."

Just then the hospital door opened, disturbing their lighthearted banter. Upon seeing the stunningly handsome physician the room became deafeningly quite. When Tohru glimpsed the expression of contempt on Yuki's face as he looked at the doctor she averted her gaze. It was obvious to Tohru that Yuki knew this person, and clearly disliked them.

"Good afternoon." He stated coldly, not looking up from the file he was holding in his hand. "May I have a moment alone with the patient?" He finally looked up making eye contact with Tohru.

"Oh! Yes, of course!" She said nervously, not entirely sure she wanted to leave with the way Yuki looked.

As Tohru left the room Yuki felt himself shutting down. Becoming numb. Any respect or affection Yuki had for the man in the room with him was destroyed by those very hands that continuously nursed him to full health, only to be beaten within an inch of his life. Yuki's body was maintained in order to remain Akito's personal punching bag, and Yuki could not help but blame him…for everything.

"Hatori." He said, though more as a curse than a greeting.

"I see you finally called off your speech strike." Hatori came back with a snide smile. "How are you feeling." He continued, looking back at his chart.

"Fine." Yuki responded distantly, fixing his gaze on the bed sheets.

"I need to re-dress your wounds." Hatori stated clinically, setting the chart down on the nearby food tray.

Yuki just held his bandaged arm out to Hatori as an offering. Hatori worked silently with gentle hands to unwrap the bandage, revealing Hatori's sutures of Yuki's handiwork. The gashes had been deep, and were becoming enflamed. Hatori looked up at Yuki to see him assessing the damage with a sense of pride.

"You came very close to dying." He began in a monotone voice. "You lost so much blood that we had to do a transfusion. You are lucky you missed all of the major veins and arteries in your arm."

"Really?" Yuki mused, still staring at his wounds. "I must remember that for next time…" He smiled bitterly.

"That's not very funny, Yuki." A level of concern came over Hatori at this blatant statement.

"It really wasn't meant to be." Yuki stated flatly as his expression hardened.

"Yuki. What were you planning on accomplishing by this?" Hatori asked harshly.

"Don't you know?" He hissed, glaring at Hatori. "I'm just picking up where he left off. Is this not what he always wanted? My eternal misery and damnation?" He spat.

"Is that why she's with you…" Hatori asked pointedly.

"You leave her out of this." Yuki warned aggressively, clenching his fist.

"I am just wondering what you hope to get from her…" Hatori whispered, but Yuki remained silent, leaving Hatori to finish dressing the wounds while Yuki glared out the window.

"Well, you should be fine to be discharged as long as you take it easy with your arm. I'll go and call Shigure to come get you." Hatori said calmly, breaking the silence.

"Don't bother. Now get out." Yuki growled, wanting Hatori to simply leave.

Hatori departed, leaving Yuki to brood. Yuki stood, carefully removing the hospital gown. He found his clothes in the corner of the room. Putting on his pants, Yuki then braced his hands on the window, wincing slightly at the throbbing in his arm, as he looked out into the pouring rain. Hearing the door open, he automatically stiffened his shoulders, lowering his head.

"I told you to get out!" He shouted.

"Oh. I'm so sorry. I'll just be leaving now." The gentle voice came, causing Yuki to lift his head and peer over his shoulder.

"Tohru?" His eyes softened, his tone becoming civil again. "No, come in." He smiled, still turned toward the window.

As Tohru entered the room she blushed, realizing that Yuki was still shirtless. Then she looked closer. Yuki's back was extremely muscular despite being so thin, and as she stared she began to see something else. She saw that his back was riddled with scars from what looked like lacerations and burns. She gasped in horror as he turned around, revealing more scarring on his chest and abdomen. Taking in her expression, his gazed hardened as he put on his shirt roughly.

"It's rude to stare." He stated, walking past her to move to the door.

"I'm sorry! You're right!" She yelped, realizing she had offended him. "It's just that…" She faltered in her voice, trying to find the words to smooth things over. "I know more than a few women who would have just died seeing the great 'Prince Yuki' without his shirt on." she stammered, blushing.

Yuki stopped slowly, his hand paused on the doorknob. And as his shoulders began to relax he let his hand fall back limply to the side. He stood, waiting, as he heard her foot steps approach from behind him. They both stood there, silently, as Tohru stared at Yuki's back unable to rid herself of the image of his scarred body. She wanted to reach out and put her hand on his back, to comfort him, but hesitated when he reflexively flinched. She sighed as she put her hand back down, not knowing what to do.

"I suppose you want a proper thank you." He mumbled, not turning around. "Come on, let's go get some coffee." And she smiled with relief as they exited the room together.

As they sat at the café Yuki was amazed at how easy it was to talk to Tohru, in spite of everything that had happened. When he looked at her, more than just the pain in his arm seemed to lessen. He knew she had seen more than he had allowed anyone else to in so long, and he saw neither worry or pity in her eyes. He found it refreshing, being able to enjoy this level of peace. But he could not help but watch her reactions carefully, waiting for everything to fall apart. As they walked back to the house together Yuki abruptly turned to Tohru, making her jump slightly.

"Tohur," He asked quietly, remaining guarded. "Do you…" He hesitated. "Would you mind if… I held your hand?"

"Um…sure!" Tohru blushed, trying to comprehend why someone like Yuki Sohma would take such an immediate interest in someone like her.

With that they walked together hand-in-hand, silently. As they arrived at the house Shigure was sitting on the porch with a news paper and cup of tea. He looked up from the paper to see the two approach, and greeted them warmly with a smile.

"Hello you two! I heard that you had left the hospital together. Did you have a nice time?" Shigure asked.

"Oh yes! Mr. Sohma treated me to a cup of coffee and some lunch to say thank you." Tohru said politely, smiling at Shigure.

"Tohru, I told you, you can call me Yuki." He said gently, still holding her hand.

"Oh yeah, sorry!" She smiled up at him, and he could not help but smile back warmly.

"Will you be staying a while, Tohru?" Shirgure asked, but kept his eyes carefully on Yuki.

"No." Yuki came abruptly, making Tohru flinch. "Well…" He started again, softer this time. "I have already inconvenienced you enough with this mornings antics, and I wouldn't dream of taking up any more of your time. Besides, I'm sure you have other things to attend to." He finished, making her chuckle with his attempt at an apology.

"Well, since you put it that way. I do have errands that were neglected this morning." She smiled, winking at him. "So…I will see you later then?" But Yuki had already disappeared into the house without a word.

"Don't worry about him." Shigure smiled, seeing the concern on Tohru's face. "I'm sure you two will bump into each other soon!" And with that she was gone.

Shigure was sitting at the table, eating leftover takeout, when he heard the fridge open. As he looked up, he found Yuki sifting through the boxes of randomly ordered food until he had finally decided on one. Then Yuki made his way to the table and began to eat in silence.

"It's good to see you back at the table." Shigure whispered, watching Yuki from across the table.

"Shigure," Yuki began quietly, not sure where to start. "Thank you. For this morning, I mean. Thank you for not saying anything to Tohru."

"Well, to be honest I was so taken off guard by the whole entire thing there wasn't much I could say." He chuckled, looking at Yuki's bandaged arm. "By the way, what in the hell happened this morning? What were you doing at the cemetery? Weren't you suppose to be at work?"

"Yeah…" Yuki grumbled. "I suppose I didn't really have a plan when I went there." He continued, rubbing the back of his head in admittance at his failure to think this morning through.

"I see…" Shigure said, choosing to be gentle and let Yuki work things out.

"I had hoped that for once in my life I could just tell him how I really felt, so I could finally move on." Yuki continued, melancholy beginning to set in. "But then she showed up. And it occurred to me that I will never be allowed to move on. To forget. To be happy…ever." He finished, hopelessly putting his head into his hands.

"You know…you could always just tell her." Shigure said hesitantly.

"Tell her what?" Yuki hissed coldly, making Shigure flinch with his icy glare. "Tell her that we had a life together? That I had asked her hand in marriage and we eloped? That we had a beautiful baby girl named after her dead mother? That we were happy together and because of me we lost everything?" Tears were streaming down his face. "I would really like to know exactly what you thing I should tell her?"

"Okay. I guess I see your point." Shigure said, regretting he had ever opened his mouth.

When Yuki was 19, he had met Tohru at the book store. She had recognized him first, from high school of course, and the two had hit if off. With the help and support of Shigure, Yuki had been able to convince Akito that living with Shigure was becoming unbearable, and he was finally allowed to move into his own place. Soon after that he asked Tohru to marry him, despite knowing the danger if their relationship was ever made public. Then, less than a year after their secret union, they unexpectedly welcomed a baby girl. Yuki insisted on naming her Kyoko, after Tohru's mother, whom he had never had the chance to meet. For the first time in his life, Yuki felt happy, and he was so careful to keep his world and his happiness a secret. Looking back, Yuki should have known that his world would eventually come crashing down around him, as it always enviably did.

That day came when Yuki entered his home to find Hatori standing over Tohru's unconscious body. He informed Yuki that he was to return to Shigure's place and that Tohru, who had had her memories erased, would be allowed to continue living in their home. When Yuki asked were his daughter was, all Hatori had said was that she was gone. Only three months old, and she was gone. Yuki had ran all the way to the main house to confront Akito personally, an action he had never thought he would have the courage to do. He remembered Akito's wicked grin as he greeted him. When Yuki demanded his child back, Akito said that he had made the decision to 'put the thing out of it's misery.' Akito had taken great pleasure in Yuki's reaction, as he fell to his knees and vomited.

"Well, what are you going to do, then?" Shigure asked quietly, breaking Yuki from his horrific reverie.

"Nothing." He whispered, looking at Shigure through puffy red eyes. "I'm going to do nothing…and so are you."

"But…" Shigure protested.

"Please!" He begged weakly. "I know everyone hates me. And you can hate me too. But I will not put my wife through the pain of loosing our child again."

"So. You're just going to keep on living with this, even though you have found each other again? Even though Akito's dead?"

"I should have never found her in the first place!" He shouted "It's all my fault. I should have never put her through so much suffering."

"But she's not suffering. You saw her, Yuki. She's happy." Shigure looked at Yuki, completely perplexed.

"She will. She will suffer…if I stay with her." Yuki whispered. "She would find out, eventually. The fact that she is happy now is my only source of comfort. Please, don't ask me to give that away." And all Shigure could do was look at Yuki in disbelief.

"So. That's it then. You two just go your separate ways and you continue to torture yourself in his place?" Disgust laced in Shigures voice.

"Well. Not exactly." Yuki mumbled, looking down at the at the table, avoiding Shigures gaze. "After seeing her today, I know that I can't continue life without her."

"But you won't let yourself have her, either!" Shigure yelled with exasperation.

"No." Came Yuki's confirmation as he stood up from the table.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"I need you to do something for me." He asked, not turning to face Shigure. "If you see Tohru again, tell her I said thank you for the wonderful time I had today, and that I'm sorry. None of this is her fault."

"What do you mean?" Shigure asked. "What are you planning on doing?"

"Just promise me." He pleaded, ignoring Shigure's questions.

"Fine. I promise."

"And one more thing." Yuki whispered, his hand on the door to the outside.

"What?" Shigure asked hesitantly.

"Don't come after me." And with that Yuki departed, leaving Shigure alone at the table, a sinking feeling in his stomach.