The next morning, Sasuke awoke before his teammates, in a rather grumpy state of mind. After having opened his eyes in the middle of the night with his head lying somewhere where he'd been pretty sure he hadn't rested it earlier, his pride had kept him from a decent night's sleep. It was disgraceful to allow Sakura to see that side of him. Gritting his teeth as he sat, cross legged, on his sleeping bag, he reminded himself that he was an Uchiha. Uchiha men don't cry for their mothers. Pathetic.
And to allow Sakura to see that was a stupid mistake. Completely and utterly stupid. Sakura. Gazing at her curled form within her sleeping bag, he reflected on the night before. In his dream, he had relived the blood, the fear, the betrayal of that night. Who would've thought that even six years later, the agonised screams of his fellow clan members, his relatives, still sounded in his ears. It was endless.
Usually, he would wake swearing and panting, still replaying the nightmare for hours later. However, it was a strange feeling when the screams faded, having been replaced by the sensation of his hair being stroked away from his sweat slicked forehead. At that moment, the image of his mother had flashed behind his lids, evoking a wave of nostalgia in his heart. He thought he was home. It felt like his mother, except that he had opened his tired eyes to find Sakura hovering above him, smiling to herself, and running her fingers through his hair affectionately.
Sasuke's dark eyes stared at the pink strands of her hair, noting the array of colours that reflected from the pink, as the morning sunlight filtered through the ceiling of the tent. Observing how her chest rose and fell with each breath, guilt swirled at the pit of his stomach. She was so full of life. His life was tainted by death, and he had killed some of her life the night before. He wasn't deaf, or hard of hearing. The tent was quiet, and he had heard her sobbing loud and clear.
He sat in thought for at least half an hour, until Sakura finally stirred and woke. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she began to stare at him, as if contemplating whether he was still annoyed at her for the events of the night before.
This must be rather awkward for him…she thought, biting her lower lip. Flicking her eyes away from him, she spoke nervously "G-good morning, Sasuke-kun."
In his sleeping bag, Naruto turned and snorted, saliva trickling from his gaping mouth. Both teammates glanced at their friend with scrunched up noses, before turning back to each other. For a brief second, their eyes met, jade clashing with black, as Sakura's heart jumped a little in her chest.
Sasuke nodded curtly, with an "Aa", before exiting the small tent, returning minutes later holding a tree branch and proceeding to poke Naruto awake with it.
In actuality, he had intended to get some fresh air and free himself from the claustrophobia that engulfed him inside. It was strange, he thought, that somehow the dynamic between Sakura and him had shifted slightly, like an unstable tectonic plate. The air between them was changed. Unfamiliar, now that he had accidentally revealed to her part of him that he intended to remain hidden from everyone. And Sakura, well, she wasn't exactly the same in his eyes either. Not bigger or smaller, less or more important, but just different. Deep in the back of his mind, he was perfectly aware of how his apathy to her feelings hurt her, even if she refused to show the pain that she felt because of loving him.
He was always hurting her. Even without realising it, he would twist one of the many knives that he himself had plunged into her chest. He paid no attention. It wasn't important. Itachi…revenge was his main priority, and Sakura's feelings would have to wait. For how long, who knows? After his revenge? Maybe...
He had frowned at the thought, his gut clenching inside him. She had never looked disheartened for long, never cried at rejection, so he just assumed that she knew that his mind was purely focused on Itachi's death. He assumed that she would understand.
And yet, that was the first time that she had let the façade slip. It was the first and only time that she had shown exactly how much the wounds he inflicted burned her pale skin.
Shaking his head, he finally realised that whether she understood or not, his aloofness would still hurt. After last night, she probably thought that he was ungrateful for her efforts. No. That wasn't true. He was grateful. For everything, he was grateful. In a few seconds, she had eased his pain and brought him home, and he was grateful. Although he didn't quite know what she was to him yet, she was still an important person whom he cared deeply for.
Fists clenched, he had spied out a fallen branch lying within the grooves of tree roots, grabbed it, and re-entered the tent in hopes of distracting his mind from the bubbling acid that plagued his stomach. He pointed the end of the branch at Naruto's cheek, resting it against the skin, before prodding harshly, as Naruto groaned in slumber.
Yes, Sasuke thought as Naruto attempted to swat away the pesky branch, this is a good distraction…it's very satisfying.
Sakura watched on warily as Sasuke pokes eventually became harsh jabs which scratched Naruto's apricot skin. Normally, she'd grin at the sight, but today she felt somewhat drained by the constant bickering between the two boys. After so much monotony, she figured that anything would become tedious.
After an extra hard jab courtesy of Sasuke, Naruto's eyes snapped open. He scratched his blonde head, peering around until his eyes focused on Sasuke stood above him clutching the branch. Glaring at his rival, he grumbled, "Teme, what's the big idea?"
Sasuke smirked triumphantly, "Get up, Dobe. Everyone else is awake but you."
Naruto opened his mouth to retort with another insult, but he couldn't hold back the yawn that stretched across his features. "I'm not a Dobe, and if everyone's awake, then where's Kakashi sensei?"
The other boy shrugged, "Hn. Who knows? Probably still asleep."
Naruto's bright blue eyes widened, and he jumped up from his sleeping bag, growling at Sasuke. "Bastard! You woke me up for nothing! I deserve more sleep than this!"
"Hn." Sasuke turned from the screaming blonde, throwing the branch through the entrance of the tent. "Sakura and I are sick of watching you drool all over yourself. I woke you up out of pity."
Standing on his sleeping bag, fists clenched, Naruto protested "I don't drool! I'm a graceful sleeper! You're the one who drools and has morning breath that stinks out the tent and makes Sakura-chan cry."
Sasuke's heart skipped a beat. All of a sudden, the air inside the tent seemed suffocating. The tent was a black hole, forcing his air back out of his lungs. The hairs on the back of his neck rose in response to his paranoia, as muscles froze, and his breathing faltered.
Was Naruto awake last night? He thought. Did he hear us?
Dark eyes shifted over to Sakura, who kneeled on her sleeping bag, staring at Naruto with eyes like bright green saucers. Clearly, she was wondering the same thing. Suddenly, her eyes met his, and he jumped. He quickly turned away from her, clenching his fists at his sides, whilst Naruto looked at the pair of them, intrigued.
"Yo."
An unexpected voice shattered the silence between the trio, and all three turned to look toward the open entrance of the tent. Kakashi, clothed and fingers of one hand grasping at his little orange book, peered inside, his eyes crinkled with a smile that they couldn't see. The jounin raised his free hand in good morning, but hesitated upon noticing the uncomfortable aura inside the tent.
Sighing as he lowered his hand, he spoke "I hope to leave soon, as personally I'd actually like to get back home and eat real food." He gestured behind him at the empty tins of mushy, tasteless non-perishables that lay beside the remnants of last night's fire, before adding "You have fifteen minutes to wake up a bit and pack your things."
"But there's a river nearby, we need time to wash and fifteen minutes is nothing!" Naruto exclaimed.
Kakashi shook his head almost despairingly "You can wash when we get back. I'm not hanging around any longer."
Without another word, Kakashi disappeared, most likely having returned to his own tent, leaving the three teammates in quiet. For a few seconds, the only sound in the tent was the wisps of their breathing, shallow and anxious. Naruto's gaze shifted between his two closest friends, having already noticed that something was going on between them. Maybe Sasuke-teme rejected her again… he thought, his eyes narrowing at Sasuke. However, the theory didn't quite add up. If he rejected her, then why is the bastard acting so quiet?
Suddenly, he gasped as an thought came to him, and his two teammate's heads snapped up at the unexpected words. "Sakura-chan, did you kiss Teme or something?"
Sasuke gritted his teeth, as he heard Sakura's breath leave her lungs. Naruto did notice that something was different. Maybe he shouldn't have underestimated the observation skills of his knuckle-brained friend. Although, it was a relief to Sasuke that Naruto obviously hadn't overheard them last night, and had only picked up on their most recent behaviour. A few feet away from him, Sakura blushed beetroot red.
"N-Naruto baka! Of course not!" She spluttered, her face tilted toward the ground in embarrassment and disappointment.
Naruto leaned toward her in thought, "Hmmm…Then why do you look so depressed? And why does Teme look like he wants to kill everyone?"
Sakura quickly shook her head, refusing to answer, whilst Sasuke shot a venomous glare at Naruto, who gulped and jumped away in fright. If looks could kill, he would already have entered that decomposition process. Sasuke was ready to kill, or at the very least, knock Naruto unconscious, should he keep up the string of questions.
In silence, the three began packing their backpacks, collecting their weapons and dismantling the single tent. As they worked, Sasuke couldn't help as his gaze kept shifting in Sakura's direction. Maybe it was because he didn't want her spilling everything to Naruto, or maybe, he thought, it was because he felt guilty at the sight of Sakura's dismay. People were difficult to read. That much was obvious. But what was more obvious was Sakura's mood. Fingers grasping at the zip of her backpack, Sakura yanked it closed, pressing her lips into a grim line. Sasuke noticed, as he observed her movements, that her eyes lacked their usual bright glimmer, and her general aura seemed to be devoid of any light. She reminded him, quite literally, like a dull dusty old doll, past its best days. Like the old, half broken doll that sat on his mother's vanity table back in the compound, collecting dirt like everything else there.
His stomach churned uncomfortably at the thought, as they finally set off walking on the dirt path leading them toward Konoha. Like usual, Naruto had stormed on ahead, and Sasuke lingered at the back, having separated himself from his comrades. However, he noted that Sakura, rather than following him like a loyal pink puppy, decided to loom around the edges of the group, not particularly far away, yet distancing herself from her team. Distancing herself from him.
"What did you do this time?" A low voice murmured beside Sasuke, who turned to find Kakashi, staring down at him with a single, lazy eye.
Sasuke huffed, shoving both hands in his shorts pockets mumbling "I don't know what you're talking about."
Kakashi's gaze lingered on Sasuke for a moment, before lifting to focus on Sakura, whom trudged along, ignoring everyone. The jounin sighed, before continuing in a lackadaisical manner, "Sakura hasn't been herself all morning." He shrugged, "Naturally I assumed that you would have something to do with it. I figured that you said something particularly nasty, or maybe you rejected her again."
Sasuke hissed under his breath, "It's none of your business, stupid old man."
"Twenty seven isn't old." Kakashi uttered under his breath. "You've been acting strange yourself; you're even more antisocial than normal. Guilt perhaps?"
Sasuke quietly stopped in the middle of the path, glaring at his teacher threateningly like a dangerous dog. Up ahead, Naruto took no notice of the commotion at the back of the group, never even thinking to turn around and see. But much to Sasuke's surprise – and Kakashi's – even Sakura failed to acknowledge Sasuke's sudden aggressiveness toward Kakashi.
The jounin peered down at the boy who scowled ferociously at him, releasing an apathetic "Oh? You're going to glare at me until I get the message…I get it."
Sasuke's eyebrow twitched in annoyance.
His teacher turned to completely face him, speaking lowly in a serious tone, "Sasuke. Trying to scare me off isn't going to do anything about your feelings of guilt. If you've done something that you regret, then you need to apologise. Standing around like a miserable grouch isn't going to make the situation disappear."
"Shut up." Sasuke hissed, before resuming walking along the dirt path, leaving Kakashi alone and sighing in defeat at the retreating back of his arrogant pupil.
On return to Konoha, there was a stiffness within Team 7, with only Naruto whom seemed to be completely in the dark about. They reported the details of their mission back to Tsunade, whose amber eyes shifted repeatedly between Sasuke and Sakura, as if sensing the distortion in the air surrounding them. On his way home, Sasuke was disturbed by how silent it was. It was the same road. The same path. He was always alone when he walked home. The only difference, he realise, was that there was no 'want to go on a date Sasuke-kun?' No 'want to walk home with me Sasuke-kun."
It was unnerving, how lonely he felt just because Sakura had stopped annoying him all of a sudden. The road appeared emptier, the weather darker, and his stomach fluttered more than usual. Everything had changed.
Upon entering his apartment, he immediately collapsed onto the floor, arms and legs spread like a starfish. He wasn't sure why, or what exactly he was doing on the floor, but it just felt right. It was the only thing that had felt right throughout the whole mission. With half lidded black eyes, he watched the ceiling, tracing the pattern of the uneven white paint swirls with his gaze. Lines of white and beige interwove together, becoming transparent and patchy in places. Clearly, the decorator had intended to create the effect of soothing circles, but it ended up looking as though they were running out of white paint. If he had decorated the ceiling himself, he knew for a fact that he wouldn't have made such a crappy job of it.
How long he lay on the floorboards, he wasn't sure, but the time seemed to fly by in his eyes, because somehow, when his eyes finally parted with the ceiling and moved to the window, he was met with the usual blackness of night. The sky was cold black, with a navy hue, and littered with stars, as he realised, with mild surprise, that it had been much longer than he initially estimated. Hours, even.
When his vision had snapped back to the paint swirls, his mind was finally set. He would have to ignore his pride. Ignore the voice that told him to keep his mind away from anything other than Itachi's death. It was inevitably going to be difficult for him, and part of him advised him to back away whilst he can. However, his mother always kindly told him and his brother as they grew bigger and stronger, to be gentle with girls, and that included never hurting their feelings. He could almost still hear her soft, musical voice.
"Sasuke" she had said as lovingly as possible, when he had returned home on valentines day with handfuls of bright pink and red cards. "You're growing up to be such a handsome young man. One day, you'll definitely have so many admirers that you'll be breaking girls hearts. Promise me Sasuke, that when you let them down, you'll do it gently."
He had frowned in response, not quite understanding why he couldn't just say it bluntly and let them deal with it. "But Why?"
"Because some girls are very sensitive." She had smiled at him kindly with large dark eyes, and kissed the corner of his forehead "Love can be a very painful experience, and it's never right to hurt someone's feelings, especially when they're in love with you."
The image shattered with a quick shake of his head, although her words rang repeatedly in his brain.
No! He couldn't think about that. That was all in the past. It was an unattainable dream.
With a grumble under his breath, he propped himself onto his elbows, and lifted his body off the floor. Drunk cheering somewhere imprecise in the distance interrupted the otherwise peaceful night. No lights lit the streets below, as Sasuke perched on the edge of his window, before launching himself onto the nearest rooftop.
I was convinced by my only reviewer, to extend this past a short one shot, so I'll be making it a three-shot. I also didn't re-read this, so it you spot a mistake or typo or something, let me know and I'll fix it. Otherwise, thank you for reading xx
