10
Chapter Two
When he heard the news, Nathaniel protested. "But, Commander, you're the Commander, not I." It was almost a plea.
"Oh, hush, Nathaniel, you'll be just fine in the job. The First Warden thinks that perhaps by putting a nobleman in the position, it may stabilize things in the arling. It was too much to ask, I think, to expect the nobles to accept me as Arlessa of Amaranthine even if I am the one who ended the Blight. Teagan and I will be going with you to Denerim for the Landsmeet so you won't be alone."
"It's not going to be easy. My father angered a lot of people, not just the Couslands."
"I won't lie to you, it won't be easy. But people will learn that you aren't your father, though you'll probably have to prove that more than once." She looked at Teagan who nodded slightly. "You'll have Teagan and me…."
Bann Regina, who had remained in Amaranthine to be close to her brother, also stepped forward, and tucked her hand in Nathaniel's arm. That she stayed for more than just familial reasons was evident to Neria from the way she'd been looking at him.
"And you'll have me," she affirmed. "And when people get to know you, you'll have other supporters."
"Alistair is a fair man. He killed Loghain, but he didn't visit his outrage on Anora. He won't punish you for the sins of your father."
Anders looked up from dangling a string in front of Ser Pounce-a-Lot and frowned.
"What, he's going to be in charge now? Oh, Maker, now I'll have to stare at his arse everywhere we go! Can't you…protest? Rebel? Make picket signs? Something?"
"You and your jokes…." Neria replied, frowning.
"He's not joking this time," said Nathaniel. "I don't want this position. And he does stare at your arse."
"Wha…what?" she gasped, her jaw dropping in disbelief.
"What? Well, it's a lot more pleasant staring at yours than his!" Anders said, defensively.
Then he swallowed and made a dash for the door, followed by the outraged Hero of Ferelden.
Bann Regina's estate in Denerim had been restored at last and Teagan was glad to have someplace besides Eamon's estate or the inn to stay in. The rage that had consumed him at Eamon's betrayal was still as hot as it had been the day he had learned of it and he had no eagerness to confront his brother.
Sorting through her mail, Regina found several invites to salons next week and clucked her tongue in dismay.
"And me with nothing to wear but last year's fashions," she sighed. "Well, that simply won't do. Come, Neria we must get you some things for the season as well."
He wasn't sure she really cared from the frown she leveled on the woman. Her attire usually consisted of a tunic and trousers, mage robes and, of late, the armor Wade had made for her. Teagan knew such things suited his lover, but for the noblewoman who was their host, such practicality was unthinkable. Even if it was frivolous, Regina took her role as trendsetter seriously. Since she was one of the richest banns in Ferelden, she could afford to pamper herself.
"You have a pretty figure," said Regina, assessing Neria as if she were inspecting a racehorse. "Good bone structure, nice coloring, I love your eyes. Oh, Teagan, I see now why you fell so hard for this one."
From the expression on Neria's face, Teagan felt the time to intervene had come. He walked over and put his arms around her, holding her hands down at her sides and nuzzled the back of her ear.
"And very happy I am to have fallen under her spell," he murmured. Then, softly in her ear, "Bear with her, love. She means well and she's smarter than that superficial attitude would convey. Let her guide you. She's a powerful woman to have on your side in Denerim."
"All right, Teagan, I'll trust her for your sake, but I swear if she tries to put a feed bag on me and put me 'out to pasture' I'll melt her face off."
She disengaged herself from Teagan's arms and regarded her hostess. "Where do we go? I've never been anywhere that makes clothes. Unless, you count the mage robes you can buy in the Wonders of Thedas shop."
"Go? Oh, no, no, no! They come to me!" She giggled.
Nathaniel leaned over to him and whispered in Teagan's ear. "We'd best get out of here. I remember when my mother would do this. It's best to just stay out of their way."
Watching Regina lead his lover off to one of the other rooms, Teagan shrugged.
"I think they kind of forgot us anyway," he said.
At the Gnawed Noble, they found most of the tables in the front room were occupied. Loren and his crowd were dominating two tables and harassing the staff. Arl Bryland and Bann Alfstanna, as inseparable as always, were at their usual table on the back wall. Bryland's teenage daughter sat next to her father looking as bored as she could possibly be.
Bann Sighard was talking with Bann Ceorlic and a couple of the older banns at another table. He was regaling anyone who would listen about his new grandbabies' latest achievements as if no other babies before them had ever done the same. Most of those present were letting him get away with it, shooting smiles of amused indulgence at the doting grandfather behind his back.
There were tables in the back room where the mercenaries usually hung out and Teagan saw something he never expected. Sitting, arm in arm with some of the rougher men in here, drinking a tankard of ale and singing off key and as loudly as they, was Alistair. He was dressed in a simple homespun tunic and trousers and a grey cloak, but it was definitely the king.
Three palace guards stood nearby, two with stoic faces trying not to break discipline. The third, an older gentleman was trying to convince the tipsy king to stop drinking and leave the tavern.
Alistair spotted Teagan and grinned boyishly, standing and walking not too steadily toward them.
"Bann Teagan! Maker's breath! It's good to see you. Maybe that ole stick in the mud, Eamon, will perk up a bit now that you're here. How have you been?"
Assailed by the strong odor of ale wafting from the young man, Teagan turned his head. It was evident he had been here a while, drinking. Teagan pulled him to a table and set him down.
"Alistair, what have you been doing this morning?" Teagan asked.
"Celebrating," he replied, blithely. He called for a couple of mugs for the two men with him.
"Celebrating what?"
"Who told you? It's a secret…" his voice dropped to a whisper. He looked at Nathaniel. "I know you, don't I? You look familiar."
"I'm Nathaniel Howe, the Warden-Commander of Amaranthine," he replied.
"Funny, you don't look like Neria. Teagan, what happened to Neria?" Alistair asked. "I told you after they made me king that I couldn't look out for her anymore. That's why I asked you to. Why weren't you looking out for her?"
"Alistair, she's fine," Teagan sighed.
The finger directed his way caused Nathaniel to raise a brow.
"No, she's not. Look at her, she looks terrible."
"What is he talking about? You were supposed to look after Neria? What does he mean?"
"Nothing, just…we have to get him out of here," Teagan dismissed the question.
"I would agree," affirmed one of the guards.
"Well, we can't take him through the streets of Denerim in this state," said Nathaniel. "The palace is too far away. The rooms here are all booked up. We'll have to chance getting him to Regina's. It's not far from the marketplace."
"This Regina…who is this?" asked the older guard.
"Bann Regina of Southern Plains," Teagan replied. "She's discreet. It's where we've been staying."
"I guess it will have to do," the guard acquiesced.
As they stood, some of the men nearby were reluctant to part with their generous drinking buddy and accosted them.
"He's an all right sort. A little mopey, but he likes to pay," said one particularly nasty looking bruiser.
"Can't sing worth a damn though," piped up another.
Nathaniel grabbed a pouch from Alistair's waist and tossed it onto the table.
"Here, drink yourself into the next Blight," he said. Then, at Teagan's raised brow he shrugged. "He won't miss it."
"Is there a back way out of here?" Teagan asked.
"I…umm…know of a back door, this way," said one of the other guards with a sheepish expression.
Somehow, they got the drunk, stumbling and loudly singing young king to his feet and managed to get him out of the inn and down through the side streets to Regina's estate.
They were accosted by Regina when they returned to her estate and Neria became alarmed at Alistair's condition.
"I'm sorry, 'Gina," Nathaniel apologized. "It's the only thing I could think of. We couldn't take him through the streets of Denerim in this state. I don't think anyone at the tavern recognized him."
"All right, let's get him upstairs so he can sleep it off," she sighed.
"Alistair, are you alright?" Neria asked, distressed.
"I'm not so very drunk, Neria." He looked at Neria then back at Nathaniel then back to the elf again. "I think I'm going to be sick."
"Wouldn't be the first time that's happened," said Nathaniel. "Let's get him upstairs and see if we can't find a basin for His Majesty to throw up in."
They wrestled him out of his clothing and put one of Regina's former husband's night shirts on him. Then he proceeded to get sick in a hastily brought basin. That seemed to sober him up a little though he was still very drunk.
Feeling completely helpless in the situation, Neria stood nearby watching Alistair. She wasn't unfamiliar with drunks, as some of the tranquil were quite good at brewing up various fermented drinks, but she had never seen Alistair like this and it was distressing her.
"All of you, get out," commanded Alistair. "Except Neria. We have to talk."
Teagan frowned and took her hand. She kissed his cheek.
"It'll be all right, Teagan. I want to hear what he has to say."
The younger guards left the room to take up posts just outside the door, the older refused to budge. Alistair frowned at him, saw the man adopt a military demeanor and then shrugged. He motioned to Neria to join him and patted the side of the bed. She sat down looking from him to the guard and back. Alistair waved his hand, dismissively.
"Don't mind him, that's just my shadow. I can't use the privy without him standing guard outside." Giggling, she swore the man's discipline broke enough for his eyes to convey disapproval. "First of all, I'm sorry for you having to see me like this." She started to say something, but he shushed her. "I'm sorry for how things ended. I was an idiot and I didn't handle it very well. I hurt you and I'm so sorry for that."
"Alistair, that was months ago. We made the choice together to put you on the throne."
"I know. I have no one to blame but myself for how things turned out." He looked at her, his hazel eyes filled with sorrow and the little remnants of their love. "Maker's breath, you're beautiful. I could have been a selfish bastard and kept you. It would have killed you little by little, but I could have kept you had I fought for you. You're worth fighting for.
"And that would mean hurting her now. I can't hurt anyone else like that again, Neria. I won't." Tears slipped out of his eyes and he rubbed them away with the back of his hand.
His words were a balm to her spirit and something she had needed to hear for a long time now. Pity touched her heart and she patted the hand he clenched in the blanket, reassuringly. Burying his face in his hands, she ended up supporting his head on her shoulder, hugging him while he cried.
"I'm sorry, too," she whispered. "I knew you didn't want this and I should have stayed here and helped you, but I was selfish. I had to get away from you so I could heal."
"When you went away with Teagan I thought you had left my life for good. Then you came back this spring and I saw you really cared for each other. I always kind of suspected something was there. And I knew I'd lost you.
"That really hurt. A lot. I still loved you, but you didn't love me anymore. But I was glad, too, because we could be friends again. I lost my best friend when you walked out that door and I think that hurt the most."
"Alistair, you're drunk, you need to sleep this off," she said.
"No, Neria, please, listen to me. I'm not as drunk as you think I am. Well, I am, but…I can still think straight." He sat up and collected himself. "I wanted to tell you this before you heard it from someone else.
"Eamon has been pushing for an alliance with Orlais. He wants me to marry a woman from the court there that I don't know."
"Are you really going to do that?" she asked, surprised.
"No. Andraste's ass, no!" he exclaimed, vehemently.
"Then, what's the pro…Oh, I see…. You've met someone?"
"Edwina, Arlessa of West Hills. She's strong and brave and so beautiful. She has a good heart and I love her. She isn't you, there will never be another you in my life, but I love her in a different way. I want to marry her, but Eamon is making things difficult."
"Does she make you happy?" Neria asked.
"Yes. For the first time since we ended, I've been happy."
The news both elated and saddened her. She was happy Alistair had found someone he could care for as much as she did Teagan, but a small part of her was sad he was finally moving on. They would always have their bond, but she felt the distance growing between them now.
"You're the king, Alistair. You can do whatever you want, marry whomever you want. Tell Eamon to get his arse back to Redcliffe. It's past time he should go attend to Guerrin business and leave running the country to you. From what Teagan tells me, you did a fine job at the last Landsmeet."
"That simple, eh?" he said.
"That simple. Eamon put you in this position and now it's time you show him he can't bully you anymore. Stand up for yourself and for Edwina. I know if you love her, she has to be a good person. Is she worth fighting for?"
"Yes."
Tears stung the back of her eyes and made her throat fill. She swallowed and moved past it. He would only be distressed by her tears and misinterpret the feelings she was having. Part of her was glad he had let her go, to find something special with Teagan. Part of her wanted to slap him for not having the courage to fight for her. And also there was the realization that she had just let him end it, too, so she was as responsible as he was.
"Then you have to fight for her."
"Will you stay in Denerim for a while, Neria?" He held her hand, as his eyes pleaded earnestly with her.
"Maker's breath, Alistair! The 'puppy dog look?' You know I can't say 'no' to the puppy dog eyes, damn you."
He grinned. "So, you'll stay?"
She sighed. "I'll stay."
He hugged her then and she shoved him down to the bed. Drunk as he was, he couldn't put up much resistance even though he was a lot stronger than she was.
"Neria, I'm glad you're okay. He really makes you happy, doesn't he?"
"He really does."
Sighing softly and slipping into sleep, he murmured, "I'm glad I told him to look after you."
She blinked. What? A sick feeling gripped her in the pit of her stomach and she backed out of the room. Opening the door, she saw Teagan leaning against the opposite wall watching her. His expression went from neutral to worried upon sight of her.
"He told you." It wasn't a question.
"He told me. Teagan, how much of what you said and did was you? Or were you just doing damage control for Alistair?"
"No, Neria, it was never like that. Come on, let's go to our room and talk about this."
"Don't think you're going to sweet talk yourself out of this one, Bann Teagan."
"Please." He took her arm, gently guiding her to their room.
Once in the privacy of their room, she strode over to the window, not looking at him. Maker's breath, she wouldn't be able to hold to her anger if she looked at him and they needed this out in the open.
"So, I'm a charity case, am I? What did Alistair expect me to do? Go to Orzammar and the Deep Roads because he dumped me? I loved him, but he isn't worth dying over, not like that. If I wanted to die I would have let the archdemon take me."
"What?"
She bit her bottom lip, glad he couldn't see her face. She hadn't intended to say that. That was a definite no-no for discussion.
"Nothing. I was fine, Teagan. You could have handled that all by yourself. In fact, you did handle it all by yourself! Why did you take me with you? 'Oh, poor little elf can't handle the big, bad life?'"
"It was never like that! I did it because when Alistair told me to look after you, I wanted to do it. I jumped at the chance, in fact. I was worried about you, too. I've always admired you, Neria, but you were so caught up in him that I didn't stand a chance." He sighed. "I may have lied about the reasons I wanted you to come with me, but I've never lied to you about what I feel for you.
"It may have started out that way, but that's not how it is now. I love you, Neria. Please, doubt anything you want about me, but don't doubt that."
"I know, Teagan, and I love you, too. I don't doubt that. Regardless of how this started, I am happy with you. I think happier than I've been in my whole life. I just want us to be honest with each other. Please, no more secrets, all right?"
Even as she said it, she knew she was being a hypocrite. There were things about the Grey Wardens she felt she couldn't tell anyone and the opportunity to discuss them with Teagan hadn't shown itself yet. She hoped soon she could be as honest with him.
He spoke again. "All right. I wasn't going to tell you this because I didn't want to upset you. Last spring when I found out about Eamon burning our letters to keep us apart, I cut him from my life, Neria. That's why I won't go stay at the Guerrin estate here and why I won't go back to Redcliffe."
She did turn now and look at Teagan. He was obviously distressed by the breach between him and his brother, but there was a line of determination there, too.
"I won't give you up, Neria, not even for Eamon," he vowed.
The implication of his words struck her. Teagan was fighting for her, fighting his own kin to keep her. She had known there was something different about him when he'd come to her in Amaranthine, but she didn't realize the extent of what had happened.
Fighting tears, she stepped over to him and put her arms around his waist, holding him.
"Teagan, thank you," she whispered.
Sighing softly, he kissed the top of her head and laid his chin there, holding her to him. Neria had never felt so safe, loved and cared for in her entire life.
