To be fair, it wasn't like Percy asked for it.
Because you see, his best friend was one of those aliens - those absurdly oblivious attractive ones that care little for the things that plague a normal hormonal teenager.
Oliver Wood would feel bad if the sight of him sputtering as Cedric asked for his hand wasn't so hilarious.
It was about time.
Percy Weasley was too damn dense for his own good, that nerd.
He was like a...rock.
An adorable rock maybe, with his petite stature, startling blue eyes, and doll-like features, but still a rock.
Even saying that his best-friend had the awareness of a rock would be generous and if he was being honest, an insult to the rock.
At least rocks break and knew when it was beaten.
But, this guy-
Oliver could only shake his head helplessly, as he looked at the still frantically pacing rock in front of him.
He meant this in the nicest way possible because their different houses aside, the guy was his best-friend - the brother he wished he had even, but Percy, unfortunately, was oblivious to the point of absurdity.
Oliver would have been fed up by his shit a long time ago if it wasn't such a reliable source of amusement.
Diggory's minions in Hufflepuff probably contributed the most to this lack of awareness since they always made any potential suitors of Percy back off in the earlier days (along with Bill and Charlie's protection when they were at school) - but Merlin, when the fangirls (and fanboys) grew rabid enough that they started not to care about Cedric's posturing (they were so persistent and blatant that it even made Oliver ashamed) it took a special kind of person not to notice anything.
Oliver thought that if it wasn't for Lockhart's Valentine's stint, Percy wouldn't notice that no they weren't just being nice because you tutored them or helped them or -insert good deed here- them, Percy. They were being nice because they wanted to get into your pants.
It wasn't like Percy was lacking admirers from before since during Valentines Day his chocolates could rival Cedric's. However, the nerd always naively insisted whenever Oliver would comment on it that these gifts were only given either as a sign of friendship or because they were for his two older brothers, not him so don't be ridiculous, Oli.
When Percy was in first year and Bill and Charlie were still in school, this was what indeed happened throughout the year - his best-friend acted as a bridge for various upperclassmen since his two brothers were quite popular in their own way.
But-
His best-friend never stopped thinking that this was the case even when the years passed by and his older brothers graduated.
Yeah.
That fucking nerd.
Even when most of those who offered the chocolates now didn't even know what his older brothers looked like in the first place, Percy would still think that because that's the kind of idiot that he was.
(Most of their conversations during the previous Valentine's before Lockhart's would degenerate into something like this-
...
..
.
"Most of these are still for my brothers, Oli," Percy laughed and held up a note. "I'm not good-looking enough to get this kind attention so I wouldn't even assume."
"It has your name on it," Oliver replied dryly.
Percy waved his hand. "Probably just a typo."
"That's a lot of typos." He stared at his best-friend incredulously.
Percy only laughed before taking out a familiar black box Oliver's pretty sure a certain tall, popular Hufflepuff gave. He picked up a piece - dark chocolate, from the looks of it, with almonds mixed in - and gnawed on it delicately.
"You want some?" Percy offered.
"Is that what Diggory gave you?"
Percy chewed before nodding. "Yeah. Cedric's pretty nice. It's my favorite too." His cheeks dimpled as he smiled. "We're partners in Herbology this year and we got a good grade. He probably gave it to me as thanks."
"Yeah. I'll pass." That guy would like to skin me alive as it was. Oliver would like to keep his life thank you very much.
Percy shrugged. "Suit yourself.")
Lockhart's half-naked dwarves going on and on about Percy's alabaster skin and how they wanted to lick it inch by inch - provocatively said in various poetic ways probably broke that illusion real quick.
Oliver thought he even saw a singing dwarf from Harry in there.
That Percy.
His seduction technique was flawless.
Even the Boy-Who-Lived had no chance against him.
Harry Potter was lucky he was considered as an honorary brother of the family, because the twins, Fred and George, were particularly enthusiastic in well-
In marking their territory and giving retribution to those who dared to show interest.
Yeah.
Those two's brother-complex were kind of serious.
Not that it bought them their older brother's love since their efforts were hopeless in face of Percy's...denseness, but meh.
Not his problem.
Those two used to riddle Oliver with endless pranks and taunts in order to discourage him from hanging out with their cherished older brother - fucking menaces that they were, but it back-fired on their arse when Percy started to look visibly upset by the treatment he was getting.
They quickly changed gears after that, because they were utterly whipped by Percy, and showed their remorse by sticking close to their older brother like a monkey after that - settling on just glaring at Oliver whenever the two were together.
Joke's on them because they were almost always together.
Heh.
Oliver quirked his lips unconsciously as he continued watching Percy murmur to himself.
They met in the train during Percy's first year at Hogwarts. The guy was studying on his own in advance and didn't join his other brothers since their friends were too rowdy for his tastes. Oliver was too tired to find another empty carriage, asked to share, and well- the rest was history.
Okay.
Oliver admitted that part of the reason he asked to share in the first place, was because Percy was really cute, but he didn't swing that way, honest.
(Even if Percy did tempt him to, sometimes. Especially when he smiled this really gentle smile just for him and looked at him so gently it made his chest hurt a bit.)
But, that's not the point here.
"Oli, what should I do?" Percy bit his lip and finally stopped his incessant pacing. "It's not like I've changed anything since I came here." He muttered softly - but Oliver still heard because Percy was a nerd like that and couldn't hide his thoughts from him even if he tried. "I've tried my best to help, but the changes were minimal at best despite my efforts." He scrunched his brows. "The plot was going strong. When did this even happen?"
Oliver looked at him dryly and ignored the cryptic remarks that he gave up on decoding a long time ago. "Why are you worrying about this?" Oliver waved his hands languidly. "Just sick your ghosts on him, if you don't want to answer."
"Their not my ghosts, you idiot." Percy scowled. "I already told you that."
"So," Oliver hummed. "You do want to go to the ball with him?"
Percy's face twisted strangely. "I don't...know?" He wrung his hands in front of him. "Isn't he with Cho? Cho's hot, right? Isn't she his girlfriend?" He glared at Oliver as if all this shit was all his fault. "Is he even bent? Why the fuck is he bent?"
"Why the fuck are you asking me?" Oliver huffed, shooting Percy a pitying look. "Cho and Cedric weren't even together, for Merlin's sake. Where did you even get that idea?"
Seriously, sometimes, Oliver wondered where all the intelligence Percy was lauded for went once he started asking questions like this.
If one wasn't a hermit or a social recluse - two things that Percy wasn't by the way, anyone could pretty much tell that the two getting together was as feasible as pigs evolving and getting pretty wings to fly.
Merlin, even Luna Lovegood, Percy's honorary sister even knew about it and that girl's had the social-awareness of a thimble.
Even if Cho's hot as sin and Cedric's straight as a ruler, Cedric wouldn't touch her because of Penelope.
After all, Penelope Clearwater was Cho's best-friend and Penelope had bad blood with Cedric ever since that one time Percy had the brilliant idea of using Penelope as his shield against his fangirls before he stopped after three days because he felt too guilty for using her.
Percy offered to be the one to be dumped too, to give her some face and Penelope accepted despite not wanting to do so since she's genuinely interested. She was weak in face of the rock that was Percy though and ended the relationship.
Not that Cedric knew that and had forever blacklisted Penelope due to jealousy and the misconception that he hurt Percy and, in relation, blacklisting Cho.
Even if one wasn't in the know on Cedric's interest in Percy, Cedric's attitude to Penelope and anyone close to her was enough to raise flags.
Tch. This denseness was too overexaggerated at times, that it made Oliver sometimes wonder if his best-friend's purposely being stupid.
Oliver raised his eyebrows and continued. "Moreover, it's not that far-fetched that Cedric's bent. As far as I know, he never had a girlfriend before."
Percy looked at him, faintly astonished. "Right. I-" He paused. "I have to go." He waved his hands as if he was shooing Oliver away. "You stay here or do whatever."
Oliver rolled his eyes - used to the times when Percy spazzed like this. "You fucking nerd." He left and turned the corridor, nodding to the embarrassed ghost eavesdropping on their corridor.
So Percy, the alien doll, aside from being utterly ridiculous, had the Hogwarts ghosts on his side.
Percy didn't know that, though, and would always deny the topic whenever it was breached.
Merlin knew how many times Oliver brought it up, since even he found it creepy how protective they were of Percy (Oliver sometimes saw how they even post guards outside the Hufflepuff's dorm for Merlin's sake and tried to reign in some of the unrulier fans), but according to the dense one, he didn't notice anything and you're just seeing things, Oli.
Oli-
Oli, his arse.
Percy even joked once that Peeves probably didn't notice him because he's keeping a low-profile.
Oliver grimaced. Percy's lucky he's cute or Oliver would have smacked him in the head a long time ago.
Oblivious little shit.
Author's Note: I'm glad for the interest but um...this was made on a whim guys, so don't expect too much. It's not as planned as my other stories so it would have at most 10 chapters? I think I'll even finish it in five so yeah...
Fund me? Yes, I'm shameless. Sorry. \( - _ - )/
Reviews would be really nice. :)
