Lily was unhappy as one could be; she was stuck with Sirius of all people to study with this term as his 'study buddy'. She was exhausted to a degree of his lacking of anything that had to deal with education. Just then an Owl arrived with it carrying a letter. She jumped up and grabbed it, only for the bird to yell at her and fly over to Sirius.
"What? It's for you? That is my owl wait- Your still writing to my father aren't you?" she yelled at him Sirius laughed a bit.
"Actually it is from Petunia." he said softly. Lily gasped out loud at hearing this. "No she hates you." she said smugly.
"I know that is why this is more fun." he said grinning. "You're horrible, you're continuing this joke on her?" he nodded reading her letter then laughed some. "She is mental that one is." he sighed heavily looking up at Lily. She grabbed the letter and red it.
"Dear pathetic loser,
I am sorry to tell you this, but however I can not handle your obscene-ness anymore. Get over it.
I Petunia Evans would never agree to being anywhere near you even marry you. I would rather kill
you before I would even consider marrying a freak such as your self. You are all freaks. I warn you
this id my only warning you leave Vernon alone.'
"Awe she likes you." said Lily laughing some. Sirius smirked some. "I should seen the love some flowers shouldn't I?"
Lily laughed some at him. "I guess so, but be careful, last time you sent screaming night roses. My father went to a hotel that night. Those things never stop screaming. Horrible part was he refused to take Petunia with him." Sirius laughed hearing this from her.
"Yeah, so how is Miss. Lily?" asked Sirius looking at the books. "I am doing fine in potions." she said weary.
"No since we have came back this last month in this 6th year." He looked at her for a moment she was really trying to think.
"I guess well. Why?" she asked softly. "Well you seem to be distant this year." She sighed some and shrugged some.
"I guess I want to be head girl next year at all cost, i will even take you down if you get in my way, Mr. Black."
"Even me?" he chuckled some writing a note quickly giving it to the bird. The owl flew off and Lily gave him a horrible look.
"What?" he asked innocently. "Please just stop I have to deal with her when i get home this holiday." Sirius chuckled.
"James is right about you." he said sitting down.
"Potter? What did he say?" Sirius grinned evilly.
"I can't say, I promised, however I do have a letter he wrote to me in class that will sum it up." Sirius held the letter up and dropped it looking innocent. "Now if someone read it that is different and I didn't see them pick it up." he muttered turning to his side.
Lily quickly picked up the brown paper and unfolded it.
'Padfoot,
I really am happy; you would not believe my luck!
I get to sit behind Lily in herbology this semester.
Ohhhh bloody hell she was nice to me and called me James.
Not Potter, but James, nice huh? I know sorry mate one day
you will find you muse if you know what I mean?
She was nice to me and refereed to me as her 'buddy'.
This year I will show Lily Evans I am her friend and she will
trust me and then next time I ask her out, maybe she will say
yes.
Prongs-'
Lily looked at Sirius oddly and read it again then again. "How long has he been writing about me or talking about me in such a manner?" she waited for a moment. Sirius looked around. "Oh you're asking me?" he asked. Lily stood up from her chair and looked at Sirius right in the eye. "Yes you Mr. Black. There is not anyone else in this room!"
"But you could be talking to yourself Lily, you do that sometimes." she grumbled under her breath some. "I guess since we started here, he thought if he pulled pranks you would beg him to stop then, James would say if you would bed him to stop he say 'oh Lily go with me to Hogsmeade and I will.'" Sirius laughed some at her reaction.
"Horrible isn't he?" he asked Lily. "He has changed; I think your father has helped him out some." Lily nodded taking her seat again. "He really likes me, like- likes me likes likes?" she asked. Sirius nodded some. "Yeah, one reason he wanted to come this summer and spend time with you even if you made us play that terrible game Monopoly." Sirius shuddered some thinking about the game with the little tin dog.
"I haven't noticed." she said sitting down some. Sirius looked at Lily oddly.
"Are you okay Lily?" she nodded looking at him. "I am yeah, I guess I haven't noticed when my best male friend has been liking me." she paused.
"Noooooooooo he is in bloody in love with you that one is and has been, it's always Lily this and Lily that." He made a
chocking sound in the back of his throat, Lily smacked his arm some.
"No he can't be-" she paused remembering last year when he gave her the yellow rose, he was so hateful towards Berry.
She swallows a lump caught in her throat. "Why me though?" she asked.
"I don't know you're just his opposite Lily." he said sitting back to his book. Lily could not consintrate on studying no
matter how hard she tried. Finally ten minuets went by and she left Sirius and went to her dorm.
"Dear Daddy,
I have no one else to write to. I don't know what to do.
There is a boy who fancies me, i feel awful not noticing?
Am I horrible not caring about another's feelings?
I know I was crushed over Berry, but still-
Help I am lost I don't know I can feel anything again-
Lily."
"1976, October 6th
Dearest Lovely daughter of mine,
I don't know if you are completely unable to have any feelings which I doubt.
You have had your heart broken. This happens to us all.
Your mother broke mine when she died two years ago. I never thought she leaves
me, but she did.
I know I am too old to find someone else, but I was married before you mother.
You remember hearing about my first wife, a horrible woman, I think they modeled
the wicked witch after her in that movie. Anyways I do wonder of she was really
Petunia's mother, on the not so funny side of things. It takes time.
After I was betrayed and robbed it took me three years before I could open my heart.
Your however are young and stronger then I was at that time. To know if you have space
for this boy you must allow your self to know you can take a chance. We all have to
if there is no chance taken then there is not chance to change your life.
No chance for me to have grandchildren named after me. I know you would,
after all I am a terribly wonderful old man.
I think you should be friends with this person, spend time alone with them
see how they treat you see how they make you feel. If you don't like it then
you know you tried, you can't hate your self for trying. Everyone deserves happiness.
Even Petunia does strange thing she is. And look she found a wart to love.
This boy seems shy; maybe you should suggest maybe getting some ice-cream with him,
so as your father I am send you some of those gold coins for ice-cream.
With Love-
Your father."
"Dear Daddy,
NO NO WAY I WILL EVEN CONCIDER IT! THAT IS A DATE!
But thanks for the money."
"Dear Lily,
Just go as friends.
Dad.
PS send me some dung bombs there is a formal engagement coming up and Dorksky is coming-"
"Friends, friends he is MAD!" she said looking at the letter one last time. "Calm down Lily." said Alice looking at her friend sternly. "Why can't you be better friends with Potter?" she asked softly. "He is my friend, I just don't hang out with him." she flung herself on her bed. "Is is Berry why?" asked Alice. Lily looked up and nodded.
"I read an article about him last week in the Prophet." said Alice going across the room to her dresser. She pulled out a clipping and handed it to Lily.
"Berry Chandler, 18 has been formally engaged to Patricia Black. There wedding is scheduled for this winter..."
"WHAT!" yelled Lily looking at it. "She's related to Sirius isn't she?" she asked Alice. "I don't know there so many in his family's house." Lily sank on her bed and covered her face and screamed loudly. "Oh god Lily I thought this make you feel better. I mean so you could move on-" Lily sat up with tears welding up. "Five months and he is engaged, I gave him 24 months of my life dam nit! It meant nothing!" she curled up. "My heart broke open again." she said softly.
"I loved him, how can I ever move on?"
Unknown to Lily James was listening to the two girls from the other side of the door. He looked down at the flower in his hand and the door and frown some and slowly walked down to the common room.
"James how did-" Remus stopped seeing what James had a pink rose in his hand.
"She's still in love with him, I heard her talking I can't give this to her now." said James slumping down some. James frown some. He sat the rose on the table and left the common room.
An hour went by and Lily and Alice walked down the stairs. "Hi Remus." they both said together.
"Hello ladies." he said continuing to read. "Who's the rose for?" asked Alice.
"It was James; he was going to give it to someone then decided not to and took off." Lily frown some and looked at Alice.
"Strange do you know why?" asked Alice. "No idea." said Remus not looking up. "Who was it for? you should know you're his friend right?" asked Lily sitting next to him. She looked confused.
"I can't say really." he mumbled. "Yes you can Remus!" she said shaking him some.
"Okay, it was for me!" he said laughing. Alice rolled her eyes.
"It was for Lily wasn't it?" asked Alice. Remus said nothing. "I can't say as a follower of trouble making."
"Liar." replied Alice.
"Maybe." he said winking.
"Dear Father,
I messed up dearly, here it is almost November and James isn't talking to me anymore.
I think he over heard me talking to Alice about Berry's engagement.
I can't lose his friendship.
Lillian-'
"Dear Mr. Evans
I don't know what to do anymore.
I can't be near Lily without breaking down.
I mean I am a guy, guys don't do this!
I am a strong young man who breaks down, I was crying last night.
So what have I done since I found out Lily is still in love with Berry.
I been in the dorm for a week without leaving, sneaking in the kitchen.
I have been taking it out on Snape, I feel bad about that even.
I thought I was having a heart attack last night, Remus kicked me hard and
the pain went away.
I don't know anymore, I think I am going to run away and live in Lily's closet.
That way I can have something of hers since it's not her heart.
Lost Prongs'
"1976, November 3rd,
James my boy,
Get out of that bloody room and leave the house elves alone.
Lily fell terrible she found the flower after you left.
You need to show her you grew up, so bloody grow up.
On a another thought taking it out on Snape might not of been so good.
Oh well, send me some jelly beans-
Mr. Evans."
"Dear Lily,
I-" James paused looking around the room, how he could explain to her the way he acted, he now seemed more immature. New note:
"Dear Lily,
I am writing you not as a friend, but as the boy who gave his heart to you without knowing it.
I know I seem immature at time, perhaps I am, but I never felt like this towards anyone.
Just looking into your green eyes I was taken to a place I feel is my heaven.
I never felt this way and I don't know how to act properly around you.
I think about you often, I have driven my friends mad with how much I do care for you.
If any words I could manage up to summarize how I feel when I am around you is Love.
I don't know the meaning, but I think from what I have heard from others in love is this.
I am utterly and have been in love with you Lily Evans.
I am trying to change for you, I want to be who you want me to be, but i keep finding myself in tears.
It was my fault you see I over heard you telling someone you still were in love with Berry.
I am not Berry, I don't know what he meant to you, and I wish I could mean so much more to you.
I wish i could take my heart out so you could feel the love flowing through it's veins for you.
I am a fool as you say, I am a fool in love with a flower who lights my being.
I found my true love at 11, but I wish I could be yours as you are mine.
I know you can't fall in love over night; I will be your friend forever even if my heart will rupture.
To be around you just to see you means more to me even if you're not mine.
If I can not have your heart let me try to be your friend.
I am sorry for what I have done in the past, but to ask for forgiveness is the first step.
Growing up means admitting your wrong. I am wrong Miss Evans for not telling you sooner.
Signed-
The foolish Potter-"
He sent out the letter late at night and was determined to go to classes again, after all McGonagall threaten him to go back or else. She was quiet in classes studying harder then before. A week went by before James got a letter back from her.
"Dear James,
I wish I wrote you sooner.
I am confused. I don't know what I can say to be honest.
You do mean something to me, but I don't know what that is.
I don't want to hurt you or your feelings; I think I do care for you.
However, I don't know how yet, I don't want you to be hurt any more.
We should be friends, but I am scared I will get hurt.
I am sorry.
I am not very strong as I use to be.
Lily Evans"
"1976, November 14th,
Dear Lily,
James' birthday is coming up soon. I do feel it would be nice to do something for him.
I also know how you feel as well Lily.
You need to be his friend; the boy is hurt as much as you are.
Belly up that Evans courage and face your fears, you're also a Griffindor!
HO HA! Get em' Tiger!
Oh and on another note I got that Captain Obvious here (DorkSky).
He ate all the bloody jelly beans even the ear wax ones and oh god.
He made me nauseous looking at him, gross fellow.
I hope you can stand being near Mr. Potter for the holidays.
I invited my boys to come home.
You can do this I know you can.
With love Dad"
The same three boys stood at Kings cross with Lily Evans on December 23rd. She was quiet during the ride.
She sat in another compartment, but not with the boys. Her father was there of course with open arms.
"Darling!" he said, she walked over and hugged him he pulled her back and looked at her. "Your awful skinner." he said looking Lily over. She nodded not saying anything. "Are you eating enough." she nodded at her father stepping back some. "I am fine." she muttered pulling her trunk towards the car leaving him with the boys.
"Evans!" said Sirius chuckling.
"Ah the family dog, how are you Sirius?" Mr. Evans asked.
"Fine old man, where is Honey at?" he asked smirking.
"Ah Petunia is at home knitting a sweater for DorkSky." Sirius laughed some.
"Is he really coming to this Christmas thing?" he asked.
"He won't live to talk about it." Remus piped in laughing.
"Yes, well, let's go to the car boys." said Mr. Evans.
When the four reached the car Lily was sitting in the passenger side in the front not talking.
"I guess you're in the back dog boy." said Mr. Evans walking to the car.
The trip to the Evans was a quiet one; the boys didn't even talk as well.
Sirius knew how James felt and so did Remus.
After they arrived Lily went straight to her room and didn't say anything rest of the night, nor left her room.
The fallowing day dragged on and soon it was time for the Christmas Eve Party at the Evans. There was the usual large crowd and Petunia's friends and her boyfriend was there as well much against Mr. Evans likes. Lily however remained in her room. Mr. Evans had James go get her and drag her out if he had to. Knocking on the door was traumatic to James.
"Lily." he said softly.
"Go away please." she said softly, she leaned against the door.
"Your father wants you to come down stairs." James replied.
"I- I can't James." she whispered.
"Why not?" he asked her.
"Because I can not." she replied leaning against the door.
"Please everyone wants to see you. I know I do." he whispered the last part.
Lily opened the door and looked at James with tears in her eyes.
"Why?" she asked softly.
"Just to know I am alive." James said looking at her without moving.
"Why me though?" she asked as tears went down her cheeks.
"I don't know, but I am glad it is you." he said softly. "Come dance with me, Miss Evans." he said holding his hand out. Lily looked at it biting her lip some.
"Come on, I have waited my whole life to dance with you Miss Evans." She looked up and nodded taking his hand in hers.
"I'm still scared." she said softly.
"Just close your eyes and trust me." James replied softly.
The pair made it down the stairs to see about twenty people dancing in the living room. Mr. Evans was waiting at the end of the steeps. Lily noticed he looked a little paler then normal.
"You look like an angel." he said kissing his daughter's free hand. He then winked at her as she passed him by.
"Shall we dance." asked James smiling lightly. Lily nodded. James pulled her closer noticing her breath caught in her throat. For once she felt she could be near another man. Soon she closed her eyes again and felt the movement of the dance floor. It was hypnotizing her thoughts were stopped by a scream.
"DADDY!" Lily looked up to see Petunia at her father's side.
"Dad? No!" Lily gasped running from James to his side.
"Some one call an ambulance!" James yelled fallowing Lily.
"Mr. Potter!" James yelled touching his chest.
"He's not breathing!" yelled Petunia. "Do something LILY WAVE YOUR WAND!"
"I don't know what to do!" cried Lily.
"Move!" yelled Remus "I am going to perform CPR!" they all moved out of the way as Remus began to pump on Harold's chest.
"Breath daddy! Breath!" yelled Petunia.
"Daddy please!" cried Lily.
"He's breathing." said Remus sitting up some. "The ambulance will be hear anytime and he'll be fine." he said looking at the two Evans women.
"Dear God,
Please don't take my daddy from me.
Please bring my daddy home to me.
Lily Evans"
