Due to the large amount of confusion that occurs by the end of the first chapter, all the AU characters will be marked with a "asterisk"—like, Percy* is a son of Athena.
Thanks to my...three reviewers! At least I got three of them...it's better than none.
Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson, as much as I would like to. Ever wonder what would happen if you went into a time machine and brought the series with you, and published the series before Rick Riordan? Awesome...*sighs* Too bad there's no time machine yet. But you just wait.


Two|Charlie the Unicorn and the Bank of Evil Dude
Annabeth*

I'm an expert on weird. I ran away when I was ten, got turned into a gods-forsaken pine tree at twelve, was spit out of the said tree (I don't taste that bad, do I?) six years later at the tender age of fifteen, am immortal, and got Peacock Freak's statue dropped on my legs.

Sadly, I wasn't expecting the hoard of nice pretty blue lights that decided to kidnap me, drag me very unceremoniously through a couple of dimensions (perfectly normal...) and toss me into the lake of this alternate "Camp Half-Blood" that I didn't even know existed. Everybody in this universe was totally messed up.

Like, Percy's* supposed to be smart, right? In this world, his alter ego was as dumb as a clump of seaweed, which was understandable, because he was a son of Poseidon. That didn't bode too well with me, because the Percy* from my world...well, I had traveled with him for about six or eight months when he was seven? Yes, and he* wasn't a son of Barnacle Beard. Now, I had to put up with a guy who resembled Thalia* too much for my comfort zone.

As I'm on the subject of Thalia*...well, it was bad enough that she was my cousin in my reality, wasn't she? I admit, I had imagined what would happen if she were my half-sister. Well, Annabeth*: question answered. Percy and Thalia actually got into more fights than me and Thalia* (gods, that sounds strange) did, which is a very hard thing to do. At least...that's what my other self told me. Apparently, Percy brought an unlit cigarette to camp once, and Chiron totally freaked out, sternly reprimanding Percy on the "safety and healthfulness" of his lungs. Thalia somehow had a match on her—what a coincidence!—and "accidentally" lit the cigarette. It took...oh, only about five months to repair the first floor of the Big House after Percy fumbled and dropped. The whole camp stank of tobacco for a week, and finally, Chiron had to call the mortal Health Department (which, while they were at it, gave the Delphi Strawberry Services headquarters an "F" in sanitation and cleanliness) because half of the satyrs were coming down with bronchitis. Ha-ha...how exactly do you get bronchitis from second-hand cigarette smoke? Shouldn't it be, like, lung cancer?

Percy* had always teased me that I had no brains when it came to battle strategy—which was totally not true. (He just didn't see the time when we played Capture the Flag.) Obviously, since our places were all switched—Percy* was a son of Poseidon, Thalia* was (somehow) a daughter of Zeus, that leaves my other self with a mom as Athena. Great, not only was a tree, but I was a braniac as well. Just wonderful. Percy* nor his consort would ever let me hear the end of it.

There. I'm done with descriptions. Let's get on to the popcorn and argument.

It started with petty name calling and ended up with Percy and Thalia frozen in a block of ice and Percy* and Thalia* woozily turning around in circles, their clothes dripping and smoking at the same time. A stray spark of electricity came off from Percy's* hair. Percy didn't look thrilled to be locked in the solid form of water. He appeared to be straining to break free of the ice block. He locked eyes with Annabeth and seemed to plead: Save me!

In fact, Annabeth and I were the only ones that didn't do battle at the crime scene. (Ha-ha...obvious, much?)

Annabeth marched over and experimentally tapped the iceberg. "How in Athena's name did you even get frozen in there?"

"Weren't you paying attention?" I conversationally asked. "Percy* saw the movie Despicable Me, fell in love with it, and made that ice ray gun thing that Gru had, in which those three little girls froze him in a chunk of ice in front of the Bank of Evil dude. Percy*, apparently, had it and shot it, but not before your Percy doused both Percy* and Thalia* in water—who, by the way, wasn't expecting the very large wave—and her other, more likable personality shocked the Hades out of them."

"...Interesting," Annabeth said, not sounding very interested as she clambered to the top of the cube and clubbing it with the butt of her knife. "But very confusing. Come—on—you—gods—forsaken—thing—break—already!"

Thalia*, being the very clumsy person she is, stumbled over and accidentally bonked herself on the head by running into the large ice block. Too bad; she didn't have any brain cells to spare. She ambled away, muttering something that sounded like, "Cheese."

Annabeth gave it another try, and then began to futilely carve chunks of ice away from the block that Magellanic penguins would adore. After what must have been twenty minutes—with still no change from Percy* or Thalia*—during where the point of extreme boredom for me had set in, so I was playing Plants vs. Zombies, the whole thing collapsed onto itself, Percy falling on top of Thalia, with Annabeth toppling onto Percy's back.

An earsplitting screech resounded through camp as Percy* tripped over the three-human pyramid, which was wriggling, and Thalia* knocked into him a second later. Thalia screamed, "ZEUS ABOVE, have you freaking demigods ever heard of low-calorie dieting? GETOFFME!"

"Uuhhhh?" somebody muttered from her back. "You know, this is surprisingly comfy. Wake me up when September ends."

Well, it was June.

"It's not that," I told her as Thalia bristled, "it's just the combined weight of about five hundred pounds, give or take that's breaking your back."

"Oh, and that's supposed to make me feel better?" Thalia spat, still writhing. "I do not need to relive Hera's freaking statue on me again! And this time, it's my FRICKIN' BACKBONE! Nobody wants to be paralyzed for life!"

I offered, "I have ambrosia." I paused, and then considered, "All you have to do is..."

"PUT A BANANA IN YOUR EAR!" Percy cheered. Son of Poseidon. Hm. As far as I knew, Poseidon's fruit wasn't the banana, unless his idiot of a son was quoting Charlie the Unicorn.

"I meant to say," I said, shooting a nasty look at Percy, "all you have to do is..."

"PUT A BANANA IN YOUR EAR! YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY IF YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE IN FEAR!"

"...shock them into oblivion," I suggested.

Thalia seemed to be considering this for a while. "You know," she said at last as four unfortunate demigods were blasted into the lake, "you're actually not an idiot."

I was shocked. "Since when was I ever? Even my other self is smart!"

"That's understandable," Thalia replied. "Annabeth's a daughter of Athena. And I'm admitting it myself: children of the Big Three aren't known for their brains."

I snorted, "Than what is it? Their brawn? This is you, me, and those two clumps of idiotic, kelpish matter we're talking about here."

"Perhaps, our brashness. That's more Ares material. I was thinking more on the lines of impulsive."

I rolled my eyes and said, "Most demigods are ADHD."

"No, I mean our tendency to do stupid things at stupid times. You catch my drift?"

"Nope."

"...I take it back. You are an idiot."