Cut to:

Scene with Harry Potter lying in his bed. It is not a cupboard, but it isn't a cupboard at all, it is one of those Chest Freezers (you know, those freezers that are long and short, sort of like a coffin) that is unplugged and he had a little blanket and pillow in there.

Aunt Flower – "UP!"

Knock Knock Kcock.

Aunt Flower – "UP!"

Harry put on his glasses and opened the lid of his freezerbed.

As he was getting out, his Cousin Doodle slammed him back down and in.

The fat cousin Doodle ran into the kitchen.

Aunt Flower from behind closed doors – "OOOOH! There's my little birthday boy!"

Uncle Vern – "Happy Birthday boy!"

Aunt Flower to Harry – "Just make the god damn eggs and be on with yourself, you mother fu-"

Harry – "Yes! Yes Aunt Flower."

Doodle looked at his presents…

Doodle – "Two Hundred? Last Year I had Two Hundred and one! You cheap bastards!" He threw one of the presents at his Uncle, hitting him in his fat head. The contents of the box smashed glass.

Harry rolled his eyes.

Uncle Vern – "Guess what Doodle?" rub rub rub the forehead, "We're going to the ZOO!"

Doodle – "Oh god damn it! The Zoo? Damn it! DAMN IT!"

He three another present at his father.

Next shot is the one with Droolsley's walking to the car. Vern takes Harry to the side and says:

Uncle Vern – "Now you hear here boy, anything funny at the zoo, and I'll BANG RIGHT TO THE MOON!"

Harry – "Yes Uncle Vern."

They walked into the Zoo's entrance where they keep most of the inside animals, like the snakes, birds and Ewoks.

They were at the snake tank.

Doodle – "DAD! Make the god damn snake move!"

Uncle Vern tapped on the glass. Then he and Aunt Flower walked away while Harry and Doodle stood and looked at the snake.

Doodle – "STUPID SNAKE!"

And he walked to his parents.

Harry to the snake – "Stupid Doodle, he is so fat huh?"

The snake shook his head yes!

Harry – "I bet it must be hard to have people stare at you all day huh?"

The snake rolled it's eyes.

Doodle – "DAD! LOOK WHAT POTTER'S DOING!"

Doodle knocked Harry to the ground. Next thing Harry saw was the glass vanish and Doodle falling in screaming.

The snake uncoiled and began sliding past Doodle and out the glass. The Theme music begins.

Snake – "Thanxxxxxxxxx, and thank goodnessss that fat fool didn't fall on me! I've taken bigger Sssshits than that boy though!"

Harry stood with his eyes bugged.

Next scene, the Droolsley's are coming back home.

Uncle Vern pulls Harry's hair and drags him back into his fridge.

Next Day.

The mail has now come and Harry brings in the mail. He sees a letter to Uncle Vern which is his "Playboy Renewal" which Harry knew Doodle would always steal anyway. Then, his eyes bugged… it was a renewal to "Playgirl Magazine!" for Aunt Flower. It is obvious that neither of them know that they are buying these magazines. One time Doodle caught Vern with one and the only thing that Vern could do to stop Doodle from telling Aunt Flower is to give him his old issues… surely Aunt Flower doesn't give Doodle her Playgirl… does she?

That was what was on Harry's mind as he saw a letter addressed to him:

Mr. H. Potter

Fridge in the den,

London.

He handed Uncle Vern all the mail except for his own (Uncle Vern quickly yelp and hid his subscription, and Aunt Flower got to hers before Uncle Vern did.)

Doodle – "DAD! POTTER'S GOT A LETTER! AND IT ISN'T FROM UNCLE OBI WAN! The only worthless (rips the letter out of Harry's hand) piece of crap for a human other than Harry to live is Obi Wan, who writes to Harry."

Harry – "HEY! That's mine! And Obi Wan is just a little misunderstood that's all."

Uncle Vern – "Oh come now, who the hell would be writing to… you..?"

His face sunk, he knew what it was. He quickly ripped it up.

Harry – "HEY!"

Uncle Vern – "It's just a bill collector."

Next Day.

Aunt Flower went to kiss Uncle Vern goodbye to work when an owl dropped three letters by her feet (which she quickly threw out.)

Inside while making breakfast for Doodle, Aunt Flower cracked open an egg…

Aunt Flower – "What the F-"

A letter rolled up in the egg popped out.

She cracked another egg into the bowl…

Aunt Flower – "AHH!"

Another letter popped out… then another as she crack another, then yet another as she cracked yet another!

Next day:

Uncle Vern sitting down – "Fine day, Sunday… and do you know why Doodle?"

Doodle – "Because we get to have fried chicken?"

Harry – "No post on Sunday."

Uncle Vern – "Right you are Harry! Not one stinking piece of crap mother f- "

A letter came flying in from the fireplace and smashed Uncle Vern in the face. The entire house now began to rumble.

Coming soon will be chapter three (