:: Chapter 2 – Erased ::
As it turned out, there was a dead petty officer in what appeared to be a suicide. We knew these cases all too well. We had seen so many of these "suicide" cases that we knew who truly committed suicide and who didn't. Still, we worked our way through. Tony was collecting evidence and bagging and tagging, I was taking pictures of the crime scene, and poor McGee was taking statements.
On the way here, I remained silent throughout. McGee came in late from having to go to the bathroom to change his ruined pants and had to be in the back of the van, as he usually was whenever Gibbs drove. I sat in the middle and Tony sat on my right hand side. No one made any effort to strike up a conversation, and the only things said were mostly by Tony making more stupid movie references and Gibbs telling him to shut up. Even so, my complete silence must have brought about suspicion. I was never that quiet, but I couldn't help it. My mind was on other things.
I snapped pictures of every corner, not leaving anything out, just the way Gibbs liked it. I worked in silence. I could still feel Tony's eyes on me, staring at me, as though I was hiding something. I liked to think that at the moment I was not hiding anything – well, okay, maybe, in a way, I was. It just wasn't anything big. Too big, anyway.
I would try to block it out for the time being and not mention it. Nobody had to know about what I saw. What they didn't know would not hurt them, right? Besides McGee's pants being ruined, there was no harm done.
"Zeeeee-vaaaah…" Tony said in a light, joking tone, but I knew he was concerned.
"What, Tony?"
"You okay? You've been acting kinda weird." Why did I expect him to actually show his concern? It wasn't that he never did, but most of the times, he did not.
"What are you talking about, Tony? I am fine," I said, and I had to admit that I sounded pretty reassuring, even to myself.
He looked at me just as he was about to drop a piece of evidence into a bag. "You've been… I don't know… quiet. You're never quiet. You didn't even tell me to shut up when I was talking about more movies in the van."
I snapped two more pictures before I answered. "It is Gibbs's job to tell you to shut up," I said. "Maybe I did not tell you to shut up because maybe I wanted to listen to what you were saying." I gave him a small smirk and he smiled at me – not in a sweet, loving way, but still in a way that almost made my knees go weak.
If he did not show me concern, I was not going to show him my apparent vulnerability either, if I could even call it that.
"I still think your silence is weird. It doesn't take much for you to tell me to shut up."
"Shut up then, Tony," I said, but only because I was sure that, in a way, he kind of wanted to hear it.
I turned away from him and continued taking pictures. Not long after I told him to shut up, I felt a strong, yet gentle grip on my shoulder. I stopped for a moment and then spun around to face him. I knew it was him. It could not have been anyone else besides him. "What?" I asked, trying to not let the annoyance creep into my voice.
"You're not okay," he said. "You're acting weird. You're hiding something. I can tell."
I rolled my eyes, never minding the fact that he may have been right. I made sure he saw it. "Tony, for God's sake," I sighed. "I am not hiding anything and I am not acting weird today at all. Why would I be hiding something, anyway?"
"That's a good question," he said. "Why would you?"
"Perhaps because you keep pestering me," I muttered and turned to continue taking pictures. The camera in my hand suddenly felt like it weighed thirty pounds more. The more I thought about today's weird incidents, the more my stomach began to get tied up in knots. Things like what happened today were not things that happened every day, if at all, really.
When we arrived back at NCIS, I volunteered to take the evidence down to Abby's lab. I knew I was about to get weird stares, and I even prepared to have Gibbs argue about it, but to my surprise, he did not. He shrugged and said, "Alright," but it didn't go by without an awkward Gibbs-stare. As I left, he continued discussing more about our dead petty officer with McGee and Tony. They weren't looking in my direction, so I was able to sneak the camera into my NCIS jacket (I could not be bothered to take it off today) and leave quickly.
I would have liked to have stayed to hear what the guys would say about me, but part of me told me that they had better things to do – well, besides Tony. He could multitask: search information on our dead petty officer and talk about me at the same time.
I got to Abby's lab and handed her the evidence.
"Thanks, Ziva!" she said. "What brings you down here?"
"Oh, I just thought I would bring you the crime scene evidence today, so that Gibbs, Tony, and McGee don't have to do it."
She raised an eyebrow at me. It probably didn't sound realistic enough, but I sure hoped I was convincing enough. There was a seemingly long moment of silence between the two of us before I shrugged and said, "What?"
"That's so… unlike you." She frowned. "Are you alright? Do you feel, like, sick or something?"
"What would make you think I am sick, Abby?"
"It's possible. Sometimes people don't know what they're saying when they're sick."
I glared at her for a little bit, but she only gave me that happy glare back. "What is it about me that people think I am sick or acting weird?"
Abby furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?"
"Even Tony said I was acting weird today," I said. I would not say weird, exactly. My mind was just on other things that really did not concern any of them. Why couldn't they just accept that?
"Tony said that?" Abby said. "Wow…."
"Wow what, Abby?"
"If Tony said you're acting hinky, it's because there's probably something going on with you. I mean, big whoop if only one person notices it, you know? But two people noticing it… something's up." She leaned against a table and folded her arms across her chest. "Anything on your mind lately? Something you want to talk about?"
I briefly looked at the floor and then met her eyes, which never left mine. "Maybe I just need a vacation," I said.
She raised an eyebrow, but she looked far from surprised at my words. "Why? Ziva, you're scaring me."
I laughed incredulously, but I barely bought my own act. "Abby, please," I nearly rolled my eyes at her. "I am fine. There is no sense in worrying about me if nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. I promise." For now.
She looked at me for a few moments and softened up. "If you say so," she said reluctantly. "I hope you're right. Now go. You have work to do and I do, too." She smiled at me and I forced myself to smile back.
As I was about to leave, she called me. "Oh, Ziva?"
I stopped and turned. "Yes, Abby?"
"I'm here if you want to talk about anything. Just thought I'd let you know that … I'm here for you." She smiled again, but it was a sweet, sincere smile.
I smiled back, and I would have liked to have thought it was a smile that mirrored hers. "Thanks, Abby."
I left her office and headed straight to the bathroom. McGee, Gibbs, and Tony were probably wondering where I went by now. To Gibbs, it was mostly just a matter of dropping off the evidence and coming back. It was not "take-a-break" time, or anything along the lines of that. Still, they would have to wait.
The bathroom was empty, to my advantage. I pulled out the yellow camera from my NCIS jacket pocket and turned it on. My eyes opened wide almost immediately.
I was pretty horrified to discover that all the pictures had been erased from the camera's memory.
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