Monday
I walk into Condor Studios to meet the one person I really didn't want to meet first.
"Random," I say, as Tawni Hart walks up to me.
"Hey!" She says, all sparkly and ecstatic. This isn't right… "You won the contest, right? Chad Dylan Cooper?"
"That's me." I say, "Like you couldn't guess."
"Sorry," She says, "I've never seen your picture, so I couldn't tell."
"Are you tricking me, Tawni?" I ask, paranoid…no, wait. I'm not scared of the Randoms!
"No," She says, "I'd never want to trick you!" She smiles at me and I feel kind of awkward. "Do you want me to show you around the studio?"
"Uh, sure, I guess." I say, following her. I know what you're thinking-why would the awesome CDC want to follow the pathetic Tawni Hart. Well, let me tell you-Tawni means Randoms, Randoms means Sonny, and Sonny means one happy Chad when she runs into my arms yelling "Chad! Why did I ever let you go? Can you forgive me?" And then we kiss and I forgive her, and I go back to Mackenzie Falls and everything goes back to normal.
Tawni shows me everywhere-the cafeteria, all the other stages (including Mackenzie Falls, but we couldn't go in because they were filming-without ME), hers and Sonny's dressing room, Nico and Grady's dressing room (which stank of socks and cheese and explosions), Zora's vent (But we couldn't go in because that thing is really tight, and finally, the prop house.
"And here we are!" Tawni says, "The heart and soul of So Random!. Take a look around, you'll probably recognise some of the props."
I don't, but I try to play along. "Oh!" I say, seeing the weird little gnome, "It's the gnome from the…gnome sketch?"
"That's right!" Tawni says. Wow. Their names for sketches are basic.
"And the…" I notice the sarcophagus, "…sarcophagus from the…Mummy sketch?"
"Yep! Just don't look in it."
"Why not?" I say, playing along, before opening it to reveal Zora. "I knew she hid in here." I say.
"Wow!" Tawni says, "You're quite the fan!"
"Or he's psychic!" Zora yells, "Stay calm, Tawni! Just DON'T make eye contact!"
"Uh, I'm not psychic." I say.
"Oh, that's what they say before they hypnotise you!" She yells, closing the sarcophagus door. OK…weird…
"Don't worry about her." Tawni says, "She can get a little…crazy at times…"
"At times?" I say, laughing, "Sure it's not ALL the time?"
"Well, I don't want to be mean about another cast-mate." Tawni sighs. Wow. Tawni's not being mean about someone. This IS a trap! I knew it!
At that moment, the Chuckle Boys enter arguing about who gets to come out of who…this cast just gets weirder and weirder.
"But it's not fair!" Grady says, "I always have to play the thing that comes out of you. Remember the chicken and egg? The mother and baby? The stomach and barf?"
"Do we always have to have this argument?" Nico says. Wow, Tawni may have changed for this prank, but these two are still the same idiots they were yesterday.
"Uh, guys." Tawni says. "We have company, don't be rude."
"Oh, hey!" Nico says, noticing me. "You're the guy who won the contest, right?"
"That's me." I say, warily shaking his hand. "Chad Dylan Cooper."
"Can I call you Chad?" He asks.
"Uh, yeah," I say, "But don't you want to call me "Pooper" or "Drama King"?"
"Nooo," Grady says, "Why would we want to do that?"
"Uh, just forget I said that." I say, and they nod with agreement.
Then, the cast-mate I want to see finally comes in, holding a Tween Weekly magazine. I bet I'm in there.
"Hey everyone!" Sonny, pretty Sonny, says, beaming. "Guess who's on 10 pages of Tween Weekly this week."
"Let me guess," Tawni says, her good mood fading, "You?"
"You got it!" Sonny yells. "Look!" She grabs Tawni and shows her, "I'm here, here, and here, and here, and…"
"Um, Sonny," Tawni says, "Sorry to interrupt, but every page you've shown there has had the WHOLE cast of So Random!, not just you."
"So?" Sonny says, "I'm on my own here!"
She turns to page 16, where she is shown throwing a tantrum like the one on TV the other day.
"Um, that's pretty bad publicity," Tawni says.
"So what?" Sonny replies, "Publicity is publicity." I don't like this Sonny.
"Um, Sonny," Tawni says, taking the magazine from Sonny's hypnotised-looking face. "This is Chad Dylan Cooper, the guy that won the competion to come to Condor Studios."
"Oh!" Sonny says, "Sorry! I didn't see you! I'm Sonny Munroe, as if you don't know who I am!" She lets out a little laugh and I try to smile.
"Yeah," I say. I really don't like this Sonny-cocky, stuck-up, and full of herself. She reminds me of the old Tawni…or someone else…
At that moment, Marshall enters; his face red with exhaustion. "Here's your cheese platter, Sonny." He says, placing a large plate of cheese on the table. "Bon appetite!" He adds.
Sonny looks at the platter, before sighing, "Wisconsin cheddar?" She says, "Why would I want that stuff?"
"I thought you liked Wisconsin cheddar." Marshall says, looking slightly defeated.
"Not anymore," Sonny says. "Take it away!"
"I thought you were from Wisconsin." I say.
"I was born there," Sonny says, "But I've lived in California since I was one year old…so…14 years!"
"Um, Sonny?" Tawni says, "You're 16."
"Oh, yeah." Sonny says, before adding, "13 years, then!"
"Um, 15 years," I say. Wow. Not only is the new Sonny a diva, but she's also really dumb. I mean, really, REALLY dumb.
"Who asked you, Chaz?" She says. So she's met my stunt double…
"Um, it's Chad." I say. "Not Chaz."
"What's the difference?" She says, storming off to her dressing room.
"Sorry about that, Chad." Marshall says, "I'm going to have a word with her about her behaviour."
"No, don't worry about her." I say, "I'm fine."
"I'm not," Marshall says, and leaves. I follow him so I can apologise to Sonny-it's obvious she won't apologise to me if she's keeping up this silly act.
I reach Sonny's dressing room, and I'm about to knock on the door when I hear Marshall say, "Sonny, you can't treat Chad like that. He wants a fun week, don't ruin it for him."
"Why not?" I hear Sonny say, "You can't fire me, and you won't. The show will be pathetic without me."
I hear Marshall sigh, "I'm sure someone out there is as funny as you. So fix it, or else." I hear a door shut on the other side, and I knock.
"Who is it?" Sonny yells.
"Um, it's Chad." I say.
"Chad?" She says, confused.
"The guy who won the contest," I say, "Can I talk to you?"
Sonny sighs, "Fine. Enter."
I walk into the room, to be met by dozens of pictures of Sonny, and Sonny's half of the room seems WAY bigger than Tawni's. It's almost like it's been switched around.
"So?" Sonny says, "What did you want?"
"I wanted to say…" I sigh, "I'm sorry. I just, I've been such a jerk. Please forgive me. I mean nothing without you." I hug her, and she shivers a bit.
"Um, this is sweet," She says, "What did you do that makes you a jerk?"
Then a man comes in with another cheese platter for Sonny.
"That's better!" She says, "You may go," She tells the guy, "But knock next time."
OK, Sonny isn't this good an actress. She's not faking this diva thing. It's real.
"Sonny," I say, shocked, "What happened to you? Why are you such a diva?"
"I don't know what you're talking about!" She says, "I've been this way my whole life!"
"Not to me," I say, and she looks at me with disgust.
"What?" She says.
"Oh, yeah!" I say, "We've never met…" She nods and I sigh. "I'll, I'll go." I leave her alone. I need help, someone to explain what's going on.
I spend the rest of the day with Sonny's "Fun-hut Buddies", before heading back to my hotel room. I don't see Sonny though for the rest of the day. This is just a dream, I think. Tomorrow, I'll be back, Sonny will be back, everything will go back to normal…I hope…
