I guess this is linked to the first one, but not all of them will follow on from each other so sorry if it confuses you all :P OMG. I've finally watched Avatar and it is like on of the most amazing films /ever/! I want to be blue lol. Anyhow, enjoy and if you review I will give you a big virtual hug :D
11.45
She brushes her hair for the umpteenth time and straightens her clothes, still unsure of whether she should change from her floral top and into her black one after swapping outfits six times already. What if she looks like she is trying too hard? The last thing she wants to do is intimidate Danielle, but she doesn't want to pull on her tracksuit as she normally would and appear that she is making no effort at all. She laughs then, thinking how ridiculous it is that she fretting over what outfit to wear when she is meeting Danielle, but this time not as a stranger; as her mother.
All the same, the feeling elates her. It feels amazing that for once she is worrying about something as simple as what attire to wear in front of her daughter. She grins to herself indulgently, picturing their future together as she wonders if Danielle likes similar clothes to herself. Only yesterday she had believed her little girl dead, but now she is planning all the things that they will do together from shopping to Ronnie yelling at her to clean her room, and all the things they will talk about.
And it is the best feeling in the world.
11.50
Ronnie begins to stalk the length of her kitchen, stopping abruptly to stare anxiously out of the window.
Pace, stop, stare. Pace, stop, stare.
She continues in the repetitive sequence as she wonders if Danielle feels as nervous as she does; if she too keeps staring out the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Ronnie through her window only to find that Ronnie is mirroring her movement.
Pulling back her curtains, she can just about see the Slater's house, unassuming, unimportant and even slightly grimy. Almost as if someone started cleaning the windows but abandoned the job half way through. With the ghost of a smile, she figures that someone was probably Big Mo.
The curtains at the Slater's House are still closed. There is not a glimpse of movement, not any sign that anyone lives there at all. They are probably still asleep. Her suspicions are confirmed when she looks down to see that amid the midday bustle of Albert Square Stacy's stall has been left abandoned, the wooden frame stood looking oddly lonely against the comparatively bursting stalls beside it. She wonders then if Danielle likes to sleep in or if she is an early riser like herself, always up at the crack of dawn as soon as the first crack of sunlight prises its way behind her eyes.
Making a mental note to ask her, she resumes her unrelenting routine across the kitchen.
Pace, stop, stare. Pace, stop, stare.
It is 11.55 now.
She considers phoning Roxie to tell her, to tell her that Danielle was telling the truth and that she has her little girl back, but she immediately disregards the idea, doubting that she will be able to talk any sense at all when her mind is so full of such a dizzying happiness. But she will phone Roxie later. Now she has Danielle back in her life, she can be an Auntie to Amy again and she can stop resenting her existence. Even forgiving Roxie suddenly seems easy. Today isn't just a fresh start for her and Danielle, but it is a fresh start on her life. She is determined not to let Archie do any more damage to her family.
She is going to change. For Amy, for Roxie, for Danielle. For herself.
She has spent twenty years in a trance, alive but not really living. How she has back the missing part of her life she can finally start seeing the world again. And right now it has never seemed a more incredible place with the golden sun and twittering birds zooming through an azure sky.
12.00.
Once again, her gaze returns to the window, eyes automatically searching the crowd for a small figure with fair hair bobbing across the square and making its way to Ronnie's flat.
12.01
Only a minute has passed, but for all Ronnie knows it might have been a lifetime. There is still no sign of her. Restless, excited, joyful, she abandons her position at the window and goes to wait by the door.
12.02.
She starts to straighten the cushions, convinced that they somehow look out of place even though she spent a good half-hour re-arranging them when she woke up. Forcing herself to stop her fussing, she heads back to the door.
12.03.
For lack of anything else to do, she ties her hair up and deliberately draws out the way in which she wraps the elastic band around her hair, as if it will somehow make Danielle's arrival quicker.
12.04
Again, she returns to the sofa, realising what is wrong. Everything looks too neat, too meticulous and too perfect. She picks up a cushion and throws it unceremoniously on the floor, bending down to pick it back up when she decides that it probably doesn't matter and Danielle won't care where her cushions are positioned.
12.05.
Ronnie feels her happiness begin to ebb away. Danielle was supposed to be here five minutes ago. What if she'd changed her mind and gone back to Telford? What if she'd decided that after everything she felt too much resentment towards Ronnie and couldn't build a relationship with her? What if she never sees her again?
Frightened tears spring to her eyes as all her hopes come tumbling down like an avalanche. She brushes them away furiously, knowing that she is being stupid. It's only been five minutes. The clock at the Slater's could be slightly different to hers, or maybe Danielle was talking to one of Walford's nosy residents. There could be a number of plausible reasons Danielle is late.
But all the same, she can't quell the feeling that Danielle doesn't want her, that she is rejected. The thought clamps like an iron fist around her heart. Last night every motherly instinct within her had told her not to leave Danielle's side, to hold onto her and never let go again, but she knew that the best thing for both of them was space; space for Danielle to wrap her head around the fact that Ronnie wanted her and space for Ronnie to become accustomed to the fact that her daughter really is alive.
Now she wonders if she made it all up, if it was some cruel dream the devil had seduced her with, taunting her and silently laughing from below while she paced her flat for a girl that didn't exist.
12.06.
The doorbell rings, irritatingly shrill but a glorious sounds at the same time.
Her hands trembling, taut and white she answers the bell and waits for the voice at the other end.
"It's me- Danielle. Um…please can I come up?"
She fumbles with her words, momentarily forgetting how to speak as the sound of her baby's voice renders her breathless.
It was real. Danielle is real. She sounds as nervous as Ronnie, her voice afraid when it should be light and loving, but it doesn't matter. She is here, she hasn't left.
"Of course, hold on," she pressed the button and waits to hear Danielle's footsteps on the stairs.
The door creaks open then and Danielle appears in its frame, her hands wrapped around her middle as if she is afraid and needs a barrier. With a pang, Ronnie realises how she does the same thing whenever she is nervous. An awkward silence forms a wall between them and Ronnie experiences a sinking feeling in the fit of her stomach, knowing it will be a long time before they go shopping together or do anything a normal mother and daughter would; it will be a long time before Danielle trusts her.
"Please come in," her voice sounds formal, polite. Not how it should sound. It shouldn't be like this, shouldn't be so hard to know how to react around Danielle. There should only be ease and love between them, but instead it is just awkward.
Like it is with strangers.
Ronnie knows now that she was stupid to expect everything to be perfect straight away. She has twenty years to catch up on and even then their relationship won't be anything close to perfect. There will always be that uncertainty, that resentment and an unwillingness to forgive.
But her heart still explodes with joy as she greedily drinks in every perfect feature of her daughter, from her overlarge coat to her porcelain skin to her small hands and the soft curve of her lips. She wants to reach out and touch her face, to feel the smoothness of her baby's skin against her and to establish the bond that should already have been there. She doesn't though, knowing that it would be too much too soon.
Danielle seems to notice her staring, and she looks hurriedly away, fixing her eyes determinedly on the floor.
"I'm sorry," Ronnie says, not really sure what she is apologising for. Not being there for twenty years of her daughter's life, or for making her feel uncomfortable.
She smiles nervously.
"Sorry I'm late. Jean made me eat something before I left…" her voice trails off.
"Would you like anything? A drink or something else to eat? You can help yourself," she tells her, trying desperately to make her voice sound welcoming to ease some of the tension.
"No thank you," she moves forward, stopping abruptly as if she has been slapped.
Ronnie feel how Danielle looks, knowing that she is staring at the stop where she had told Danielle to abort her own grandchild.
"Danielle…" she can't help herself any longer, the powerful urge too strong to resist. Stepping forward, she wraps Danielle in her arms. She can feel her muscles tense at the sudden contact, but then she relaxes, pressing her face into Ronnie's chest. Ronnie's heart swells with a tumultuous range of emotions: joy, fear, guilt, regret.
"I'm so sorry," she murmurs, inhaling the faint strawberry scent of her hair, recalling how she had done the same thing the night Danielle was born. "If I'd have known I would never…I would never have," she stops, aware that Danielle isn't returning the intense hug.
"Don't. Just don't. I'm not ready to hear whatever it is you have to say yet. Maybe I never will be. And when I am I don't know if I can forgive you," her voice is cold and bitter and Ronnie is reminded startlingly of herself in that instance.
Ronnie feels as if someone has taken a knife to her and has painstakingly carved her skin so she feels pain but so the damage isn't life threatening. She turns away, turns away so Danielle won't see her eyes swimming with tears and so she doesn't see her heart-breaking.
What if their relationship is just too broken to ever fix?
She feels Danielle's hand grasp hers from behind and she clutches it as if her life depends on.
"But I can forget," she says firmly. "Or at least I want to forget. You're my Mum and I've spent my whole life imagining this moment. I just want to know my Mum,"
Perhaps their relationship is broken beyond repair, perhaps they will never have the true ease that should exist between a mother and child but right now it doesn't seem to matter. Danielle is willing to forget even if she can't forgive and it is enough for Ronnie.
"I'd like that. Because all I want is to know my daughter too," she gives Danielle's hand a firm squeeze before letting go. She invites her to sit down then and they begin to talk about anything and everything, including topics as trivial as the weather. The subject doesn't really matter to Ronnie though, she is too enraptured with Danielle's soft manner of speaking to care what she is talking about.
12.16
Only ten minutes have passed since she last looked at the clock. Her little Amy is back in her life and sat talking on her sofa as Ronnie listens in silent awe.
Only ten minutes have passed and her life has changed forever; has changed for the better.
Ronnie lol, bless her eh? Acting all nervous. Oh God though, this one is horrific. Feel free to flame me 0.o
