AN:

Nothing too bad in this chapter. Liz get's drunk, that's really it. No warning here, nothing too bad. uwu enjoy


I never did see my pretty blonde singer boy again.

Not once did I see him walking to school, not once did I see him outside, not once did I see him in the window. Well, I didn't know what house he lived in, but someone that strikingly gorgeous should be easily spotted taking a walk or getting the mail. I took a lot of walks, it was part of 'therapy' I guess. Fresh air is supposed to make you feel better or something, but does that make the air in your house contaminated? What exactly is fresh air? Is the air in my home killing me or something? No, I don't think so. I'd rather stay inside under my heated blankets.

I never typed in the numbers into my phone that were supposedly the phone numbers of my new 'friends.' I was almost one-million percent sure that pretty-blonde-boy had lied to me about where his house was and it ticked me off. They were probably screwing with me, they had to be popular, they had that attitude. Not that all popular people are bad. Sometimes a few of them think it's okay to screw around with the unpopular kids. It drove me crazy that they would want to do that. Make me scramble and check around the street, make me feel desperate. Fuckers.

I'm now a little more scared for this new school. If people as kind looking as that would want to lie to me, what would the nasty-looking people do? Ugh.

I've been drawing a lot more now, lately. Not really anything special, no one in particular, mostly colors or trees. One time I drew the tenth doctor from Doctor Who but that doesn't really matter. Red is the color i've been using a lot lately.

But so far, besides for that Alfred Jones kid and the girl whats-her-face, my life has been content. My dad still gives me those 'ugh I hate you' looks, but I've been living with that for my whole life, so it doesn't really bother me. My nights are full of leftover pizza and America's Got Talent reruns. Peaceful, but yet boring nights.

My parents have officially confiscated my razors. I'm a little upset, as i'm probably going to have to buy two more, but it'll be easy enough. Plus they didn't find them before, I had to tell them where they were, so I know i'm good at hiding things.

That night still haunts me a little. I was in the bathroom, it was after a flash which was caused by something stupid on TV. Some horror movie I think, I usually like horror movies but this one must have had something my brain saw as completely and horrifically awful. I don't remember what it was though, flashing is one awful thing. Well, anyhow, I was in the bathroom, cutting, mom found me, she was rather disturbed. Disturbed and shocked just enough so that she screamed for me, and I was in some trance of losing too much blood. Everything's kind of hazy, not a flash, when I flash I remember nothing at all, so it wasn't a flash, it happened after a flash.

I would really love to know what causes my triggers.

I would also really love to have someone to comfort me through flashes even if i'm trying to bite and scratch them. Even if I hate to admit it, I really, really do. But I don't have the motivation to try and get one, because no one can love someone who dances between insanity and sanity. A lover, a best friend, even a family member which be great. My mom nor my dad doesn't understand, and i'm not just saying that. They don't, they really truly don't. My dad thinks i'm mental, which I'm not I just flip out when i'm scared, and my mom thinks the same but she's nicer about it.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a friend group. Some people to fall back on. Some people who would bring me to crazy parties and concerts, but then I realize I don't like parties and stop thinking about it.

So, i've been taking walks. A lot of walks. I can look at things to keep my mind out of the gutter, and nighttime is nice. It's quiet, a little chilly, but peaceful.

But tonight it definitely wasn't.

At first it was, but then I heard the hum of a motorcycle, then music, and then I heard laughing. It sounded like two people laughing, but it was loud. And I jumped, froze, and my eyes frantically searched for the source. My knees slowly unlocked and I began walking backwards.

I watched a large, red motorcycle glide down the road, slowly but smoothly. I watched it carefully, before realising it wasn't adult's on it. Too small to be adults, but yet large enough to be in my age range. The one driving I didn't recognize as they had a helmet on, but the female on the back I did. It was Liz, from the night before. I half smiled. They hadn't noticed me, as you know, I was still kind of far away.

The motorcycle pulled up next to the house on the farthest side of the street. I walked towards it, now feeling a little more confident as I knew who it was. A little relief filled me as they both got off the bike and the one pulled the helmet off, that honey-blonde mop of hair flopping out and revealing that awfully handsome face. There he is. He lives here, he didn't lie to me. That's good.

"Dude, why didn't you have anything?" I heard Liz yell as I jogged forward. I'm not sure if I even wanted to talk to them, I was just happy to see them, and that they didn't lie.

"Because i'm your ride home," Alfred said with a scoff, but yet it was a happy one. "No way i'm crashing my cycle."

"Ehh, not even one? Pussy," Liz laughed, but as I got closer, I froze. Not really a fear freeze, just a slow realization. Liz looked drunk, her hair was messed up, eyes droopy, and she definitely sounded as if she was. I knew this well, from my father's drunk expressions.

"Okay," Alfred shook his head and chuckled, as if Liz was a child telling him a childish joke.

"Mroooww," Liz began imitating a cat, poking Alfred's back as he tried making his way inside. "mroow, meow, mroww..!"

"Shut the fuck up," Alfred laughed, pushing her away gently by her shoulders. Liz stumbled back, but walked right up to him once again.

"Okay, so you get mauled by boys but you won't have a drink?" Liz said, slurred.

"Mhm," Alfred said, "Only one boy. All the rest, poosh, gone. I'm no slutty cheater, Liz."

"okay, big guy, I-I saw you with that one kid-!"

"Nope, nuh uh, I'd never do that to Gilly."

"Jesus Christ Al, stop calling him that, i-it's weird..."

"Well you're the nickname whore, so why not?"

I swallowed a little, as I never expected either of them to talk with such vulgarity. Not that it wasn't anything I couldn't handle, I was just surprised. I began to walk again, slowly, holding up a hand pathetically.

"Hey guys," I whispered, "It's me, Arthur," it was intentional that I spoke so quietly. I sighed, they probably wouldn't even recognize me.

But they did. They actually did.

I felt myself smile as I watched Alfred turn around. "Ah, I forgot my keys!" He ran for the motorcycle, leaving Liz watching him with a hazy look in her eyes. Once Alfred took out the keys, he looked up at me, and smiled too. I could clearly see his sky blue eyes squint along with his smile.

I stopped, smiled awkwardly, a watched him for any sudden movements. My eyes were so locked on his still figure, once he moved, I jumped.

"Hey, Arthur, right?" He called. I nodded, then realised he probably couldn't see me nod.

"Yeah, Arthur," I called back, a little quieter than Alfred had.

"Oh hey Artie," Liz screamed in her slurred voice, 'Artie' sounding even more awkward in her drunk voice.

"Just Arthur," I yelled back quietly, wanting them to hear me, but not at the same time. I need to be polite, respectful, and go with the flow. These are high class drinkers i'm talking too.

Liz stuck her tongue out, apparently she heard me. I smiled nervously, shrugging as Alfred started to jog over to me. "Ignore her, she's.. Well, heh."

I nodded, soon face-to-face with the pretty blonde boy. Jesus, he was gorgeous. I couldn't help it, he was. His lips were a little odd though, pink and skinny. Most boys like him have bigger lips, but he's still handsome nonetheless. "Okay," I said quietly, nodding.

"So, you've got a bad impression on me already, eh?" Alfred said with a chuckle, "Hickeys," Alfred pointed to his neck, and my eyes widened at the purple marks, "My best friend is over there, drunk," Alfred then pointed to Liz, who lazily waved at us. I swallowed.

I weakly shook my head no, still a little shocked at the hickeys decorating Alfred's neck. They bugged me a little, even. Sure it's always a disappointment to see another nice-looking boy get a mate, but it just made me uncomfortable. "Eh, that's a lie, you like to agree. I can tell."

"No," I murmured, squinting my eyes a little. Overall I had only known this boy for ten minutes. "No, I don't like to agree. I'm telling the truth."

Alfred smirked in amusement. I snorted in fake annoyance.

Alfred then shrugged, one eyebrow raising as he reached out to ruffle my hair. I jumped, but allowed it to happen. "Alrighty then, sweetheart." Alfred said with a chuckle. Once his hand flopped back to his side I took the time to flatten my now messed-up hair.

"Thanks," I murmured, my voice lowering to sound agitated. I really wasn't, well, I was a little, but I needed to act somewhat professional in front of Alfred.

Liz soon clumsily stumbled over, bumping into Alfred before walking forward to me. Her breath smells like alcohol, it bugs me. I'm used to my dad being drunk, but...

Alfred's cheeks turned a light shade of pink. "Hey Artie," Liz murmured with a smile, her eyes slowly trailed to the corner of her eyes before looking back at me. She plopped a hand on my shoulder, and I immediately stood on my toes so I would be prepared to run. "Dude, I haven't seen you since the c-concert... W-where have y-ya been?" She let out a hiccup before a lazy smile ran across her face, her mouth slightly agape.

"Just ignore her," Alfred said again, grabbing Liz's collar and pulling her back. Liz stumbled, and it was clear to me how strong Alfred was. Even if Liz was drunk, he pulled her off of me with no effort. Alfred rubbed his cheek, smiling awkwardly like a shy little girl.

I decided I should maybe try to have a conversation, "Well, um, where have you been? I mean, I just haven't seen you on the street, at all..." Oh man that sounded awkward. "Sorry, i'm bad at talking. With uh, people."

Alfred's awkward look quickly disappeared. "No, no, you've been pretty good so far, compared to Ms. Doesn't know how to talk to people without seeming like an asshole." Alfred patted Liz's shoulder, who was now resting her head on his shoulder, moaning his name. "Yeah, sorry about that, we've been hitting up concerts all summer. I just put a peice together, so we've been trying to play it lately before school starts again."

"Alfie, I want some hot chocolate..."

"Shut up, Liz," Alfred said with a laugh. Liz hit his chest.

"Oh," I murmured, "Well, uh, how long have you two been together?"

Alfred's eyes widened a little bit, before his lips pulled back into a huge grin, and he began to laugh. Alfred's laugh was loud, yet kind of airy, it fit him a lot. The kind of laugh I thought he would have. I felt a little discouraged as his laughs grew louder,and Liz got off of Alfred and looked around, confused. She shook his shoulders, "Al, what's wrong?" Alfred shook his head, i'm guessing unable to speak from whatever the hell it was I said. Maybe they weren't dating...

"O-oh jeez," Alfred stammered, wiping his eyes free of laughter tears. "Oh, god," His voice was all airy from laughing. Alfred took a few breaths, while I stared at him with an amused yet nervous glance.

"I'm guessing you're not dating."

"Oh god no."

I shrugged, then rubbed my shoulder, "Sorry. It's just, she's all over you.."

"Well yeah, she's drunk," Alfred said in an obvious tone. Liz perked up a little, knowing that Alfred was talking about her, and smiled a little. "Anyways, i'm gay. So, girls, yuck."

My eyes widened probably twice their size. "You're gay?" I murmured, shocked. Now, i'm not the one to stereotype, but wow. I didn't expect Alfred to be gay, like, at all. Someone like me, sure, someone like Alfred? No.

"Why, you got a problem?" Alfred's voice suddenly changed from that sweet, smooth tone to something much more gravely and deep. I immediately jumped from surprise to fear.

"No, no, no, no!" I stammered, holding up my hands in front of my face as if Alfred was going to hurt me, which I actually believed he was. "I-infact, i'm gay too, I mean, I just didn't expect someone as a-attractive as you to be ga- oh! No, ah, jeez, I should, go..." I started to back up, I could feel the heat rush to my face, and my body tense up and my heart race. My stomach churned.

Oh no, no Arthur, don't you dare flash, don't you dare.

I wasn't looking at him, I was looking at the ground. I have to run, run far away back home, I haven't had a flash in three weeks and I definitely don't want to have one in front of people who could spread rumours about me. Plus I don't want to hurt anyone. And anyways, I think Alfred could easily overpower me and hurt me badly in an act of self defence.

I stumbled a little as I was backing up, and that caused me to run. I ran back home, fast. I wasn't afraid of Alfred anymore I was afraid of myself. I heard Alfred call for me, his voice once again sweet and kind, but it wasn't him I was afraid of. It was too late, if I went back now I'd be all finicky and panicked and uncomfortable.

But i'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not mad. I'm just scared.

I almost fell into my house, my fingers fumbling over the lock on the door once I was inside. I locked the door quickly, this door being the one thing between me and panic. I sprinted upstairs like a clumsy dog, loud and floppy, and dived into my room.

I closed my door quickly, locking that too. Now two doors stood in the way of me and my 'freak out' zone. I paced around my room, trying to get out the remainder of my energy and calm down. I rubbed my arms, soon my wrists, the clean bandages running over my fingers. "Arthur, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay," My voice was airy from running, but soon, it returned to normal. And I returned to normal. My legs grew strong and my heart slowed, my eyes closed and opened normally and relaxed. I was okay, I was okay, I was okay.

Upon calming, I sat down. Waiting, making sure I was okay, letting relief wash in. Thank god. Had Alfred really triggered me that easy? I'm usually not triggered like that, usually I can take a lot of yelling. Maybe he said some word I didn't like or something and it just triggered me. I really don't know anymore.

I stripped down into my boxers before turning off the light and curling up in bed. Amongst the heated blankets and comforting smells, the pillow stained with drool and the broken alarm clock that stayed on the time '12:00'. So imperfect but so comforting.

Why is bed so calming? It is home. No where else is home to me but this bed.

Plus, this is where I sleep. Sleep is great.

X

The next morning my parents went to work, like normal. I was fine with it, I mean, my parents go out all the time without me. Usually it's because I don't want to go, or it's work related. But as my weekdays of TV, popcorn and drawing were uninterrupted, I did not expect the knock at the door.

It made me a little unsettled, I hate being home alone when someone knocks. I walked up to the window, peered out, for I didn't want to open the door to anyone unless they were little girls selling cookies. Since I was expecting girlscout cookies I was shocked when I saw a much taller figure standing at my door. He waited patiently, rocking from the balls of his feet to his toes, and I studied him from my window. Weird. Alfred's here, at my house, I haven't had company in... Forever.

I wasn't sure if I should open the door or not, as the bandages were clearly visible since I was wearing a tanktop. Plus Alfred had almost made me flash last night. What if he wants to kill me? Ah, probably not, his body movements seem happy and bouncy.

I threw on a sweater that was lying around, and slowly opened the door. My eyes squinted as I opened the door, my body tensing as I awaited some impact. But it never came.

Alfred stared at me happily, a toothy grin clearly visible on his face. The sun reflected off that dirty blonde hair, making some strands seem like they were a lighter color. Behind the glasses his eyes were bright and a little squinted from the sun and his huge smile. Alfred wore some old, faded tanktop with a crude drawing of a palm tree on it. Now, his muscles were clearly visible, and they almost scared me a little. Why did Alfred have to be so large...?

"Hey," He said happily.

"Um, hey." I murmured, my voice growing a little quiet. I could hear Alfred swallow.

"Sorry about last night, and uh, scaring you." The funny thing was that Alfred didn't talk to me like I was crazy, and it felt good despite not feeling very good about almost flashing in front of Alfred.

"It's um, fine," I said quietly, shrugging, "Sorry about getting so freaked out. I just.. It's weird." I wasn't going to tell him what was going on with me, it was too soon for that. I think it will always be soon.

Alfred and I stared at each other for a few seconds. "Oh," Alfred murmured, his expression lighting up even further. He took something out of his back pocket, handing it quickly to me. "Here, I felt really bad. Plus going out and buying these meant I didn't have to take care of Liz." Alfred laughed, and I stared at the object he gave me.

Flowers.

Sky blue flowers, two blue, small little roses. They were real, but probably dyed. Or mutated. Don't know.

"Oh, um, thank you," I felt my face get warm. Not in fear or embarrassment, it was a pleasant, fuzzy feeling. "They're very nice."

Alfred nodded, and I swear he smiled wider if that was even possible. "I'm glad you like them. Got em just for you." I rubbed the back of my head, I could tell I looked like an idiot, smiling with red cheeks, but I couldn't help it. I took the flowers carefully, not wanting to prick myself on their thorns.

"Well," Alfred began, cocking his head, his bangs falling to one side, "Can I come in?"

Come in? No, he can't come in. If Alfred comes in and I flash, god knows what would happen. Alfred can't come in. He can't, he can't. "Oh yeah, um, sure."

Shit, I am too agreeable.

Alfred walked in after me, I diving to the side to close the door after he came in. "Nice place," Alfred murmured as I joined him at his side.

"Not really, I mean," I shrugged a little, "It's okay." My fingers tightened around the flower stems. They were very pretty despite their color fake, the white at the bottom slowly turning into a sky blue, and at the very tips of the flower, persian blue. It was pretty. I heard Alfred chuckle a little.

"I can't stay long, I have to take care of Liz. Little fucker is having a hangover." Alfred chuckled, I could hear the floor creak underneath his weight. Our house was pretty noisy.

"That's alright," I said quietly. Alfred plopped himself down on my couch, the couch moaned and creaked for a few moments. I was a little dumbfounded that Alfred could be so comfortable like, immediately. "How heavy are you?" I said with a slight murmur, looking over my shoulder to him.

Alfred perked up a little, "Oh, um, two hundred pounds, I think. Something like that." Wow.

As the flowers in my hands being the first flowers I have received out of random, I wanted to keep them in good condition for a while. "I'm just going to put these in a vase, okay?"

Alfred nodded, and I padded into the kitchen. It must look awful weird with me being in boxers and then a sweatshirt.. Oh well. I was slowly growing hot as well, but it wasn't worth taking it off and Alfred seeing my bandages.

I took a glass cup as there was no empty vases in the house, but then felt puzzled as if I should put dirt in it. Ah, it really didn't matter, it would die just as fast. I filled the cup with water, filling it up to the first leaf branching off of the stem. I immediately took a picture on my phone, hey, it was the first flowers I have ever been given. Ever.

Once filling the glass, I simply set it down, rejoining Alfred. I didn't sit down next to him, but I sat on the coffee table across from Alfred. He sighed, his eyes closing briefly. "Damn," He said with a chuckle, "I'm tired as hell."

I smiled and nodded, "That sucks."

"Liz kept me up all night with her throwing up," Alfred said, rubbing his eyes. Well, she must've had a ton of alcohol...

"Well, I'm just, really sorry about last-"

"You don't need to apologise."

"Oh, well, alright." I heard Alfred swallow, those baby blue eyes blinking back open. The outside of his eyes were light blue, then as they went inward, they became darker. Rather pretty, if you ask me. If it's okay to say a male's eyes are pretty. "Well, um..."

"Sorry if I just made things weird," I muttered. Alfred smiled and shook his head. Alfred also had a nice smile, it was white and too big for his face, and it seemed the smallest things triggered it. It was a nice, happy, childish smile. It brought Alfred out of his handsome, cool-strong-guy appearance into a sweet, cute light. So, both sides of him were absolutely perfect. Who couldn't like this guy? Well I assumed he had to have some downside... His foul mouth, maybe? I just have to get to know him better, maybe then I can see the downside to the irresistible man...

Wait, wait, what? Get to know him better? Am I saying Alfred is going to be my friend? Ehh, I mean, sure, I want a friend, but this is all happening so fast. He can't be my friend, he might hurt me somehow, or worse, I might hurt him. I've already broken and worn down my parents with my outbreaks and cutting and staying in my room all day long, how could I put that burden on someone else? Especially Alfred, he was so sweet and nice, I couldn't be the one who made that smile disappear... It's dangerous being my 'friend'. He was bringing me short happiness now, so I'd rather my relationship with Alfred to stay like this. An acquaintanceship.

I suddenly felt uneasy. Sick. Stressed. I'm fine. Arthur Kirkland is fine.

Alfred began to speak again, "So, as we were saying last night, are you actually gay? And do you think i'm actually handsome? Or were you just trying to please me?" Alfred now wore a smug look, a crooked smile, one eyebrow raised.

"Both are true," I said with an awkward nod, having a strong hate for being asked this so head-on.

Alfred's smug look disappeared and that smile that was too big for his face returned. "Aw," He said, happiness weaved in his voice. "Thanks for that, but i'm dating."

"Oh!" I said, heat rushing to my face. Was that what he thought I meant? No, no! I wasn't interested, well, he was awfully handsome, but no... I didn't want him to think I was flirting! "Thats not what I meant!" I put my hands out, and Alfred started to chuckle.

"Oh god, you're fun," He said, but it sounded kind and sweet, not sarcastic and rude. I took no offense. I sighed a little.

Alfred and I were both surprised by the sudden burst of a song, I more surprised than Alfred as my muscles clenched and my eyes widened. Loud noises have always scared me, nothing to cause me too flash, of course, just to startle. Alfred slid out his phone from his back pocket, which was chirping 'I'm on top of the world' with some techo-y music, and answered it with a "Hello?"

Some babbling on the other side of the phone, Alfred snorted angrily and rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay, i'll be there." Alfred sighed, hanging up his phone. I watched him with slight worry and curiosity. "It's just Liz, she's crying about her hangover." Alfred laughed a little, and I bit my lip. "I beileve she's still drunk." I nodded. "I have to get going," Alfred stood.

"Oh, alright," I said, getting off of the coffee table, walking over to Alfred quickly. I stopped about six inches away from him, feeling his heat against mine. It was odd. Alfred had a lot of body heat, no wonder, he was huge.

"Mh, we have a concert the night before school starts," Alfred said, almost in a taunting tone. It was playful, like a seven-year-old flaunting to someone. "Maybe ya would want to come? It's at paladin park, free entry," Alfred smiled. Paladin park was around the school, about a ten minute walk from my house. I nodded. I nod a lot. It's a nervous thing I guess.

"Oh, alright, maybe i'll go," I said. That was most likely a lie. I wanted to go, sure, but if Liz came home that drunk from a 'concert', I'm not sure if I wanted to go. I'm not that kind of person.

Alfred smiled wide, happily, every single one of those white teeth grinning at me. Happy that I said I would go, happy that I said yes. I started to feel a little guilt, maybe I would go. See Liz and Alfred, avoid the drinkers, avoid everything but them. Yeah, I guess I could do that. I would just have to leave early, I didn't want to be tired for the first day of school. Alfred's smile made every corner and crevice of my body warm and happy.

And I smiled back.

And Alfred left, waving to me as he walked. I watched him walk home, and he knew I was watching him, because occasionally he would turn and wave at the window I was looking out. And I'd smile, but not shyly, because I knew he couldn't see me too well. I'd smile like a happy, touched person.

I was happy. For a brief, five moments, I was happy. Alfred's pearly white smile made me happy, his eyes, his stupid sarcastic moments, his angry huffs. He was just so.. Friendly. And I liked that, because no one else had ever been this nice to the anti-social me before. And it was nice, really, really nice. The darkest parts of me feel all warm, and sunny, and happy. That smile changed me, briefly.