Chapter 2 :

Why?

After slamming the door behind her it took only ten seconds to Jane to realize that she didn't have a car, so she walked, walked trying to make sense of what Maura had done to her. After two hours of wandering in the streets of Boston Jane decided to check herself into a hotel, knowing that going to her mother would imply answering her questions. So that night Jane laid in bed looking at the ceilling torturing herself trying to understand why Maura had cheated on her. She obviously knew that Maura didn't love that guy, so was it about sex?Wasn't she satisfy with her?Was she missing men?All those questions were hammering Jane's brain and after obsessing over it for hours she didn't manage to find an answer and just spent the rest of her night staring at the ceiling reliving the past few years in her head trying to find when and how things went wrong to push Maura to cheat on her, she couldn't believe that her wonderful fiancee who was the most honest person she knew could cheat on her like that, without any reason.

On the other side of town Maura was lying on the couch asking herself the same questions and was also unable to find a proper answer. Thinking about it she was truly and deeply in love with Jane and felt fulfilled both emotionally and sexually. Trying to understand the reasons that pushed her to kiss that man and to be tempted to invite him in her room Maura couldn't find anything. All she could conclude to was that she was just a bad person who didn't deserve to be engaged to someone like Jane who never ever looked at someone else ever since they started dating. That was actually the big difference between the two women : before they started dating Jane didn't really date, almost refusing to engage in any physical or sexual relationship, Maura on the other hand had many male partners and was always eager to tell Jane about her sexual encounters. Thinking about it Maura understood perfectly that Jane didn't trust her and saw her as someone frisky, promiscuous who would never be satisfied with only one person in her bed. The truth was that Maura still enjoyed looking at men, making comments on their physical appearances but from the minute Jane kissed her she has never been tempted to cheat on her, not even once. Unable to understand her behavior, Maura cried herself to sleep with the ring she had given Jane in her hand.

The next morning Jane reluctantly took a cab back home hoping that Maura would be at work or someone else and that she wouldn't have to face her. After a sleepless night the last thing she wanted was to have to face her, knowing that the only she had to give her was resentment and hate.

Quietly opening the door Jane immediately saw Maura sleeping on the couch. Slowly closing the door, walking the bedroom on her tip toes Jane was hoping to pack her things and leave without waking Maura up.

"Jane!" Maura said brutally awoken by the cracks caused by Jane's steps on the wooden floor.

"Shit!" Stopping at the sound on Maura's voice Jane didn't know what to say or do, she wasn't ready to Maura, not now and knew that if she was forced to she would probably just lash out on her.

"You're home." Having Jane standing in front of her Maura was relieved after spending the entire night worrying, hoping that Jane hadn't done something stupid like drinking and getting herself hurt.

"I'm at your house, this isn't my home anymore."Jane replied still turning her back on Maura.

Watching Jane walking towards their bedroom Maura had a feeling that Jane wasn't here to try to sort things out but that she was here to pack her things and leave.

Maura knew Jane well enough to know that pushing her when she was hurt was the stupidest thing to do, that giving her some space and time to think and cool down was always the best attitude. This time it was different though, even if Maura knew it was probably better to let Jane go , she just couldn't just allow her to leave without at least trying apologize. So Maura followed Jane in their bedroom and found her packing things into a large suitcase they had bought for their last vacations.

"Are you staying with your mother at your old appartement?"Standing in the door way a few feet behind her Maura couldn't step into their bedroom knowing that she wouldn't resist crawling at Jane's feet and beg for forgiveness if she came any closer.

"No, I don't want to have to answer her questions. I checked into a hotel last night and I'm gonna stay there until I figure things out." Grabbing her clothes from her drawers pushing them into the suitcase without folding them Jane was still unable to look at Maura knowing that if she looked at her she would be able to keep from picturing her kissing that guy.

"You don't have to leave. I mean, I'm the one who hurt you, you shouldn't have to leave." Closing her eyes, clenching her jaws trying to hold her tears Maura was expecting Jane to storm out of the room any second now.

"This is your house not mine. "Jane said closing the suitcase looking around to see if she had forgotten anything.

"I'm so sorry Jane. I know you're not ready to face me right now, but I know that you're going to need me to explain myself soon and I will be there waiting."Maura sighed as she turned around walking towards the bathroom unwilling to watch Jane slam that door behind her a second time.

Locking herself in her bathroom immediately falling on the floor Maura couldn't hold her tears anymore. She knew that in a few seconds Jane would be out of their house and didn't know if she would ever come back. Sitting against the bathtub hearing Jane slammed the door behind her Maura was trying to convince herself that she had made the right decision by letting Jane go and by not confronting her. She knew Jane enough to know that crawling at her feet crying, telling her she loved her and begging her to give her another chance would only provoke her anger. Now all Maura could do was hoping that Jane would eventually come back to confront her, to ask her why. Unfortunately right now what Jane needed was to be alone to think and Maura knew that once she felt ready it would be painful, that she would probably unleash her resentment on her and she needed to prepare herself for that. She knew that Jane was a passionate woman who hated as passionately as she loved and knew that a confrontation would be painful, but she had no choice, she had to accept what ever Jane would feel the need to do or say if she wanted to fix things between them.

For the next few days life went on, Jane went back to work knowing that Maura wouldn't be here which make her feel slightly relieved. Right after getting engaged they both decided that Maura should be assigne to another team knowing that defense attorney could try to argue that Maura's supposed neutral and purely scientific judgement might be clouded or influenced by her relationship with Jane. So for the next few days Jane and Maura went to work trying to hide how hurt her they were to their friends and colleagues, which considering all of them were Detective was harder than they had wished.

On the 7th night Jane decided to drove to Maura's house to confront her. After spending the past 7 nights awake trying to find what she had done wrong to push Maura to cheat on her she realized that she had done nothing wrong, that the responsibility of what had happened was on Maura not her.

Nervously biting her lips waiting for Maura to open the door Jane's heart was racing, being away and by herself didn't help her to calm down and forgive Maura, it had made her almost enraged and right now she needed to express that anger.

"Jane." Maura sighed as she opened the door.

"I want to know why."Jane demanded stepping into the house without a look for her fiancee.

Closing the door behind Jane Maura knew that the moment she has been scared of for the past week was finally here. Looking in Jane's eyes she knew that she wasn't here to try to work things out, that all she wanted was an explanation and to be able to unleash her pain on her.

"You might now believe it but I don't know why I did it Jane. " Maura replied her hands in her pocket looking down unwilling to face the disappointment in Jane's eyes.

"Come on Maura, you can tell me, tell me that you missed men and that what you needed to feel his big cock inside of you." Standing a few inches to Maura Jane wasn't herself, she was not only angry but disrespectful, full of hate and not concerned about Maura's feelings.

"Of course not!I told you a million times I do not miss men, I'm more satisfy with you than I have ever been with any men." Maura replied suddenly rising her head.

"But you told me you were tempted to let him fuck you, meaning he must have turn you on when he kissed you right?"Jane said walking closer to her girlfriend forcing her to step back.

"I suppose so, but I didn't go through with it because I'm in love with you and I don't want to be with any body else other than you. What I felt was simply a simple chemical reaction to his kiss. "

"Tell me what did he do to turn you on so much?Did he push you against the door?"Jane said pushing Maura back on the couch, climbing on top of her.

"Jane..."Looking up at Jane Maura was scared, she knew that Jane had a violent temper but was never scared for her safety with her.

"Tell me did he grabbed your boob and kissed you like this?"Not seeing the fear in her girlfriend's eyes Jane violently pressed her lips against Maura's mouth, pressing her tongue on her lips to make her open her mouth.

Feeling Jane pressing the weight on her entire body on her Maura was paralyzed, she couldn't move and feeling Jane's tongue attacking hers she was suffocating unable to talk or even breath. She couldn't believe this was the Jane she fell in live, but she understood her anger so she didn't flinch when Jane suddenly slid her hand under her chest and grabbed her left breast.

"Do I make you wet as much as he did?Tell me?" Jane said looking down at Maura .

"You ...you make me wetter than no one else ever did Jane."Unbuttoning her pants, pulling down the zipper and guiding Jane's hand inside her panties Maura was hurt but was willing to do what ever it took to make Jane see that she never desired anyone else more in her entire life. Regardless of how painful and humiliating this was Maura was determined to play along with Jane's anger hoping that at some point Jane would look at her in the eyes and see the woman she fell in love with years ago, not the woman who had cheated on her.

"God you're so wet for me." Jane said feeling the warmth streaming down Maura's folds with her fingers.

"I'm all wet for you baby." Maura replied swallowing hard as she bucked her hips against Jane's hand making her fingers thrust inside of her.

"Damn sometimes I forget how tight you are."Jane smiled attacking Maura's neck as she started to thrust in and out of her.

Laying on her back trying to follow the rhythm of Jane's thrust with her hips Maura could see how excited Jane was but it was different from everything she had experienced with her before. Ever since they started dating Jane has been nothing but a passionate, but gentle lover, attentive to Maura's pleasure, always taking her time to pleasure her, always putting Maura's desires before hers. This time it was different though, it was fast and rough, Jane wasn't making love to her, she was literally fucking her, out of anger, out of humiliation, of frustration and it hurt. Coming to realize how hurt Jane was Maura had to fight the tears burning her eyes and could only give Jane what she wanted : relief.

"Oh baby, harder, you're going to make me come." As sick and unexpected as it was Maura was actually enjoying this. She was extremely aroused and could fell her inner muscles tightening around Jane fingers every time she thrusted inside of her. She wasn't fighting this, she knew Jane needed it and couldn't help but feeling she deserved it anyway. Somehow being punished aroused her, it was liberating, after a week of ignoring her Jane was finally acknowledging her and as emotionally painful and humiliating this was Maura couldn't be picky and decided to accept this physical contact with Jane knowing that there was a chance that this wasn't a making up love session but a break up fuck.

"I...No, I can't do this."Suddenly stopping her thrust Jane pulled her hands from Maura's fold and bounced off the couch.

"Did I say something wrong?" Trying to stand up while buttoning her trouser Maura was confused.

"No, I just can't do this. This is not me. I ..."Her hand on her forehead Jane was horrified the way she had just acted with her fiancee wasn't her at all and it scared her.

"It's okay. You had anger to express, I was enjoying myself so don't worry about it."Trying to take Jane's hand Maura could see the distress in her eyes and started to think that playing along might have been a mistake.

"No, I...What we just did was everything but love, Maura. I can't do this, I'm sorry." Taking a step back stumbling on the coffee table Jane didn't understand her own actions, she was lost, completely lost in her own pain and suffering.

"Are you saying you don't love me anymore?"

"I'm saying that I don't trust you anymore and judging by what just happened I don't respect you anymore either."

"Then I will work on making you trust me again, just give me another chance Jane, please . I love you." Maura begged grabbing Jane's hand trying to keep her from leaving.

" I doubt you can do that Maura. I love you but...I just can't do that." Taking a step back before walking towards the door Jane felt a tear running down her cheek and her heart break into a million pieces.

Watching Jane walk out on her for the second time Maura was once again unable to to follow her and to do anything to make her stay. This time it was different though, not only she felt Jane's anger but she also realized that she had lost her trust and respect and that was probably what hurt her more. Standing there looking at that door Maura realized that she might have lost Jane for ever, that even if she still loved her making her forgive her would be almost impossible considering she had lost the two things that were the base of their relationship. Yes standing there like a complete idiot Maura was hit by the consequences of her action, one kiss, it had taken one kiss to destroy everything they had spent years to built. The love was the easiest part, it came almost the first minute they met, but the mutual respect, the trust was something they had to work one, to build step by step and considering that a simple kiss had just destroyed all that made Maura realize that it would take more than a simple apology to make things right.

Okay guys, I don't know what to say. This was hardcore, I mean...both physically and emotionally and it was so out of character form Jane's part. At first I figured that it was logical from Maura knowing Jane so well to let her leave to give her time to think and to calm down. But what happened next was unplanned. Yes guys for the first time since I have been writing Rizzles fictions I have no idea where this story is going. I'm a bit lost but it's exciting. I think that even if this chapter was hard to read and hard to undersand Jane's behavior it was stirll good right?

Thank you for the suport on the first chapter. I'm hoping to get your feedback on this one, maybe it will help me figure things out lol. I'm as lost as Jane :(