Blackout
Part 2: Tell Me How You Really Feel
"There should be some candles and flashlights behind the counter for emergencies," I told Lucas as he and I searched for any kind of light source that would be of any use in this darkness.
"Or we could take advantage of 21st century technology and use the flashlights on our phones," Maya chimed in. She was oddly calm about this whole thing. Instead of scrambling for ways for us to see again, she was perfectly content living in the dark.
"It also drains the battery. What if we have an emergency? What if aliens come down from their home planets and try to abduct us?" I asked, frantically searching through shelves for anything that might give us light.
"Riles. You watched the scifi channel before bed again didn't you?" Maya asked, giving me a knowing look.
The guilt on my face broke through and I quickly turned away.
"Riley! You said you wouldn't watch it anymore after that terrifying movie about the killer robot merm-"
"You promised you wouldn't mention that ever again!" I yelled, fake offended.
"The killer robot what?" Lucas chimed in from behind the counter. I couldn't see him, but I knew he was smiling.
"Merm-" Maya began again.
"Ring power! I interjected quickly, cutting Maya off.
"Boo!" Maya yelled back. I could imagine the pout on her face even if I could not see it.
"It's okay, I think I can guess," Lucas responded as he opened and closed cabinets and drawers behind the counter.
After rummaging through junk and old silverware for a few minutes, Lucas and I came back with six candles, two flashlights, and a lighter. We lit the candles, spread them throughout the room, and set the flashlights on the coffee table. The candles made the room and everything in it glow in this dim golden light that made me feel a little sad. I couldn't tell you exactly why it made me feel this way, but it did. And I didn't like it.
"This is insane," Maya muttered under her breath, shaking her head and crossing one leg over the other as she sat on one of the chairs in the middle of the room.
"Agreed," I concurred, sitting on the floor and scooting up close so that my face was illuminated by the light from the flickering candle.
"You know, for what it's worth, I'm glad that if I have to be trapped in a bakery during a blackout it's with you two," Lucas proclaimed, smiling at both of us from the chair next to Maya.
Maya and I looked at each other, brows furrowed, eyes concerned. Maybe that wasn't the best thing to say under the circumstances. This whole situation was confusing and messy and it didn't have to be. Not if Maya was honest with me about her feelings for Lucas. Not if she was honest with me about her realization that she believed I viewed Lucas as a brother... And not if I was honest with her about my own realization that Lucas was most definitely not like my brother. I took a deep breath.
"Maya, why didn't you tell me the truth? About liking Lucas? About you thinking I liked Lucas as a brother? About all of it?" I blurted out all at once, hoping that I made sense.
"Riles, we've been over this. I was trying to spare your feelings. I was trying to be your best friend," she declared, not looking me in the eyes.
"I don't buy that. Being my best friend means telling me the truth even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard. Keeping me in the dark only leads to more darkness, not light," I admitted. I couldn't believe I was telling her all of this. And I couldn't help but think of myself of being a hypocrite. I technically did the exact same thing to her.
Maya looked at me for a few seconds as if she was weighing the consequences of telling me what she was about to tell me.
"I guess... I guess I wasn't entirely sure what I was feeling. I liked him, I know that I did. But I think I was confused about how I liked him. And I think that I transferred my own confusion over to how you felt about him. And then it all just got... complicated," Maya explained, averting her gaze to look down at her hands.
"Can I say something?" Lucas chimed in, looking at us expectantly.
"No," Maya and I snapped back in unison.
"So you're saying that you don't think I like Lucas as a brother?" I asked.
"No. No I don't. I think I got confused because of how alike you are. You guys can talk about anything and you both care so much about fixing everything and being there for your friends. It seemed like two people couldn't be that much alike and still have feelings for each other. But I know now that things aren't always so black and white like that," Maya clarified. She moved from her chair to sit next to me on the floor. I looked up at her, my best friend. My world had gotten so confusing, so uncertain so fast, that I didn't know what was real or true anymore. But I knew now, without a shadow of a doubt, that our friendship was the truest thing I would ever know.
"You should've talked to me," I asserted, looking her directly in the eyes.
"I know," she agreed, smiling sadly. "But you should have said something too."
"I know," I muttered.
Lucas rose from his chair to sit on the floor directly in front of Maya and me. I knew that this moment would change everything. Lucas was finally going to admit his feelings and I had no idea for whom they were going to be for. I held my breath and looked up at him.
"It's my turn to talk and I don't want any interruptions. That means no one gets up, no one talks but me, and everyone listens. Got it?" Lucas asked firmly.
Maya and I nodded, neither of us breathing.
"Riley, Maya... You are two of the most amazing people I've ever met. Your friendship is the strongest I've seen of anyone's and I admire that more than anything. I know that I could never come between you two because your friendship is too strong for that. It takes more than some boy to tear you two apart. But I also know that this whole situation might have been a little easier if I would have just explained to the both of you what I was feeling." Lucas took a breath, closed his eyes for a second, and continued.
"Maya, from the first moment I met you, I was terrified of you. I try not to let it show... But you scare me. Your light burns so bright and your fire so fierce , that I never know what you're going to do next. I love our banter and I love having you in my life. Deny it all you want, but we're friends and I would do anything for you," Lucas declared.
Maya looked up at him, as if she had just realized something. She had this look on her face. The look of clarity, like everything was finally making sense. She was moving out of the darkness and into the light. I, however, was still very much surrounded by dark shadows and a cloudy haze of black.
"Riley," Lucas started to say, but then paused. The storm was starting to let up. The thunder and lighting had stopped and I was concentrating on the pitter-patter of the rain. "Riley... I'm not really sure what to say to you," Lucas admitted, looking down and shaking his head.
My heart sank. "It's okay Lucas, you don't have to say anything," I said, defeated. "Maybe it's better that you don't say anything anyway. Maybe that makes things easier."
"No, Riley, it's just that-" Lucas started, but I cut him off.
"Lucas, really. Just don't say anything." I rose from the floor and before I could even think about what I was doing, I headed for the backdoor. I removed the key from my jacket pocket, unlocked the door, and ran out into the rain. I didn't care if I was going to get soaked. I didn't care is I was probably going to get pneumonia. I just needed to get out of there.
Lucas didn't have anything to say to me. Our friendship, the thing I was trying to protect by making us brother and sister, was crumbling because we tried to force what wasn't working. Tears welled up in my eyes, rain was soaking my clothes, and my hair was sticking to my face. I wanted to go home, but I couldn't. The summer rain that turned into a storm, the fire that brought truth and light to the darkness, it was all too much. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted this to be over. But it wasn't. Not even close.
