Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, but if I did, I would have named it something better, like "Toilet Monsters: Revenge of the Friendship."

The duo, Yami-Bakura and Yami-Marik, were riding together in the back of a cop car. They were both aware of the fact, by now, that this cop wasn't out for a good time at all.

"Damn it, that hurt when he punched me," Marik growling, rubbing his face.

"I told you that the cop wasn't out for sex," Bakura said under his breath.

"Oh, shut up! You said nothing of the sort!"

"Yes, I did!"

"Don't argue with me!"

"Or what?"

"Or I'm gonna-"

The police officer had just about had enough of the two villains' antics. "You aren't doing jack shit back there!"

"How in the hell do you do jack shit, anyways?" Marik asked the officer.

"I'm gonna pull this car over right now."

"No, don't spank me, daddy!" mocked Bakura.

The two Yamis laughed at the hilarious joke, because it was hilarious. At least, it was, until the cop really pulled over and pistol-whipped the hilariousity out of both of them. Ouch. They were silent for the remainder of the trip. The car pulled into the police station and, due to their atrocious criminal record, they were put into jail together. Isn't it wonderful?

"Hey, look, there's a rat in here!" Marik pointed from his bunk on the top.

"Well, it's certainly better than the food they've given us now." Bakura muttered.

"No, we aren't going to eat it! I'm going to keep it!" Marik said, climbing down from the bunk to catch it.

"Why in the hell would you want to keep a rat?"

"Well, because they're one of the most loyal pets you can have! Discovery Channel told me so!"

Bakura put a hand over his mouth. "Oh, God, it's finally happened."

"What?"

"You're going through jailhouse madness!"

Marik's eyebrows elevated. "What's jailhouse madness?"

"It's when you befriend everybody else except for actual people!"

"You just made that up, didn't you?" Marik growled, putting a hand on his hip all sassy like. Bakura completely ignored Marik's cynicism.

"When you have jailhouse madness, sooner or later, the wall becomes your neighbor, the bed becomes your lover, and if it's a bunk bed, then the top becomes your secret lover, and rats become your best friend!" Bakura got up, coming closer to the other man. "But worst of all... you recall uninteresting television programs!"

Marik shuddered all of a sudden, becoming half-convinced. "Oh, God, what if you're right? I may already be too late! I mean, I am talking to you, after all!"

Bakura frowned. "Uh, Marik, you've always talked to me."

"Oh shit, the symptoms are taking effect!" Marik dropped to his knees. "Curse you, paid-for sexual activities! Curse you to heeeeelllll!"

Bakura, having had enough of the joke, tapped his pal on the shoulder. "Uh, Marik, I was joking."

"What?"

"God, you're stupid, it was a joke!"

Marik got up and, dusting himself off, got up right into Bakura's face. "You're an asshole, you know that, don't you?"

"Well, you look like one," Bakura sneered back.

Marik pouted, realizing he was missing something. "Bakura, you scared my rat away, you son of a bitch!"

"What? I didn't do shit! You were the one screaming like a little girl who overdosed on helium! (Don't ask me how Bakura knows what helium is.)," Bakura fought back. "Besides, my mother was a saint! I have sex regularly with your mother!"

Marik lunged at the pale man. "I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"I'd like to see you try!"

Just before they could make any more idle threats to each other, a guard walked up to the bars and started bitching at them.

"Shut up in there, goddamnit!"

"You can't make us, we're safe inside a cage," Marik replied.

"I can come in there, I've got keys, you fucker!"

"Go to hell, we can take you!" Bakura hissed, walking up to the bars and rattling them.

Marik, seeing the guard reaching for his keys, quickly tried to tame his overboard cohort with a sound "Shut up, you idiot!" But it was too late. The guard unlocked the door and stomped in, preparing to beat the hell out of them. However, before he could, the lights shut off inside the police station. While the guard was distracted and stumbling about, Marik and Bakura double-teamed him and tried to get the keys from him. However, the guard took very quick action and shoved them both to the ground as the lights flickered back on. The situation escalated into a full-fledged brawl, which the guard was winning. Finally, Bakura tackled the guard while he was trying to get Marik off of his back, literally. The tackle knocked the keys right through the bars, which meant that the guard was stuck.

"Oh, great," the guard snarled, "now what?"

Marik shrugged. "We could keep hitting each other."

"No, I'm sick of doing that."

"Well, I'm going to sleep," Bakura stated, climbing into his bunk. "When I wake up, I'll be out of here, anyways."

"How do you know?"

"I'm a spirit, I'll find a way."

Bakura turned over to stare at the scratched-up wall and was soon snoring away, leaving Marik with the guard, since he was nowhere near tired yet and still looking for the rat.

"You know, we aren't going to last too long in here," the guard said after a long, awkward silence.

"What do you mean? It's just one night."

"No, I mean, without sex."

Marik turned his full attention from looking for the rat to the guard "I can last one lousy night with no sex, and from the looks of it, you have for years."

"Listen, you know it's only a matter of time before one of us decides to throw their inhibitions to the wind and-"

"Wait, you aren't suggesting-"

"Shut up, drop 'em and bend over!"

"No, get away from me, you fucking crazy person!"

The crazed guard proceeded to chase Marik in a circle around the cell.

"Bakura, wake up!"

"Hey, that's a good idea; let's wake your boyfriend up!"

"He's not my fucking boyfriend! For shit's sake, it's only one night!"

"Let's make this night count baby!"

"NOO!"

TO BE CONTINUED…