New chapter, hope you enjoy.
It was a little over a month later that King Robert finally arrived.
Bran stared in excitement at the long procession of horses and carriages coming towards Winterfell along the road. He turned around and began climbing down the tower with skill.
Below him, Catelyn Stark walked through the gates to see Bran's direwolf, who he still hadn't found a name for yet.
"Gods, but they grow fast," she said. She followed the wolf's gaze to see Bran climbing down the side of the tower.
"Brandon!" she said sternly. He turned to her excitedly.
"I saw the King!" he said. "He's got hundreds of people!"
"How many time have I told you, no climbing!"
"But he's coming right now!" the boy said, jumping down from the roof to land on his feet. "Down our road!"
"He's right, you know!" said a voice, and they all looked up to see Naruto, standing perpendicular to the building, his feet sticking to the stone. "The King's coming, so we'd better be ready!"
"Good grief, Naruto! Is there anything you can't do?" Cat said.
"Don't really know yet," he said, and fell down, landing easily in front of them. "You should all go get ready, Robert'll be here soon!"
"Of course," Cat said, before turning to Bran. "Now run and find your father. Tell him the King is close!"
Bran smiled and ran off, his direwolf following him.
"You really shouldn't encourage him to climb, you know," she said to Naruto, who shrugged.
"Bran's good at it. I mean, really good. He's probably almost as good as I was when I was his age, and I tend to encourage natural talent," he said, and Catelyn raised an eyebrow.
"Is that so?" she asked.
"Oh, yeah. So he should be safe. And even if he's injured, I'll fix him up!" he said, smiling and giving her a thumbs up in his 'nice-guy' pose. The Lady of Winterfell rolled her eyes, but a slight curve of her lips showed her amusement.
"Go find Arya. Knowing her, she'll be running around up to mischief," she said, to which Naruto smiled.
"Ah, my little apprentice!" he said with happiness, wiping a fake tear of pride away before running off.
Meanwhile, said apprentice was squeezing through a bunch of people, trying to catch a glimpse of the King's procession. She was wearing a steel guardsmen helmet that was a little too big for her, but she liked it anyway. She climbed on top of a cart and saw the first rank of horses, but was stopped from seeing more when Naruto appeared next to her.
"Hey, Arya, you're mum's worried about you!" he said.
"Hm, mum's worried!" she snorted. "Mum's always worried!"
"That's just a sign that she loves you," he said, smiling, and flicked her on the nose, shooing her towards the castle. "Go on."
Arya grumbled, but complied and ran towards the keep, rubbing her nose as she went.
A little while later, she ran to get towards her place in the front line of welcomers, but was stopped by Ned Stark.
"Hey! What are you doing with that on?" he said, gripping her by the arm lightly before pulling off the helmet and handing it to Ser Rodrik. He pushed her towards the end of the line in between Sansa and Bran.
"Move!" she said to Bran, who scooted aside his younger sister took her place in line.
"Where's Naruto?" Ned asked, and Catelyn shrugged.
"I sent him to fetch Arya, but he's not here with her," she said.
They stopped talking as said blond walked over and gave them a nod, before standing at the back of the ranks, out of sight. He'd shaved in the few days before the King was due to arrive, so his face, aside from the scar and the whisker marks, was bare.
The entire populace of the courtyard seemed to straighten as the procession trotted in on their horses.
The first person of interest was Joffrey, the Crown Prince. He was thin, had blond hair and green eyes, and held an arrogant and self-satisfied smirk on his face. He seemed to pay particular attention to Sansa, who returned his smile with more than a bit of reluctance.
Next was a large figure on a horse. A helm shaped like a snarling dog's head sat on his shoulders, and he pried it open a little, revealing a bit of his face. It was Sandor Clegane, the Hound.
Behind him came the royal carriage, and then came King Robert, who was surrounded by the Kingsguard. Naruto raised an eyebrow. Robert had really gotten pudgy. Everyone kneeled as he got down from his horse and approached Eddard Stark. Stopping in front of him, the King made a small 'up' motion with his hand, and Ned rose, followed by everyone else.
For a second they stood, examining each other. Then Ned inclined his head.
"Your Grace." Robert narrowed his eyes a little.
"You got fat," he said. Most of the Starks glanced at Ned to see what his reaction would be. Naruto, meanwhile, had to bite his knuckle to keep from cracking up.
Ned just looked down at the King's ample belly and raised an eyebrow.
They both started laughing and embraced each other in a hug, grinning all the while.
"Cat!" the king said, giving the Lady of Winterfell a kiss on the cheek.
"Your Grace," she replied, and he ruffled Rickon's hair, before turning back to the Warden of the North.
"Oh, nine years!" Robert said. "Why haven't I seen you, where the hell have you been?"
"Guarding the North for you, your Grace," Ned said, smiling. "Winterfell is yours."
Naruto, meanwhile, noticed that the Queen, Cersei Lannister, was descending from the carriage. She seemed to be looking for someone amongst the crowd.
King Robert went and talked to several of the children, namely Robb, Sansa, Arya and Bran, then looked around.
"Ned, where's that blond boy that always followed us around and won most of my battles?" the King asked. "I liked him, he was funny."
"I would like to know where he is as well," came the soft voice of the Queen, and Robert looked back at her in surprise.
"You would?" She fixed him with a cold stare.
"He did save my life once before. I would like to see him again and thank him."
Ned turned back to where he'd seen Naruto, only to find that the blond had vanished.
"He was just there!" the Lord of Winterfell said. "I don't know where he went."
"He went around!" came a cheerful voice, and they all turned around to see Naruto just as he snatched the helm off a Kingsguard's head. The Kingsguard soldier happened to be Jaime Lannister, Cersei's brother, who blinked at the loss of his helmet.
"Huh, nice metal work! Who made these? I'd like to talk to him," Naruto said, completely ignoring the people surrounding him, while he flicked the metal of the helmet. "He might be able to make some new kunai for me."
"Give me back my helmet, you scullion!" Jaime shouted, and the ninja looked back at him, looking offended.
"Oh, scullion, is it? I'm a scullion now? What the heck is a scullion?" Most of the people around the courtyard sweatdropped, and Naruto turned around to see the King chuckling quietly. He tossed the helmet over his shoulder to land perfectly on Jaime's head, who, at the sudden weight dropped back on him, bent forward a little. His arms came out and he made flapping motions as he tried to stay upright, and he gave an indignant squawk.
Robert began to laugh as the mighty Kingslayer looked like he was doing the impression of a chicken, and even Cersei herself couldn't help but smile.
Naruto came up to the King and they grasped each other's forearms.
"It's been a while, boy! You seem well!"
"And you as well, King Robert," he answered. He turned around, to see Cersei looking at him with interest. He inclined his head.
"My lady," he said, grinning.
"Show some respect for the Queen, you cur!" Jaime said, his hand on the hilt of his sword. Naruto looked over at him with disinterest.
"If you're gonna insult somebody, then use words they can understand," he said in a deadpan voice. "And besides, that's about as respectful as I can get."
"Even to your Queen?" another Kingsguard soldier demanded, his hand also perilously close to his sword.
"She's not my Queen," Naruto said, then gave an apologetic look to Cersei. "No offense, my lady."
"What do you mean, not your Queen?" Jaime asked, a second away from drawing his sword and removing Naruto's head from his shoulders... as if he could.
"I mean, not my Queen. I'm not from around here, so I don't answer to her or Robert," he said, then glanced around at the White Cloaks who were surrounding him, hands on their swords. "Could you not be so threatening?"
They all stayed where they were, glaring at him, and then they loosened their swords from their sheaths. Naruto blinked.
"Okay, now I feel really threatened," Naruto said. "Could you quit pointing those things at me?"
"You need to learn some respect," Jaime said, and they all drew their swords. Naruto looked over at Robert, who seemed interested in what he would do.
"No one is gonna order them to stop? Really?" he asked, then closed his eyes and sighed. "What a drag."
The four White Cloaks all pointed their swords at him. The Stark family seemed on guard, but they knew how strong Naruto was, so they weren't too worried. Cersei was worried, but didn't interfere. The only one who was actually looking forward to the fight was Joffrey, who was paying close attention.
"Prepare to be beaten, peasant!" another Kingsguard soldier said, and this time, Naruto glared at him. Everyone could feel the sudden change in the ninja's demeanor. He was getting annoyed.
"Look, this is the last time I'm going to ask you nicely," Naruto growled, "Put the damn swords away or somebody's going to get hurt."
"Big talk," Jaime sneered, and the ninja gave him a disarming smile.
"I know," he said, approaching the Lannister. "It is, isn't it?"
As he said this, his hands blurred as he snatched the sword right out of Jaime's grip, faster than the Lannister could blink.
Before he could make a sound of protest, Naruto, holding the sword by the pointed end, grasped the hilt and snapped it clean in two. Everyone gasped as the sword, made by one of the finest smiths in the Seven Kingdoms, was broken as easily as a twig in Naruto's hands.
"You broke my sword!" Jaime cried, glaring at the other blond with murder in his eyes. Naruto returned his glare with one of his own.
"If you don't back off, I'll break something else," he said, but before he could carry out his threat, Robert's voice interrupted them.
"That's enough, both of you!" he said, but Naruto could swear that he saw a grin on his face.
"What? He started it!" the ninja said in a childish voice, and Robert palmed his face.
"Enough of this. Ned!" he said, and the Warden of the North looked over at the King. "Take me to your crypts, I want to pay my respects. You too, boy."
"We've been riding for a month, my love," Cersei said, and Naruto could tell that she only added the last two words for image. "Surely the dead can wait."
He looked back at her, then said, "Ned!", and walked off.
Said Stark gave an apologetic look to the Queen, and followed Robert out of the courtyard.
"I also have something to do," Naruto said, walking past the guards, then up the wall. The people who hadn't seen it before were amazed by it, though Catelyn was more annoyed than amazed.
"Naruto! We do not need you showing off in front of everyone!" she shouted up at him, and he turned around in mid-step.
"Me?" he replied with mock hurt. "Why, Cat, you wound me! I would never show off!"
The Lady of Winterfell merely rolled her eyes.
"Of course. And didn't the King ask to see you?"
"Well, I have somewhere to be, but I have a solution for that!"
He put both hands together and made a cross-sign.
A puff of smoke issued next to him, and everyone gasped in surprise as what looked like another Naruto appeared next to him. The original leaped off the building and landed lightly on the ground, before walking after the two men, while the other continued walking up the side of the building and disappeared from sight.
"He's mad!" Cersei muttered.
"He is... but that's why we like him," Catherine answered, smiling slightly.
Underneath the castle, Robert and Ned walked through the crypts as they talked about Jon Arryn.
"Don't look at me like that, it's not his fault I didn't listen," Robert said, to which Ned gave a hearty chuckle. They stopped in the middle, and the King looked at his friend.
"I need you, Ned. Down at King's Landing, not up here where you're no damned use to anybody," Robert said. "Lord Eddard Stark, I would name you the Hand of the King."
Ned's eyes widened at the proclamation, and then he knelt down.
"I am not worthy of the honor," he said. Robert grinned.
"I'm not trying to honor you, I'm trying to get you to run my kingdom while I eat, drink and whore my way to an early grave. Damn it, Ned, stand up."
As Ned stood up, Robert continued.
"You helped me win the Iron Throne, now help me keep the damn thing. We were meant to rule together," A note of somberness entered Robert's voice. "If you're sister had lived, we'd have been bound by blood. Well, it's not too late. I have a son, you have a daughter. We'll join our houses."
"Wow, big news," Naruto said from behind them. They both turned around to see him leaning against the wall, crossing his arms and smiling. He gave a pointed look at Ned. "Told ya."
"You expected this?" Robert asked, as the Warden of the North grunted sourly. Naruto rolled his eye.
"Of course I did. You're too fat and lazy to come all the way up here for just a social visit."
"I beg your pardon?!"
"Plus the fact that Ned is your oldest and most trustworthy friend, there's hardly anyone else you could consider."
"What about you?" said friend spoke up, and Naruto looked at him confusedly.
"Huh?"
Ned rolled his eyes (a gesture he'd picked up from the blond), and continued.
"Come on, Naruto, don't tell me that you are that naive. You've been Robert's friend for a long time as well."
"Yeah, maybe, but I don't really want all the responsibilities that come with the title, plus I don't think anyone would accept a 22 year old as the Hand of the King."
"People younger than you have become kings before," Robert said with a grin. "Why so hesitant?"
As Naruto tried to come up with an answer, Ned, wearing a smile matching the King's, continued.
"And besides, you've always been good with money. You managed to decrease expenses around the castle by four percent just this year alone. You could be useful in King's Landing."
"The only reason the castle is so well run is because I'm always the one that's running around and doing stuff!"
"All the more reason."
"You should come with us!"
"I think it's a good idea."
As the ninja looked between his two grinning friends, he had the sudden image of a boar running around while two dogs nipped at it's heels. Palming his face, he sighed loudly.
"Alright, damn you, I'll go. Just stop... smirking at me," he said, walking past them, deeper into the crypt. Ned and Robert gave a few chuckles before following him.
As they continued to walk, the ruler of the Seven Kingdoms became more and more somber. When they finally arrived at tomb of Lyanna Stark, he was more melancholy than he had been in a very long time.
Ned and Naruto stood at a respectful distance as Robert approached the statue of his one great love and laid a feather in her hand.
"Did you have to bury her in a place like this?" he asked. "She should be on a hill somewhere with the sun and the clouds above her."
"She was my sister," Ned replied. "This is where she belongs."
"She belonged with me," Robert said vehemently, and reached up to caress the stone cheek of the statue, as if it would somehow react to his touch. "In my dreams, I kill him every night."
Naruto and Ned both knew the 'he' Robert was talking about.
"It's done, your Grace. The Targaryens are gone."
"Not all of them," Robert said, grinding his teeth. Naruto raised an eyebrow as he heard those words.
As both men turned to leave, he stayed behind for a second, looking up at the face of Lyanna Stark.
Naruto gave a small sigh and rubbed his forehead. "Damn."
Later that night, while all of the others had gone indoors for the feast, Naruto had to fight to keep from laughing as Jon tried to keep him in a choke-hold.
They'd started to practice with swords on test dummies, or at least, Jon had. Naruto had mostly stood and directed not so helpful comments the boy's way. Finally, the son of Ned Stark had enough, and bull-rushed Naruto. They'd started wrestling around, heedless of the mud that stained both their clothes.
Jon struggled to keep his grip on the blond boy, who, even in such a position, was still amused. For most, this would be one of the most dangerous things that could happen in a fight, but Naruto was literally laughing at him.
"Can't... keep me down, Jon?" he said between chuckles
"I'll get you this time, asshole!" he replied, tightening his left arm around Naruto's neck. However, the ninja been waiting for that.
In a sudden move, he struck Jon's stomach with his left elbow, loosening the hold as the other boy gasped with pain and surprise. Then, he reached his right arm backwards and grasped Jon's neck, throwing him over his shoulder. The dark haired boy landed on his back with an 'oomph', and Naruto grinned down at him.
"Looks like I win again!" he crowed, even as Jon grumbled on the ground. The ninja reached down to help the boy to stand, who was now smiling ruefully.
"Guess I still need practice," he said, rubbing the sore spot on his back. Naruto just laughed.
"You always need practice!" he said, and clapped Jon on the shoulder. "But you've made progress. You're probably one of the best fighters in Winterfell!"
"You can still beat me."
"I can beat anyone, so you're not alone in that."
"You're Ned Stark's bastard, aren't you?"
Naruto turned around and saw a small figure leaning against a wall, staring at them.
"Who wants to know?" Jon asked, and the blond gave a small smile.
Years ago, calling Jon a bastard would have set him off, grinding his teeth and practically spitting. Now, though, he didn't let it bother him so much.
"Tyrion Lannister," the small man replied, walking forward a little, into the light.
"Tywin Lannister's son," Naruto said, and Tyrion raised an eyebrow at him.
"That's not how people usually recognize me, but yes, I am."
"Cool, nice to meet you," Naruto said, while holding a hand out for the Half-Man to shake, which he did, nonplussed.
"Not many people are so enthusiastic when they see me," Tyrion said. "You must be Mr. Uzumaki, the one that my sister talks so much about."
"That'd be me," Naruto said, smiling. Then he paused, and frowned. "She talks about me?"
"Oh, all the time. She's always been fascinated with the man who saved her life," Tyrion said, with just a hint of condescension. "It gets a bit annoying actually."
"Um, well, my bad," Naruto said awkwardly, scratching the back of his head, while Jon had to hold in a laugh at his expression.
"Not a problem. Unlike most, I don't judge people for something that isn't their fault," Tyrion said, sounding serious for a second. "But anyway, I'm going to spend the next twelve hours in a brothel. Have a pleasant evening."
He walked off, leaving both of them blinking confusedly at where he'd been standing.
"Um... right... well, I'm going to go have some dinner to knock that image out of my head," Naruto said, giving Jon a lazy wave goodbye.
Naruto arrived in the dining hall just in time to see Arya trying to fling a piece of food at Sansa. He lifted a plate and caught the brown sludge easily.
"Arya!" Sansa scolded. She was cut off from saying more as Naruto raised the plate and flicked the food right back at Arya. She couldn't dodge in time, causing it to splat on her forehead.
"Naruto!" the eldest Stark girl said, switching targets for her annoyance. He just laughed good-naturedly.
Arya, meanwhile, who had been preparing for a full-blown food fight, was picked up by Robb for bed-time, who gave Naruto a quick nod. The blond quickly returned it, before looking over at King Robert.
An uncharacteristic frown came to his face as he saw his long-time friend, his single eye heavy with disapproval at the drunken and lecherous display the King was putting on. Taking a minute glance at Queen Cersei, he saw a blank and emotionless look on her face.
Sighing with displeasure, he was about to walk out when he finally received the memories from his Shadow Clone. What he saw made him both gasp and blush, much to the surprise of several guests who happened to be near him.
"Naruto? Are you alright?" Sansa asked, getting up and walking over to him with concern.
"Um... y-yeah, I'm fine," he said, turning and hastily leaving the room.
Naruto hurriedly made his way across the castle of Winterfell until he was in his own chamber. He breathed a sigh of relief that no one had seen what he'd frantically been trying to hide.
He looked down at the rather prominent bulge in his pants, and cursed the day that someone invented shadow clones.
The blond sighed for a while and gradually calmed down, but was still blushing at what he'd remembered from the clone.
"Fucking moron," he muttered angrily, putting his hands into the cross-seal.
Another clone appeared in front of him.
"...I just want to take this opportunity to say; you're an asshole," it said.
Eye twitching, Naruto punched it in the nose, causing it to dispel.
Then his nose began to hurt.
"Son of of bitch."
Alright, that's another chapter done.
I know that this one was a bit late, but I was just so floored by the Red Wedding that I was in shock for the next couple of weeks.
Anyway, I have gotten a couple of reviews and PM's saying that the harem element of my story doesn't really make a lot of sense.
So, after much deliberation, I have decided...
That I'm definitely doing a harem story. Honestly, it's my story. If you don't like it, then too bad.
So, if I get another person complaining about how 'crappy' or 'stupid' my story is, I swear to god, I will get very choked up.
Honestly, there could be tears.
