A/n: so some kid in my chemistry class told me that i'm too idealistic to be an author. i just about flipped out. who is he to tell me that?! i mean he doesn't even know me. and idealism has nothing to do with being an author. seriously. i wanted to punch his lights out. UGH!
thanks for all your reviews! you've given me the motivation to actually continue with this story. and i really need motivation even though i really want to see how the story turns out. well. i know how its going to turn out, but i want to see everything in between. do you get that? never mind.
disclaimer: the only thing i own is a pretty copy of Twilight and the Finch CD. yep...nothing else. too bad.
"I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so, I'm writing again, these letters to you aren't much, I know But I'm not sleeping and you're not here The thought stops my heart…" – Letters To You, Finch.
The letter came on Friday afternoon. It was mixed in with a bunch of bills for Charlie so at first I didn't notice it, but at second glance, I instantly recognized the elegant script. It was from him.
He wrote out my full name, minus the middle name, though. Isabella Swan. At first I didn't want to believe that Edward was sending me a letter, that it was just a practical joke. I wanted to believe it so bad, but I knew it wasn't true. How could he leave me and send me a letter, though? Did he think that would make things better? Did he think it would explain his sudden disappearance? Maybe it would, I didn't know for sure. I couldn't know until I read it.
I left the letter sitting on my desk, unopened, for six hours. The entire time I was sitting on my bed staring at it. I wanted to open it, but I couldn't. It seemed like it was taunting me. That letter would only confirm the fears that I already knew were true. But I didn't want them confirmed in writing, which would only make it permanent. It would make the situation more real than it was already, and I didn't think I could deal with that.
I went back to the Cullens house yesterday. I didn't know why I went; I guess I just wanted to see if they were there. I wanted to hope that they didn't leave, but that little slice of hope was shattered the second I reached the driveway. The house was completely empty, void of all life, nothing was left. I didn't bother going inside, I knew what I would find. The emptiness was evident enough from the outside, anyway.
It was like a blow to the head when I realized they were actually gone. But for some reason, I couldn't be mad at them, only Edward. Surely they left for my good, they wouldn't have gone otherwise. I couldn't imagine sweet little Alice leaving me for selfish reasons. I couldn't imagine Carlisle leaving the hospital for any other reason than my safety. I could, however, imagine Edward leaving because he thought it would be better. I could imagine him leaving in the middle of the night, without another word.
He was a selfish creature, that Edward Cullen. Or maybe he just thought it would be better for me if he left, so I could live a normal human life, like I was supposed to. No, I had to believe he did it for his own good – it helped to keep the pain of losing him from seeping in all the way. If I was angry with Edward, then I couldn't be sad that he left. If I was angry, then I wouldn't break down and do something completely stupid.
Maybe Edward slipped, and he accidentally changed me. I knew how much he wanted me to stay human, so maybe he couldn't bare the thought of me being like him. Why was I making excuses for him?
He didn't have to do that to me, it was bad enough waking up a vampire with no memory of the change. Maybe the letter would explain more, but then again, maybe it wouldn't. I left the letter on my desk, still unopened. I couldn't bring myself to read it.
I spent the better part of the night trying to figure out how I would explain this to Charlie, if I could explain it to him at all. I was toying with the idea of just running away; I was sure the Denali coven would take me in if I explained the situation to them.
I had to leave Forks. Of that I was certain. I couldn't stay here and try to explain something I couldn't even begin to understand myself. Denali was my only choice, my last salvation. But what if they came back? No, that gave me too much hope, and hope was devastating at this point.
I finally decided that going to Alaska was the only option I had. I started flying (not literally) around my room, packing everything I could, including my iPod and every CD I owned. I grabbed my emergency money that I had in my sock drawer, and the letter from my desk, and made my way downstairs.
I shoved everything into my truck and got in on the drivers side. I took one last look at my home, and then started on my way to my new one.
I arrived in Denali a little after sunset the next day. Once I passed the city limits, I realized I had no idea where the coven lived. The Cullens never told me and I never asked – I didn't feel the need. Knowing that they lived in Denali was enough for me.
I started panicking but then I decided there was no need. I would just check myself into a motel and do some searching tomorrow. That was a good enough plan – well, at least I thought it was.
But then I caught the scent. It was faint, but it was clearly vampire. I had no idea how I recognized it, but it was a relief nonetheless. I started driving in the direction that made the scent stronger and soon I found myself in front of a huge mansion in the middle of the forest.
The house was elegant, white and old, but well kept. The architecture was clearly out of place for the region, but this far into the woods, it almost fit. It reminded me of something you would find on the east coast, like Virginia or Maryland. I found myself just staring at the massive beauty of the building and I instantly wished I lived in a house like that.
I cut the engine and slowly emerged from my truck. I was starting to get a little nervous. I could feel the butterflies creeping into my stomach. How would they react to me? Would they take me in like I thought they would? Oh crap, what if they turned me away? I was beginning to hyperventilate, but I decided to stop breathing altogether. That seemed to make things a little better. I was suddenly glad that I couldn't die from oxygen deprivation anymore.
I made my way over to the front door at a human pace – I was trying to give myself time to run away, but I didn't. I silently applauded my sudden burst of bravery. I took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and then knocked lightly on the huge oak door.
"Coming!" An attractive musical voice yelled from inside. A second later a tall blonde woman in a flour caked apron was opening the door. She stood there for a second, taking me in, looking at me curiously, staring into my blood red eyes. "Can I help you?" She asked politely.
"Y…yes. Are you… part of the Denali coven?" I stuttered. Oh, good job Bella, just make her think you're retarded or something. The voice inside my head was getting rather annoying lately.
"Yes, and who might you be, dear?" The woman asked. She had a small smile on her face and I was starting to get a little creeped out. Did she greet every unfamiliar vampire this way? Or was she just a polite type of person? I was opting for the latter; she seemed nice enough.
"I'm Isabella Swan. I'm a friend of the Cullens." As soon as the words were out of my mouth, three girls came running down the stairs and skidded to a stop at the door. At first sight, they almost looked like triplets, they looked so much alike. But they were all different heights, and one had brunette hair and the others had blonde. The brunette was distinctly different from the blondes, though; she was the shortest and had a slight baby-face. She also looked to be the friendliest.
The brunette girl ended up being the bravest of the three, and stepped forward to get a better look at me. She eyed me curiously, her head cocked to one side and her brow furrowed in concentration. "The Isabella Swan?" She asked after her assessment.
"Yes," I replied, a little confused. She knows who I am? The girl started squealing and pulled me into a bone crushing hug that probably would have killed me if I was still human. But I wasn't, and it didn't, and for that I was thankful. "I'm sorry, who are you?"
"Oh," she pulled away a little, but kept her hands on my shoulders. She smiled sheepishly. "I'm Kate. And that's Irina, Tanya, and Carmen. Eleazar is out hunting right now, he'll be back later," Kate explained. As she said each girl's name, she pointed to the corresponding person. I learned that the woman who opened the door was Carmen.
"So, Isabella, what brings you to our humble abode?" Kate asked, leading me inside the house.
"Please, call me Bella," I said. The five of us were in a living room now. Kate pulled me over to a couch and sat me down, and the others fanned out around us.
"Okay, Bella, what brings you to Denali?" Tanya piped.
"Well, it's kind of a weird situation really, but before I begin, do you know where the Cullens are?" I was hoping they did, but it was probably just wishful thinking.
By the way Carmen's face fell, I knew the answer before she even spoke it. "They told us they were leaving Washington, but they wouldn't give us any more information. Is that why you're here?"
I sighed. "Yes, and no. As you can tell I'm a vampire, but I have no idea how I got this way. I sort of just woke up and, BAM, I was vampire. And then I found out that Edward was gone, and I need to find him. I'm almost certain he knows how I got this way, but I have no idea where he went."
"So, how do we fit into all of this?" Irina asked.
"I had no where else to go," I whispered, suddenly ashamed of the predicament I found myself in.
Kate draped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to her. "Well, it's a good thing you came to us then, Bella. We'll help you find him, don't worry."
"You can stay here as long as you need to," Carmen added, placing a hand on my knee and squeezing. It was a little comforting, which was probably the intention behind the action. I glanced at Carmen and gave her a small smile.
"Thank you, you have no idea how worried I was that you would kick me out or something," I was relieved that they welcomed me into their home. I never really expected them to be so nice.
"Don't be silly," Kate giggled. "From everything Edward and Alice have told us about you, we'd be fools not to help you."
"I've been talked about?" I frowned. Nothing embarrassing, I hoped.
"Oh, constantly," Carmen rolled her eyes. "Edward will not shut up about you when he comes to visit, and we've practically memorized that song he wrote for you, he plays it so much. That boy really loves you, you know?" Then why would he leave me? I asked silently.
"I'm sorry." I looked down, embarrassed. I was happy I couldn't blush anymore, it was one of the many things I was glad to be rid of.
"For what?" Kate asked. "I have been wanting to meet you ever since Edward came here after that biology incident last year."
"Really?" I looked at her curiously. I can't believe she heard about that. Why did Edward have to tell them?
"Yes! You are very famous around here, Bella."
"Why? I'm not that special," I said.
"Any girl that can snag Edward Cullen is very special. A human girl too! That just makes the story even better!" Kate looked at me and cringed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to put it that way."
"No, no it's okay. I understand. It's not everyday that you hear about something like this," I said. I did understand. How often do vampires fall in love with humans and actually keep them that way? I was pretty sure it didn't happen…at all.
"Exactly!" Kate exclaimed. "But don't think I only wanted to meet you because of you're situation with Edward. No, it was mostly because of the way he explained you."
"The way he explained me?" I frowned. "You make me sound like a story."
Kate shrugged. "That's the way he made you seem. You're perfect in his eyes."
I was washed with a wave of sadness. Why would Edward make me out to be this amazing person and then leave me when I really needed him to explain what the hell was going on? Edward Cullen was sudden the most confusing person I had ever met, and yet, I was still completely in love with him.
The anger I felt toward him was dwindling faster than I would have thought. It was quickly being replaced by the longing need to see him, to feel him, to hear his voice. Anything. I was starting to feel that physical pain that came with being away from my angel for so long. I needed to find him, and I needed to find him soon.
Oh! by the way, the letter plays a pretty big role, so keep an eye out for it in later chapters.
Playlist:
Letters
to you – Finch
So
Contagious – Acceptance
Your
Neck – Alkaline Trio
Car
Underwater – Armor for Sleep
World
without You – Beth Hart
Bleed
for You – Hidden in Plain View
Night
Drive – Jimmy Eat World
Pressure
– Paramore
Broken
– Seether ft. Amy Lee
In
Loving Memory of – So They Say
