Auditions Part 1
(Sandusky's POV)
"Hello, ladies, gentlemen, and children alike! Welcome to an all-new season of Comics Idol!" I greet the crowd. The cheers almost drown out the theme song.
After it played, I remove my cap (I think I look smart in a Washington State Cougars cap, plus it makes a nice Whoppers holder) and say with a grin, "May I welcome the judges: First to make it here tonight, the fabulous, wonderful, Hammie MacPherson!"
He runs out on the stage and bows, his hair falling all over the place—I knew we shouldn't have had kids as judges, but would the producer and director listen? Nooo. Anyway, the crowd screamed their approval.
"Hey everyone!" he calls. "It's great to be here tonight, and—" "Mr. MacPherson, sir, where should we put the TV?" comes a voice from the back. Hammie looks over his shoulder, and says, "Right next to the lawn chair. Oh, can you tell the director I need more Coke?" I slap my forehead. Figures, the week football season starts, he gets a TV installed.
I looked quickly behind my shoulder, and then cried out, "Next, give it up for Jon Arbuckle!" There was a smattering of applause. "Hi!" he says with a dopey grin as he sits down. "I would have been here earlier but I was counting my arm hairs."
Awkward silence…
"OKAY" I say loudly, "Third, all the way from Missouri*, we have the incredible, beautiful, Susie Derkins!" She smiles shyly as she walks up and waves with the tremendous applause in the background. "Hello, everybody."
As we wait for the last judge to arrive, I say, "How is everyone on this fine August night?"
"RAAAAAAAAH!!" the audience scream. I scratch behind my ear and assume an odd expression. "Well, that's not exactly a state of being, but whatever floats your boat, ya know."
Suddenly from outside there was a screech of car tires and an annoyed voice yelling, "I DON'T CARE, YOU IDIOT, I AM SO NOT PAYING 27 BUCKS FOR A TAXI!! I'M A FREAKIN' COMICS IDOL JUDGE!!"
I smirk. Ah, he's here.
I open my arms wide and say somewhat sarcastically, "Last and yes, he is least, put your hands together for Phoney Bone!"
One or two people clapped and that was it. Phoney grunted and sat down on his chair, moodily chugging his coke. Hammie was watching a game, Jon was counting his leg hairs, and Susie was on a laptop. Things weren't looking so good.
"So!" I called, starting the show, "our first audition is number 5673!" That's a lot of auditions.
A pretty girl that looked about 16 or 17 walked up, smiling. "That's me!"
"And your name?" I ask as I hold out the microphone. "I'm Thorn Harvestar" she announced, "and I'll be singing Show Me What I'm Looking For, by Carolina Liar."
I flick my tail, and the music starts.
Wait, I'm wrong
Should have done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist
Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Oh Lord
Everyone applauds loudly. Some people whistle and scream.
I hold my hand out to the judges. "Let's put it to our friends here: what'd you think?"
Phoney leans back in his chair and he was about to say something when he got a call on his cell phone. "Hello? Dude, you're in the fifth row! How much are we talking here? $20? Works for me. Okay. Bye." He turns it off and says bluntly, "Well, my cousin thinks you're incredible"—in the fifth row, someone slaps his head loudly, and there's some amused laughter—"but I've heard better. Much better."
The audience boos, and in the front, an old woman stands up, saying threateningly, "One more line like that…" We move on to Susie. "That was…beautiful. My friend, you could very well be the next Comics Idol" she says with a smile. The crowd cheers.
Now Hammie. "Two words: you rock!" he says, both thumbs up. The crowd yells and waves their arms.
I look at Jon with a lump in my throat. "Well, Jon, does Thorn go to the island?" He shrugs. "I like the song, but your voice could use some improvement. If you work, I truly think you could be a wonderful singer. Yes."
The crowds screams fill my ears. I pop in some earplugs as Thorn bows, and say, "Welcome to Hollywood" to her, and I dig around in my hat for the golden ticket. "Here, it's a bit chocolate-stained, but it works!" I give her a thumbs up, she smiles, and strides up the stage.
Next was audition 1527, a teenager named Peter.
We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide
Looking at you, holding my breath
For once in my life, I'm scared to death
I'm taking a chance, letting you inside
I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky under my skin
Like being in love, she said, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Wherever I belong with you tonight
Like being in love, to feel for the first time
He was pretty good, he fit well with Lifehouse music. I wondered if he'd do another, 'cause he went to Hollywood.
The next two auditions were complete crap. I don't even want to think about it, so I'll move on now.
Then Garfield tried out. It was pretty amusing, cause he sang "I'm Fat" by Weird Al, but he didn't get in. I'm a fan of Weird Al, myself. Apparently Phoney, Susie, and Jon are not.
Finally a truly great performace shocked me to the ends of the earth. Zoe, Hammie's sister, rocked the house.
They say they don't trust you, me, we, us
So we'll fall, if we must
Cause it's you, me, and
It's all about, all about
It's all about us, all about us
It's all about, all about us
All about us
There's a theme that they can't touch
Cause you know us
It's all about us, all about us
It's all about, all about us
All about us
Run away if we must
Cause you know us
Even Phoney thought it was great. "Kid, you'll go far. Welcome to Hollywood."
The next few auditions were terrible. Only three had made it so far, and it looked like that was going to be it.
Then we heard Hobbes.
Revvin' up your engine
Listen to her howlin' roar
Metal under tension
Beggin' you to touch and go
Highway to the danger zone
Ride into the danger zone
Headin' into twilight
Spreading out her wings tonight
She got you jumping off the track
And shoving into overdrive
Highway to the danger zone
I'll take you right into the danger zone
Man, I love that song. I think I'll put it on my iPod when I get home.
There were only two more auditions. One of them was some girl who's voice shattered some lights. And the last one made it in with Tom Petty's "I Won't Back Down."
Well, I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
No I'll stand my ground
Won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from dragging me down
Gonna stand my ground
And I won't back down
(I won't back down)
Hey baby
There ain't no easy way out
(I won't back down)
Hey, I
Will stand my ground
And I won't back down
Everyone loved it, and what made me really happy was that it was my friend Kashmir. "Oi! Sandusky!" he yells as he runs up the stage. "Party at my place! Midnight!"
I grin, and then shout into my microphone, "Times up for auditions tonight, everyone! Be sure to watch us next week, where we're accepting more of you, the public! See you next time on Comics Idol!"
After I closed the show, I walked up behind stage and said to the producer, "I think we did well." He smiled proudly and shook my hand. "No, Sandusky. You did well."
My heart soaring, I left the building and took a taxi over to Kashmir's lounge, wondering if he had eaten all the Whoppers.
So, how'd ya like it? Remember, you can nominate chars and songs in reviews, so listen to some music and read a fave comic, you might find something!
*I keep to my belief that Calvin and Hobbes takes place in Missouri. Take a glance at City Slickers.
Songs were: Show Me What I'm Looking For by Carolina Liar, First Time by Lifehouse, All About Us by T.A.T.U, Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins (referring to the toboggan/wagon rides from Calvin and Hobbes), and I Won't Back Down by Tom Petty.
Until next time, review and remember the golden rule,
Wolf
