"You okay, babe? You barely said anything on the ride home," Matt said as he unlocked the door to their house.
"Hmm?" Elena was preoccupied with playing a dangerous game called Don't Throw Up and Don't Tell My Husband About My Complicated Ex. She was stumbling a little just standing there. After her encounter with Damon, she'd proceeded to throw back several more beers and countless shots during The Ravens second set. She hadn't been this drunk in awhile, years really. She took one step forward as Matt held open the front door for her and down she went to the cold concrete of their front stoop.
"Whoa there, drunky!" Matt smiled as he scooped Elena into his arms. He carried her inside, kicking the door closed on the way in. Elena fell asleep and only woke up again once she was on their bed and Matt was taking off her boots for her. He covered her with a blanket and started to head to get her a glass of water.
"Matty…" she mumbled. "You're a good man. He's bad, bad, good, bad." The room started to spin as she lept up from the bed and ran into the attached bathroom. She hugged the toilet and let it all out. Her husband came running in and started trying to soothe her by rubbing her back.
Here she was puking her guts out and all Matt wanted to do was make her feel better. If it were Damon, he'd be puking right alongside her. What a stark contrast.
"Make it stop!" she shouted in between coughing, shaking, and throwing up. She was out behind some dive bar with Damon, with no recollection of the past hour.
"You just gotta ride it out, Lena. Ride it out. Must have been a bad batch." Damon was laying on the pavement, trying to hold himself together. If he was being honest, dope had never made him feel this shitty. Even if it was Elena's first time, that little amount shouldn't have affected her that way. "I'm calling Stefan to come get us. Just relax." He took out his phone to call his brother.
Elena was terrified. She was wondering what she might have gotten herself into. Damon was so great. They had so much fun together and obviously the sex was amazing. They kept thing lights and casual, which suited both of them just fine, for now. If Elena was honest with herself, she really wanted more from Damon. She was down to party with him as long as she knew the party would stop someday. The question was: would it ever stop?
Elena woke up the next morning on the bathroom floor covered with a blanket and resting on a pillow, but truly feeling like death warmed over. She barely remembered getting home last night. Hopefully she didn't say anything she regretted. She sat up and glanced over to Matt, who was sitting asleep next to her on the floor. He was leaning up against the wall, laptop in his lap, and he truly looked like he was where he wanted to be. He must have stayed up most of the night writing.
Not wanting to wake him, Elena took the blanket off of her and covered Matt before stepping over him and into their bedroom. She looked at herself in the armoire mirror. Just as she thought, she looked about as awful as she felt. She tamed her hair into a ponytail on top of her head and wiped her smudged eyeliner with the back of her hand, which really didn't help much at all.
Elena had no idea where her purse or phone had ended up so she went about searching the house for them both. Luckily, she found them both sitting on the kitchen counter. She grabbed her car keys and headed out to pick-up some Sunday hangover breakfast for them.
On the ride there, she called the only person she could think of that would understand.
"Ughhhh, this better be good…" Bonnie sleepily whined into the phone, clearly still feeling the after-effects of partying hard as well. Thankfully, Jeremy agreed to drive home because Bonnie quickly turned into Elena's shot partner last night.
"I don't know if good is the right word, but it's pretty interesting. I ran into an ex last night at the show…" Elena started, trying to think of the best way to explain Damon to someone who had no idea he even existed.
"You have my attention," Bonnie said. Her demeanor quickly changed from miserable and mopey to interested and attentive.
Elena took a deep breath. "Okay, I don't know where to start so I'm just going to start at the beginning. Try your best not to interrupt me along the way."
"No interruptions!" Bonnie said.
"Bonnie!"
"Okay, sorry. Go."
"Remember that summer around four years ago when you had your internship in DC and I got that fake ID? I started going to bars with Isobel on the weekends." Elena paused and Bonnie said nothing. "Bonnie?"
"I remember, but you said not to interrupt!" Bonnie laughed a little.
"Right you are. Well, one of those weekends we saw The Ravens play at a local bar. This was about 6 months before they got signed. Their guitarist ended up pulling me on stage with him during their last song. I was basically smitten. He smelled amazing, arms covered in tattoos, and I was kind of star struck. Afterwards, he invited Isobel and I back to his house. We partied with the band all night. I ended up hooking up with him that night. From then on, we just kind of casually hooked up on the weekends. I got really close with him, his brother, and the rest of the band members. We saw each other pretty regularly up until they got signed and went on tour."
Elena tried to skip over the not so pleasant parts like the drugs, the fights, and especially the part where she fell head over heels in love with him. "Long story short, we lost touch. Now that he's back in town for a while, he wanted to see me. He was the one who left those tickets for me. I thought I could handle it. I thought I wouldn't really have to talk to him so I'd be fine, but seeing him again brought back so many memories. He saw me outside the venue during their break and he got so close to me. I thought he might kiss me. Bonnie, I may have actually wanted him to kiss me. I realize that's wrong. Matt is amazing. He's literally the perfect man and the perfect husband. I think my heart just never really let go of Damon."
At this point, it occurred to Elena that she was basically just rambling. "Okay, you can talk now. Thoughts? Opinions?"
"Wow, Elena. That's um, that's a lot. Okay first of all, I'm a little sad that you kept this guy a secret from me for four years. Secondly, I stood by you as you made a serious commitment to Matt so it's hard for me to tell you that what you're feeling is okay. However, I'm your friend. I'll stand by you no matter what and I want you to feel like you have someone to come to. Are you planning to see him again?"
"I don't know. I feel it would be unfair to Matt." She finally pulled up to the drive-thru. "Shit, I gotta go. Picking up breakfast!"
"Alright, lady. I'll see you tomorrow at work!"
Elena hung up the phone and ordered some fast food breakfast for her and Matt.
Monday morning rolled around quicker than Elena would have liked. After spending most of Sunday lazily lounging on the couch with Matt, she felt so guilty for Saturday night. He hadn't really mentioned much when she came back with breakfast, just that she was really sick that night and he was glad she looked to be feeling better. Of course, Elena apologized for being so irresponsible and of course, Matt forgave her instantly.
She pulled into a parking space in the parking lot outside her building and glanced at the clock in her car. 7:55am. She was running right on schedule.
Right at 8am, she walked into her office, switched on her lights, and turned on her computer. She had avoided checking her email all day yesterday because she had a feeling one would be waiting for her from Damon and she wanted to be prepared for what she'd say back. Before she had a chance to look in her inbox, Bonnie walked into her office and immediately shut her door. She plopped down in one of the chairs Elena usually had her clients sit in and just stared at her.
"Um, good morning?" Elena said.
"I was thinking," Bonnie began. "Maybe in order to really get closure from Damon, you need to sit down and talk to him. I know you said that you saw him a little at the concert, but maybe you guys should have coffee or something. Talk in like a less sexually charged environment?"
Elena sighed. "Maybe, I don't know."
"Do you want closure? Or is this maybe about something else?" Bonnie questioned.
"I honestly don't know." She really didn't. She thought she found a lifelong partner in Matt. She had straightened up, put that part of her past behind her, and moved on to become a successful designer as well as a good wife.
"Well I think you better find out before someone gets hurt."
Elena knew Bonnie was right. There was no way she'd be able to keep living like this. It had only been a couple of days and the guilt was already ripping her apart.
Lena -
I'm at a loss for words.
- D
Elena had finally read Damon's email that morning, but had yet to reply. She was expecting something witty and captivating from him. Damon had always been quick-witted and light-hearted. Instead, his email was vague. But even with the vagueness, he still sounded kind of broken.
She was about to ask Bonnie where she wanted to go for lunch when Matt called her.
"Matty, I was about to head out the door. Everything okay?"
"Babe! It happened! I finished it Saturday night. I sent a rough draft to Rebecca this morning and she loved it. She sent it straight to the publishers. They want me to edit a couple small things, but then they want to publish me! They want me to go on a book tour! It finally happened!" Matt was so excited that Elena could practically feel him jumping up and down through the phone.
She was excited for him as well, even if he did mention Rebecca by name. Elena preferred to call her That Raging Bitch of an Agent, but that didn't bode well in certain circles. "That's amazing! We have to celebrate tonight! Like I said earlier, I was just about to walk out the door. Tonight though, you and me, celebratory dinner. I'll cook and everything!"
"Yeah, yeah. Of course. Listen, the tour is going to start really soon. I don't have all the details yet, but I'll fill you in tonight once I know more. I love you. This is going to be so good for us, Elena."
"I love you too, Matty." Elena hung up the phone and took a deep sigh. She had already lost one man to the spotlight, but why did the possibility of losing this one hurt so much less?
"Bonnie!" She yelled from her office to across the hall. "What's for lunch?"
After staring at Damon's email for about 2 hours straight once she got back from her lunch break, Elena was still unsure of what to write back. She was never great at prose, so she thought maybe Bonnie had the right idea when she suggested they actually talk this whole thing out.
Doubting that his number was still the same, she tried to call him anyway. It was a phone number she had never forgotten. Miraculously, it rang and he answered.
"I told you, Caroline. Stefan isn't here. If you want to find him that badly, go look your damn self." Damon answered in his aggravated voice. Elena knew that tone pretty well. It was a tone that used to be basically reserved for her and occasionally Stefan's girlfriend, Caroline.
"Not Caroline," was all she had managed to get out. That was a whole two words more than the blank email reply sitting on her screen, so she called this phone call a success already.
Damon's tone suddenly changed to that sensual whisper that Elena craved to hear. "Lena?"
If she thought her heart was pounding outside the concert, she had no idea what was happening to it now. It felt like it was going to leap out of her chest, just like the very first time she saw him four years ago. "It's me."
"I thought after Saturday I wouldn't hear from you again. I thought that I was too late. Can we talk? We're staying at Mom's place while we're in town. You remember where it is, right? You came over for dinner a couple of times."
Elena cut him off a little. "I want to talk, but we have to do it in public. Can we meet for drinks this evening? Corner Bar?"
"I haven't been there in forever. I'd love that. 5:30 okay with you?" She could hear him smirking.
"Perfect. See you there, Damon." Before she could say anything stupid to ruin a perfectly good conversation, she hung up the phone.
Then it clicked. Celebratory dinner. Tonight. For Matt. She had just double booked herself.
She'd been waiting for almost 15 minutes before he walked in. Dark jeans, black t-shirt, leather jacket. It was practically his uniform and she wasn't complaining. It was worth the wait. "You're late," Elena smirked at him as he sat down on the stool next to her. After calling Matt with the lame excuse of having to work late, she spent the rest of the afternoon rehearsing 1,000 different conversations she might have with Damon at the bar that evening.
"Caroline says that when you're famous, you're never late, everyone else is early." Damon winked one of those baby blues at Elena and she could have melted right there.
Good thing her career experience had taught her a thing or two about keeping composure. "I'm pretty sure Caroline got that from The Princess Diaries and that refers to the queen. You just quoted Julie Andrews, dude." Elena took a swig of her gin & tonic, clearly pleased that she already had the upper hand in this meeting.
"Can I get you anything?" the bartender asked Damon.
"Just a club soda," he nodded back to the bartender before he turned his attention back to Elena.
"New hangover cure?" Elena asked, laughing a little. She was surprised how at ease she felt. It was almost like he'd never left her.
Damon chuckled lowly. "Hardly. 6 months sober today. I'm off all of it. Well, except the cigarettes. Never really could go more than a half hour without one of those things."
"Oh, I didn't know. I'm sorry. I would've picked someplace else. I just read all the time about you in the news at parties. I thought a couple drinks would make you more comfortable." She pushed her drink away, not wanting to offend him. "Do you want to get coffee instead?"
"Elena, I'm sober. Not dead. Relax. Drink your gin. Frankly, I never liked that stuff anyway. As long as you're not shooting up heroin and taking swigs of bourbon, I think I can control myself." He slid her glass back toward her.
She reached for it hesitantly. "So…"
"So?" Damon shot back.
The nervousness was finally starting to settle in. This was evidence that time had indeed passed. They were different now.
"Well someone has to say something, here. Otherwise, I'm going to kiss you and as you made very clear on Saturday, I'm not allowed to do that anymore."
And just like that, Elena was reminded that some things never change. "How long are you guys in town, Damon?" She tried to steer the subject to more neutral territory.
"Well this was the end of the last leg of our tour, so maybe for awhile. Mom misses us and it's getting harder for her to travel to New York to see us. Plus it's kind of nice to be home, you know?" He took a sip of his club soda.
"I think I know what you mean," she smiled.
"So you're really married, huh? What's he like?" Damon had started lazily running his finger along the rim of his glass in an attempt to concentrate on anything other than the fact that she was nervously playing with her wedding ring.
"He's kind. He treats me well. He's patient and understanding. He's just a really good guy."
"And he loves you?" Damon questioned.
"Yes."
"And you love him?"
"I love so much about him." Elena shifted in her seat. This was becoming an awkward conversation for him.
"But do you love him?" Damon prodded her further.
Elena blushed. She could try to lie, but he'd see it. He would know. He always knew. As quietly as possible, she told the truth. "I think I have only ever loved one man in my life and he's staring at me right now."
Damon's face lit up. "Elena if you're talking about that bartender who has been checking you out this entire conversation, I'll scream."
She didn't know where this boldness was coming from and she was still undecided about whether it was welcome or not. Looking straight into those eyes, she said, "I'm not."
He grabbed Elena by the hand, threw some cash down on the counter for the drinks, and practically dragged her out into the parking lot. Before she knew it, she was pinned up against the side of the building and his hands were all over her. His lips were on her earlobe, then her neck, before finally coming to her mouth. When his lips touched hers, it was fireworks. Nothing had changed.
He backed away from her slowly. They were both panting. Elena smiled a little to herself. What was it with them and alleyways?
She felt her phone vibrate in her purse. As she dug it out, she read the text.
How much longer at work? Should I eat without you?
Just like that, reality hit and Elena's smile was gone. She looked up at Damon, who was digging his cigarettes out of his back pocket. "That can't happen again. Ever. I have to go."
Before even waiting to hear his response, she practically sprinted to her car and made her way home to the man she was actually supposed to be kissing.
A/N: Long Author's Notes are kind of my thing.
*GASP!* I know! A Damon who doesn't drink bourbon anymore! What kind of madness is this?! We'll still get some great flashbacks of the alcoholic Damon we all know and love though so fret not.
Thank you guys for the wonderful words of encouragement so far on this fic! I couldn't be more thrilled and inspired by them!
This is going to be kind of a slower burn, but I promise I have a plan for how this will all come together. Rest assured that everyone will get their happy ending and I do mean everyone. Even Matty.
