I sit staring at my phone and chewing on my lip. "That can't be right. Not again."
"Morning Beautiful," Kassius purrs nuzzling along the side of my neck.
"Morning," I smile, locking my screen. "How did you sleep?"
"Up and down all night," he grins.
"No one is talking about your dick," I smirk.
"Such a dirty little mouth on my girl," he grins reaching for my juice.
"It's one of the parts of me you love," I chuckle moving his hand over to his morning green drink.
"I love every part of you," he pecks my lip before chugging the drink. "Give me twenty and we'll hit the gym."
I glance at my phone, my stomach sinking. "Ummm…Not today."
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah," I try to paste on a smile. "Just got some errands to run this morning. Plus, I need to get to my office to work on some stuff. If fact, I'm already late. I should get going," I murmur standing.
"Rosie."
"Hmmmm?"
"I love you," he states cupping my cheek. "I hope you remember you can always talk to me."
"I know. I love you too. Wanna catch up at lunch?"
"Sure."
"See you then."
I actually got a lot accomplished trying to keep my mind off my morning. Finishing several new ring gear pieces for various performers. Having spur of the moment meetings with a few people about new designs for them and with the higher up to tweak already established designs as well as tee shirt designs for merchandising.
"Aye Sweetheart," a familiar voice asks behind me as I stoop over my sketch book. "Where is my ring jacket."
"Aye Asshole," I mimic. "I don't work with you. Check with Jess."
"She's not in."
"Don't know what to tell you, Drew."
"I see Kassius convinced you to do the right thing."
I glare over my shoulder at the man and he shrugs at me.
"You're looking good and very unpregnant. You should be what six or seven months by now?"
"If you would have kept your mouth shut that night you would have known I wasn't pregnant and you would still have your side hoe. But I'm glad you did. Because of you, I have a real man who actually loves me not just fucks me."
"You enjoyed bein' fucked if I remember correctly."
"Ignorance is bliss, I guess. Get out."
"I need…"
"Then call Jess, just get out of my sight," I growl turning back to my work, blinking away tears.
Seconds later a hand comes down on my shoulder.
"I fucking told you to get out of my sight."
"It's just me," Kassius states.
"I'm sorry. It was just…"
"I saw who. What did he want."
"He said his ring jacket but I think he just came by to annoy me. Guess what? He fucking succeeded."
"Will you tell me what's going on now? You're not acting exactly right."
Opening my phone, I open the app. "I got an alert from this this morning." I hand the phone over.
"Twenty-one days late," he reads the large red lettering on the screen. "Late for what?"
"It's my period tracking app."
"Oh. OH," he breathes, eyes wide.
I drop my head, pulling my lip between my teeth. "Yeah. Oh."
"Hey," he sighs, lifting my head. "I'm just a little shocked. I'm not upset at all. Just trying to process the information."
"Okay," I mumble refusing meet his eyes.
"Rosie," he sighs, pulling me to his chest. "What do I need do?"
"Nothing."
"Have you taken a test?"
"No."
"It could be just like last time," he murmurs against the top of my head.
"I hope not," I whisper.
"Hmm?"
"Nothing," I say pulling away. "Ready for lunch?"
"Yeah," he smiles.
I sit staring at the two lines on the test in front of me. "Not again. Not again. I can't do this again. My heart can't take it."
"Rosie, I picked up dinner," Kassius calls. I wipe furiously at the tears on my cheeks as I listen to him move through the apartment. "I didn't think you felt like…" he starts finding me in the bathroom, his eyes falling on the counter, "cooking. Is that the test?"
I can only nod.
Reaching past me, he picks up the test and all I can do is stare at his hands silently. "This is great," he whispers.
"No," I croak. "It's not."
"Are you worried about another false positive?"
"No."
"Then what?"
"It wasn't a false positive last time," I murmur.
"What?"
"I miscarried," I state softly. "That's why I was wrapped up in the blankets that day."
"I don't think I heard you correctly," he says, dropping the test.
"I miscarried," I say again louder. "I never even realized. I didn't fucking know I was pregnant let alone losing the… I don't even think it was a child yet. I lost it none the less. I should have known something was wrong but I was so damn wrapped up in work and trying to make a relationship with Drew. Now I'm scared the past is repeating. I don't know if I can do it. My heart can't take it. Not again. What if I… I can't," I sob.
"Shhhhh," he shushes, wrapping his arms around me. "It's okay. Whatever happens after this will be okay. You know why," he asks spinning me in his arms.
"Why?"
Tilting my head back he meets my eyes squarely. "You're not alone this time. Every step of the way, I'm going to be by your side."
"God, you're so fucking perfect," I release a shaky breath. "I don't deserve you."
"You deserve the world, my Rose," he smiles, his thumbs wipe at the tears on my cheeks. "I'm just making sure you get it."
"I love you so much."
"I love you. There's nothing we can do tonight. We'll worry about this," he rubs across my stomach, "tomorrow when we have more options. Right now, I'm worried about feeding you. You just picked at your lunch so I know you're hungry."
"Is everything alright over there," I ask as I watch Kassius stare at the ceiling.
"Yeah," he smiles turning towards me.
"I've been in my own head so much I've forgotten to ask how you're handling everything."
"Honestly," he sighs, running a hand over his face. "I'm still trying to process all the information from today."
"Understandable. This is going to affect your career and we're not exactly at the family making point in our relationship. And…"
"Rosie," he interrupts. "Stop okay. Just, please, stop. I meant it earlier. I'm not upset. I'm not worried about my career. I'm not worried about what point we are at in our relationship. All I'm worried about is working through all the information thrown at me in the past, what, twelve hours."
"Okay," I nod, sitting up. "Is…Is there anything I can do to help?"
"That day…Why didn't you just tell me what was really going on with you?"
"Would you have wanted to start a relationship with a failure of a woman?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I was the other woman who allowed herself to get knocked up and didn't know her body well enough to know something was wrong. That I was so karmically imbalanced that I lost my child before they ever truly ever existed. It was easier for me to be mad at Drew and act like the pregnancy never existed in the first place than to face the fact that I was a failure as a woman. I did that a couple weeks later when you left for your week-long tour."
"Rosie," he sighs.
"Sorry. I'm trying to help you and I made it about me again."
"This is about us," he states, his hands return to my stomach. "All of us."
"What if there isn't an all of us?"
"I think there is," he says, his thumbs soothing across my skin. "Because me and you, we're going to be linked forever. Whether it is as friends, lovers, parents, or husband and wife. Drew never had that with you. Drew will never have that with anyone. It's not the type of person he is, he'll never be. That is why the universe took your child from you. To show you that fact. Don't let any guilt destroy you over something you had no control over."
"So, what's your theory if I lose this," I ask, covering his hands.
"It's not our time," he states. "When it's time it will happen."
"Do you want it to be our time," I ask nervously.
"Maybe not this soon," he admits. "I'm not going to lie, the thought of starting a family with you has crossed my mind. More than a few times."
"How many?"
"I don't have a number," he smiles up at me. "Just random times I've looked at you and could just see you as a mother."
"No. How many in this little family in your mind?"
He shrugs. "I just imagine you with a child in your arms. If you're asking how many kids I want, maybe a couple. A little Rose and Kassius running around throwing elbows."
"I'm sorry I threw everything at you at once today," I murmur.
"I just needed a minute. Talking has helped."
"Can I ask where your mind is at right now?"
"I'm tentatively happy. I'm worried about you," his fingers intertwine with mine. "I feel like I should tell you to get some sleep."
"And you don't need sleep?"
"Not as much as you."
"I can't sleep without your snoring," I smirk.
"Come on," he chuckles, holding his arms open to me.
Snuggling against his chest, I intertwine our legs as he wraps his arms around me. His heartbeat lulling me into relaxation. "How did I get so lucky to find you," I whisper.
"I walked in to the wrong room on my way to a meeting and decided to lie to the cute costume designer about needing new ring gear," he chuckles sleepily.
"Our whole relationship is based on a lie," I roll my eyes, playing with the ends of his hair.
"It worked."
"Go to sleep, Liar."
"Ms. Dalton," my doctor smiles as she enters the exam room. "I wasn't expecting to see you so soon."
"Dr. Brown," I return the smile. "I wasn't expecting to see you so soon also."
Kassius clears his throat from his spot next to me.
"This is my boyfriend, Kassius," I introduce. "Kassius, Dr. Brown."
"Same as last time," Dr. Brown questions as she shakes Kassius' hand.
"No. He knows but no."
"Well, we're hoping for better news this time," she smiles opening the folder in her hands. Her eyes scan down the page for several silent seconds before coming back to mine. "I will be right back, Rosemarie."
"Okay," I nod, my heart sinking.
"We don't know anything," Kassius murmurs.
"It can't be anything good though."
"You don't know that. Just breathe."
"Ms. Dalton," a nurse sticks her head in.
"Yes."
Stepping inside, she hands over an exam gown. "Dr. Brown would like for you to strip from the waist down and lie back on the examination table. She will be in shortly."
"What does that mean?"
"I'm assuming she wants to examine me." I pull the gown on before stripping my lower half.
"Should I…"
"You've obviously seen everything she's going to be looking at."
"Did this happen last time?"
"No."
"That's good, right," he attempts to smile as I pull myself up onto the table.
"I know as much as you."
"Rosemarie," Dr. Brown knocks.
"I'm decent," I state.
She enters with the nurse. Kicking a wheeled stool towards the end of the table I'm seated on. "Leslie, can you please get Mr. Kassius a chair."
The nurse nods pulling a seat from the closet and placing it at my side.
"Thank you, Sweetheart," he smiles at the nurse. He wraps my hand in his, he turns his attention to my doctor as he continues to stand at my side.
"Your bloodwork shows elevated hormone levels."
"Okay," I state cautiously.
"With your history, I would like to confirm with an ultrasound before we get your hopes up."
I nod, glancing at Kassius.
"I'm right here for you," he whispers, pressing a kiss to my knuckles. "It's going to be okay."
"This isn't going to be a traditional ultrasound like you see on TV," Dr. Brown states as she begins to set up equipment. "It's called an intravaginal ultrasound."
I try to look anywhere but the three other people in the room.
"Thank you," I mouth up at Kassius as his hands tighten around mine as the doctor gets to work.
"You're doing all the hard work, I'm just standing here," he smiles before his eyes jump to the monitor beside me. Glancing at the black and white monitor, I see nothing and my hand grips Kassius' so tightly my fingers go numb.
"Breathe Rosie," he whispers.
Dr. Brown glances up at me before adjusting a knob and a soft whooshing fills the room. "Hear that? It's your baby's heartbeat," she smiles. "Congratulations."
"I told you," Kassius whispers leaning down to kiss my temple.
"I don't see anything," I whisper.
"There isn't much to see right now but…" She zooms in and a small distortion comes into focus, a barely visible flutter. "There they are. It looks like you're about five to six weeks."
Tears prick my eyes as I stare at the monitor. There it is. There is life growing in me.
"Catherine," Leslie points at something on the monitor.
"I see it," Dr. Brown mutters leaning in.
"What?"
"Daddy. You might want to take that seat. I'm seeing a second heartbeat."
"Two," I mutter as Kassius sinks into the chair in a daze.
"Two," she smiles. "Twins."
"Just two, right," Kassius mutters.
"Yes," my doctor smiles. "Just the two. I'll let you get dressed and we'll discuss everything moving forward in my office whenever you're ready."
I untangle my hand from Kassius before sliding from the table. "Kash?"
"Twins," he breathes. "We're having twins."
"Yeah," I nod, my fingers twisting in the gown.
"When I said I wanted two kids, I didn't mean all at once," he grins, pulling me into his lap.
I release the breath I suddenly realize I'm holding. "Well, you know me. I just can't wait to finish a project that I start."
"Just when I think I can't love you any more," he sighs, pecking my lips.
"Ditto," I smirk.
