One year earlier…

"River, come on darling, it's about time you left those poor worms alone…"

Even though he spoke in a serious, scolding voice, I knew that he was joking. Even my 5 year old eyes could see how his eyes twinkled like the stars we watched, and how his smile never seemed to end. He wrapped his arms round me and carried me inside to our home, a simple converted windmill right in the heart of the countryside world we lived in. I had no idea where it was we lived back then. I just knew it was my home, and no matter how rough and unlike the rich girl's houses it was, our home was filled with so much life that no one could ever take away from us. Even the hints of mother were still around; pictures on the walls and homemade cushions reminded me every minute that even though I never got the chance to know her, she loved me just as much as father did.

Running straight onto the sofa we owned, I switched on our worn out tv. Nothing special, an old model that was only just able to play a hologram message. Being the stubborn girl I was, it would be leap onto the sofa, roll around and end up getting mud all over the place. Father just laughed. No matter how many times he told me, I always felt like keeping the wellies on, like we were bringing the fun from outside back indoors. Until the time came when he had to leave and Joanne would appear with the food already made. Sometimes I would get an appearance from father when I was tucked up in bed, though sometimes I didn't. It was okay though, because Joanne was almost as lovely. She'd stand in for father until he returned and the magic would start all over again.

It turned out she'd be doing a lot more standing in over the next couple of months. Father became tired at work, and didn't want to play anymore. I tried to make the games easy and not much effort, but it would just be 'Leave him River, he doesn't want to play'. For a while I would play with Joanne instead, but the games were just like a book with no pictures. Missing something.

Then came the day that I wouldn't forget. Joanne woke me up as usual, but seemed strangely uptight. I knew she'd been worried for months but I never thought the reason would have been this. She made me wear the white shoes instead and picked me up, squeezing tightly before placing me in the back seat of the car. We never used the car unless we were going somewhere special as father said it wasted money. It couldn't have been a special place; he just sat in the front seat and refused to say anything. I tried to grab his attention but he never listened. Joanne just said to leave it, driving us through places I hadn't seen before. Holding back the tears was harder than I imagined but father always said the Song family never cried, that crying was for the weak.

We ended up at the local hospital. I didn't know it was that then, I just went along with what the others were doing, moving silently through corridors and being placed in a room with a new man. He went through pictures and long words that made no sense, talking and talking, while the others just nodded. I just didn't understand. Then Joanne took me away and left father in the room. She told me she was sorry that I had to come and get so upset, but said I needed to understand. She told me about an awful disease, cancer. About a brain tumour that he might never get better from. About how tests would have to be performed and how I had to be prepared for what could happen. What did happen.

The days went on, and father got weaker and weaker. The twinkles in his eyes faded away, and the smile disappeared for ever. The pain got too much, even though I knew father was going through so much more. I could feel every part of my world growing cold and crumbling away into the darkness.