Less than half an hour after receiving an odd, confused phone call from Beckett, Captain Roy Montgomery strode into the Emergency room of St. Vincent's Hospital. A group of dazed looking uniforms were guarding a room where their drug dealer/murderer was being held while tests were run, but Montgomery was more concerned with his own people.
He spotted Beckett, Esposito and Castle in a huddle outside one of the other treatment rooms. Montgomery didn't like their shell shocked expressions, but they didn't seem to be covered in blood, though Castle was wearing scrub pants with his shirt, jeans and jacket missing.
Approaching, he asked, "What is going on here? Where's Ryan? Was he hurt? Clear answers people."
Usually the direct approach worked, but this was one of the unusual times.
Esposito paled. Castle opened his mouth to speak, then closed it as though unable to find the words, which was scary in itself. It was Beckett who rallied enough to say, "Not exactly sir, but he was exposed to some chemicals and…."
It seemed getting that much out depleted whatever reserves she had found to tap and Beckett's voice trailed off with a weak wave toward the treatment room.
Chemical exposure did not sound good and before Montgomery could ask anything else, Beckett's phone rang, giving her something to focus on.
"Beckett," she said quickly, then paused to listen, making a few noises occasionally. "Okay. Thanks."
She hung up and said, "The prints match."
"I told you! It happened right in front of me, like something out of a comic book!" Castle babbled enthusiastically. "One minute I'm looking at Ryan and the next BAM! Cute girl."
"I don't think Ryan would appreciate you calling him a cute girl, Castle," Beckett muttered but it was without anger.
"Neither does my brain," Esposito said, voice obviously strained.
"Well, your brain better get used to it, since creepy Elmer thinks it's gonna take a while for him to figure out exactly what caused…." Castle said, but was interrupted by Montgomery.
"Stop!" Montgomery barked, feeling the beginnings of a headache creeping up on him. "One of you, explain what happened. Clearly. In full sentences."
He could see Beckett and Esposito trying to organize their thoughts, but Castle, who made his living because he had a way with words and storytelling, beat them to the punch.
"Creepy Elmer over there doused Ryan with a whole bunch of chemicals, trying to give himself a chance to get away. Nasty stuff, all yellow and oozy, like some sort of demonic puss…Anyhow, these two," he paused to indicate Beckett and Esposito, who nodded, agreeing with Castle's telling of events, "chased Elmer and I stayed with Ryan who was trying to wipe off the slime. It got in his mouth, too."
"One minute he was fine, the next he was on the ground having a seizure. I tried to brace him and when it ended I was about to call an ambulance when…It looked like his features were shifting, skin rippling, bones shifting. He actually got smaller and his hair grew out and somewhere a physicist is weeping in a corner, somehow knowing the laws of the universe have been violated lake that…."
"Focus, Castle," Beckett muttered from his elbow, causing Castle to veer back to the story at hand.
"Right. So, I'm watching this and then it's over and instead of looking down at Ryan…well, I guess I was still looking at Ryan, but he is now a she. There was screaming and then Beckett and Esposito came back with Elmer in shackles."
Montgomery stared at Castle for a moment then looked over at Beckett. "Did he inhale too many fumes?"
"No," Beckett said miserably as a befuddled looking doctor stepped out of the exam room.
"How is he…she?" Esposito demanded without hesitation, then cringed when the doctor turned her 'I'm being bothered by a crazy person' gaze at him.
"Physically your partner is fine, Detective, but she seems a bit confused. As do you," the doctor said dryly. "You can go in if you like."
Still confused, Montgomery was caught in the stampede as his people plowed past the exasperated doctor into the treatment room. Though Castle's story had been clear (if unbelievable), Roy was not prepared for the sight that awaited them.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, clad in a gown that was far too big for her slender frame, was a young woman with wavy, wild brown hair flowing around her shoulders. Her skin was very fair and that only cause her brilliant blue eyes to pop. In any normal situation, he might have thought she was a relation of Ryan's, a sister perhaps, because her features, though softer and feminized, were Ryan's.
It was really strange.
She looked at them and said, "That doctor was this close," she held up a hand, tiny and fine boned, to indicate a few millimeters distance, "to committing me. Apparently, it's impossible for a man to suddenly become a woman. I wish someone had told my body that before…this!"
"Your prints came back," Beckett said to break the awkward silence that had descended after Ryan's frustrated proclamation. "Congratulations. They match. Just…smaller."
Ryan scowled down at her hands and said, "Has Elmer said anything about how long it's going to take to fix me?"
"No, man, sorry," Esposito said, proving himself a stalwart partner by stepping closer to Ryan while the others hovered in varying degrees of shock. "He's mostly been complaining about Beckett kneeling on his neck."
Restraining a smile, Montgomery raised a brow at Beckett who shrugged. "It wasn't his neck. It was his back…his upper back."
This statement got a pleased little grin from Ryan who said, "If someone can get me some clothes, the doc said I was fine."
"We had to send everything that came into contact with the chemicals down to the lab," Beckett said with a contrite shrug. "I can find some scrubs that'll work till we get back to the squad room…and your spare clothes aren't going to fit you."
Ryan looked down at the distinctly female body his male brain was residing in and, blushing, muttered, "Can I borrow something?"
"Um," Beckett began, but was saved from an awkward excuse by Castle.
"Kevin," he said calmly, and Montgomery thought it was a good idea to use the man's name when his sense of self was probably completely tipped on its side, "I hate to say this, but you make for a teeny woman. Seriously, Alexis is bigger than you…like this. This physical manifestation of you."
Ryan's rarely seem grumpy scowl looked more like a pout of a feminine face and Esposito reached out to pat his partner on the back. "Don't worry about it. You can pick up some stuff that fit until Elmer fixes you up. It'll be fine."
With a wry look, Ryan said, "Don't patronize me, man…and why are you rubbing my back?"
Hopping back like a scalded cat, Esposito said, "I'm not!"
Montgomery noted Beckett and Castle at least attempted to hade their snickers and after a moment even Ryan laughed. Except it wasn't his normal laugh, in fact it sounded suspiciously like a giggle that halted quickly when the Irish detective clamped a hand over his/her mouth in shock.
With a sigh Montgomery realized he'd easily win the 'Oddest Case of the Week' pool he had going with some of the other captains. At least there was some bright side to this.
With Elmer in holding, the case that had snowballed into the freaky madness of Ryan turning into a woman was closed, leaving Kate free to try to help her disgruntled colleague acclimate to his hopefully temporary new physique. Though admittedly, she'd initially thought Castle and Ryan were trying to punk them, the fingerprint ID convinced her that something truly weird had happened.
She still wanted the DNA results though. She'd even encouraged Castle to use his friendship with the mayor to get the tests pushed to the front of the overcrowded line at the lab.
Lanie, who, like Kate had been skeptical at first, had agreed to help with the shopping expedition, which in turn had caused Ryan to latch onto his partner, not wanting to 'suffer' alone. Castle came along because he was Castle and probably liked shopping more than she did. Kate figured he and Lanie could take charge of this…whatever the hell this trip was turning into.
Before clothes could be found, Lanie had dragged a protesting Ryan into Veronica's Closet for under things. Kate had snorted at the wide eyed grins Esposito and Castle had exchanged before scampering after them like excited puppies. She wondered how long it'd be before Lanie sent them to sit on the man bench conveniently located outside the store.
When Kate caught up with them, she could hear Ryan protesting, "…don't think I need one. They're pretty perky."
Unable to help herself (hey, it wasn't everyday that her male colleague turned into a woman), Kate glanced at said perky body parts along with Castle and Esposito. The former rallied his sense of propriety and looked away quickly, but it took a few seconds longer for Esposito to tear his eyes away. The thin hospital scrub wasn't hiding much.
Knowing far better than Ryan the necessity of a bra, Lanie shook her head and said, "I'm gonna get someone to do a fitting."
With that, she walked of to catch one of the odd, black clad sales assistants. Ryan was looking around at a loss while Esposito now seemed to be trying to avoid looking directly at any of the products that were for sale. Castle had moved off and was considering something on a table, so Kate stepped over to Ryan.
"How're you holding up?" she asked him, knowing it was a stupid question, but what else could be asked in this situation?
Ryan gave her a sardonic look and said, "Super. I'm about to get my first bra. Dad would be so proud."
Eyes widening, Kate tried to bite back a laugh at the sarcastic humor and failed, but since Ryan snorted a bit too, it was okay. "Seriously though, how do you feel?"
With a shrug, Ryan offered, "Okay I guess. A little off balance, in more ways than one. Short. I keep getting hair in my mouth. I miss my…well, yeah."
Figuring, Ryan would appreciate not being treated any different than usual, she gave him a light thump on the shoulder and said, "Well, buck up. It'll pass."
"God I hope so," Ryan said then cocked his head and asked, "What're you doing Castle?"
The writer had returned, a pile of cotton in his hands. Closer inspection revealed it to be several pairs of cotton, boy short style pairs of underwear in blue, black, white, grey and tan. Probably the closest thing in the store to the boxer briefs Ryan was used to. "Here," Castle said, plopping his findings into Ryan's hands. "These should fit you."
Ryan looked at the underwear in his hands, clearly torn between the desire to be uncomfortable at the thought of wearing panties from VC and the relief that these particular panties looked somewhat familiar and comfortable. Clearly he was simply not even going to think about the idea that Castle somehow had an idea what size would fit him.
During the brief respite caused by the discovery of non frilly, non lacy undies, Lanie dragged one of the sales people over. The bored woman quickly measured an uncomfortable Ryan and told them his proper bra and cup size (32B) before skulking off to hide amongst the racks of corsets.
Apparently, while Castle was okay with picking out panties he did not feel the same level of comfort with bras and left that up to Lanie and Kate. Mostly Lanie, though Kate had stepped in with a nice assortment of comfortable cotton bras when some of the more adventurous possibilities seemed about to break Ryan's tenuous hold on his frustration.
In the end, they left with a weeks worth of comfortable cotton under garments, as well as the set Ryan pulled on under his scrubs so he could get clothes that fit right.
Everyone, including Lanie, seemed relieved to have conquered that particular store and in celebration, they took a break to grab some coffee. Coffee seemed like a safe idea…till the college aged guy serving the drinks winked at Ryan, who responded by staring dumbfounded at the kid like he'd grown a second head.
Needless to say, Kate felt compelled to steer everyone out of the shop itself to have their drinks in peace outside. No need for anyone to be more uncomfortable than they already were.
Feeling strengthened by the intake of caffeine and sugar, their odd little quintet made their way to a clothing store. Less than a minute later, Ryan led the charge back out after being accosted by a sales woman who wanted to show him a dress that was "Just made for her!". Kate doubted Ryan'd be wearing dresses anytime soon and after a brief cool down period, she managed to coax him into a store she knew would carry more acceptable clothes.
She got a lot of her work clothes there, so hopefully Ryan'd be okay with slacks and shirts. He'd just have to get used to the different tailoring…at least until they got this whole trippy thing fixed.
TBC…..
