Wow, thanks for all the reviews! I didn't think this story would be so popular! So as promised and asked for, here's chapter 2!

-Jackie :)


Left Foot Fowl
An Artemis Fowl Story

Chapter 2: Partnering Up


Artemis was one of the last persons down to the track, his mind still running through numerous ways he could avoid playing football.

"I can't continuously skip, unfortunately," he acknowledged bitterly. "The coach, even with him being so thickheaded, will eventually begin to notice any chronic absences; besides, that's only if Gallagher doesn't notice for him first." He let out a long sigh. No wonder he'd been avoiding this class for his entire school career.

A few years back, Artemis had hacked into his permanent record and accredited himself the required Physical Education credits, even going to the added effort to forge a few phony progress reports. Unfortunately, someone in the Counselor's Office had wised up and talked to the coaches and discovered the counterfeit credits. When questioned, Artemis had blamed the outdated and highly fallible computer network for the false credits, claiming he was the victim of a school that pushed more money towards athletics than the overall betterment of the students and their so-called technology, which was so obsolete it made prehistoric Neanderthals look sophisticated. A bit of after-hours work made sure the forged documents disappeared, which he explained was due to careless organization on the part of management. In the end he even managed to make a bit of money by offering to upgrade the Saint Bartleby's archaic system; what they didn't know was that he had also linked them to his personal computer network in Fowl Manor. Lunch menus had improved drastically since the overhaul.

Artemis finally reached the track after having come to the conclusion that the only plausible way through the class would be to actually participate. He stretched out as Butler had once taught him, making sure he wouldn't injure himself. He then started on his first lap around the track, remembering to breathe deeply and roll on the outside of his feet. He mentally listened to Beethoven's 9th Symphony as he ran, using it to keep a steady pacing tempo.

"What lap are you on, Fowl? This is our second," Cormac boasted as he came up from behind and paralleled Artemis. He didn't seem to have broken a sweat, even as he finished out half a mile. Seamus was close on his friend's heels, but Ryan, on the other hand, was about a quarter mile behind them. Artemis ignored Gallagher, focusing even more on his deep breathing.

"In…out…in…out," he chanted in time to the music in his head, strides nice and exact. Even Cormac could find nothing technique-wise with his running to pick at, so he increased his speed instead, hoping to goad him into a foot race. However Artemis ignored his ploys and stared ahead, the symphony still beating out perfect time within his mind as he started his third lap. Finally Gallagher lost patience and bounded forward, Seamus struggling along behind him.

Artemis let out the exasperated sigh he had been holding in for half a mile and brought his feet to a walk. Never in his entire life had he run so far, not even when being trailed by the fairy people. Physical exercise was not his forte; as he caught his breath with ragged gasps, he wondered how Butler had ever been so diehard as to get in such top personal fitness.

"I pushed myself too far; I shouldn't have let Gallagher intimidate me," he berated himself. Artemis knew that he should have kept a pace where he could hold a conversation as he ran, but that would have placed him dead last among his classmates; as it was he was still near the back of the group. So with clenched teeth and renewed motivation, Artemis sped up to a run once again as he finished his last lap.


It took whatever energy he had left to not collapse on the ground after finishing the last stretch, his feet like burning cement blocks that were determined to throw any weight off them. However the grass was crawling with insects and other foul creatures, not to mention the itchy and prickly green blades themselves. Instead Artemis clutched onto his pale white knees as he tried to keep his breathing steady and even. The sun seemed vastly hotter than before.

"Picking up somebody's soap, eh, Fowl?" Cormac laughed as he walked over, Seamus and a horribly red-faced Ryan tagging along.

"Soap?" Artemis thought, trying to think of how something as inane as body wash could be tied in to Physical Education. Gallagher put a hand on his shoulder and pretended to whisper in his ear.

"Probably don't want to answer that one; Saint Bartleby's is more of a 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' school." Artemis grew red in the face as he made the connection; however, it was hard to notice any change due to his already blood-rushed complexion.

"This is absurd. Though they have no evidence, they actually think I'm homosexual." A few of the other gym class boys were beginning to stare at him oddly, but there was nothing he could say in his defense. He briefly considered sharing how he'd recently kissed a gun slinging fairy as he laid half dead in a gorilla cage while trying to rescue an extinct lemur from himself, but only briefly. He didn't think that would go over so well. So he decided to water it down a bit and bring it to their crude level of intellect.

"Though I hardly consider it any of your business," Artemis said as he straightened up. "I am not homosexual. I have kissed a girl before." Cormac raised his eyebrows in mock surprise.

"Really, Fowl? Then tell me: was that before or after your mum told you good-night?" The gang rolled with laughter just as Coach Monroe appeared with his clipboard again.

"All right, boys, gather round!" He blew his whistle to settle Gallagher and his crew who were still chortling at their joke. Artemis stalked to the opposite side of the crowd, his mind furiously buzzing.

"Not only have they openly questioned my sexual orientation, but they've brought my mother into this as well." He shook his head at the lowly state of affairs his generation had sunk to. It seemed they really had lost all sense of common dignity after all.

"Now first we're going to pair up and practice basic ball control," Coach Monroe announced.

"Hear that, Fowl? Ball control. Your favorite." Artemis whipped his head around to once again see Gallagher and his friends; somehow they had managed to sneak behind him without his hearing so. They sniggered at their crude innuendo, but Artemis only grit his teeth and turned back around.

"Seamus! Tully!" Coach Monroe yelled. "Quit your fooling around and bring the foot balls from the gym! Everyone else partner up." Artemis looked around helplessly as friends sought each other out. Contrary to popular belief, this generally wasn't a problem for him. The teacher usually called from the roll or allowed students to work on their own; even if that didn't happen, there was always that one kid who wanted to partner with him for a higher mark.

Unfortunately, no one wanted his Physical Education grade.

Artemis saw one kid standing on his own, glasses shoved up on his pale face as he looked around for a partner. He walked over to the curly haired boy, clearing his throat. Unlike his other classmates, he would act like a proper gentleman.

"Excuse me." The nerdy looking boy stopped fidgeting and looked at him silently. "Your name is Gilroy, is it not?" Gilroy nodded. "Would you care to be my partner?" Artemis offered his hand as though the two were entering a serious business agreement. Gilroy quickly shook his head, much to the other's surprise.

"Actually, uh, Artemis…with you here, Cormac and his friends have left me alone all day; I'd rather not…you know…" The young billionaire couldn't believe what he was hearing; not even the outcast wanted to be his partner for fear of teasing.

"Beat it, Napoleon Dynamite. My buddy Artemis and I are going to be partners." He turned around slowly, already having recognized the voice. Gilroy happily scurried away when he saw Cormac stroll up, a foot ball in hand. The jock squeezed him on the shoulder as was his annoying habit and tossed the ball into his hands, which Artemis barely managed to catch.

"I do not want to be paired with you," he said honestly, heaving the ball with all the strength he could muster. Gallagher caught it easily.

"Come on, Fowl; everyone's already partnered up. You don't have a choice." Cormac gave him a wry smile as he expertly juggled the ball with his knees. Years of football had turned him into a fine player.

"Gallagher! Put that ball down until we start!" Coach Monroe snapped.

"Yes, sir," he courteously replied, flicking it up into his hands. But as soon as the coach turned away again, Cormac faked the ball towards Artemis's face, making him back peddle in shock. Gallagher smoothly caught it in his hands again, smirking at his partner's frightened face. Fowl grit his teeth in silence as he listened to the coach's instructions with a disgruntled expression.

His day had taken yet another turn from bad to worse.


Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts :)

-Jackie