The Second Night

The very next night, he comes back. I wasn't expecting him so soon, but I had opened the window before getting into bed just the same.

He doesn't climb inside as I hoped he would; he just watches me. I'm not even facing the window, but I can feel his eyes on me. As I lie there, feigning sleep badly, I wonder what he thinks he is doing and whether he will chicken out and leave before saying a word.

"You're awake," his voice barely carries across the room, but I hear the accusation in his tone. I sigh and roll over slowly. It's still dark, but it's a cloudless night and I can see him better in the moon's light.

"Barely," I grumble, realizing at the same time there's not a chance in hell that he'll come any closer. So I get up, lifting myself awkwardly out of my tangled mess of a blanket. He watches my every movement, squinting his eyes against the incomplete darkness, like he thinks I'll attack him or something.

"Wait," he says suddenly when I'm about a foot away. I want to keep going, but I stop instantly. The slightest movement would probably have him running for the hills when he's like this, "Put your shoes on."

He laughs at the noise of indignation I make and for a second, he's the Naruto I know from the daytime. "Okay," I say, deciding to give in despite the ridiculousness of his request. The last thing I need is for the sound of his laughing to wake my parents. Our house isn't exactly small, but I wouldn't call them light sleepers.

I follow him into the night, already making up excuses in my mind for what we would be doing out so late. Just in case anyone sees us, or one of the night watchmen apprehend us. I shouldn't need to tell Naruto that wandering around our village so late is a foolish risk. I shouldn't be following him, but I am.

"Over here" he says, not looking at me; he hasn't since we left my house. He vanishes into the trees without another word. It's so sudden I think that someone has seen us. I pause to scan my surroundings, searching for whatever Chunins might be out patrolling at this late hour. "Are you coming or what?"

"Do I have a choice?" I ask, because he's back now, finally looking at me. Looking at me and I know I don't have a choice before he confirms it with a classically Naruto expression – all grinning and sheepish at the same time. I follow him down to a spot where the river winds through the forest and watch as he sits beside it, takes off his shoes and eases them into the gently flowing water with a sigh of contentment.

"Um…?" I begin. He looks at me expectantly so I join him by the river, sitting a good foot away because I don't want to make him uncomfortable. "Are we out here for any particular reason?"

"Just wanted to talk," he says breezily, but it's a fake overconfidence. I can tell by the way he keeps his eyes trained on his feet when he says it.

"Okay," I say, watching the river, but not really watching it. I'm looking at his face out of the corner of my eye. "What do you want to talk about?" He sighs again, but this time it's a little perturbed, like I'm rushing him.

"Why don't you put your feet in Shikamaru? The water's really warm." He wiggles his toes for emphasis.

"I don't think so…" I tell him, annoyed by his evasiveness. "Are you trying to get picked up by a patrol ninja?" He laughs, kicking his feet in the water in what I consider to be a shameless display of childishness. I get splashed, of course.

"No," he says, when his fit of laughter has subsided, "I'm not trying to get picked up by a patrol ninja." My own words, repeated back to me in such a way, bring a scowl to my face. Damnit, I know I'm blushing too. "Don't worry," he says patiently, "They're all near the center of town. Don't you think I would have checked before I brought you here?"

"Either way, I'd like to go to sleep at some point tonight," I insist, studying his face from under my eyelashes as his expression shifts from impish glee back to one of gravity. I wonder if it's always going to be like this.

"Okay," he picks up a twig and toys with it, finally crumpling it with his fist. I watch fixatedly as he opens his palm, spilling the fragments back to the ground. Ashes to ashes. "When did you know you were…you know…into dudes?"

"When did I know I was into dudes," I repeat, stupefied both by the question and his odd phrasing. I'm trying to sound light and airy. I know I'm at least as nervous as him, if not more so. "A few years ago, I guess."

"Oh," he says thoughtfully, weighing my answer against his own thoughts. I'm taken aback when he grins suddenly, stretching out his arm to elbow me playfully in the ribs. "I was wondering," he says, looking at me with big, innocent eyes, "Why my sexy jutsuu never worked on you."

"Grow. Up." I put all the anger I can muster into those two syllables. It isn't much, but it's all I can expect, given how late it is and how little sleep I'm going on. I stare at the opposite riverbank, wondering for the umpteenth time what I'm doing out here.

"Sorry," he sounds nervous again, "I really did want to know. How it was for you, I mean. Because this is new to me."

"It's new to me too," I remind him stonily, "It's not like I…I mean, I've never…" I can't complete the thought, because he chooses that moment to look at me. I can read confusion and pity in his expression, both of which only make me madder. "What?" I ask that expression.

"How do you even know you're gay" he asks quietly, like he's pointing out something I may never have considered, "if you've never even been with a girl?"

"I just knew." The crestfallen look on his face causes my anger to dissipate at once. Poor Naruto, he's so confused. So I amend quickly, "I mean, not right away. I'm not saying it was easy, or that I wasn't worried about what people would think." I wave my hand vaguely toward the village, indicating all the people we grew up with who didn't know; people who might never know, if I could help it.

He doesn't say a word; he lets his silence do the talking. It speaks volumes of our shared confusion and self-loathing and I let it go on as we lie back and stare up at the sky. I realize that the moon is full tonight. If I were superstitious I might take that as some sort of sign, but I'm not.

When he takes my hand and holds it in his own, I let him, slackening my muscles so he can pull it toward himself, placing both hands on top of his chest above his heart. But it isn't a romantic gesture. It's one of friendly, if tentative, support. Not that anyone who happened to see us like that would understand.

I'm practically asleep when he finally says we should go. When he's finished tying his shoes, we proceed up the slight incline, through the trees and back to my house. I don't say anything about how him walking me home like this is a cliché, or that I can find my way back by myself. I can't bring myself to joke with him when he's like this.

I turn to face him once I've climbed in my window and we're suddenly close again. There's an electric current running through my body that would surely turn into a living spark if I touched him. He studies my face for several long minutes as we stand there, one in and one out, straddling the line between love and friendship. I close my eyes when he cups my face in one hand, breathing heavily and wondering where he gets his nerve.

"Thank you," he says softly, brushing his hand over my hair to where it lands on the back of my neck. For what?

"You shouldn't be thanking me," I tell him; my eyes flicker open as he rubs my neck softly. My mouth has gone very dry; it's nearly impossible to speak, "I'm just making your life more difficult." He smiles, indicating that this is true.

"Yeah," he admits, kissing me lightly on my forehead, "but it's worth it."

After he leaves, I lay awake for the longest time yet, my face burning and body trembling all over. Who would have guessed that someone like Naruto would ever make me feel this way? Not me, that's for sure. Not with one little kiss to the forehead. My last question echoes in my mind; it's one that I've lately grown used to asking.

"Will you come back?"

"Yeah, Shikamaru. I'll come back."