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There are woods in the back of my house that are remote and undisturbed. I could film an entire kung-fu action movie back here, with pyrotechnics and everything, and nobody would ever know unless I told them. Seriously, people wonder why so many murderers get away with it, but there are millions of little spots like this all over the country. Bury a body deep enough and nobody will find it. Thankfully, I have no personal experience in such matters and never intend to.
Instead, I will use this potential murder forest to practice with my awesome magic powers. Yay alternatives!
So, how do I fight with scissors?
Well, first off, small blades like these should probably be used the way knives are. Fast darting blows. Blocking with such a small weapon probably isn't the best idea, but unless there are magic weapons that can withstand my scissors then I should be able to use them to cut through my foes' weapons and armor to land surprise blows.
With that in mind, I grip my blades tight and begin to move. I swing, duck, bob and weave. I practice 'snipping' at imaginary foes and obstacles as I slice through the empty air. When I feel that I've found my rhythm, I dash at a nearby tree and put myself to my first real test. Running past it, I snip at the trunk. The blades carve a small groove through the wood like butter, and when the two edges meet with a metallic 'clink', the cut magically extends past the groove and cuts through the entire trunk.
Hm, it seems the scissors can only cut something bigger than them when they complete the action of 'cutting' and close. Perhaps it's a conceptual attack? They activate fully upon closing and cut the concept of 'this tree' or 'this table', allowing them to slice through something far larger than their physical area? Something to practice.
I step out of the way and allow the tree to come crashing down behind me. It's no massive explosion, but refusing to look at it while walking away still feels really cool.
...hot damn I feel alive.
"Ha Ha! Take that you dastardly villain!"
Is it a little lame to basically LARP by myself in the woods? Most definitely.
Do I care? Not one bit. Fuck you guys, I have magic.
I slash and stab at the empty air. "Oh, ho? You want more? Have at thee!"
Man, these things are so awesome! Hell, I could probably fight a dragon with them!
"Eat a dick Smau-!"
*Snip!*
There is a flash of light, space tears open where my blades pass through, a swirling portal is opened in the empty air. On the other side, an eye the size of my torso twitches slightly, before settling down into slumber once more.
I look at my scissors, look at the portal, look at goddamn Smaug!
It snores in its sleep.
I scream.
...It was a manly scream.
In a panic, I grab the edges of the portal and pull it closed like curtains.
Then I fall on my ass and try not to have a heart attack.
Holy shit, I almost got eaten by a dragon!
...HOLY SHIT, DIMENSIONAL SCISSORS!
That's why they can cut through 'anything', they actually cut through dimensions and that cuts the target!
That means they probably can cut through anything so long as what I'm cutting doesn't have its own dimensional fuckery!
...I need to try something.
Running back into my house, I take the pieces of the knife and the diamond I cut before. Then I press the cut edges together and put them back in one piece, whole and unblemished.
Oh, this has promise.
