The company had only left the shire a few days before and they already had no idea just where they were going. At first it had seemed as though they were going to travel by the great east road until they passed through the mountains, but that morning their wizard had directed them off of the main road and along a small winding path that led to the north.

They had asked why, but the only thing they could get out of him was that there was another that he wished to consult before starting earnestly with their quest. The dwarves had grumbled about the detour and the time that they were wasting on it, but it came down to either going with him or continuing on without his help at all. It was a clear choice.

"Never heard of anyone living in these parts." Gloin muttered mostly to himself but loud enough that the others could hear his complaining. At the front of the train of ponies their wizard rolled his eyes.

Dwalin snorted. "Because no one lives here. Only foresters and farmers."

The hobbit who was currently half asleep in his saddle, jerked to attention at the dwarf's words. Sleeping out in the open and on the hard ground had done a number on him and he was finding it hard to keep himself awake. "Why would Gandalf take us out here if there's nothing? I don't understand."

The warrior dwarf ignored him and simply dug his heels into his horse to move up the line. Nearly half the dwarves were still steadfast in their opinion that Bilbo had no business coming with him and many comments were made every time he 'slowed them down.' He had expected it. Dwarves weren't known for their friendly nature, he knew that. Still, it was starting to get ridiculous being able to only have a conversation with a handful of them without the dwarf walking away from him before he even finished his sentence.

"Ah, don't worry about any of that, master burglar." A cheery voice came from his side and Bilbo found that Bofur had started riding next to him. "I'm sure the wizard knows what he's doing. He might seem a bit on the batty side, but you've seen what he can do. Maybe this person we're going to visit is some great dragon killer."

"Living out in the middle of the wood?" one of the princes scoffed. Bilbo had trouble telling the two of them apart. "More like we're wasting time that we could be using actually getting on the road."

The company went back to their uneasy silence then. Bilbo sunk down further into his saddle and let himself drift off yet again. It did not escape his notice that the trees began to become denser and that the amount of sunlight that filtered through the canopy was shrinking with every step his pony took.

Nearly an hour later Gandalf called for the company to halt and gathered the dwarves and the hobbit together. The tone of his voice was oddly serious and they obeyed him with out question.

"We are nearly to their home. It is of the up most importance that you listen to my instruction." He shot a meaningful look at the youngest Durins and continued, "They are not known for their hospitality and I doubt they have had this many people to visit in many years."

"Are we to ask help from some old hermit?" Dwalin asked.

The wizard ignored him. "They are one of the few in this world who has true skill in the art of magic and it would be wise not to insult them. I think that they will be willing to help us…as long as you do not insult them. In fact it may be for the best if some of you stay with the ponies and only a few will come to meet them."

There was a loud uproar of dwarves insisting that they had never insulted anyone in their lives and he would be a fool to leave them behind since they would be the most polite they had ever been. Gandalf smiled as the dwarves straightened their clothing and made themselves the picture of dwarven manners for their mysterious host.

Now that that was settled they continued along the winding path through the ever darkening forest. Birds could be heard above them but none could be seen and every once in a while something would shake the foliage , giving them a fright every single time.

"This is not natural." Balin said to Bilbo, "I have been in these parts many years ago with a caravan and it was nothing like this. I do not understand what could have happened in such a short amount of time."

"Some kind of magic you mean?" he asked as he looked around at what little he could make out in the darkness. Trees twisted upwards so high that he could not see their tops and thorny bushes laden with bright red berries lined much of their path. Their only solace was the fact that Gandalf had no trouble at all forging ahead and he seemed to know exactly where they were going.

"Not much farther now!" he called over his shoulder to the train of dwarves. Some of them sighed with relief. And true to his word, they came upon a clearing not even a few minutes later. They were quick to dismount and tie up the ponies and were soon ready to face their destination.

It was not what they were expecting at all and they were quick to voice that too.

"Looks like no one's lived here for years!" Bofur said as he peered at the small cottage wedged between two large trees. It was constructed of ancient dark wood and the walls leaned dangerously to the right so it looked like it was about to collapse any moment. The windows were coated with dust and they couldn't see a thing inside even when they rubbed at the glass. A chimney stuck out from the far corner but no smoke came out of it and the birds nest that had been built over the top gave the appearance that no fire had been lit under it for quite some time.

The wizard walked up the stone steps at the door and knocked firmly twice with his staff. There was no sign of movement from inside.

Gandalf furrowed his brow at the sight. He was sure that they would still be there and if they weren't at home he had no idea where they would have gone to. Not wanting to face the dwarves empty handed, he quickly thought of what he should do.

"I will go and look around the surrounding area they could not have gone far if they do indeed still live here. I suggest you get your rest now since I do not think we will be stopping for some time after this." He had disappeared into the surrounding trees before any of the dwarves could stop him.

For a long moment there was no sound except for the chirp of crickets in the underbrush and the calls of birds overhead.

"Now what?" Ori asked.


They did not know exactly how long it would take to search a forest for one mysterious person, but it was clearly taking far too long. Most of the dwarves had given up on waiting and had gathered on the rickety porch and sat on the steps lighting their pipes. The others, Thorin and Dwalin for sure, were alert and on guard at the edge of the little clearing, looking for any trouble that may stumble across them.

Bofur had sat himself on the top step, his legs finally able to stretch and rest for the first time all day, and had been the first to produce and pipe and some tobacco. Being far from home was no reason to deprive yourself from some of the comforts, he thought and felt a bit sorry for their burgler who had left all of his behind.

"How long are we supposed to wait? It'll be dark soon and I don't reckon I'd like to spend the night in these parts." He said and took a long drag.

Thorin was the one to speak up and the way he barked made it clear that he was not happy about the situation, "We will wait for the wizard for another hour and then we will leave with him or without him."

Bofur grimaced at his kings sharp tone and leaned back against the step to avoid the fiery look coming from their leader. He was quiet for a moment but the tension within the group had escalated even more. He hadn't thought that would be possible. With nothing else he could think of, he pushed himself to his feet and walked up the steps to the door. The dwarves he had been sitting with, Nori and Bombur looked up quizzically and wondered just where he was going. "Well, no need to sit around doing nothing."

He didn't really expect the door to be unlocked. He thought that he would be able to try the knob, find that it was locked and then make a joke about it and dispel some of the awful tension from the air. Unfortunately for him, the door was not locked and easily swung open when he pushed with a long and shrill creak.

"Ah." There was really nothing more that he could think to say.

With one last glance over his shoulder to see that the rest of the company was scrambling to their feet, he took one step and then another inside the small cottage. It was incredibly dark and he stumbled over a chest as he moved farther into the room. Large bundles of some sort hung down from the ceiling and as he got closer to one, he realized they were dried herbs. A large table dominated the small room and he could see that the entire surface was covered in small jars and paper envelopes that had been filled to the brim with powders and leaves. Sitting on one corner was what looked like a human skull, but he did not linger long enough on the object to see if it was real.

Running his hand over the table's surface, he quickly realized something.

"No dust. Someone's been here recently, that's for sure." He called to the dwarves outside, but there was no answer, which was quite odd for such a loud group. He turned back to the door and stuck his head out. "Didn't you hear me?"

None of them spared him a glance. Their attention was fixed on the new comer to the small clearing.

"Where are you lot from where it is customary to break into people's homes while they are away? I've certainly never heard of such a place."

It was a woman's voice and there was indeed a woman standing there between the trees. Dressed in all black, from her blouse to the tips of her shoes that peeked out from under her skirt, she was an imposing sight to be sure. Her hair was cut shorter than any of the dwarves, just down so that it brushed her shoulders, and it was so dark it looked as though it had been dipped in ink. Even from as far away as he was Bofur could see that her eyes were just as pitch black.

Her stride was one of confidence and she held her head high as she walked through the crowd towards the house that was apparently hers. He gulped and a shiver ran down his spine as he met her gaze and saw her narrow her eyes. He made to leave the house and get out of her way, but the woman simply slipped past him through the doorway, her skirt brushing at his legs as she did.

"Well, since you're already here you all might as well come in. I don't think I have enough chairs for all of you, but I'm sure you wont mind standing for a bit."

They hesitated until their leader Thorin himself nodded and walked through the doorway. It was only then that the rest of the company piled through into the small living space of the strange woman.

Bofur watched in fascination as she flitted around the room, grabbing candles and lighting them with a flick of her wrist. The warm light illuminated the room warmly and made it seem a little less like a den of evil.

When they were all inside the woman spun around to face them and hopped up on the only bare spot on the table, placing her at least a head and a half above even the tallest of them. "Now then, what can I do for you all?"

Before they could answer she was prattling on as if they weren't even in the room, "Let's see I have some freshly picked basil so a wealth charm could be on discount. I've never had dealings with a dwarf before, but if what I have heard is true you seem to value your gold quite a bit. Should I put you down for one each then?"

Gloin in particular had perked up when he heard that and was nodding vigorously.

"Well, I'm guessing at least one of you is married so how about a nice love charm? Never too late to show her you care. Lavender is just starting to come in and I think it works best with some quartz and maybe a sprig of bluebell for luck? I can tie that up for you in no time flat."

She paused for a moment, "Well, come on now I can't be doing all of the work. What do you need? I can do most anything. No killing or maiming though, far too dark for me." The irony coming from the woman dressed in black, with red stained lips living in a dark shack in the middle of a dark woods seemed to be missed by most everyone. Except for Bofur of course who covered his laugh with a subtle cough.

Balin was the brave soul to shuffle forward through the crowd. He bowed slightly to the woman which caused her to raise an eyebrow at the old dwarf and he said, "I think we may have some, what you may call a error of communication. We are simple dwarves from the Blue Mountains traveling through this area when one of our companions told us that he knew of someone who may be able to aid us in our journey. We came for him. Not…what ever it is that you do."

"And just who would it be that pushed you so far off the road that you ended up in my home?"

"That would be the wizard Gandalf the gray." Balin said.

She was silent for a moment and her eyes darted between all the dwarves, truly taking them in for the first time. She ghosted over the weapons that hung by their sides and their thick traveling clothing and armor.

"That bastard."

Dori immediately clamped his hands down around his youngest brother's ears at her foul language.

She continued her rant, "That old coot leaves me be for four years and now he comes back here with an army of dwarves and I'll bet you all the money in the world that he thinks we're all just going to skip out of here together like I haven't just begun to really make this work. Does he know just how many times I've had to fend off a mob from my front porch because someone's prized vegetables wilted the week after I looked at them?"

She became more animated as she spoke, swinging her legs under the table and waving her hands with each word. There was a flash of red stockings from under the black skirt as she did a particularly high kick.

"You know I just wanted to live here with my garden and my books but could I do that? Oh, no. Of course not. You tell one girl to brush her teeth and then the whole village knows you're a witch. Lining up at my door for curses at all times of the night as if the spells won't work as well if you come at a rational time of day."

"We do not have time for this. I will not sit here and listen to a mad woman's rambling when we need to be on the road!" Thorin bellowed, his thresh hold of patience having been reached.

"Oh am I boring you?" the woman snarled at the king, "I'm sorry did I break into your home? Did I intrude on your privacy on the whim of some half wit old man?"

The dwarves watched with wide eyes as the woman held her ground against their leader, sure that he was a few seconds from attacking the woman. Dwalin had also started towards the woman, his hand reaching down to the weapon that hung at his side.

"Ah. There you are." A voice came from the doorway. They spun around in almost complete synchrony, except for the woman who leapt down from her perch on the table and was pushing her way through the crowd of dwarves in seconds.

"Don't you dare pull that innocent act with me you old bat." She waved her finger in his face, which would have been much more threatening if she wasn't at least a foot shorter than him. "I know what you're trying to do and it won't work."

Gandalf had the decency to look confused and a bit ashamed, "I did not come here just to intrude upon you, Joanna. We have come to ask for your help."

"Yes I know. Why do you think I'm angry with you?" She crossed her arms over her chest. "Oh, Jo it's too dangerous for you to travel with me all the time why don't you settle down in that miserable little shack you like so much? You can stay there for years at a time while I'm off doing who knows what. And maybe someday I'll come back when you're actually needed." The voice she used was remarkably like Gandalf's and Bofur made a mental note to ask just how she had done it.

"Well it wasn't exactly like that." The wizard supplied weakly.

The woman they now knew was named Joanne bared her teeth, "Then how was it? Please enlighten me what the grand plan was. And if I was wrong how is it that you ended up on my front step with some ragtag group of adventurers who I'm sure have some half cocked plan for a quest that will bring them all glory and endless wealth."

A few of the dwarves coughed nervously and a few steadfastly studied to ceiling to avoid looking at the strange woman.

"We are in desperate need of someone with your skills. I would not come here if we were not."

She was silent for a moment as she looked up at the old man, practically quivering from emotions. The anger seemed to die down from her a bit and Gandalf knew then that she would not go on a rampage for a while yet. Joanna burned much like one of his fireworks: quick and violent.

"…Come in and sit down before you fall asleep on the porch, old man. Don't you dare track in mud though. I just swept this morning."


The dwarves found themselves even more crowded than before with the addition of the wizard and with Joanna standing in front of the table instead of sitting on it. The map had been wrestled from their king's grasp and unfurled on the table. Joanna had been studying it with complete concentration as they explained their past and the story of how their city Erebor had been lost and of how they planned to take it back. Her brows furrowed when they reached the end.

"So…you all walked across the continent to find somewhere else to live and now you want to walk all the way back across to get your old house back?"

Balin hesitated for a moment before he said, "Well, I wouldn't put it exactly like that, but yes that's the idea of it."

She hummed and tilted her head, her bangs falling away from her forehead like a curtain. "And you're doing this despite the fact that there's a giant fire breathing lizard waiting for you at the end? A lizard that you could not defeat with an entire army?"

"Don't forget it can fly."

She paused for a moment and locked eyes with the dwarf that had piped up and her mouth twisted a fraction into the smallest smile possible. Bofur winked in response.

"Right, so you're going after the giant fire breathing flying lizard that could be immortal for all you know, with a group of thirteen dwarves, what ever the hell a hobbit is and an old man?"

"That sounds correct to me." Balin said.

"Mmh." She nodded, "Right. I think I'll have to pass on that one. All the luck in the world to you complete bunch of idiots."

The dwarves shared a look of confusion at the sound of the foreign word. It was pretty clear that it wasn't a compliment whatever it meant.

"Will you not think about it? Is your life here worth so much that you would miss this chance?" Gandalf asked. He was clearly tired of her stubborn attitude and eager to get them back on the road before the king under the mountain had a heart attack from the stress. Every second they spent in the small cottage raised the odds of that happening tenfold.

Joanna sighed and leaned back against the table. She was quiet as she looked up at the man who had saved her years ago and studied his face. "You're not joking are you? You think this is it? The actual reason?"

"Even if it is not, do you have that much to lose?"

She was quiet for a long moment. Her eyes drifted shut and she sighed. "How much treasure are we talking about here? And what should I pack?"

Author's Note: she's the worst. Also thank you everyone who read and reviewed bless your hearts! ALSO there should be updates about once a week from now. ALSO please let me know if you notice any glaring errors.