Episode 11x02
"The One With Rachel's New Boss"
A/N: Hey there, and welcome to the second episode of this season. Hope you'll enjoy the update and give me your comments later. Enjoy…
(Scene: Central Perk. Rachel and Monica are the only ones there along with Jack and Erica Bing who are in their strollers.)
Monica: So, Rach, now what have you been doing now that you're in NYC again?
Rachel: Oh well umm the Ralph Lauren guys gave me my old job back.
Monica: Oh that's great! They must be thrilled to have you back!
Rachel: (chuckling) Yeah but you should see the Paris-guys. Oooh they're maaaad.
Monica: Yeah. So everything's good.
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Monica: So you told Ross you're coming over for dinner tonight?
Rachel: Oh yeah. We might not go there till about 8 'cause I got some work to finish for the fall catalogue.
Monica: Oooh, the fall catalogue. Bulgy men in undies?
Rachel: More like naked women in panties.
Monica: (disappointed) Oh.
Rachel: So what about you?
Monica: Oh, did you know I quit the restaurant?
Rachel: What?! You quit? Why?
Monica: I decided to take a much easier job with flexible hours so I'm teaching a cooking class on 34th.
Rachel: Oh that's great.
Monica: Yeah and oh it's so much easier there. I can come whenever I want, I can leave whenever I want, I can even take my kids and keep them waiting in the pantry until I leave and get to the parking lot and remember that I've left them there alone and scared… (Pause) So it's good.
Rachel: Nice.
Monica: Plus, I get to be my own boss!
Rachel: (gasps) That's your favorite kind!
Monica: I KNOW!
(Scene: Joey's apartment… yeah, Ross and Rachel are living together. Joey is counting how many playing cards he has.)
Joey: 46, 47, 48…
(Ross enters)
Ross: Hey man.
Joey: (raises a finger, continues counting) 50, 51, 52…
Ross: I mean...hey, Joey's finger.
Joey: (puts the cards down) 56! (stands up) What's up?
Ross: Aren't they supposed to be fifty-two?
Joey: Aw, man! (turns to Duck Jr.) Have you been eating some of my cards?
(Ross shakes his head over Joey's stupidity)
Joey: Stupid bird!
Ross: So, you goin' later to Monica and Chandler's?
Joey: (smiling) I don't think you've noticed yet, man, but I'm always at Monica's and Chandler's. (Pause) Basically because Rachel doesn't cook.
Ross: And Phoebe?
Joey: Well she's a masseuse and I don't wanna get oil on my food.
Ross: If you don't have a ride, Rachel and I will be glad to take you with us.
Joey: Really?
Ross: Absolutely man.
Joey: Great! 'Cause I was really worried as to how I'm gonna get there and I knew I have to go 'cause, you know, there's dinner.
Ross: Of course.
Joey: And probably dessert too, afterwards.
Ross: Great, so we'll come pick you up by 7. See ya!
Joey: See ya Ross! (Ross leaves, Duck Jr. gets closer to the playing cards that are on the table, Joey grabs them first) Isn't it enough what you ate already?! I mean, come ON!
(Scene: Phoebe and Mike's place. Phoebe is putting on her earrings and Mike is buckling his belt.)
Mike: God this belt is so short on holes.
Phoebe: That's ok, honey, no one blames you for getting fat.
Mike: (stares at her) I'm not getting fat.
Phoebe: (laughing) Oh-oh, are you serious?
Mike: Do I look fatter?
Phoebe: Oh honey I'm not gonna get into that. We have dinner a-waiting and Monica a-hosting.
Mike: (on the same tone) And belts not-buckling.
Phoebe: Here, let me. (fixes it to him)
Mike: Hey, umm… (coughs) Do you think we have some time to uh...
Phoebe: (quickly) No.
Mike: C'mon, Phoebe…
Phoebe: (quickly) No.
Mike: Come on. Please.
Phoebe: Don't be pushy! (Pause) Mike, we have been trying to make a baby for two weeks now. If you keep pushing me to having sex, when am I gonna have time to take a pregnancy test?
Mike: That's, like, the lamest excuse ever. (Pause) I'll wait for you in the car.
Phoebe: Ok, hon. I'll be there.
(Mike exits. Phoebe goes to the kitchen and opens a cabinet then takes out a prescription box and takes some pills. Just when she's drinking water with the pills…)
Mike (voice-over): Honey, you there yet?!
Phoebe (screaming, spilling the water all over the place): DON'T OUT-RUSH ME!!
(Scene: Ralph Lauren: Rachel's office. She is on the phone.)
Rachel: Yes, mom, I fed her. (Pause) Yes, at lunch-time too. (Pause) Oh c'mon mom, she's two years old. She knows how to go to the bathroom!...Doesn't she? (Pause) No, I did not watch that motherhood educational video and I will not watch it!
(Mr. Zelner walks in)
Rachel: (pretends it's work-related) Ok, then, we will send you that fax right away, Mr. … Zenith!
Mr. Zelner: (confused) Mr. Zenith?
Rachel: Yeah, he-he-he owns…the-the bank.
Mr. Zelner: I thought that was Mr. Mathews.
Rachel: Yeah, yeah, no, Zenith owns the bank... of…(thinks of something to come up with) Canada!
Mr. Zelner: Aha. So, Rachel, I'm guessing you've heard that I'm being replaced here at Ralph Lauren.
Rachel: Yeah, I heard. And I'm really sorry, sir.
Mr. Zelner: That's ok. It was an unanimous decision done by the board… It was 10 out of 10 votes.
Rachel: Sorry.
Mr. Zelner: And I'm sure you will be excited to be working here under some new management.
Rachel: You're gonna be missed…but I am looking forward to it. (Pause) So who's my new boss?
Mr. Zelner: I'm sure you remember him. (calling out) Come on in.
(That's when MARK, the guy from Bloomingdale's who had a thing on Rachel and "wanted" to make Ross jealous, walks into the office with a tie and everything)
Mark: (smiles) Hello, Rachel.
Rachel: Ohhhhh, noooo.
(Scene: NYC Streets. Rachel and Joey are standing outside on the streets waiting for Ross to come pick them up for Monica and Chandler's dinner.)
Joey: Mark is your new boss?
Rachel: (sarcastically) Isn't that great? (Pause) Joey, what do I do? Do you think I should tell Ross? I mean, I'm practically working for the guy that pretty much ruined my relationship with Ross! And now I am with Ross and working for the guy.
Joey: I thought you guys were on a break?
Rachel: Ugghhhhh.
Joey: Just talk to Ross, tell him about Mark. I'm sure he'll understand.
Rachel: (her fingers rubbing her chin) Uh-huh, uh-huh, or I could keep it a secret from him and not tell him at all!
Joey: Aww no Rach, no secrets!
Rachel: Joey, this dinner is very important to Monica and Chandler, but mostly Monica, and I don't want to risk ruining it with Ross yelling stuff and throwing yam all over me! (Pause) Plus, have you forgotten Red Ross?
Joey: (eyes widening, excited) There's gonna be yam?!
(Ross's car pulls up)
Joey: Oh, here comes the faithful part of the relationship.
Rachel: Hey, you better not say anything, Joey. I swear to God I'll thump you and I'll thump you hard.
Joey: (laughing) Oh god Rach, you're just as weak as Ross.
(Ross horns)
Joey: We get it, Ross, you have a horn... Wait, that came out wrong.
(Joey gets in from the back, Rachel the front)
Rachel: Hey honey.
Joey: Hey Ross!
Ross: Hey!
Joey: You takin' us for a ride?
Ross: Uh-huh!
Rachel: (sarcastically) Yeah oh Ross is an excellent driver.
Joey: What time is it?
Rachel: It's 7:20.
Joey: So we'll get to Monica's and Chandler's at about what? 11?
Ross: (ignoring Joey) Are you guys ready for a ride you will never forget?
Joey: Or remember. (prepares to go to sleep)
(Ross starts the engine)
Ross: (to Rachel) Hey, do you think my shirt's ok?
Rachel: Yeah Ross, we're just going to your sister's house. It doesn't have to be fancy.
Ross: (noticing Rachel's shoes) Are those high-heels?!
Rachel: Maybe you should look at the road, Ross.
Ross: Joey, do you think my shirt's ok?
Joey: Yes Ross. Where'd you get it from, Ralph Lauren? (bursts into laughter)
(Rachel turns around and gives Joey a look)
Joey: Oh, this is gonna be a looong night.
(Pause)
Ross: I don't get it.
(Scene: Monica and Chandler's house. Chandler is holding Erica Bing while sitting on the couch and watching Baywatch.)
Chandler: And that's Yasmine Bleeth. We like her.
Monica: Chandler? Can you come help me with the sausages? What are you doing anyway?
Chandler: Showing our son the pleasures of life.
Monica: Yeah, honey, one thing though. That's Erica!
(Chandler looks at Erica and gasps)
Chandler: Well that's not fair, they're very alike!
Monica: Chandler, I really need your help. Ross and Rachel aren't gonna be here for another half an hour, Phoebe and Mike are stuck in traffic and there's no-one else to help me with the food so I need you to be my Rachel and Phoebe.
Chandler: Ok, Rachel I can do but Phoebe? It's hard to be floopy and crazy. (Pause) What do you want help with?
Monica: (frantically nervous) Um, the cleaning. The house is a mess, Jack keeps ruining the cabinet, Erica's throwing her food all over the place, their toys are flying across the living-room and I just need your help. I need your help!
Chandler: Ok, but I'm just a little scared of being within a few feet from this Monica. (starts with the cleaning)
Monica: Oh no Chandler you're doing it wrong! Oh god! And also, stand up straight. If you hunch, your back becomes arched and then you're gonna have to go live in clock tower.
Chandler: Ok, mom.
Monica: Oh and your shirt? Oh god! (starts brushing his shirt with her feather duster)
Chandler: Are you kidding?
Monica: Honey, I have to be fully prepared.
Chandler: Do you have to be fully crazy too?
(Doorbell rings)
Monica: Oh that's probably Mike and Phoebe! That's great, they can help with the cleaning.
Chandler: I'll go warn them first.
Monica: Wait, wait, Chandler, before you open for them, umm… I've been going through this in my head over and over again—
Chandler: Yes, Mon, your house is clean.
Monica: No, no, it's just...do you think we should tell them, about you know...?
Chandler: Oh. No. It's too early. They'll all freak out. Let's wait a bit.
Monica: Ok.
Chandler: Now can I go open the door that leads to the life outside this hell?
Monica: (smiling) Sure!
(Chandler goes to open the door)
--END—
A/N: Thanks for reading episode 2! You can review me now! And keep waiting for the next update which will be out soon. Thx again.
