Chapter 2

Shuuhei POV

I lay in bed, staring at the bruises around my wrists. I am surprised that he didn't break them. I didn't even feel the pain when he was gripping them but I sure feel the pain now. I can barely move them. What was that guy's problem with me? I don't think it was something I did and it couldn't be because of the way I look, right? Maybe it IS because of the way I look. Maybe it is because of these damn numbers on my face. He lashed out as soon as he saw them. I get that it's weird to have something like that on my face and I understand why people stare but lashing out at me is something completely different. Kensei. What an asshole.

I don't even know why I am giving Kensei this much thought. There is so much more going on here that I should be dealing with. I just hope that I don't run into him again… or maybe I should go find him so I can find out why he acted the way he did. No, I am being ridiculous. He is just crazy. I forget that I am in a nut house. I guess I am just as crazy as everyone here. I just need to keep my head down and do what I got to do to get out of here.

The Nel girl seems alright. Batshit insane but still alright. Her friends creep the shit out of me though. Especially Grimmjow. I fucking hope that I don't have to sit with them. Hopefully I can get an unoccupied table to sit out without them noticing. It's not like I hate all of them, it's just that I'd rather be alone. I feel safer when I am by myself but I get the feeling from this place that there is no such thing as safe. Well that's just great. I don't feel safe out there and I don't feel safe in here. I guess that's one of the problems when you can't trust anybody.

My mind suddenly goes blank and I can feel the numbness returning to my body. I stare at the ceiling blankly, waiting for the feeling to go away. I get this feeling constantly and it just appears out of nowhere. Sometimes it only lasts for a couple of minutes and other times it can last for even over a day. I don't like this feeling but at the same time, I don't hate it. I don't really feel anything for it. I guess it's why they call it numbness. Its either I am feeling nothing at all or I am feeling everything at once.

I put my hand up to my neck to feel the scar that I will be stuck with for a very long time to come because of my stupid decision. It goes around most of my neck and feels somewhat shredded. I roll over on my side and close my eyes, trying find some sort of inner peace, but like all the other attempts, I am unsuccessful. I open my eyes and notice there are a bunch of papers on the side table. I sit up and grab them to see what they could possibly be. One of them is a handbook of sorts that reads, "Patient Psychiatric Program." I flick through it to see what it has to offer because before I got here, I did not research anything about being in a place like this.

Personal Items
'You are expected to dress in street clothes while in our unit and may want to have someone you know bring a couple of changes of clothing for you that you would feel comfortable in. Clothing should be appropriate for a public setting and should not be too tight or too revealing. A washer and dryer are available on the unit for your convenience. Staff will assist with laundering clothing as necessary. Please do not loan clothes to or exchange clothes with other patients.'

I am currently wearing tight black jeans and I am not too sure if that counts as 'too tight'. I guess if they weren't appropriate, someone would have said something by now. I also guess that my black 'Fallen Era' singlet is fine to wear in this place, along with my black converse shoes. All the other clothes I packed look more or less the same as the clothes I am wearing right now.

Meals
'Breakfast, lunch and dinner are provided seven days a week at regular times, around 8:00 a.m. for breakfast, 12:00 p.m. for lunch and 5:00 p.m. for dinner. You will be given a menu from which you may select your meals on a daily basis. Only one meal selection will be allowed per meal. If you require a special diet for health or religious reasons, this will be provided for you. You will be encouraged to eat in the dining room with peers to help you engage with others and to become more comfortable in the unit. Eating in your room is allowable, but spending time with peers is part of your treatment program while you are in the hospital.'

Well guess who will be eating all their meals in their room from now on. That is actually a huge relief for me. Now I won't have to socialise and I won't have to run into Kensei. So this works out for the better. No more crazy, no weird looks and no more Kensei. This will make my stay here a lot easier.

Medications
'Your psychiatrist may prescribe medications for you, and your nurse will bring your medications to you at scheduled times. You will need to ask your nurse for these medications if you feel that you need them. When you are admitted to the hospital based on your condition and diagnosis some of your home medications may be taken away. Your Nurse will verify your name and birth date and check it against the medication record every time you receive a medication in order to prevent errors. Questions are always welcome regarding the name, purpose and side effects of medications you are taking. We want you to learn about your medications so that you will have a better understanding of the benefit of taking them both while you are in the hospital and when you are discharged. It is most important that you talk with your psychiatrist and your nurse about your medications and how they are affecting you.'

I really do not want to take meds. I just don't like the idea of putting random chemicals that you have no idea about into your body. Who knows what kind of fucked up shit you are consuming. Then again, these people are professionals and if I ever want to get out of here I need to listen to what they say. Besides, it's not like I have a choice on the matter.

Groups
There are a variety of therapeutic groups and recreational activities that you will be expected to attend throughout the day. You will meet with a recreational or occupational therapist who will provide you with a schedule of these groups and activities at the beginning of your stay. Attending groups and activities will be helpful to you and will give you an opportunity to work on issues that may have contributed to your admission. In addition, your participation in these activities gives the staff an opportunity to evaluate how you are doing in terms of your mood and thinking and your ability to follow directions and relate to others. This information will be helpful for your physician as he or she makes decisions about your treatment in the hospital.

"Well shit." I say aloud to myself. That is going to be pretty fucking difficult. I don't want to talk and interact with others. Also I don't even want to know what kind of activities that they are going to make me be a part of. My stomach starts to turn at the thought of having to do teamwork exercises. It's not that I have a problem with the people here; it's just that I really hate people in general. Plus, what happens if I have to do teamwork shit with Kensei. He will probably kill me or something. Something tells me that he is not the easiest person to get along with. The bruises on both of my wrists do not lie. Why the hell is my mind so set on that asshole? God, this is frustrating.

I flick through the rest of the book and scan the pages briefly. I don't really care for what else it has to say. I don't bother reading the visitors bit because there is no why in hell I want Kisuke to come here and see me like this. It's just too much. Its best for him to just stay completely away from me. I am no good for him. My stomach starts turning at the thought of hurting Kisuke more than I already have. It just makes me want to-

"Hey are you okay?" A voice appears out of nowhere, making me jump and dropping the papers all over the floor. I look around to see Grimmjow standing in my doorway, laughing. "Oh shit dude, sorry 'bout that." I stare at him as I kneel down to collect the papers off the floor. "Dude, you are shaking all over. I didn't think I scared you that bad." Grimmjow lets out another laugh. I look at my hands and they are shaking uncontrollably. I didn't even realise I was shaking. I place the papers back on the side table and sit down on the side of the bed.

"What do you want?" I ask quietly. I am in no mood for people right now.

"I was just checkin' up on ya. Nel was worried so I told her I would go and see if ya were alright."

"Why?"

"Well you put on quite a show in the cafeteria." Grimmjow says with a grin. "Man, you picked the wrong dude to piss off." I look at Grimmjow with a confused look and I can feel myself go red in the face. "What did you do to piss Kensei off so much?"

"I didn't do anything." I look away, not knowing what else to say. I rub at my wrists as I remember the way Kensei stared at me. There was so much anger… and something else I couldn't place.

"Holy shit, look at those marks on your wrists!" Grimmjow says with a laugh as he walks over and sits down on the bed next to me. I automatically freeze at the closeness. I want to tell him to go away but my mind doesn't seem to want to cooperate with me at the moment. "I knew Kensei had anger issues but those marks are brutal." Why is he laughing at this?

"You can tell Nel that I am fine." I mumble. I can't even look him in the face.

"Nel is definitely not going to forget this. Then again, its not like she could forget anything." I look up with a puzzled expression. Grimmjow is too busy looking around the room to notice though.

"Why?"

"Nel has an eidetic memory." Grimmjow says while surveying the room for something. Well that would explain how she knew about me being on the news. "She is a whole lotta fucking crazy."

"She… she didn't say anything about me did she?" Grimmjow looks at me with his eyebrow raised, waiting for me to elaborate. "Just curious."

"Nah, all she said was that she was worried about ya. We even had to stop her from going over to Kensei." Grimmjow lets out a menacing chuckle. "Now that would have been entertainment." I do not want to hear any more about Kensei. The more I think about him, the more irritated I get. If I could choose to never talk about him again then that's what I would choose.

"What's Kensei's deal?" What the fuck is wrong with me!? Grimmjow grins at me and I look away.

"Are you scared of him or something?"

"No."

"Well you probably should be. That guy has some real fucking issues. I don't know his whole backstory crap and I don't care about it. I just know he has anger problems. Lately he has calmed down a bit though, well that was until you got here." Grimmjow lets out another sinister cackle that sends shivers down my spine. "Besides, you should be more worried about Riruka." I look at him in shock. "She wants to fuck ya."

"W-what? How do you know that?"

"Well after you left she was all like 'Oh that Shuuhei guy is really cute. I'm gonna claim as my own'." Grimmjow says in a girly voice while pretending to be Riruka by rubbing his crotch and making orgasm faces.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST DUDE!" I yell as I push him off the bed. Grimmjow lands on the floor in a fit of laughter. "That did not happen!"

"Well it sort of did." Grimmjow says through fits of laughter. "What, don't you want to fuck her? I would." Is this guy serious?

"No I don't." Grimmjow looks at me with a confused look for a second and then nods his head like he came to a realisation.

"Oh I get it. You're gay."

"W-What!? No I'm no-"

"Don't worry, I've fucked guys before. It's no big deal." I don't even know what to say. I feel myself go completely red in the face. I cover my face with my hands and mumble to myself. "There is no need to be ashamed. Wait… you want to fuck me, don't you?" I look up in shock. What the hell is wrong with him!? "Well I aint one to turn down a hottie like you." Grimmjow let's a purr and I feel my face go even redder which causes him to laugh even harder.

"I'm not interested in guys!"

"Sure you aren't." Grimmjow says while getting off the floor. "Don't worry your secret is safe with me." Is he even listening to me!? "Well if ya ever want a good lay, my door is always open." Grimmjow starts to walk out the door but then stops and turns around. Before he can say anything I throw a pillow at him. Grimmjow just laughs it off and continues to walk out the door.

WHAT. THE. FUCK. WAS. THAT!?

All I wanted was to just stay in my room but now I find myself headed for art therapy. Fucking art therapy! Yoruichi came into my room about an hour after my weird encounter with Grimmjow to tell me that Art Therapy would be starting soon and that I should attend it. At first I declined because I really could not think of anything worse than painting flowers or whatever they do in art therapy, but Yoruichi insisted that I go. She also told me that if I go, she won't bug me to do things as much because she too could not think of anything worse but she was told by the man in charge that she needed to persuade me to attend. Her words were "When Aizen tells you to do something, you don't fuck around."

I honestly have no idea where I am going either. Yoruichi told me where it was but I somehow already got lost. I walk past several people but I don't dare ask them directions. I don't need another Nel or Grimmjow to pester me, or even worse… A Kensei. I just continue to walk around the massive building trying to work out where the fuck I am going. I stop for a bit to stare out the window and into the massive courtyard. Well I am lost so there really isn't any point in continuing.

The courtyard is massive. There are several gardens throughout the whole thing and I am pretty sure they are used for therapy too. There is a giant circular garden in the middle of the courtyard which I presume you can sit on. In the middle of the circular garden is a pond. It is actually quite a beautiful sight. I might even spend my time down there instead of my room. But then again, there are people all over the place so that is a bit off putting.

"Shuuhei?" A voice calls from behind me. I turn around to see Ichigo standing there with a puzzled look. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I answer quietly.

"It doesn't look like it. Do need help with something?"

"I'm just lost is all."

"You mean direction wise or mentally?" Weird question. I look at him with a puzzled expression.

"Uh… direction wise."

"Okay good because I am not good with dealing with the latter." Ummm okay? "So where are you supposed to be?"

"Art therapy."

"Of course. They always send the newbies to art therapy right off the bat. Come with me, I am heading there myself." Shit. I was hoping I could skip it and blame it on being lost. I nod in agreement and let him take the lead. "So what are you in here for?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Yeah that's fine no pressure. When I first got here I was asked that question non-stop. I ended up punching a guy in the face because it was something I didn't want to talk about and the guy just kept hounding me."

"Who was the guy?"

"Grimmjow. You met him earlier in the cafeteria."

"I wish I could punch him in the face." I say to myself.

"Wait, do you know Grimmjow?"

"Huh? No, he just came to my room before."

"Really? When?"

"After the Kensei thing." Ichigo scoffs and rolls his eyes.

"I wouldn't worry about Kensei. Majority of the time he keeps to himself. He must have had a bad day or something and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time." Ichigo stops in front of a door and gestures for me to go in. It must be where the art shit is. "You probably won't even see him again for a while."

"Well that's a relief." I say as I walk into the room. I stop right in my tracks causing Ichigo to bump into me from behind. Ichigo says something but don't hear him. I am too busy staring into the eyes of Kensei from across the room. Kensei's face contorts in what appears to be shock and anger. Ichigo looks at what I am staring at and sighs.

"Well, Shuuhei, I've been wrong before."

Ichigo and I find two spare easels next to each other which are far away from Kensei. Thank god for that. My face feels like it is on fire. Of course he has to be here. For someone I've known for like five seconds, he sure irritates the fuck out of me. I look over at him and he is still staring at me. I look away immediately feeling my face go red.

"Are you okay?" Ichigo whispers.

"Yeah, it's just a bit hot in here." Ichigo nods and begins to set up his paints. I want to see if Kensei is still staring but I cannot will myself to look over. Instead I just look around the room. There is a total of 15 easels and there are only 4 unoccupied ones that happen to be near Kensei. "Maybe I should go to the easel next to Kensei and see what happens."

"Are you crazy?" Ichigo asks with a 'what the fuck' look. "You should see the looks he is giving you right now. What did you do to him?"

"I didn't do anything to that ASSHOLE!" I say the last part loud enough for him to hear. Ichigo covers my mouth. I have no idea what has gotten in to me. I really am fucking crazy.

"Dude, what the fuck!" Ichigo says in a harsh whisper. "Don't make him angry. Look at what he did to your wrists and that was due to you 'not doing anything'." I look over a Kensei and I can't quite tell what kind of look he is giving me. If looks could kill though…

"I have no idea what has gotten into."

"Yeah, no kidding. How about we not get ourselves killed for the time being, okay? I've seen enough dead people for a life time." I turn to my head towards Ichigo with a puzzled look.

"Huh?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Forget I said anything." Ichigo says while going red in the face. What a weird thing to say. You know, Ichigo really isn't that bad. Well compared to Grimmjow this guy is a fucking saint.

"Okay guys, listen up!" A man with blue hair and white face paint yells from the front of the room. "Today's session will be about drawing what is on your mind. Now remember fools, there is no such thing as perfect. Oh god I despise perfect."

"Yeah, we know!" A man with a redish-pink Mohawk yells back.

"Now, Now, Bazz-B. Don't you get snarky with me." Bazz-B lets out a laugh.

"Oh, Mayuri. I am so sorry." Bazz-B says in a sarcastic tone. Mayuri waves a hand at Bazz-B in dismissal.

"Okay guys, start painting."

"How old are you?" Ichigo asks with a laugh while looking at my painting.

"21. Why?"

"Those are just… um, some nice stick figures."

"Oh shut up." I say with a scoff. "I didn't know what to paint. Plus that creepy dude said to not aim for perfect."

"Hey, I am not judging here. At least you are not painting flowers." I freeze up a little. I was just about to paint flowers.

"Uh… yeah…" I look away before he can see my face and realise that I was about to paint flowers. Once again I find myself locking eyes with Kensei. This time he is the one to look away. Seriously what is his problem?

"Would you stop looking at him?" Ichigo whispers.

"Me? He is the one that keeps staring."

"Well you keep staring back."

"I want to know what his problem is." I really don't know what has gotten into me. I never would have cared what people thought of me or if people stared at me. I am used to that kind of stuff but for some reason this guy is bugging me like crazy. "I'm going to ask him."

"I strongly advise against it. If you play with fire you are going to get burned. I don't want to see you get hurt." I look at Ichigo with a raised eyebrow but Ichigo is too busy painting to notice. He doesn't want to see me get hurt? I've only known the guy for five minutes. My stomach starts to feel weird but not in the sick way. Some other way that I can't recognise. "Anyway he is walking out the door as we speak." I look up and see him walk out the door. Good, now I don't have to see him again for a while. "Shuuhei where are you going?! Ichigo asks in a harsh whisper. I didn't even realise I was moving.

"I'll be back." I say as I walk towards the door.

"Whatever. I tried to warn you."

I walk through the door and look for the direction that Kensei walked in. I see his retreating form to my left and I follow him. Man, this guy walks fast. My heart pounds faster with every step I take. Why the fuck am I doing this? I have no idea. I just need to know what his problem is. I slow down my pace because I realise I have no idea what I am going to say to him. Maybe Ichigo was right and I shouldn't play with fire. I just need to know though. I'm so lost in thought that when I turn the corner I realise that there is no sign of him. Well fuck. What do I do now? I'm torn between going down the hallway to look for him or to just go back to art therapy. With a deep breath I decide to give up and go back. I turn around and I find myself face to face with Kensei. Well shit.

"Why are you following me?" He asks in an irritated tone.

"I-I wasn't. I was looking for the bathroom and I must have gotten lost."

"You mean the one you just past with big sign over it saying bathroom?" I look over to where he is pointing and sure enough it is exactly as he said. Shit.

"Umm… yep, that's the one." He leans close to me and looks at me angrily.

"Stop following me and stay away from me." Kensei begins to walk off and I find myself glued to the spot with a burning sensation in my chest.

"What is your fucking problem!?" I yell out at him. Kensei stops in his tracks and turns around. Oh fuck.

"My problem?" Kensei says while walking up to me. "My problem is that some little shit keeps following me. So what is your problem!?"

"My problem is that some giant cunt grabbed my wrists and pushed me up against a wall and decides to keep staring at me like I ran over his fucking dog!"

"You have no idea what you are talking about!"

"Then why don't you just snap my wrists like the creep you are and enlighten me then."

"You better watch what you say or I swear to god I'll kill you."

"You'll kill me?! Why don't you go ahead and try! I'm pretty much dead inside as it is. So why not just finish the job, I've already done most of the work myself!" I yell pointing at the long scar around my neck. Kensei steps back a bit and the anger seems to flee from his face. Why the fuck did I say that? Oh my god what did I just say!? I feel like I am going to vomit. Before Kensei can say anything I walk off to the bathroom in a hurry. As soon as I get into the bathroom I make my way to the closest sink and begin to vomit. Tears start to well up in my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. Not here and not like this.

I finally stop vomiting and I look up into the mirror. I look like shit. I guess it matches how I feel. I grab some paper towels and wipe my face. I hear one of the toilets stalls open suddenly and I freeze up.

"Well someone doesn't seem to be feeling well." I turn around to see a guy with shiny silver hair squinted eyes, making it hard to see his eyes at all. He is wearing a guards uniform with a name tag that says 'Gin'. "Now what was all that yelling out there? Is this something I need to take up with the big man himself and get you sent to the padded rooms? Oh those rooms can be quite horrible." My blood runs cold at those words. Something tells me that I do not want to find out what those padded rooms are.

"I'm sorry. It was just a heated argument. You aren't going to tell him are you?"

"Maybe. Maybe not." The man says as he walks closer to me. Panic is slowly starting to set in. This guy is getting awfully close and has a very disturbing look on his. "If you do something for me then maybe I won't say anything." My legs start to uncontrollably shake and the panic has turned into fear. I am stuck to the spot and I cannot move at all.

"P-Please, don't." I whisper.

"Don't worry. It won't hurt much if you stay still." Gin tries to grab me but I push his hands away and then punch him in the face. Gin puts his hand to his lip and it looks like I busted it. "Fine. The hard way it is." Gin lunges at me and grabs me by the hair. I try to scream but he covers my mouth. He makes me look into the mirror and what I see makes me panic even more. I bite his hand and he rips it away. "You lil shit!" Gin grabs my hair even tighter and smashes my head into the mirror causing it to shatter. I fall to the ground and I can feel blood starting to ooze out from my head. Everything is starting to get blurry. I try to crawl away but I am met with a kick to the gut, ripping all the air out of my lungs. I try to scream but nothing comes out. I close my eyes tight. I don't want to see what comes next. "Now, where were we?" Please no… I feel a thud on the ground and I can hear punches connecting… but I am not getting punched?

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM!" I open my eyes and see that Kensei is on top of Gin. Kensei is pounding Gin with punches to the face causing blood to spray from his mouth. Something hits me and I pick it up with my hand. It's a tooth. I drop it with disgust. "YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!"

"K-Kensei?" I say hoarsely. Kensei turns his head towards me and gets off of Gin. My vision starts to get dark and I cannot tell if Gin is moving or not. Something touches me and I am lifted off the ground.

"Hang in there, Shuuhei!" Kensei says as he carries me out the door. The blood from my head starts to get in my eyes, making it harder for me to see. I look up at Kensei and see that his eyes are full of worry and panic. "We are going to get you help, just don't close your eyes." I let a hoarse chuckle.

"Bye." I close my eyes and let the darkness take me out of consciousness.

"No! Shuuh-"