This is my take on the episode 'When the Levee Breaks'.
***Then***
No, no… please! Dean! Dean, help me! Get away from me! Ahh! DEAN! NOOO!
Cradling his head in his hands, Dean sits listening to his brother's horrified cries from the panic room that just won't seem to stop. It's torturous. They don't know how long it'll last or if Sam will even make it through, but it's the only course of action any of them could come up with. And now Bobby's even second guessing their version of detox, thinking it better to unleash his fucked up psychic brother onto the world in order to help save it instead. God damn it.
The couch dips next to him and he peels his attention off of the inside of his eyelids where all he can see is Sam's blood-smeared face after he drank that demon dry and focuses on the person next to him. Lizzy gives him a sad look and hands over one of the glasses of whiskey she has in her hands. If it weren't for her, he'd have crumbled by now. At least she agrees with him, that Sam should be locked away right now. And she's giving him the comfort he needs to wait it all out, no matter how horrific it is to take, no matter what Sam says or does while ridding himself of the demon blood.
Dean takes up the glass of whiskey without a word and guzzles a hefty gulp right down. Elbows propped on his knees as he hunches his back over, he stares down at the glass in his hands and sighs. This is where his life has led him. This. Fuck. Wasn't he supposed to be out by now? Living a quiet life in a little house somewhere with Lizzy and a couple rugrats, working a menial, safe job and getting fat and being average?
"He'll get through it," Lizzy assures with a hand rubbing over his shoulder.
"You don't know that," Dean's choked voice tells her.
"No, I don't know it. But I have faith in Sam still," Lizzy says quietly. "He's strong, Dean. He's really strong. And he's a Winchester. People tend to get outta the impossible when they have that last name."
Stop! No, stop it! Gahh! Lizzy, help me, please! Helllllllp!
Lizzy grits her teeth and closes her eyes. It hurt so much to hear him call for her like that. Every time he does it rips her heart in two and she has to practically tie herself to a chair to stop herself from running to him and doing… what? That was the problem. They didn't have an alternative. This was it.
Lizzy, you have to do something, make it stop! Shit! Dean! Don't leave me here! Ahh, no!
"I hope you're right," Dean whispers outs, another large gulp taken down. He nearly finishes his glass already but no amount of booze can ease this kind of pain. He could drink the entire damn bottle and it wouldn't do a fucking thing.
"I am right," Lizzy answers, not only trying to convince him of this but also herself.
Suddenly they hear nothing. The silence takes over the house and causes a new kind of worry.
"My turn to check on him." She pats Dean on the knee once, kisses his cheek, and she leaves him to trek down the stairs. Once at the bottom of the basement steps, she can hear Sam's voice but this time it isn't shouting in pain or crying with pleads. This time, he's just talking.
Leaning an ear to the solid metal door she holds her breath and listens.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know… you don't have to tell me that. I would never want to disappoint you. Not you. Never, ever you.
Whoever he's talking to, she knows it's in his head. Sam has been going through hallucinogenic spurts where he converses with people that aren't there. She swears the first time she checked in and he was talking it was to his own self, possibly as a kid. He's lost his shit completely.
Just… please believe me. And don't hate me. I can't live with you hating me.
Who the hell is he talking to?
If you had been here… fuck, I miss you so much. It hurts every day still. Things would be different. So different… so much better if you were still with me.
Oh no. Lizzy tries to keep the sobs at bay as she further agonizes herself by listening on.
Don't look at me like that. That's not fair…. What the fuck was I supposed to do!? You were gone! You left me, you left me!
She needs to leave. She shouldn't listen to this.
I love you too much to have you say that to me! I always loved you, Lou! Always! Please believe that I did the right thing here! I can stop it from happening! I can stop it!
She can feel the bile rising in her throat. His mind is so warped, so broken, that this is what it has created for him.
I… Lou, please… come back. Come back to me. I need you so damn much. You're the only one who gets me and can help me. I am begging you to come back. I can't do this alone… please help me.
It's officially too much for her to take. Lizzy hightails back up the stairs, rushing to get away from his desperate pleas to a dead woman. The second she gets up the stairs and onto the first floor, Lizzy dashes for the bathroom, making it just in time to throw up into the toilet.
From the other room, Bobby hears her rushed footsteps followed by her loud retching in the bathroom. He sighs and gets up from behind his desk and makes a stop in the kitchen for a glass of water before heading down the hall to find Lizzy on the bathroom floor, knees drawn in and head bowed. Without a word, he bends at the waist and holds the glass out to her within her field of vision. Lizzy looks up to Bobby with a pathetic expression.
"Thanks," her shaking voice says as she grabs the glass. She takes a big sip and rinses her mouth, spitting into the toilet before flushing it. Great, now all three of them have seen her hurl while in an emotionally fucked up state. Hell of a track record.
"What happened?" Bobby asks gently, knowing whatever it is affected her greatly.
"Where's Dean?" Lizzy implores desperately, ignoring Bobby's question.
"He's taking a breather," Bobby answers. He holds his hand out and Lizzy takes it. Pulling her up to stand, he looks at her with a furrowed brow. "What happened down there?"
"Bobby," she cries out, the tears too easily finding her once more, and hugs tightly to her adoptive father, her cheek pressed to his flannel shirt.
"This is tough on all of us kiddo," Bobby tries to calm her as he runs a hand through her hair. "Next time, I'm checking on him, ok?"
"He's talking to Lou," Lizzy explains through her sobs. "He sees her down there, Bobby."
"Shit," Bobby responds, hugging her in tighter with the pain of what she says.
"He's begging her to come back," she keeps talking through her choked voice. "I want her back, for him, Bobby. Not even for me. Sam deserves better."
"Don't we all," Bobby sadly responds.
"No!" Lizzy loudly argues as she looks up to him within his embrace. "Sam's been through so fucking much. He's too good. And he lost her. He needs her, Bobby."
Doing all he can to hold back his own tears, Bobby runs the pads of his thumbs under her eyes to wipe away the sadness. The loss of Lou is still felt by every one of them, but no more deeply than with Sam. And for Lizzy to say she wanted Lou back only for Sam's sake and not her own… clearly Lizzy is the least selfish person he'd ever met.
"Where's Dean?" she asks through her crying as her need for him overwhelms her.
"Out back somewhere taking a walk."
Dean walks a few steps away from Castiel and sighs. He knows what he has to do in order to save his brother. It's his only option, really, but that doesn't mean it's a good option. He knows what a bad idea this is but if Sam needs him, he'll do anything he has to.
"Fine, I'm in."
"You give yourself over wholly to the service of God and his angels?" Castiel asks him.
"Yeah, exactly," Dean responds.
"Say it," Castiel commands, needing Dean to commit himself the right way.
"I give myself over wholly to serve God and you guys," Dean begrudgingly answers back.
"Dean!" They both hear her voice calling out from somewhere near the house. Castiel swallows hard as he knows that Lizzy will not be happy with what is happening right now. He hurries through to avoid her finding them.
"You swear to follow his will and his word as swiftly and obediently as you did your own father's?"
"Yes, I swear."
"Damn it, Dean!" Lizzy calls out again, her voice closer and more panicked than it was just seconds ago.
"Now what?" Dean asks quickly.
"Now you wait," Castiel begins to explain.
"What the fuck is this?" Lizzy questions when she spies them a several cars away. "Cas, what are you doing here?"
Castiel ignores her completely and looks back to Dean. "We will call on you when it's time." With that he disappears.
Lizzy jogs the rest of the way to Dean. When she gets to him she stops a few feet in front of him, looking up with her tear-reddened eyes. "I knew he was here the second I got outside. Could feel him," she explains. "Why was he here?"
"I asked him to come," Dean explains, walking past Lizzy to head back for the house and hopefully avoid any further prying.
"What did you do?" she angrily asks as she begins to put it all together.
"Nothing," Dean mutters as he keeps walking, his back to her.
"No, stop!" Lizzy calls after him as she runs and stands in front of him. "Stop!"
"What do you want, L?" Dean's expression is dark and angry, but in his eyes she sees the sorrow and emotional exhaustion in him through this whole ordeal.
"I want to know what just happened out here," Lizzy asks of him, her still watery eyes looking up at him and begging. "You're gonna help them, aren't you?"
"It'll save Sam," Dean simply put before trying to walk away from her again.
"Wait! You can't just drop that bomb on me and walk away!" Lizzy hustles to stand in front of him once more and block his way. "We need to talk about this."
"Nothing to talk about," Dean tells her. "It's done."
"And you think that you can just up and make a decision like that without even talking to me first?" She's hurt by his lack of involving her and the fact that he didn't consider her at all before committing himself to the angels.
"That's my brother in there!" Dean yells at her and points to the house.
"And I'm your girl right here!" she shouts back in his face while pointing to herself. "You just got into bed with the angels, you're gonna risk your fucking life for them, and you didn't think once to discuss this with me?"
"No," Dean growls. He sidesteps her and keeps walking for the house hoping that the third try's a charm. Lizzy's anger topples her better judgment as she runs to him and cuts off his path again. This time she lets her anger get the better of her. She lets the fist that has been itching for some action from the start of their conversation fly and she connects with his left cheek, his head whipping to the side with the force.
"I can't fucking believe you!" she fires out while pointing in his face. "You are the most inconsiderate jackass I've…"
"Inconsiderate!?" Dean asks with utter shock while his face stings from her assault. Why did he have to fall for the chick with fists of cement and an anger problem to rival the Hulk?
"Yes!" Lizzy shouts.
"Wow, do you have it all wrong, L," Dean spits back, his face riddle with ire. He just gave his life and his control over to dick angels to save his brother and she calls him inconsiderate?
"No, I have it right. You go after Lilith and try to stop her like they want you to, there's a good chance I'll have to live my life without you afterwards. And what if Sam doesn't come out of this, huh? I'll be all alone, Dean! You didn't think of that, did you!?"
Dean bites back his ire and stares her down. Not matter how much sense she's making, he couldn't care. Sam needed him. End of story as usual.
"I came out here to find you," Lizzy explains in a lower tone. "Because I heard him talking to Louie. He's losing it and he's talking to Lou, Dean. It hurt so much to hear and I needed to find comfort in you after that… and this is what I find instead?" She breathes deeply once. "What happened to doing this our way, together? You always promise me we'd get through this with each other, you and me. What happened to that and to screwing fate right in the face, huh?"
"It's a little tough to stick to that when fate has Sam's balls in vice," Dean rebuts quickly, the heat in his gut still roaring over her reaction.
"Fine. I thought we were in this fight together but I see now how wrong I was," Lizzy growls out to him. "When the angels come for you to take down Lilith, I hope you know what you're doing. Because you're gonna be doing it alone. I'm not coming with you."
