I don't own the HG :(
But enjoy!
Rememeber it is called fanfiction! If you don't like, write your own... :)
I grabbed his wrist and pulled him to the living room sitting on the left side of the couch as he took the right. As soon as he let go of my wrist I hugged my knees to me facing him. Peeta sat crookedly but he seemed comfortable. We faced each other but we couldn't bring ourselves to look at the other.
"You have a question, real or not real?" He sighed heavily as I asked. "Real, but I'm afraid of your answer…" he said quietly. It made me feel horrible.
I placed my right hand on top of his left; I couldn't find words so I waited until he asked.
"You miss Gale, real or not real? Actually you rather Gale be here than me." he took his hand away from mine. I knew exactly how to answer.
"Real, I miss Gale. Not real, I want you here... no one else." I tried to catch his eyes but he avoided the eye contact.
"Peeta, I need you here. I'm that selfish; I need to see you so I can... breathe. I don't know how to explain it but... I simply want and need you in my life. You can go ignoring me as much as you want but please don't hate me… for being so selfish...! I can't stand the thought of you hating me anymore." I was crying again so I hugged my knees in tighter and hid my face.
Peeta's POV-
Her words took me by surprise, I was sure she would trade me for Gale.
Then suddenly she's telling me that she doesn't want to live without me. I was processing her words and fighting the fake, shiny memories when I realized she was sobbing.
It wasn't the first time I saw Katniss cry but more than ever I felt like I had to comfort her no matter how much she had hurt me or how much I was supposed to believe she hurt me.
"Katniss," I said her name for the third time in months.
"Please don't cry, I had to know, I had to make sure you weren't suffering because I was here and I could never hate you on my own free will. Those memories that have been hijacked, I can distinguish them now, I still get confused but I don't feel so much hostility anymore! I can't hate you Katniss."
I leaned in and awkwardly put my arm around her hoping she wouldn't push me away. To my surprise she leaned into my body and cried harder. Neither of us spoke for a while and I thought of what she said; of how she thought she was selfish for wanting me around.
"Why Peeta! Why have you not left, why haven't you found someone else, someone that deserves you, someone whose not broken!" When she finally spoke she surprised me yet again. Katniss was looking at me with puffy red eyes and I smiled with my answer.
"Because, I'm selfish too, Katniss. I've always wanted you, only you. Even when I've tried not to. It's always been you. You're my oxygen Katniss, you are all I've ever needed to survive or to die for. Since I got here I've been scared witless that you might run away with Gale or that I might hurt you and even worse; that you'll take yourself away from all of us." Tears slid down my face as I finally told her my feelings.
"I still love you, Katniss Everdeen and no amount of venom is going to change that."
Katniss POV-
It felt like the old Peeta was back. I knew he meant those words, I reached and wiped the tears away resting my palms on his face and repeated Haymitch's words. "Peeta Mellark, I could live a thousand lifetimes and not ever deserve you."
He knew I couldn't bring myself to say those three words but he didn't know why. What I told him seemed enough to keep the old Peeta with me. He leaned his forehead against mine.
We stayed connected like this for several minutes, feeling each other's breaths. Silent tears slid down our cheeks. Eventually Peeta wiped my tears and he gave me an awkward hug. Then he announced he had to leave since it was getting late. Before I could stop and think it through I shoot up and took hold of his arms.
"Stay. Please." Peeta seemed to have an inner fight as he stood and decided. "Katniss... I don't want to hurt you.. In my nightmares, well I trash around too much...I don't want you to see me like that and I don't want to hurt you." He seemed to be lost with words as he explained.
I surprised both of us as I actually giggled. "I trash around too, maybe we can have a wrestling contest, I've put on some pounds from sitting around eating and doing nothing." He chuckled and grabbed my hands. "It's not funny."
I was desperate, he wasn't planning on staying the night, I knew that if he didn't wake up beside me tomorrow, I would regret our talk tonight and sink back again.
I did the only thing I knew to convince Peeta. I took my hands away from his and put them around his neck running my finger tips from his neck to his hair. I reached on my tip toes and whispered in his hear "please" then sat my head against his heart.
My flop attempt to be persuasive seemed to work as he hugged me against him and he sighed, "Fine, I'll stay tonight but if something goes wrong we're not sharing a room again, ever." He seemed part amused, happy and annoyed. He took my hand and we made our way to my bed.
Butterflies were flopping in tummy as I thought of lying next to him again. I knew we would not kiss or anything but just the fact of having his body against mine made my heart speed uncomfortably.
C:
