As the crew break out of hyperspace, they see a dense brown hole on the planet's surface.
"I don't remember an asshole being on the surface of Jedha", Garfield speculates with curious.
"That's because it was just ripped a new one," Ken from Bee Movie said with disgustedly disgust, "something hit the city with enough load to bust a nut. Whatever it was... it had balls."
There was once a lively city before it's new geography was punctured. Garfield flies the ship closer to the bunkered hole of Jehda's crust. As soon as the Lasagna-Falcon lands on top of the endless clusters of rocks and debris, the ship's door lowers down as Garfield, Jon and Ken from Bee Movie see the aftermath of Jehda City's tragic death. Our three heroes observe flat miles of nothing but dust, except a glimmering light shining onto Garfield's enhanced eyesight which is better than anyone else's in the galaxy. He pounces onto the reflective object which uncovers a strange collar from the piles of unearthed dirt. He holds it in his hands and stares at a metal tag intensely. A sweat drop slowly makes its way down his handsome face under the hot desert sun of Jedha. He lifts the collar up and turns to the group. Garfield then quickly throws it to the ground like he found a dirty bottle cap from a refuse bin and continues looking for more clues.
"Garfield what was that?" concerned Jon with concern.
"Huh? Some dumb dead dog died here." replies Garfield with stud.
"That thing you threw away, that looked like Odie's collar!" said a worrisome Jon.
"Oh yeah..." says Garfield in whatever.
"GARFIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELD! We must be sad moment for our lost friend Odie the Dog." Yells out Jon with human pain.
"Time will be wasted on a dead bitch, Jon. I have a bet to win" explains Garfield with indifferent. Garfield keeps moving and the group slowly follows behind.
The three heroes begin to look beyond the dusty waste of Jehda City's as nothing of uniqueness catches their sight including Garfield.
"We've been searching for hours Garfield, we can't find this secret dungeon!" says Jon with lost hope.
Ken approaches a giant steel door with signs pointed to it reading 'Saw Gurrera's Secret Dungeon (Do not open until destruction of Jehda)'. "This...This is a clue." says Ken in deductive reasoning. The group look at each other as Ken nods with approvingly yes. Beyond the sign was a giant metal vault door, seemingly untouched by the blast of the hole penetrating nut buster of a Death Star. Garfield steps up to the blast door and stretches his toned throbbing muscles of pure manliness. He winds up a massive flick to the door and it crumples like a burrito wrapper Garfield had the other day. "Easier than that burrito wrapper I had the other day", said Garfield with confidence of manly manliness.
The group sets into the vault and instantly gets the heeby jeeby feelings. The underground facility that Saw Gurrera had kept this whole time was a Bor Gullet farm. Rows beyond rows of caged filled with retched looking creatures. The smell was even worse except to Garfield who thought it was a dumpster from an All-You-Can-Eat sushi buffet. Everyone knew these creatures had died long ago. Further down the corridor of dark filled cages, a peaking light beams down onto a large figure who is chained like sexy bondage to keep them locked to the ground. He was fat…. REALLY fat. His short, black and curly haired head popped up to look at the group with his icy, spherical blue eyes. "Who in Oprah's greatest show of all time called 'Oprah' are you freaky dudes?" said the glistening fat boy in chains.
"Better question, butter boy, who are you?" asked Garfield with command.
The boy wiggled with fear as his fat and the chains rippled. "Oh JEEZ! I-I-I am Josh. Josh Nichols," introduced Josh Nichols from Drake and Josh, "I-I I don't even know where I am! I'm supposed to be San Diego! SAN DIEGO!...Did Megan set you up to this?!" said Josh with sass.
Garfield looked back to the group and they all shrugged so they decided to ignore it. "Listen here, we're from a friend of yours named Saw Guerrera." said Garfield looking at the strange position the boy has been put in, "Although I'm sure we can find someone else with the orange scrotum to do this job."
"Ohhhh so you're with Saw?" Josh said with light amusement and a doofus smile that could make Garfield scream anger. "Why didn't you say something?" Josh says in delight as he casually removes all the complex chains of bondage off of him like a lubricated, which he is also covered in. Ken looks away as he realizes something unusual about Josh's fat physique. "GOOD GOD YOU'RE NAKED!" screamed Ken in girl.
"Wait what do you mean I'm-" Josh looks down to his protruding man boobs, "OH JEEZ!" He quickly covers himself with his tiny hands and waddles back and forth falling over his wet feet, covering himself in filth.
"Say, why are you even covered in that greasy mess? No way you could have done that yourself" Ken pondered with gagging horror.
"Let's try not to focus on the past…" Josh shamefully tries to not make eye contact in silence of the awkward.
"Why do we need him again, Garfield?" said Jon with disappointed.
"I can get you into any security code in a matter of milliseconds, I'm a master of disguise, know jujitsu, love Oprah and I'm also incredibly handsome in a sort of pity, beer goggles way" said Josh as a laugh track plays.
"Can your skills get us the Death Star Plans?" Garfield said.
"The Death Star? Garfield that thing in space is Spherical. SPHERICAL!... it's impossible to get the plans for it!" yelled Josh in fearfulness.
"Yeah and if we don't your lil' planet of San Diego is going to be nothing but Space Worm food," warned the manly orange cat. "Even worse, I'll lose my coolness points in a bet. That is not something worth losing."
"Alright! Alright!" said the dirt covered cellulite with whining. "I'll help you."
"Good marshmellow" said Garfield with verbal manipulation.
The group then make their way out of the vault with the greasy boy scrambling behind. As the crew approach the vault doors, a small voice perks up out of the darkness.
"So where are we going, Garfield?" says the voice in confusion.
The group cautiously look around for any spies that could endanger their lives. Except for Garfield who stands with manly bravery and looks down at the source of the annoying voice.
"Who the hell SAID THAT?!" Ken says with Bee Movie rage.
"Oh sorry," said the voice, stepping out of the darkness to reveal a small gray kitten with black stripes, "I thought you knew I was here."
"When DID you get here Nermal?" Garfield proclaims with studness.
"I was fixing up repairs on your starship back at Dex's Diner until you suddenly flew off to hyperspace. I was stuck on top of the roof this whole time." said Nermal with annoying.
"Well go home then Nermal you're boring me" said Garfield with bored mood of non-amusement.
"Please Garfield! I heard what you have to do back at Yavin. I was there with you when you made an entire room of bittering senators your followers and made them believe in something for once when you were bed bouncing with Mon Mothma. And I want to help do my duty in the galaxy by stopping the Empire once and for all. All my life, I've just been this measly repair kitty with a cute face for two years now. The Empire never did anything good, for not only me, but for every other poor soul that tears us all down like prideful dominoes. We have been pushed around for so long Garfield, it's time to bring the fight to them. I'm here for you, friend, through thick and thin. Through my use of life and the fate of my death rests in your hands, comrade. For the galaxy... For the Force."
Garfield ponders about Nermal's thoughts, consenting to die for Garfield's meaty paws of righteous justice against all knowing tyranny of the Galactic Empire.
"Whatever."
"Really Garfield?!" Nermal jumps for irritating joy, "I promise I won't let you down-" But Garfield and his group had already left before Nermal could finish. "W-Wait for me Garfield!" said Nermal with excited panic as he and the fatboy Josh Nichols from Drake and Josh scampered together back to the ship. Everyone began to board the Lasagna-Falcon one by one. Ken, then Josh and Garfield. However, Jon kept his two feet on the dusty rubble of Jehda. Garfield suddenly realized the stopping of Jon and he turned to face to his human companion.
"Why have you stopped Jon?" asked Garfield with mild interest.
"I'm sorry Garfield, I have a date with Dr. Liz Wilson tonight at eight, and I don't wanna miss out on it." said Jon with time constraint.
"You mean that whore of saggy tits you call your girlfriend?" Garfield walks down and pats on Jon's inferior shoulder, "Jon... your pursuit of romance will always be futile."
"Goodbye Garfield." Jon says with thirsty sadness.
Garfield jumps in the air performing 800 backflips in under three seconds as he lands inside his cockpit with his other comrades…. except Nermal. Garfield had pre-calculated the coordinates and using his quick knowledge of where the Death Star plans could be, while doing his astonishing backflips, and punches the hyperdrive making their way to the planet of Scarif.
Meanwhile on the atmosphere of Scarif, a large black Imperial cargo shuttle secretly carrying a company's worth of battle-ready rebel soldiers, Jyn and her main crew of misfits: Rogue One are stationed in the cockpit. They nervously stand together the ship comms in hope that their old passcode will give them entrance to the secret base on the planet's surface. The pilot proceeds to send the Imperial codes to the gatekeepers of a huge portal in the planetary shield. "You know there is a high probable chance this will be a failure," said the cool robot.
"It will work, I have hope." whimpers in constipation by the lame protagonist, Jyn Erso.
Every member waits suspensefully onboard for the results of the code clearance….one second passes by…. then two…. then three…
"I'm sorry but these security codes seem to be twenty years old. Guess we have to terminate ya. Goodbye now, Neo-Separatist scum." the Imperial officer snoots as their large turbo lasers aim at the cargo ship and blast it to smithereens.
The Lasagna-Falcon casually flies up to gate with confidence as the Imperials watching begin to stare with awe at its unique beauty.
"Alright Josh, I need you to convince the gatekeeper to let us in. Can you handle it, twinkle fingers?" said Garfield with leadership.
"Don't worry Garfield, you can count on me." replies Josh with serious as he pulls out a pair of sunglasses that seem to be too small to fit on his face.
Josh takes a deep sigh and puts on his best disguising voice, "Hello? Is this the Chinese food store?"
"Why yes, it is. Is this for pickup or delivery?" says the Imperial officer in second job.
"It's for pick up. Let me just park this thing inside your store so I can get it." Josh constructively says with his quick wit.
"Sure thing, sir." The Imperial Officer replies as he opens the gate, letting the ship through.
Josh turns around at the crew as he pulls down his sunglasses a little, winking at his comrades, "We're in."
"You're still naked, fatty." Garfield says with keen observance.
"Yes. Yes I am." Josh says with laugh track.
Their ship finally lands on the the beaches of Scarif as Garfield preps his companions for battle. "Grab whatever weapons you need, I'll use these babies." Garfield says as he warms up his rippling, veiny muscles by doing 6000 one arm push-ups for each arm in a span of a couple minutes. As Garfield was exercising, Josh decides to keep his weapon of lethality, his hacker sunglasses by his side. Ken from Bee Movie on the other hand picks up a small cardboard box that he brought from his apartment. Nermal looks up at the wide array of blasters, thermal detonators and missile launchers at his disposal. The kitten reaches for a weapon before it was smacked away from the emasculated handsome orange feline that is Garfield.
"You're a weakling." Garfield talks down to Nermal as he already forgotten his name.
"All those weapons will mean nothing for you. You will need a weapon that will match your bravery and skill on the battlefield."
Nermal pridefully puffs his chest and sticks his hand out only to be given a small plastic squirt gun. "What is this?" Nermal asks the demigod-like alpha male named Garfield.
"It's you." said Garfield with witty wink in eye.
"But it's not even colored like a gun. It's neon pink..." says Nermal with confusion. Garfield had already walked away at this point so Nermal just took it as one of Garfield's insightful wisdom lessons.
"You're the best Garfield…" Nermal says with tears of happy, "I will fight with my life!"
The doors had slowly opened in front of the group. They were all lined up like action hero badasses before they went into a secret base to kick ass with guns and action. They all walked out onto the beach with no fear at all. However, something had changed the mood as fast as their entrance.
A sudden burst of screaming hot plasma whizzes pass Garfield, penetrating one of his now fallen heroes. He turns back to his group to warn them but it was too late. He now looks on to see a body on the floor.
