It had been 3 days since Clarke saw Lexa, and her head was still spinning from it. She had made it her mission not to pay attention to anything soccer related after her break up, and Octavia had even stopped mentioning it around her. She had no idea Lexa was in Seattle, and apparently Octavia had known she was playing for whatever they were called – Seattle Rains? – and had failed to mention this when Clarke decided to move here. Seriously, was her best friend even on her side? To top that off, Raven had to explain that Anya was a homocide detective and she was therefore the reason that Lexa was at the police event. Once again, putting doubts into her mind whether her so-called best friend had her back or whether she was enjoying her being fucked over and her life turned upside down.

She and Octavia still weren't on the best of terms, and was a little shaky with Raven as well. Those girls were supposed to have her back, not keep secrets from her. Especially secrets that involved her bloody ex.

Noah had continued to ask about Lexa, always taking an interest in Clarke life and her friends and as much as she loved that about him, it had to stop. She wasn't interested in talking about Lexa, especially not with Noah. Hell, she wasn't even interested in thinking about her. But as she predicted, she wasn't that lucky.

She couldn't get Lexa out of her head.

She couldn't seem to forget how amazing she had looked, after 3 damn years of only old pictures and her memories, seeing Lexa in person took her breath away. And to make matters worse, she was in a damn suit. And now, she continued to find herself comparing Noah to Lexa in everything he done and how he looked.

Don't get her wrong, Noah looked incredible in a suit. His shoulders were impressively broad, which were a necessity for rocking a suit but fuck. There was just something about the way Lexa wore a suit, with such confidence and power, and strength.

She had to stop. This wasn't healthy, and it wasn't healthy for her relationship with Noah either. She wasn't going to find herself obsessing over her ex, not for any longer. She had wasted enough time thinking about her, and crying over losing her. She was with Noah now, and honestly, she loved Noah. Noah was her future, Lexa was her past.

\\\

"Wait, so you're telling me you ran into your ex and her boyfriend? The ex that your still evidently in love with?" The Scottish accent rang out as Kim took a swig of her water.

"It's that obvious, huh?" Lexa looked down.

"Unfortunately so, Woods. Your hard ass attitude disappears whenever you speak about her"

Lexa sighed, "I'm fucked. What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"The way I see it, you have two options: you go and get your girl back or you accept that she's moved on and try to move on yourself" Kim shrugged.

"I can't come between her and Noah, that's messed up"

"Maybe. But if she lets you come between you and Noah then you know she still wants you too"

"You're a bad influence, you know that?" Lexa smiled, knocking Little away by her shoulder and beginning to run again.

"Yet you're thinking about it!" The girl called from behind her, trying to catch up to Lexa.

After her run, Lexa headed back to her apartment and cleaned herself up. She was fully enjoying her time off for a few weeks, being able to lounge around and catch up on tv shows she'd neglected for so long. She was never one for being lazy but after leagues and national tours, she embraced it when she could.

But then Clarke had showed up, and now she couldn't enjoy her free time because her thoughts were plagued with the blonde. Or more specifically, the two blondes; Clarke and Noah.

From their small encounter, Noah seemed like a nice guy. He had a kind face, and a kind smile and as soon as he realised Clarke knew her, he looked at Lexa like she was a friend of his. But it didn't matter how kind he seemed, or how friendly he was as soon as he realised, all Lexa could think about was Clarke's hand in his. Her arm in his. His hand on her hip. The hip that Lexa's hand used to rest on; the hip that Lexa used to kiss; the hip that Lexa knew would make Clarke shiver if you grazed your teeth along it. And now all she could wonder was if he knew the same things about Clarke as she did. Did someone else know all the right places to touch her that made her shiver, made her moan or even the places that she found ticklish. Like the spot just under her ribs. Did he know about the little congregation of freckles that settled across her left shoulder, or the small scar on her right knee. Did he know Clarke's body just as well as she did?

He can't. He can't know Clarke's body that well. She couldn't accept that. That was something that she took too much pride in, she knew Clarke's body better than anyone, better than Clarke herself.

Pulling herself from those destructive thoughts, she decided that sitting around and watching TV wasn't in her best intentions. Instead, she decided to get out of the apartment and go wherever her feet took her.

Apparently her feet were as indecisive as she was, and she just found herself wandering around aimlessly, walking in and out of stores as she aimlessly window shopped. Giving up on finding somewhere to go, or something to do, Lexa decided to take a break and grab herself some food. Looking around her surroundings, she found a café and settled on a grabbing herself a sandwich.

She was just about to take a seat, and enjoy her chicken salad sandwich and water when she heard someone call her name from behind her. Turning around, she was face to face with Raven.

"I heard you were in town" the girl smiled before wrapping her arms around Lexa and pulling her into a tight hug, "I've missed you, Lex".

"Hey Raven, it's lovely to see you too" Lexa hugged back, awkward at first but then let herself relax into it.

"How is life treating the talented Lexa Woods?" Raven smiled, both of them settling into a table.

"Life is life, my career is going well and Seattle is a lovely city. I have no complaints really. What about you, business tycoon Raven Reyes?"

Raven let out a laugh, "I guess you heard about that then? I'm my own boss, how much better can that get?"

"You never did well with people telling you what to do, I think that works out nicely for you. And how about Octavia, I heard she's in the police force? What happened to soccer?"

"She still loves it, and plays it when she can and makes me watch every damn game there is but one day she just got the idea of being a police officer and she went with it. And now here we are, in Seattle."

"Here you are"

"Oh c'mon, don't pretend like you didn't miss us! We should catch up properly, with Octavia and maybe Clarke"

Lexa thought about it for a moment, she'd love to catch up with them all but seeing Clarke again? Did she want that? Could she handle that?

"Clarke doesn't have to be there, if it's awkward for you both" Raven must have noticed her hesitation.

"I'd love to, in theory but I'm not sure how Clarke would respond to it."

"I think you're worrying more than necessary. She still misses you, Lexa and I don't think she'd be unwillingly to find out how you've been. You were a big part of her life"

"I miss her too" Lexa sighed and Raven reached forward to give her arm a squeeze of comfort.

"I'll suggest it to her, okay? And we'll leave it up to her to decide"

Lexa nodded, "okay, sure."

"Great! Now give me your number, I'm not letting you disappear from our lives again" Raven cheered up and grabbed her phone.

After her encounter with Raven, Lexa was nervous. They hadn't even set up the meeting yet and she didn't even know if Clarke would agree to seeing Lexa but even the prospect was putting her on edge. She had no idea how she would get through a get together with Clarke there. And what if Noah was there too? She really didn't think this through before agreeing.

\\\

"Raven, you have got to be kidding me! Why would you do that?!" Clarke practically shouted.

"Relax princess, I'm not asking you to jump her bones, it's just a get together or dinner or whatever you wanna do. We all lost Lexa, and now we're all in the same city again then I figured we could catch up. You don't have to come if you don't want to but if you don't, Lexa will know it's because of her"

"So you're basically leaving me no choice?" Clarke crossed her arms.

"Yup! You've moved on, Clarke, you're with Noah now and Lexa doesn't seem to have a problem with meeting with us so I don't understand why you do"

"Because she's my ex, Raven! Do you realise how long it took me to move on from her and now you're forcing me to bring her back into my life"

"Tell me you don't want her in your life."

Clarke stared at her, clearly thinking about it, "I'd prefer to decide when to bring her back into my life"

Raven patted her friend's shoulder, "I'm just getting the ball rolling, you'll thank me eventually"

Clarke groaned loudly, "you need to find something that keeps you busy so you're not interfering with my life"

"Where's the fun in that?"

\\\

Reyes: Everyone is in. Friday 8, plans still aren't perfect but we're thinking dinner then drinks?

Lex: Is drinks really a good idea?

Reyes: Yes, you fun sponge, drinks are definitely necessary. What happened to the old Lex and her beer chugging and body shots?

Lex: I'm no longer 21, Raven

Reyes: You've lost all your fun in your old age but don't worry, I'll help you find it again :)

Lex: Great. Friday at 8, text me the details when you decide where we're going

Reyes: Excited to see you again, sweet cheeks

\\\

"Why are you stressing so much? It's only dinner with friends" Noah asked as he watched Clarke throw away another outfit.

"I'm not stressing, I just don't know what to wear"

"You never usually have trouble with finding something to wear. What's so special about tonight?" Clarke registered the worry in Noah's voice.

She turned to him and stood in between his legs as he sat on the edge of her bed, "nothing is special. I guess I just want to make a good impression, I haven't seen Lexa in such a long time" she rested her hands on his shoulders.

Noah wrapped her arms around her waist, "I shouldn't be worried, should I? With her being your ex and all" she could see the worry lines forming on his forehead.

Clarke leaned down and kissed him, her arms wrapping around his neck, "you have absolutely nothing to worry about, babe. Lexa is my ex, yes but we broke up a long time ago. We both know where we stand. We're just friends, just like me and Octavia or me and Raven".

"Promise me?"

Clarke smiled, "I promise you, silly, me and Lexa are just friends".

With one final kiss, Noah unwrapped his arms from her waist, "c'mon, let's find you something to wear. I'm not having Octavia on my ass for you being late"

Eventually, Clarke settled on something more casual, not wanting to worry Noah any further. Dark blue skin tight jeans, a loose white tank top with a light blue shirt over the top.

Saying goodbye to Noah as he dropped her off before he started his night shift at the hospital, Clarke made her way into the restaurant where she was meeting her friends. Informing the waitress of her reservation name, she was led to a table where Raven and Octavia were already waiting.

"Clarkey! I was expecting a phone call to tell us you couldn't come, you know being the busy resident that you are" Raven welcomed her.

"Nice to see you too, Raven. I'm not on call tonight so you're lucky" Clarke settled into her seat beside Octavia.

"We didn't know whether to have you and Lexa sit together or not, I don't really know how awkward this might be for you" Octavia cleared up the seating arrangements, eyeing Clarke to look for any worry in her face.

"I'm okay, Octavia. We both live in the same city, and I know you two love her and want her in your lives so I can handle this. Lexa and I can be friends"

Octavia pursed her lips at that comment, not fully convinced that they could only be friends. Not with a love like theirs, or a love that once was theirs.

The 3 girls were waiting on Lexa before they began to order, opting to just order a few cocktails while they waited. It soon got to the point that Raven was fidgeting, convinced that Lexa wouldn't show up and Clarke had to stop her from sending some verbally abusive texts to the girl. In fact, they were in the middle of stopping Raven from doing just that when they heard a voice beside their table.

"Yeah Reyes, texting me abuse will just make me stay at home" Lexa smiled down at the girl.

Clarke's eyes slowly raked up the girl and her heart was in her throat once more. She was wearing an almost identical outfit to their first date, but this time switching the jeans for black fitted pants, and switching the white shirt for a black one, with grey suspenders and those damn sleeves. Why must she always roll them up. And to make matters worse, Clarke's eyes couldn't take her eyes off of the new black and white tattoos that Lexa had covering her forearm from the wrist up and disappearing under the shirt. Lexa had a full sleeve tattoo and Clarke was suddenly very, very hot.

"Damn Lexa, you got hotter" Octavia spoke without thinking, immediately receiving a glare from Clarke.

"Soccer keeps me in shape, I guess" she shrugged as she took a seat beside Raven.

Clarke swallowed hard at that comment. "I get it does" she thought to herself and immediately cursed herself for it.

"Hello again, Clarke" Lexa greeted her, and she raised her eyes to meet that intense green and her stomach sank.

"Lexa" she managed to say through a dry mouth. Honestly, what the fuck was going on? She was over Lexa, why the hell was her body reacting like this to her?

"Raven was telling me that you're doing your residency here? How are you enjoying it?" Lexa asked her, never breaking eye contact.

"I love it. It's tiring and it can get really tough sometimes but I love it" she managed to speak strongly.

Lexa nodded, "I'm glad, Clarke. I'm glad you're happy" and with that comment, Lexa dropped her eyes and turned her attention to Octavia. "So what the hell happened, O? Why did you give up on soccer?"

"I haven't given up on it, I'm just not pursuing it professionally. I don't know how to explain it, I just suddenly one day felt a pull towards the police. I'm hoping to one day go further into then SVU department." Octavia shrugged. "What about you though, Miss Big Shot Soccer Player?"

Lexa smiled wide, "I don't have much to say really, I spend my days playing soccer. It's all I do."

"No one new to do?" Raven wiggled her eyes brows and Lexa's eyes immediately scanned Clarke.

"No, no one new, Raven. Sorry to disappoint".

Clarke didn't understand why she was trying to hide a smile at that new information. And she wasn't going to try to understand it either. She was over Lexa. Over!

\\\

Lexa had spent most of the night trying not to stare at Clarke, and she was pretty sure that Octavia had noticed. The girl kept giving her a curious look every time their eyes met, but Lexa pretended not to notice. She really didn't want to get into that.

Somehow Clarke had managed to grow even more beautiful over the years, and still looked intensely good in tight jeans. It was hard to keep her eyes from travelling the length of the girl's body any time she was able to. And the drinks that Raven kept supplying her definitely weren't helping her.

After dinner, Raven and Octavia suggest they end the night at a bar that one of Octavia's colleagues had recommended. Apparently the selection of beers was extensive and to Lexa surprise, they were right. She made a mental note to remember this bar and make it her mission to try all of the beers they had to offer. Although at this rate, Raven would have her try every beer tonight.

"Good to see the commander here can still keep up with us" Octavia smiled, clanking her beer bottle against Lexa's.

"I can still drink you under the table, Blake. Nothing has changed there" Lexa challenged and saw the spark in Octavia's eye.

"Woah not a chance, I am not carrying not you home tonight" Raven interrupted before Octavia could jump in to accept the challenge.

"What makes you think I'd need help getting home, huh? Where's the faith, Raven? Where's your faith!?" Octavia shook her girlfriend by the shoulders, causing all 3 girls to laugh.

"Oh I have faith, just not in you. I remember how these drinking competitions go. The only reason you won once was because Lexa wouldn't stop taking body shots off Clarke"

Lexa sneaked a peek at Clarke and saw the girl blushing, and refusing to meet her eyes. Lexa had fully noticed the awkwardness between her and Clarke, the girl barely looked at her or even spoke to her.

It wasn't until later in the night, when everyone was feeling the affects of the alcohol – especially Raven who was by this point throwing up in the bathroom – that Clarke actually sparked up a conversation with Lexa. They were both sitting by the bar, side by side and awkwardly toying with their drinks when Clarke turned to her.

"You look good, Lexa."

Lexa looked at her, was that flirting? Obviously not. She was just complimenting her. Keep it together Lexa. "You do too, Clarke. Better than I remember" she smiled down at her drink.

"I like the new additions" Clarke's finger glided over her forearm and Lexa felt every nerve in her body some to life under the subtle touch.

"I- I uh, yeah, I always wanted to add to it" Lexa couldn't focus on anything other than the finger that was tracing the outlines of her tattoo.

"Is there any meaning behind it? Like the mountain, or the trees?"

Lexa swallowed, "it just reminded me of the cabin, and I really liked the design the artist sketched up"

"I'd have loved to sketch you something, if you had let me" Clarke's hand had stopped, and was currently resting on Lexa's forearm.

"I'll keep that in mind. I'm sure I'm not done with tattoos just yet" she smiled, taking a swig of her beer to help her dry mouth.

Just then, Octavia and Raven returned, "I'm taking this loser home, and she had no faith in me, pft" Octavia was practically holding a very drunk Raven up. How did that happen?

"Yeah, I should head home too, I'm feeling these drinks more than I thought" Clarke said, slipping off her bar stool.

"Are you okay to get home alone?" Octavia asked concerned.

"Ye-"

"I'll get her home safe, don't worry. You take care of Reyes, and remind her how much of a let down she is tomorrow" Lexa slipped off her barstool, ready to set off.

"Don't you worry, I will. She won't forget this. Thanks Lexa, it was great to see you again. Keep in touch!" She finished as she pulled Raven towards the exit.

"You really don't have to walk me home, you know. I can just grab a cab, I don't want to keep you" Clarke shrugged into her leather jacket.

"I like the city at night, walking you home allows me to experience it again. Are you going to deny me that?" Lexa tilted her head.

"I guess you're walking me home then".

The two began their walk to Clarke's, Lexa burying her hands in her pockets to help aid the cold breeze. Why the hell didn't she being a jacket? They were both silent, concentrating on keeping their staggering to a minimum.

Lexa had no idea how far away Clarke lived, she really hadn't thought this through but she couldn't allow her to walk home alone. She wanted to make sure she was safe.

After around 10 minutes of walking in silence, Lexa couldn't take it anymore. "So Noah, huh?"

"What about him?" Clarke asked, keeping her eyes forward.

"He seems nice, is all. Not too shabby looking either" Lexa shrugged, not really knowing where she was going with it.

"He is nice. In fact he's more than nice. Sometimes I feel like he's too nice"

Lexa laughed, "too nice, Clarke? You're complaining your boyfriend is too nice?"

"Nono of course not! I'm just saying"

"What's wrong, you prefer someone that's a little bad? Someone who treats you a little rougher than nice?" Lexa spoke, and realised instantly that that may sound like flirting. And then she realised that frankly, she didn't care. The alcohol took her cares away.

Clarke turned her head to look at her, and Lexa couldn't read her expression. Was that fear? Why was she scared? "He treats me just fine, Lexa"

"Just fine, huh? I guess what they say is right: girls do it better" Lexa shrugged, not thinking about anything that was falling from her mouth.

Clarke came to an abrupt stop, "are you being serious right now?" Her tone was becoming aggressive and normally, that would stop Lexa but right now, it just spurred her on.

Lexa chuckled, "what? I'm not doing anything"

Clarke shook her head, and began walking again, "I'm just round the corner from my apartment, I think I can survive the rest of the way home. You can go now"

"You're awfully defensive of you sex life. You never had a problem joking around when it was with me" Lexa caught up to her.

"I'm not going to discuss my sex life with you, Lexa. That's why"

"I'm getting the feeling it wouldn't be much to discuss anyway" Lexa coughed over a laugh. Drinking really wasn't something she should do, apparently it turned her into an idiot.

Clarke came to another stop just before turning the corner, and stood up to Lexa, "what the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you even talking about this?"

"I was winding you up, Clarke. Do you really think I want to know about your sex life?"

"Apparently you do, Lexa. What is it, does thinking about me with someone else get you off? Does thinking about how he fucks me get you off? What is it, Lexa? Do you want to hear about how well he uses his fingers? Or his tongue"Clarke began to step forward into Lexa's space, her voice growing more aggressive.

But before she could continue to shout, Lexa began to lose it and backed Clarke up against the wall, cornering her with her body. "Yet I bet you still wish it was my fingers, or my tongue on you, inside you. I bet he still can't use it as well as I can and I bet that pisses you off." Lexa shifted her leg, pushing it between Clarke's legs and applying pressure, causing Clarke to shiver and Lexa could see the black taking the place of the usual blue within her eyes. "Cause no one is going to make you squirm like I can" she spoke, beginning to move her leg and lowering her lips to Clarke's ear, "no one's going to make you come as hard as I do" she bit down on her earlobe in sync with a thrust from her leg and Clarke let out a moan. "Your body is too in tune with mine, Clarke. And look at how your body still responds to me." She took hold of Clarke's wrists, holding them above her head and she could hear the girl's breathing get heavier.

"Lexa" the girl pleaded, as her body began to take over and she could feel herself start to grind down on Lexa's leg.

"What did I tell you? You can't control yourself with me, Clarke." She pulled back, looking at the blonde's face and watching as she bit down on her lip and her eyes fluttered open and shut. "Do you even remember who Noah is?"

At the name, Clarke snapped out of whatever trance she had found herself in. She had let herself get lost in Lexa all over again, and she had let this get too far. This was wrong.

She pushed against Lexa, "stop" she demanded and the girl removed herself from Clarke, taking a few steps back. "Fuck Lexa, fuck!".

"I'm sorry, I really have no idea what just came over me. I shouldn't have done that"

"We both shouldn't have. Ugh fuck this is so messed up, why did you have to be right?" Clarke spoke, her heads in her hands.

"About what?"

"I can't help myself with you. You have this stupid fucking control over me that I can't fight. You always have. My body just responds to you and I can't stop it"

Lexa reached forward to take Clarke's hand but Clarke gave her a look which told her not to "don't Lexa, I can't handle you touching me right now"

Lexa backed away again, "for your sake, I wish I wasn't right. I'll back off. As I said, I don't know what just came over me. It's just, seeing you after so long. I still want you Clarke, I always have" she admitted. Yeah, drinking really was the worst thing for her to do.

Clarke looked at her in shock, and then Lexa could see the tears begin to form in her eyes, "I can't do this right now, Lexa. I can't. I'm sorry" and she began to walk off around the corner.

Lexa let her leave, she knew she was close enough to home to be safe. And she couldn't put her through anything more tonight. Lexa had fucked up.

Why the fuck did she do that?

Apparently Lexa had no damn control when it came to Clarke either. No control over anything.