Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.
Author's Note: As excited as I was to start sharing this story, I once again find myself wondering what those who are reading are thinking ... after you read, where are your thoughts, how are you feeling? I'd really like to know. Thank you to 'Em' and 'Juni' for your anonymous reviews!
See You Soon – Part 2 – 'Take it on faith …,'
He called for his beloved again – 'Mer ' – his tone raw, the last syllables of her name disappearing with his voice, though the echo of his attempt was still there – 'Mer' – there it was, tangled, suspended deep within the confusion of fog that hung both in the room and inside of his mind. His heart lurching now as he watched her green eyes pop open.
She exhaled sharply, her warbled gasp of relief interrupting the silence as she swiftly sat up and tossed her flimsy cotton blanket aside – her sleepy eyes now alert and fixed on his as she quickly rose from the low cot and strode across the room to him – breathless as she stared at him for a beat, her damp, faceted eyes boring into his … for it seemed that she too, was unwilling to blink.
"Hi …," she breathed, tears pricking her eyes as she ran her fingertips along the halo of his hairline, 'please, please', she prayed silently, her eyes passing back and forth over her man's beleaguered face. Her heart squeezed, low and deep – 'squeeze, squeeze, bang, bang' – as a vacuum, a unique cacophony of noise and life and hope thumped into her eardrums. "Hi," she repeated, quite mystified by his eyes – because he was there, 'Derek, Derek' – oh how she missed the way he looked at her! She felt a tug on her heart and scanned his eyes … searching … praying … longing for connectivity.
Derek couldn't look away – so stunned was he by her beauty and her wild spirit and the way it soared with hope – that he confirmed his suspicions now … that they had indeed been disengaged from one another, that he had closed his eyes and was 'gone' … or 'missing' … and had left her all alone.
And so it came as no surprise when she leaned closer to scrutinize him – so close was she now that Derek could see the tiny, familiar pattern of freckles that adorned her beautiful nose – this small intricate detail that the layperson would miss, but not him. For she was no longer an enigma to him – she had become his 'everything' – and he could tell now that he had become hers. He smiled weakly and nodded, 'I'm here' he whispered silently, willing her to find him again.
"Derek …," she husked, her throat on fire as she spoke, her prayers lifting her weary spirit higher and higher, up and out of her worst nightmare to date. "You're still you …," she breathed, blinking her waiting tears back and away.
Derek nodded in assent. "I … am …," he sighed breathlessly, choking on his simple words, his vocal chords stretched too thin to say anything more.
Meredith smiled then and Derek felt her energy tremble all around him – he nodded again, trying his best to allay her fears without words – pursing his lips, he struggled with his inability to move his arms around her like he so desperately wanted to. He felt her hand rest over his and he looked down, baffled by what he saw next: the gorgeous channel-set diamond wedding band they had chosen for her all those months ago before they gifted their wedding ceremony to Karev and Stevens. The ring, still a perfect fit, sat snuggly around her finger, a symbol that stood the test of time … she was wearing her wedding band.
He looked up and then down again, seeing now that Meredith had followed his gaze and there within that moment – he waited for her to speak – knowing that whatever had happened whilst he was 'gone' would be okay now that he could see her and she him. Except that she remained speechless, her watery eyes flicking up to – her face contorting with a wild range of emotions, both ends of the spectrum colliding now – twisting this way and that as a heaving sob wracked her lithe frame wherein he watched her let it all go and give in, losing herself completely. 'Derek' she cried from some deep private place – her strangled voice swirling into the invisible current of the dry air – his fingertips tracing the smooth line of her ring, back and forth, back and forth.
Inhaling sharply, Meredith tried her best to calm her heart, 'breathe, breathe', she chanted, her fingers moving instinctually around his ring now too – smooth and continual, a true circle of life – her head still spinning as she bent down and kissed the cool, precious metal wherein he turned his palm up, cupping her face in his hand … her lips pulsing … her breathing stacked, her hot tears falling onto his flesh … her heart beating so fast it scared her.
She felt his bed shimmy now as she broke down, weeping, heaving with deep sighs of prayer and relief. She raised her head, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy already, his fingertips still moving over her ring. She looked down and so did he and there they became lost for a brief second … both staring in quiet awe. Looking up again, she smiled and so did he – cocking his head as he pressed his lips together into a tiny smirk – his playful eyes darting down to their hands before he found her eyes again where her cheeks heated under his scrutiny.
"Just … go with it … trust me," she sniffled before leaning closer. "Take it on faith," she whispered now just as he had asked of her that night when he took her out to the trailer for the first time.
Derek smiled weakly and Meredith watched his eyes soften around the edges before she responsibly pressed the call button and sniffled, her steady flow of tears charting their own course now after having been held back by the dam of her strength for so long. She lowered the bed railing and moved closer, her fingertips resting on his pulse as the door opened and a nurse rushed in.
"Alejandra," Meredith breathed, her voice hitched as she pinned her eyes on the gorgeous Latina nurse she'd gotten to know pretty well over the last several days. She smiled broadly and nodded … 'yes, he's fine, he's okay,' answering with her eyes.
"So, 'Prince Charming' opened his eyes and found his beautiful wife," Alejandra smiled easily, her voice full of its own melody, she strode across the room and locked her eyes on her patient's, he smiled and nodded in assent.
"He looks good so far," Meredith sighed, her darting away from Derek's to speak to Alejandra. "He's … okay," she stated evenly before she turned back to her lover. "You're okay," she smiled, leaning forward, she pressed a gentle kiss to his warm cheek.
Alejandra smiled at the gentle way in which the couple regarded one another, noting the patient's fingers twirling Meredith's wedding band around and around her finger. She shifted on her feet. "I've paged your doctor …she'll be out of surgery soon … but in the meantime, I'd like to start your vitals," she informed, tilting her head. She popped her penlight on and quickly checked the reactivity of his pupils. She smiled tightly; her touch was warm and confident. "Looks good," she smiled. "Welcome to the Mayo Clinic," she said genuinely as she moved about his bed and got to work, charting the results of his temperature next by rolling the sensor along his forehead. "You're in the best of hands here, rest assured," she said softly and moved on with her work.
Derek stared at the young nurse for a beat before he nodded and took a deep breath, suddenly aware of how tight his muscles had become, once again wondering what had transpired between the last time he closed his eyes at Seattle Grace only to open them here. His head spinning now as he ran his fingertips along his new wedding band, silently grounding himself with the symbol – 'how, why and when' – was all he could think.
He shifted uncomfortably, watching closely as Alejandra moved to a portable computer console and began to complete his chart. He sighed and flicked his eyes back to Meredith's where he found she hadn't moved an inch – rather she was watching him akin to a hawk of her prey – she smiled and took his hand in hers and began to rub tiny circles there on the fleshy part of his palm, calming him with her eyes.
"Does your throat hurt? Do you want some water?" she asked suddenly, her eyes wide as she spied his dry lips, his mouth open to respond. "No don't answer …wait …," she muttered. Derek smiled and swallowed hard. "Alejandra, can Derek have some water?" she asked, reaching up, she laid her hand along his cheek; she felt him lean into her touch and by God, it felt good!
"Sure we can try a little," Alejandra answered from her console. "I'll send a text order for some," she added, her eyes darting away from her computer.
"Are you in pain?" Meredith murmured, turning back to Derek.
He shook his head strongly – 'no' – blinking once deliberately. "No," he answered, his voice gruff; he caught Alejandra's eyes with his and pressed his lips firmly together when he saw her quiet nod of acknowledgement.
Meredith tilted her head and regarded Derek, his eyes both tired and glassy; he wouldn't be awake for long – he was fatigued, exhausted – she knew that much. She smiled weakly as he blinked deliberately again – one distinct time, perhaps to prove his point –falling in line with the initial mode of communication they had used right after his surgery, one blink meant 'no', two deliberate blinks meant 'yes'.
And even though she understood Derek enough to know he was in a manageable amount of pain, she pressed on, double-checking her lover's deep blue eyes for clues of intense pain or discomfort. And after a minute of vacillating she conceded because all she really saw and felt was his tranquility and therein the canopy of fear she had been residing under began to lift … ever so slightly.
"Are you sure you don't want something to take the edge off?" she persisted, for the mere thought of him feeling any more pain unhinged her.
Derek blinked forcefully again – 'no' – he answered firmly, the simple declaration rummaging around in his head, 'no, no', he locked his eyes with hers now making sure she saw his answer because even if he was in pain, it was measurable and quite frankly – he was happy to feel anything at all – because something went awry, he had gone 'missing' and in strange way he didn't want to mute or squander his awakening.
He wanted to feel and he wanted to be present in the moment with Meredith, because he missed her, and because she was his wife and had obviously been there for him – she didn't run – and in the spirit of mutual give and take, he felt it was his turn to be there for her … because he knew there more to her side the story than just the medical issues that beleaguered him, for it was no secret between them that she had been off whilst he was recovering from their ordeal – she was off and mourning the loss of something – and once again, she reminded him of how she looked when she was trying to come to terms with George's death – how she couldn't let herself cry or grieve – and it hurt, his heart literally ached knowing she was in pain and unable or unwilling to let him share it with her.
So no – no, he didn't want medication – he just wanted his wife and within this second chance, this new moment of clarity, he finally saw Meredith for whom she evolved to be and therein he saw everything he ever loved about her: her strength, her tenacity, her beauty … and her loyalty. He smiled broadly – 'just take it on faith' – her words floated through his mind again, and then he smiled, because he realized his faith in her had also evolved and wasn't going anywhere, for it was rock solid.
And so he smiled now as he basked in this small private moment, his whole body trembling with the love and admiration he felt for her and in some strange way she once again became what she had always been for him – a panacea, a cure-all for everything in his life that was painful – yes, she was that and so much more, a power hold of an elixir, his own special blend of antioxidants.
Thick tears stung his eyes then, prick, prick, prick – he blinked them away, back and away – and found himself shaking his head in awe of all that she had become … this woman who was so dedicated to their union, this woman who didn't balk or run, even when confronted with the face of death … again and again. His heart quivered, his chest ached and he felt mounting tension there, his muscle grappling against the pressure, akin to a vise – except that he could only smile through it, because he felt it – and it was a beautiful, succinct sensation.
The door swung open and a nurse Meredith hadn't met before strode in, quietly greeting Alejandra as she set a tray down on the side table near the console … a pitcher of water and a stack of cups and straws. The two women spoke in hushed tones as Alejandra prepared a small cup of water for Derek. The second nurse made brief eye contact with Meredith and nodded with a small encouraging smile before she slipped out of the room.
Alejandra smiled and carefully passed the cup to Meredith. "Dr. Shepherd," she prompted softly, smiling when he immediately turned to her when addressed. "You were intubated … so … your throat will be sore," she advised, though she knew he might have already surmised that fact.
Derek nodded in assent – blinking twice deliberately, 'yes' he understood – Meredith bent the straw towards his mouth where he pursed his lips around it and took a small sip, his throat temporarily relieved by the cool, natural elixir. He smiled, watching Meredith eye him carefully as he took another small sip.
Meredith set the cup down on the side table and immediately focused on Derek again, finding that she didn't trust herself to look away from him for more than a second. For in a small way, she could barely believe he was back and having dreamt of little else since the coma had befallen him, she really wanted someone to just pinch her. She leaned forward and gently placed her palm over his heart, her eyes pinned to his, 'I love you, love you,' she sighed inside.
Derek shifted his weight then and she watched his face where a slight grimace appeared along his handsome features. He inhaled sharply and she felt his tension ebb away, his body humming under her touch and therein she leaned forward and pressed an even kiss to his cheekbone, just above his line of heavy stubble there. He laced his fingers through hers and held on tight, his thumb caressing her wedding band as he did.
Breathing in tandem now, the lovers finally let their proximity permeate, becoming lost in their innate energy for a beat in time. Eyes closed, hearts aligned and focused … they connected.
Meredith sighed inside the moment, fully accepting and understanding Derek's plight with regards to medication and his obvious desires for awareness. She opened her eyes and looked down at their hands then, watching the way his fingers stroked her wedding band – this symbol of their love she had slipped onto her own finger five days ago after she hatched her plan – living almost a week without Derek, one that felt like a lifetime in the making.
Unruly tears clouded her vision then and their hands became blurred … entwined … one.
Gathering her courage, she tried to stifle her emotions for a long beat before sighing heavily and looking up to find Derek's unwavering eyes staring back at her still – and only then did her tears slip from her eyes – traveling down her face and into the crease of her neck; she inhaled, sniffling in an attempt to regulate her breathing, 'I can't, I won't', she cried silently until Derek squeezed her hand and blinked once – 'no' – he insisted also silently, reassuring her as she watched a new stratum of fatigue encroach him.
"Heart arrhythmia," she blurted out of desperation, trying to find the words to share with him what had happened. "Six days ago, you were still recovering … and then … an arrhythmia was detected, but only after…," she sighed, her voice encumbered by the daunting facts.
She darted her eyes to Alejandra's in desperation. The nurse nodded in assent before she quietly slipped out of the room to leave them alone – after all this was her condition – that she be the one to tell Derek what happened and how he ended up here. Derek sighed and she felt her tears well again.
"Talk …," Derek encouraged, his mind racing – heart arrhythmia – his tired eyes vacillating as he watched Meredith slowly crumble before him, his torched soul smoldering now.
Meredith eyes Derek carefully, knowing that Alejandra was just outside, surely monitoring his heart, her greatest fear that she could 'lose' him again. She sighed, her breathing stacked, choppy. She swallowed hard and forced herself to continue. "You slipped under …," she stated evenly, shaking her head. Derek squeezed her hand. "The arrhythmia caused a hypoxic-anoxic injury …," she sighed, watching Derek's eyes widen. She shook her head.
"Slow … down," he murmured, trying his best to assuage both of their fears, his diagnosis haunting him for a beat – hypoxic-anoxic injury – unbelievable and yet … he was here, he was back.
Her body trembled with nerves, but she pressed on, finding the courage she needed from her man's calming force. "It was less than a minute, precisely forty-nine seconds of oxygen flow was lost to your brain … less than a minute …," she whispered, her chest heaving, her heart on fire with insurmountable pressure. "Teddy caught it right away … but … we …we … lost … you … fell into a coma," she swallowed a sob and suddenly couldn't think straight. She exhaled and let another swell of waiting tears fall, she opened her mouth to speak, but the delayed sob escaped. "I'm sorry … so sorry … Derek …," she sniffled, inhaling sharply before she lost herself completely.
Derek tightened his hold on Meredith's hand and held her gaze, his eyes following hers as they darted down and away, the core of his being shaken as he watched her break down. "Don't …" he rasped out, swallowing hard, he forced the saliva down his throat, his eyes pleading with hers now. "Don't …cry …," he soothed, swallowing again, 'don't cry', came his silent plea, for he couldn't stand it – her pain and sorrow so evident – her beautiful eyes so besieged by apology and compassion, they almost broke him … almost.
"Derek …," she breathed, her mind wild, suddenly untamed with the idea of prayers and dreams coming true … again. More tears cascaded down her face, salty expulsions made of relief and joy and sorrow and everything in between. She leaned forward and kissed the underside of his neck – 'I love you, I missed you' – more tears falling free as she did. "I was so …," she sighed, 'lost, scared, lonely', she finished silently against his neck, 'breathe, breathe', she reminded herself.
Derek felt her tremble against him, her raspy hot breath ricocheting against his neck as her lips pulsed there again, once, twice. Sighing, he laced his fingers through hers and slowly brought her hand up to his mouth where he kissed her wedding band, a gasp falling from her lips as he did. She pulled back slightly; her bloodshot eyes less than an inch away from his. He kissed her fingers again and watched a peaceful aura encapsulate her.
"Oh God, I missed you … love you, so much," she cried, her heart on fire, thumping madly into her ears, his lips pressed to the top of her hand.
"Then … kiss me …," he breathed.
And so she did, pressing her lips against his, she pulsed her nerves over his, massaging his slightly open mouth with hers – it wasn't a passionate kiss by any means – but oh so much more, for it was solidifying – a symbol much like their wedding bands – of longevity and loyalty and understanding and tolerance and therein they connected again in mind, body and spirit.
Pulling away, Meredith found her lover's eyes – the fear she had seen there waning now much like her own – for he was okay, he was awake and alert … and so far, the journey of the desperate plan she had plotted just five days ago had truly become the stuff her wildest dreams were made of.
Sighing, Derek found he could only look on with wonder at Meredith, for she truly was the strongest person he knew – he smiled and felt the weight of the morning claim him – he swallowed hard, Meredith sighed and offered the cup of water to him again where he took tiny sips, the fire smoldering in his esophagus temporarily tamped out. He smiled and felt his body fight another wave of fatigue, his eyes about to shut when the door to his room swung open.
The couple turned to greet the doctor as she glided up to the bed, Alejandra following closely behind her. "Dr. Hartman," Meredith breathed with a small smile. "I'd like for you to meet my husband, Derek Shepherd," she sighed breathlessly – 'taking it on faith' – her glassy eyes now full of pride rather than fear.
See You Soon – Part 3 to follow.
