I walked along an unfamiliar street, trembling. Had I said too much? I hoped to god I hadn't, if she knew how I really felt about her, that would basically be the end for me. What could she do? She could tell everyone, they would all laugh at me, I would be the 'Weird Lesbian girl in the corner'. So much worse than just 'the weird girl in the corner'. But something told me she wouldn't do that to me, something about the way her eyes met mine; holding my hand, whispering that it was going to be ok, that she had gone through the same thing. Which she obviously hadn't because she is straight, completely straight. I think.
**Flashback**
She placed one of her cool hands over mine, lightly tracing the red scars that were slowly fading, but avoiding the new ones, her eyes held worry and pity in them, but something deeper, understanding perhaps. I didn't know, but the way her cool skin soothed my raw one, felt so right, it felt like I had found a part of me today, and when her hands go, so will the part of me. Sounds cheesy, but I honestly don't give a fuck about that. When she spoke, at first I didn't hear her, I was too immersed in her touch, I didn't want to waste this opportunity, it could very well be the last of its kind. She raised her voice slightly, but not in an agitated way, it was mixed with worry as well as urgency, her need ran through me, and for a moment I allowed myself to imagine that need in a different light, her worry about being found, her need for my kiss, to feel my hand down-
"Annabelle, please!" I was jolted from my thoughts by her voice cracking, choking up and eyes filling with tears, why was she crying? What did she have to cry about, and instantly I felt her pain, you see, I told you, it's like we were connected and I felt the need to hold her tight, to kiss her face and whisper sweet comforts in her ear like she did for me, but the barrier was again in place, she was the teacher, I was the student, and we could never be.
"Why did you do this, honey?" There it was again, that same word that killed me every time, but I lived for it as well. I couldn't formulate an answer and even more tears ran down my face, the frustration was unbearable, I needed her, but I couldn't say that now could I? I needed her to hold me, to comfort me and yet it just wasn't going to happen. She rose out of her seat and kneeled in front of me, embracing me and I allowed myself to fall into her arms, clutching to her like a child, resting my head on the crook of her neck and inhaling her perfume, I imagine this is what Gerard does to her as well, the lucky bastard, he gets to hold her, love her, sleep with her, and all I get it this! One sympathy hug, before the counsellor is surely called.
"Honey, why did you do that to yourself?" She asked again, she made me feel a lot calmer and this time I managed to formulate a response.
"I'm in love" It sounded so childish to say it like that, but what else could I tell her, I couldn't lie to my angel, nor could I tell her the whole truth, I'm crazy, not insane and yes there is a difference, at least in my head.
She pulled away and stared into my eyes, stroking my hair, tears still rolling down her face. I stared back, unable to control myself, I just gazed deep into her dark brown eyes, and for a few moments I completely lost myself. She was the first to speak;
"Honey, I know what your going through, and it's the most painful thing to have to deal with, I get it. I've been through it too, but time helps you forget."
What, is that it? Not, are you sure the person doesn't like you back, have you talked to them? It's like she knows.
Oh God! Does she know, is it because I stared at her for too long? Dear God why did I do that? I couldn't deal with it anymore, I pushed her back and sprinted out of the room, I tore down the now empty halls and out of the front gate. Finally free I didn't know where to run, or maybe didn't care is a better description here. Did it really matter? My parents were out of town so no one could miss me, I ran for about half an hour before I needed to stop, circuit training really does pay off then. I was only mildly aware of the sun setting as I was running, but now I had stopped, I noticed that it was pitch black and the odd drop of rain that landed on my arm could not be a good omen.
"SHIT!" I kicked the park bench behind me and a shooting pain went up my leg, that's just great, I huffed, sitting dejectedly on the bench to clear my head.
**End of flashback**
And that's where I was now, sitting, alone and rejected on a lonely park bench in the middle of God knows where. The houses around me seemed pretty nice, and I gathered that it was a nice, quiet, low key area. Perfect. There was the odd car that came down the road, but none I recognized, and I wasn't in the mood for walking. So I remained on that bench, and that's also where I fell asleep.
