If I Ain't Got You

Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.

Okay so this idea has just kind of been floating around in my head for a while. I've been deciding what to do in it, and what I should call it. At first it was "Halo" and then it was "Journey" but then I finally decided on this so…live with it if you can. So anyways, I'm finally starting it and I hope it goes over well :D. Please review and tell me what you think. I am kind of hoping to bring the song "If I ain't got you" into the story at least a little bit.


Perfectlyjackie: Well here is the next chapter, glad you're excited. :D

Logan Henderson Is Mine: Aw thank you . Here's the next chapter.

Aqua786: Haha, sadly no spooning just yet. And um, I think most of your questions are answered in this chapter, so just read on I guess, haha.

Ghjkl: Yes, this story is going to be slash.

IantoLover23: Oh thank you, I'm glad my story was chosen, it makes feel special :D. And yes I do love Glee, but it wasn't on last Tuesday, and it's not going to be on this Tuesday! So I'm kind of ticked at that, but yeah it's like my favorite show!

Fanmin: Thanks first of all, for following and reviewing, and I hope you enjoy the story.

Jazckson: Thanks, I'm going to start another story, like tomorrow called "The Adele Chronicles" it's going to be a tribute to Adele (duh) and it'll revolve around Logan and James. Sadly, "A Kidney For A Heart" and "Not So Innocent" are nearing their ends so… I hope you like this story as it goes.


Attention People: Yes this story is going to be slash, just so you don't come in and be all surprised. Anyways thanks.

Just a heads up, I feel like the whole first half of this chapter is kind of rushed, but after the end half starts it gets better.


Logan woke up the next morning, wrapped up in James's arms. He turned around and smiled at James. The two had always been close before, but Logan always knew that there was something more between them. He couldn't help but feel like he was getting a second chance to snatch James up. The boy slowly woke up after feeling Logan shift around.

"Morning," James gave a half smile and opened one of his eyes. His head slowly swung up and he looked around. Quickly, he let Logan go and turned around in the bed.

"Hey guys," Carlos rushed into the small area where they were. Every time Logan and James had an intimate moment, it was always ruined by something like this. "Come on you guys, get up, me and Kendall want Village Inn." Carlos bounced up and down and then rushed away.

"Okay." James tried to tell Carlos, but he was already gone. "Back to what we were doing." James turned around and smiled, his hand started to rub Logan's arm. "Are you sure you're okay? I don't think you are." James stated, reminding Logan of their conversation last night. His hand was tingling up and down Logan's arm that was covered by his long sleeve shirt.

"I'm fine." Logan grabbed the cuff of his shirt to keep it there. James didn't need to see his scars.

"Well, get ready then," James got out of the bed and then went to go get changed. So, Logan decided to do the same. The smaller boy walked into the bathroom, with his new clothes in hand, and switched what he was wearing. He took notice of the roses that were in the bathroom, and turned the handle. He stopped when he heard James obviously talking to a new girl on the phone.

"Yeah, sure you do…really?" James sounded very interested. "Where's it at?" You could hear the dirty smirk in his voice. And that's when it hit Logan. James never liked Logan that much; he only hung out with him so Logan would stop cutting himself; he never really cared…James left him. About ten minutes later Logan came out of the bathroom, leaving one rose in there bloody, and gained some new found scars.

"Let's go," Logan sounded mad and stomped out of the bathroom.

"Okay will you just tell me what's wrong?" James asked and grabbed Logan by the wrist. Suddenly, he felt something. James turned Logan's arm and lifted up the sleeve and found at least nine scars on his wrist. "Logan!" James shouted. "You've been cutting yourself again?" the boy yanked his arm out of the grasp.

"Don't make this a big thing." Logan pulled his sleeve down.

"It is a big thing Logan," James pulled the shorter boy back to him. "You're cutting yourself again, how isn't this a big deal?" James felt the instant need to care for Logan.

"Drop it!" Logan snapped.

"I can't!" James said. "What happened while I was gone?"
"Nothing, it doesn't matter anyway!" Logan tried to walk away but was stopped by James.

"Yes it does matter," James pulled the boy back towards him. "It's for your own good, just tell me why your cutting yourself, and I'll cure it." James said, and looked into Logan's eyes. The brainy boy suddenly felt his knees get weak; all he wanted to do was melt into James's arms. But he couldn't, Logan had to stay strong.

"Let's go, Carlos and Kendall are waiting for us inside." Logan demanded. He moved, but was stopped by James, yet again.

"No," James said in protest. "Tell me what's wrong? You haven't been the same ever since I got back. You're cutting yourself, your attitude is different, what happened?" James emphasized.

"Do you want to know what happened?" Logan's eyes turned into daggers as he glared at James, and took a threatening step forward. In other words, Logan. Had. Cracked. "After you left me," Logan poked James in the chest. "I went back to being the loner! You knew I was on the edge of going back to cutting, but you left anyways!" Logan started to shout. "I obviously didn't mean anything to you! You left like it was nothing!"

"What do you mean?" James asked.

"You know damn well what I mean?" Logan cut him off. "I really even doubt I was your best-friend. You probably had some hooker off to the side pushing her boobs in your face, and you'd do anything to get in her pants!"

"You were my best-friend," James quickly stuttered. "I mean, you are my best-friend, we did everything together! I even asked you if I should do this because I thought you might not be okay with it! You told me to go and do it! You said follow your dreams! So I went, I followed you advice! I did nothing but listen to you, and now you're yelling at me?" James voice grew to a yell too. "You're unbelievable, and to think I told Kendall and Carlos to bring you along!" James argued. Then, Logan's stomach tightened. Kendall and Carlos wouldn't have even told him if it weren't for James. Things really haven't changed.

"Well that's good to know!" Logan yelled, eyes not about to give in. "I really am hated! Well you and Carlos and Kendall can go and get screwed somewhere, because I'm getting off next stop!" Logan yelled and grabbed the handle on the door. "And maybe, if I ever feel liked again, I'll stop doing what I did to your roses in there."

"You ripped my roses apart?" James asked.

"No, go check my blood stains on them and we'll see if you get it." Logan spat. "And by the way, I told you to go for this job because I figured the odds were against you! I didn't actually want you to do it! What kind of 'best-friend' hopes that his best-friend will leave?" Those were his last words he said as he opened the door and slammed it behind him, leaving James all alone. The taller boy had to see what Logan did. He looked into the bathroom, and indeed, the roses were covered in Logan's blood.

"Oh my god…Logan…" James suddenly felt a lot worse. A knot in his stomach grew as reality hit. It suddenly squeezed until it hurt, and James fell against the wall. He slid down the wall, realizing what he had just done, given Logan another reason to cut himself. He got a sharp pain in his chest, and started to choke back something. "You don't understand." He whispered to himself, emotions bubbling up in him, and he let a tear drop from his eye. It was true, Logan didn't know why James had to leave, and he assumed it was to follow his dreams but it was so much more, and now he despised him for it. That very thought made James regret his decision as he looked back on the past.

About a month before his audition he started to feel something more for Logan. He would try to get Logan alone every chance he could. When Logan was coming over, he would spend an extra ten minutes on his hair, and wore what he thought he looked best in. He would ask for Logan's opinion just to make sure the boy liked it. James would do everything he could just to get Logan to do a double take. The boy meant everything to James, and he had completely forgotten who Carlos and Kendall were. Then one day, James took a hard look at himself in the mirror, wondering what had become of him. He was destroying everything he was, just to be made perfect for some boy that probably didn't even like him. So he had to take the audition, not to get away from Logan, but to save himself…to save what he couldn't control.


So thank you so much for everyone who reviewed, please keep reviewing, and I hope you enjoy the story.