Warning Light cussing
"Dean" friend his mind sighed sadly.
"Come on boy. We should get going." Bobby's voice was gently and sad but when his hand found his shoulder the grip was firm and familiar. Dean nodded and he turned leaving with the older hunter. He couldn't stand being in the field any longer it hurt to much.
He followed Bobby home said his goodbyes and he promised to call but they both knew that the retiring hunter wouldn't call. Cas left with his cryptic shit and Dean refused to answer to think or feel as he drove breaking sonic speed trying to run away to get away from his pain but he couldn't escape.
The pain was seeping from him into his baby it was all around him. Hell all he had to do was look over at the unnatural unoccupied seat to have his heart in his throat and tears falling again.
The longest period Sam had been away from him from his car was when Sam went off to Stanford. At least that time Sam was happy and safe but not now. Sam wouldn't return to the car, the passenger seat would always be an empty reminder of his heart and with those thoughts he slammed on the gas dying to be rid of the car to be rid of the pain that was threatening to drowned him.
A normal trip to Lisa's was a 2 day drive he got there in less than 24.
He was a mess when he knocked and he half expected her to scream at him, slam the door in his face he never really expected kindness from people but she took him in and saw that he was damaged.
Ben could tell as well and so they left him alone letting him adjust at his own rate. To be comfortable with his new environment to begin to except this new reality however long it took they were willing to wait for him to move on.
But Dean knew he couldn't.
He had been there a week and each night he was over taken by nightmares so sleep he decided was not needed in his life. Two days and Dean hadn't slept he just couldn't, he saw Sam jump and he woke up calling for his little brother but his little brother was gone forever and he hated himself for making the damn promise.
Dean looked down at his coffee mug which was filled with whiskey.
It was 5 am when Lisa came down seeing that he wasn't in bed but he didn't look at her. He was staring outside lost in thoughts, lost in memories when she spoke. "Dean you can put your car in the garage. You said you didn't want to drive it anymore it, it would be better protected" her voice trailed off. She wondered if he was even listening to her.
"Ya that sounds good" his reply was short and simply like always and his voice sounded dead very much like his eyes.
He took the keys and left Lisa with a heavy heart watched the man she loved leave but he wasn't him anymore. He looked like him but this Dean was broken. And for once Lisa didn't know if she could make him right again.
Dean pulled in nearly crashing his car into the other side of the garage.
Three seconds in the car and he wanted to cry and rip his skin of.
Yup he was never driving this again. He turned the car off and left the keys in something he would have never done before and grabbed a tarp and covered his once proud girl who now just served as a painful trinket of what he had lost.
He was at the trunk and realized he had no weapons on him. He was done with hunting but he wasn't stupid he needed his guns and knives close by in case of an emergency.
He walked back to the front and took the keys out. He opened the trunk and saw his and Sam's duffel. His breath caught but he picked his bag up and sat it on the table going through his life.
Mainly garbage but he kept his gun and Ruby's knife and tossed the crappy bag that used to hold everything he owned he shook his head and turned back to the trunk.
Sam's bag sat there and he didn't want to go through it. To throw away his stuff meant that he was forever gone and that was unacceptable.
Dean reached into the trunk grabbing holy water and extra bullets when he saw an envelop sticking out of Sam's bag. An envelop?
Weird.
He felt dirty picking it up but that quickly was replaced with dread and pain.
Dean. The envelop read.
It was in his brothers hand writing.
Had Sam left him parting words? Dean took a deep shaky breath, calm down he chanted.
He leaned against his baby feeling safe and familiar with her and opened the letter with trembling fingers. First he pulled out a folded note but that wasn't all that was in there. He reached in and pulled out a familiar object. An object he thought was long gone.
Dean slide down and sat heavily on the ground as tears threatened to be unleashed. It was his amulet.
Sam gave it to him so long ago and not so long ago he through it away after losing faith in his brother. He had regretted it immediately but it was to late or so he thought. He took a shaky breath and opened the note that would further rip his heart out.
"Dean, if your reading this than hopefully my plan worked and I tripped Lucifer in the cage if not then I'm sorry I really did try but I'm staying positive and I believe I will succeed. With that being said please keep your promise Dean this is my last request so don't screw it up Jerk. You deserve to be happy and this is the only way. You've been there for me but I never really told you how much I appreciated you and all that you did for me what you gave up but uh Thank you that's why I want you to have a better life. I know you will make an awesome Dad because you made an awesome brother. I truly am lucky to have you as my big brother and chick flick moment ahead but I love you Dean. Not once in my entire life you gave up on me and when I pushed you far enough and I lost your trust I refused to believe that I couldn't get you back hence the object enclosed with this note. I hope with it you will understand why I jumped and don't be fooled Dean I was scared shit less with the idea of letting the devil ride me but I will succeed and it will be because of you that I do. I love you big brother. don't ever forget that.
Always your little brother, Sammy."
A tear fell on his brothers note then another and then another he couldn't control himself he had done so good at fighting the crushing feeling but they came back with a vengeance this time and he let the whole world crush around him as memories of his brother over whelmed him and reduced him to even more tears.
Time had been said to heal all wounds but Dean says bull shit to that. Its just stays to have it festering till something picks at it and the agony begins all over again.
