A/N: I do not own the characters; they belong to CP Coulter and to Glee. The song is "Ladies Who Lunch" by Stephen Sondheim from the musical Company.


Reed was sprawled across the floor, his back propped up against the couch, with pillows haphazardly tucked around him so he didn't fall over, and clutching a bottle of white wine in his hand, his glass back in the kitchen. But it didn't matter because Reed stopped drinking out of his glass awhile back and started alternating between drinking from the bottle and crying into it.

Julian was sitting on the other end of the couch, a couple of empty beer bottles next to him, and a half-full bottle of whiskey near his feet. Julian had given up on the wine after dinner – needing something stronger if he was going to talk about his feelings and about Logan.

Kurt was sitting on the other armchair in, slightly slumped, a bottle of wine in one hand, and a half-full glass in the other.

"Micah jusssst….needsss to go back to California with his boyfriend and leave us be." Reed just barely slurred out before taking another swig of wine. "I know he's happy with Rob" Reed hiccupped "but Shane s-s-still lovesss him jussst a wee wittle bit. And I see it when Micah isss here. Shane isn't happy and now he's back at home visiting with Micah's parents." Reed broke off and started crying in his bottle of wine again.

The room was quiet again, minus the sounds of Reed sobbing softly and hiccupping every now and then. Julian shifted and slammed his glass down on the side table. "I need another drink." He poured himself another shot and knocked it back before continuing. "Who does he think he is? Even more, who does he think I am? It's like he forgets that I'm someone other than an old classmate of his. I had co-workers – friends outside of Dalton. Can I not stay in touch with them?"

"Who are we talking about?" Kurt asked, turning his head slightly giving Julian a slightly glazed over look.

"Cameron Pike." Julian grumbled out as he poured himself another shot. "He thinks I'm fucking Cam." Julian drank it before slamming his glass back on the table. "Why the hell do I love this fucker when he can't even trust me?" Julian slumped back on the couch and sighed.

"Does he still talk to his dad?" Kurt asked.

"We don't talk about him." Julian looked angrier. Kurt shifted in the chair so that he was looking at Julian without having to move his head. "You don't talk – "

"Closed topic."

The room was silent again. Reed had stopped crying a few minutes before and now was just taking sips of his wine. "Will I ever be enough for him?" Reed whispered out before starting to cry again.

Kurt was at a loss. Two of his close friends were having issues with their boyfriends and they were all drunk enough not to think rationally about things. Kurt didn't have any advice to give and he felt helpless. A car drove past the apartment blasting music, and suddenly Kurt had an idea. He poured himself another full glass of wine before standing and saying, "Let's sing."

"Kurt. All problems can be solved by singing." Julian bit out.

"No one said this will solve anything. But sometimes it makes you feel better."

Kurt raised his glass,

Here's to the ladies who lunch-

Everybody laugh.

Lounging in their caftans

And planning a brunch

On their own behalf.

Off to the gym,

Then to a fitting,

Claiming they're fat.

And looking grim,

'Cause they've been sitting

Choosing a hat.

Does anyone still wear a hat?

I'll drink to that.

Then Kurt chugged his entire glass of wine before looking at Julian. Julian poured himself another drink and stood up to pick up where Kurt had left off.

And here's to the girls who play smart-

Aren't they a gas?

Rushing to their classes

In optical art,

Wishing it would pass.

Another long exhausting day,

Another thousand dollars,

A matinee, a Pinter play,

Perhaps a piece of Mahler's.

I'll drink to that.

And one for Mahler!

Then Julian took his shot and looked at Reed. Reed stood up and took the next verse, swaying slightly.

And here's to the girls who play wife-

Aren't they too much?

Keeping house but clutching

A copy of LIFE,

Just to keep in touch.

The ones who follow the rules,

And meet themselves at the schools,

Too busy to know that they're fools.

Aren't they a gem?

I'll drink to them!

Let's all drink to them!

Reed took a drink of his wine before stumbling back onto the couch. Kurt poured himself another glass taking the next verse.

And here's to the girls who just watch-

Aren't they the best?

When they get depressed,

It's a bottle of Scotch,

Plus a little jest.

Another chance to disapprove,

Another brilliant zinger,

Another reason not to move,

Another vodka stinger.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

I'll drink to that.

And then Kurt drank his glass and kept singing.

So here's to the girls on the go-

Everybody tries.

Look into their eyes,

And you'll see what they know:

Everybody dies.

A toast to that invincible bunch,

The dinosaurs surviving the crunch.

Let's hear it for the ladies who lunch-

Everybody rise!

Both Julian and Reed stood back up and drank every time Kurt sang "rise."

Rise!

Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise!

Rise!

By now all three of them were good and drunk. Reed had toppled once again onto the couch, dropping his nearly empty bottle of wine. Kurt watched, with hazy eyes, as the white wine dripped onto his couch, and in the back of his mind, he knew he'd be angry in the morning, but right now, he couldn't find it in him to care. Reed had now passed out on the couch and was snoring softly.

"Come on Julian" Kurt murmured. "We should sleep. Come on, you can sleep in my room with me." Kurt picked up the wine bottle from the floor and put the bottles and his glass in the kitchen, leaving them there for him in the morning because he just didn't care to handle it now. He made his way down the hall with Julian walking slowly behind him.

They both walked into Kurt's room and while Kurt changed into some pajamas, Julian stripped down to just his boxers and undershirt and crawled into Kurt's bed. Soon Kurt joined him and as he was drifting off to sleep, the last thing he heard was Julian mumble "too bad Logan can't see this. That would really set the fucker off."

And then they were both asleep, missing the flashing of Julian's phone with a text from Logan: I'm sorry. Came home and you were gone. Found out you were at Kurt's. Be there in the morning.


Welp. Guess I'm writing a part 3.