Homecoming and the Deep Roads

The weight of gold and ancient Dwarven treasures put Hawke in a foul and unhappy mood. She had insisted that everyone take an equal weight, but she knew that it was a terrible idea. The small of her back ached with displeasure and it soured her mood to the point of spoiling. She did not like pain.

She did not like the stale smell of the air in the Deep Roads either. She yearned to see the sun again, to feel grass at the tips of her fingers, to smell fresh air. Each and every step she took brought her closer to that fate, and she was determined to have a nice pint of ale at the Hanged Man upon arrival. She needed a swift change of pace.

Beside her, Fenris noted her displeasure. Pain played itself out on her face but never dared reveal itself in her voice. He was the only one that could see her face for Varric and Anders walked behind them. The dull pain the load of valuables had put on her would soon grow to something worse. Her shoulders slumped forward under the weight of the bag, and she bent her back into an uncomfortable position. He knew this to be how she walked when she was in pain, and it likely had nothing to do with the weight.

"Give me your bag, Hawke."

"Its fine, Fenris. I've got it."

"No, I can tell it's hurting you. You only walk like that when you're in pain. Give it here, or I shall take it," She seemed shocked that he knew that, or realized it even.

Without further argument, Hawke lifted the bag of valuables from her shoulder and passed it to Fenris. He seemed far less concerned with the weight as he took it, and Hawke could already feel her back straightening out.

"Thank you."

Fenris made a non-committal noise to acknowledge her thanks, and they fell into silence once more. Too much talk would gather the attention of darkspawn, or worse, as they made their way out of the Deep Roads.

It took them a great many hours to reach a part of the Deep Roads that did not reek of the Thaig they left behind them. Statues of Dwarven Paragons began to make their appearance, and they brought a knowing smile to Hawke's face. She knew they were getting closer, but she knew that they would be in more danger from darkspawn now.

The length corridor rang with the sound of a large bell, being struck by something unnatural. Anders seemed on edge as Hawke peered around at her companions.

"What was that? Are there darkspawn nearby, Anders?"

"There are."

Fenris removed both bags from his shoulders and pulled out his blade. He intended to be ready in case anything came toward them. The bell sounded like a warning, perhaps to them, perhaps to let other darkspawn know that there were others approaching. Behind him, Anders and Varric removed their own burdens and prepared for a fight. This did not bode well.

Hawke turned to get behind a fallen pillar near an opening into another smaller hallway. Anders followed suit, earning a glare from Fenris as he did so. The elf would keep watch on them, knowing that the darkspawn could come from anywhere.

"Here they come! Get ready," Varric called out. He could see a group of darkspawn coming from where they had heard the noise.

Four grunts charged at them head on while three archers shot at them from behind the primary line. Arrows landed at Fenris' feet, and he looked to Hawke and Anders. They had the right idea.

"We need to get out of here. It's too open. We have to drag them somewhere we won't be such open targets.. Through here!" Hawke turned toward the hall she had been close to, and her friends followed.

They would return for their packs after they put the darkspawn down. Right now, they had to find a better place to fight them. No place would be better than the small, narrow hallway they stumbled upon as they ran for cover.

Hawke turned as soon as she was satisfied, casting a tempest just at the opening where the darkspawn would come after them. The four grunts passed through it, taking several bolts of lightning as they did so. They were more resilient than the three archers, who after standing in the tempest were quickly felled. Fenris met the four grunts that pushed through the tempest with a heavy swing of his blade, stopping one of the grunts in their tracks. Two of them were distracted by the death of their fellow, and they were quickly dealt with by the bolts from Bianca and the fire from Fenris' staff. The last found its gaze focused on Hawke, and Fenris was quick to respond.

He chased after the darkspawn who came after Hawke. She used much of her strength to cast another lightning bolt at it, and when this was insufficient, ran further into the hall. Her iron will had failed her somehow, and all she could think about was fighting the darkspawn in Lothering. With it so close, she feared her friends would have to tell her mother how the corruption, or the darkspawn, had taken another of her children. She meant to put space between herself and the darkspawn when Fenris came down on it with all of his fury. She was not successful.

Its strike missed her, and Fenris brought it down very near the lady mage. She stopped and stared at him, shocked with how close she had come to being struck down by the grunt. He looked back at her with questioning eyes, but before he could speak his mind, the bell rang again. This time the ring was louder, sharper, intense enough that the Thaig itself quaked.

"Get the bags. We need to move, now," Hawke spoke with a wavering voice.

Fenris and Anders watched her with concerned as they back away and ran to retrieve what they left behind.

She turned her back on them, focusing on the sound of the ringing bell. Even that reminded her of home, the Chantry calling its followers to worship in the early mornings. With some measure of regret, she noted how much the Deep Roads reminded her of the darker times in Ferelden, how much they frightened her and caused her pain. They made her think of Bethany, cold and dead and broken by the ogre. She never wanted to show this weakness to her friends, her deep fear of the darkspawn.

As soon as the others re-joined her, they ran as fast as they could until the ringing became quiet and Anders confirmed they were out of reach of further darkspawn. For safety, they hid in one of the small, abandoned homes that the dwarves left behind. It was better than making camp out in the open, and they could set a decent fire with whatever they could find.

"What do you think that was? Do Dwarven Thaigs often have giant bells in them?" Anders asked as they sat around the fire.

Hawke pulled her knees up to her chest and stared in the fire. She wanted to go home.

"I'm the wrong dwarf to ask, blondy. I've been a surface since I was born. Speaking of surface, it seems like Hawke needs some fresh air. You got scared back there. It's not like you," Varric sounded concerned.

"Mmm, I know. I don't really know what got into me. I started thinking about Bethany, and it got so close to me that I imagined the three of you having to go home and tell my mother the darkspawn took another one of her children."

"I wouldn't have let that happen, Hawke," Fenris said.

She nodded at him, for she knew this to be true. Out of them all, it was often Fenris who jumped into the middle of the fray to protect her. He understood her power as a mage, and because of Danarius, surely feared it. His years as a slave taught him something else too: mages were as fragile as they were powerful. She had not the strength to carry the kind of armor to protect her from any blows, and he meant to keep that pain away from her. Anders wouldn't have to heal her if Fenris took the blows instead.

They had escaped the darkspawn without anyone taking serious blows. They could spend that night resting and chatting over the fire, knowing that their dried fruits and jerky were becoming scarce. They would have to reach the surface soon, or they would starve and die of thirst in the Deep Roads.

Two days later, the sight of the sun was welcoming.


Hawke had been in the Deep Roads with her companions for so long that she forgot what fresh air tasted like, how bright the sun shined, or how crisp, green grass smelled. When she crawled out of that hell hole Bartrand had locked them in, she felt stronger. Despite the hardships they had endured, she knew that there would be a pay-off. With her friends behind her, she began the long journey back to Kirkwall.

All the while, Fenris was at her side and Anders at her back. Varric maintained a friendly, comfortable distance. While Hawke may have been unaware of the growing tension between the two men, the dwarf could see it clearly. She had wormed her way into both of their hearts, as much as Fenris would probably deny it, and it would brew into a bitter and angry rivalry. As if their opposing viewpoints on mages weren't enough, they now had Hawke to argue over.

So long as neither man made forward attempts at courting the lady mage, there would always be a tentative peace. Varric wondered how long it had been since these tensions started brewing, for he had noticed it in the Deep Roads as they traveled alone. Hawke's destructive power always drew too much attention, and Fenris would rally to her side, ridiculing Anders' slower attempts at healing her all the while. They argued even when there were no enemies to attack about on another's tactics when it came to protecting Hawke. While they did so, the centerpiece of their arguments often went ahead alone. Tensions were higher than Varric had perceived.

Each day they spent on the surface lead to Hawke's spirits brightening. Varric did some hunting, somehow, and came up with the meals for them each night. Bianca had a way of finding a prime deer rather quickly, and the venison proved to be a filling and welcome feast in comparison to the jerky and dried fruits the four of them had to eat while they were in the Deep Roads.

That night, Fenris sat beside the fire Hawke had conjured up for them, skinning a deer that Varric had brought to them. Somewhere along the road, Hawke had caught her leg in a rough place and twisted her ankle. She sat at the opposite side of the fire from Fenris, and Anders gave her ankle some of his attention since the strain had caused her such discomfort she called for an early stop. It did not warrant healing, but he wrapped it just as well.

His hands worked quickly to wrap some loose linen around the lady's ankle, and as he did so, Anders spoke to her in hushed tones.

"I don't see why you put up with that animal.."

"The deer? Varric? Fenris? You have to be more specific than that, Anders," Hawke joked.

She meant to avoid the conversation for she knew all too well whom Anders meant. It was a name he had given to Fenris since the day the healer and former slave first met.

"You know who I'm talking about Hawke.."

He tightened the wrappings enough that it caused Hawke to hiss in slight pain. The noise had been enough to cause Fenris to look away from his task, and his eyes fell on Anders full of accusation. He spoke not a word as the lady mage followed her hiss of pain with a gentle laugh to dispel his worry. She was surprised at how easily these two men could be at each other's throats.

"He isn't an animal, for one thing. As to why I put up with him? It's because I like him. There's some good in there, somewhere. His former master just buried it deep under a lot of pain," Hawke began," and besides, I believe in giving everyone a chance."

"Everyone?"

"Yes, Anders. Everyone. Even Isabela. Even you. I should have killed you right then and there with Justice came out, because Maker help me, I thought you were an abomination. I didn't though, and here we sit discussing another person's worthiness when even yours may fall into question."

He didn't know if that was supposed to comfort or hurt him, but the lady spoke not another word until he finished wrapping her ankle. A soft thank you was all he received even then, and she stood to walk around the fire toward Fenris and Varric, leaving Anders to stew in the hidden meanings of her retort for the rest of the night.

She sat down with some measure of difficulty between them both, laying her injured leg straight out in front of her. Hawke could not believe the man at the other side of the fire. He preached all day about freedom for mages, yet when it came to Fenris who deserved freedom just as much, he treated him like garbage, like he was still a slave. The lady mage wondered if Fenris could see anything of Danarius in the mannerisms of the healer. Perhaps that would explain their quarrels.

No, she would be fooling herself to believe that. She knew of Anders' quiet affections for her, and she knew of her own affection for Fenris. She favored him over the rest. Her version of giving him a chance had included listening to his opinions and often siding with him, or when she could do neither of those things, leaving him behind so she could act as she would see fit without upsetting him. With Anders, giving him a chance included rarely bringing him along and doing what she pleased regardless of his opinions. To everyone around her, it was obvious she favored the Tevinter elf, and there was nothing subtle at all about it.

Fenris watched her struggle with her injured ankle as he finished preparing the deer for cooking. He knew that she would not have had so much trouble with it if it had not been wrapped, but at the healer's discretion, she had allowed it to be so. He hoped it would at the very least help her sleep, for it pained her so much just to walk on it. He knew there had been no break, since Anders had loudly announced it to them over the crackling of the flames just moments ago. The woman who had left them in pain returned to them in a slowly boiling anger, and he wondered just what they had discussed over her injury.

"Are you alright, Hawke?" He questioned.

"Just fine, Fenris. Thank you," Hawke said," Varric, could you do the cooking for the night. It's awful hard to move and I don't think it would be very easy to get comfortable by the fire with my ankle like it is."

The dwarf nodded to her and came closer to the fire to tend to the cooking. However, Fenris was not satisfied with Hawke's clear dismissal of his question. She still appeared angry, even though she claimed to be 'fine'.

"No, something is wrong. You can't hide that from me."

She looked at him with a surprised look on her face, as if she couldn't believe he had pressed the conversation further. She huffed loudly to announce further displeasure, but she answered him plainly.

"It's Anders. He's being childish again."

As she spoke, the other mage of the party retreated to his tent. It's likely he knew exactly what they were talking about and didn't want to hear a word.

"If he upsets you so, why keep him around? Surely Merrill can learn some restorative magic and accompany us instead."

"Merrill's a sweetheart, but she dabbles in blood magic and I will have no part of that. It's not that I don't trust her, it's just…"

"The blood magic," Fenris finished for her. He was met with a nod from Hawke.

Varric dropped four portions of the venison onto a steaming hot frying pan. The sizzle and aroma that accompanied it left Hawke hungry, dismissing some of her anger. She was glad for these boys at every moment of the day, for they found ways to make her feel better without saying a word.

"I suppose if Anders gets any less tolerable, I'll have to learn some restorative magic myself and take care of everyone. I just took to fire and lightning very early on, and never cared to venture out of my comfort zone."

"I'm sure there would be no argument from the others. Aveline has mentioned her desire to go with you more than once since I met you, Hawke."

"Oh, I know. She's just as sweet, and with you, me, Varric and her, there would be no argument over what to do. I think you just came up with the dream team, Fenris," Hawke smiled again, a brief flash to indicate her further dissipating anger.

Fenris gave her a smile of his own in this unguarded moment. With Varric's back turned to him and Anders out of sight, it felt a little easier to show how he felt. Hawke seemed to have that way with people. He had seen it at work in himself, but also with Aveline who trusted Hawke above all others and often came to her to seek advice about the guardsmen. He saw it in Varric, who confided in her over Bartrand's betrayal since they left the Deep Roads. He saw it in Anders who coveted her above all others, and in Isabela, who could openly smile and laugh and joke with the lady mage as if they were sisters. Though the women's morals often clashed and caused conflict, Isabela had greatly comforted Hawke in the time they had known one another.

He assumed Hawke surrounded herself with all of these people because she had lost so much in her transition from Ferelden to Kirkwall. He had heard her speak often of the work she did just to gain passage into the city, the kind of work that had led her to him in the first place. She regarded them all as more than friends, as family. Her sister had passed on when they tried to escape the Blight, and her brother was less than agreeable with her because of her magic. Fenris had heard her say often that she just belonged with all of them, and that comforted him.

"One strong arm to fight back the masses, one to protect you from the warriors that get around the first, and Varric—"

"To sing pretty songs with Bianca, and kill every last one of the bastards," Varric chimed in.

He turned to flash them both a grin," It'll be ready soon. I'll go get blondy in a minute."

As they drew nearer to the city, Hawke's face grew brighter, happier. She stopped for a moment and began to gather her robes in her hands, reducing their length to her knees. She took off in a slow jog despite her injury, calling out to her friends.

"Come on, we're almost there!"

"Hawke, slow down," Fenris sighed.

The elf was the first to follow after adjusting the load upon his back. He shouldered much of the burden that came from the treasures of the Deep Roads, but he had enough strength to chase after the excited mage. He wanted to be just behind her in case her attempt at running further injured her ankle. She had been in such pain in the days before that he could hardly believe she was off and running ahead of him.

Anders did not have the energy to follow, and he remained behind with Varric. He watched the two run ahead, knowing that the crowds of the city would slow them, and the mage and the dwarf would find them easily.

"How long are you going to pussy foot around the situation, Blondy?" Varric stated once Fenris and Hawke were out of earshot.

"Erm, excuse me?"

"You know what I'm talking about. You and Broody are circling around each other like two stray dogs fighting over a bitch in heat. She's going to catch on eventually and what do you think is going to happen when she does?"

"She'll choose the better man, Varric. Hawke is wise," Anders said.

"That begs the question: which is the better man?"

"I am, of course. Fenris is an animal, a wild beast. He's going to hurt her eventually, and when he does, I'll be there for her."

Varric shook his head and sighed deeply," She won't want you to be there. Hawke handles her personal problems on her own, always has."

"If Fenris injures her, it won't be a personal problem. It will be a problem belonging to all of us."

Varric looked ahead of him, noting the way the elf stayed close behind the lady mage. He was careful of her, ever aware of her injury and obviously taking care that she did not hurt herself as she ran ahead of them. The dwarf wondered if such care and hidden worry would ever dissipate enough for the elf to lose his temper and harm the girl.

"I don't think he has it in him, blondy."

Deep down, Anders hoped that Varric was very, very wrong.

Hawke remembered the last time she ran through tall grass, laughing and smiling as happily as she did in that moment. She had been with Bethany and Carver—her two siblings barely adolescent—when her father had returned one day. It had been a very long time since they had seen them, and all at once, they crossed the fields outside of Lothering to greet him.

Now, she raced as quickly as she could to see what remained of her family. She found herself followed by three friends, one of them hot on her tail while the others took their time. She didn't blame them, given how far they had traveled that day. She had so much to tell, so much to give. For the first time in many years, Hawke was proud of what she was providing for her family.

Tall weeds and wispy grasses itched at Hawke's legs and knuckled as she ran, holding up her robes in both hands. The gates were just ahead, and once she reached them, her running was reduced to a slow crawl. Fenris stopped just behind her, and he followed so closely she could feel his presence. He meant not to lose her in the crowd, and in order to do so, he had to keep close. Hawke was a small woman, easily lost in a sea of tall Free Marchers. She never seemed to mind having him so close, and in fact, she found comfort in it. She never liked being alone, given her situation. An apostate mage all by herself was an easy target in Kirkwall, and her friends knew that. She had nothing to protect her from the Templars, at least not yet.