A/N: Unlike most of my stories, these chapters would be quite short and well, stupid. Otherwise, I'll never get to updating. Rest assured, I have a plot, but no actual plan. So basically, I'm free-writing this in quick drabbles. Think of it like a weekly comic thing. With a lot of words. And no pictures. And a not-so-weekly schedule.
Or don't think at all and just read (and review). For people who like to critique, this isn't the fic for you. Sorry, but whatever the case may be, enjoy.
Disclaimer: Characters © James Patterson. Originals/plot is mine…which I don't have much of both.
Chapter Two: Dude Looks Like a Lady
"Ooh, what a funky lady.
She like it, like it, like it, like that.
Ooh, he was a lady."
- Aerosmith, Dude Looks Like a Lady.
Max came into the salon just as Fang was buttoning up his blouse. His school uniform fitted remarkably well, even with his wings bound with some sort of contraption that Asher had invented. He didn't even recognize himself in the mirror. All he saw was a dark girl with brown highlights and a mannish stance and an expression of deep dissatisfaction. And shit, she was cute. Or rather, he was cute.
Now incredibly self-conscious, he turned to Max. She was also in uniform, wearing a light blue plaid skirt and a navy vest over her own white blouse. An older girl with short bleach-blond pigtails followed in after her, looking slightly bored and wholly focused on her shoes.
"Hi," said Max, looking surprised, though Fang thought his appearance merit more of a dead faint. He was grateful she didn't burst out laughing. Fang didn't know how much his pride could take by the end of this 'mission'.
"Hey," he said, "How do I look?"
The change in Max's face was immediate. She gaped, looking stunned between disbelief and awe. With a sense of dread, Fang realized that she hadn't recognized him at first.
"You-" she began, eyes widening, "…Fang?"
Boggled, he nodded and smiled miserably, "Who did you think I was?"
"I don't know. Not Fang. Oh, my god. You're kind of gorgeous," she added, her lips quivering in what Fang knew was suppressed laughter.
"Thank you," Fang said ungraciously, "It's, like, totally my dream to hear myself being complimented like that."
The bleach blond girl finally glanced up from the ground, a familiar wicked grin on her face.
"It's times like these when I would give up my right arm not be blind," she said in what was supposed to be Iggy's voice.
If Fang had been sitting, he would have fallen off his chair. He settled for staring incredulously at the girl-who-sounds-like-Iggy-but-couldn't-be-Iggy. Now that he knew, Fang was acutely aware that she hadn't been staring at the ground, but instead her-
"Ig," he said slowly, "You have…"
Max couldn't stay silent. She put a hand over her mouth and doubled over, shoulders shaking.
"Breasts?" Iggy offered helpfully, "Yeah. Asher said that my height and build needed more feminizing."
In some sick and twisted part of Fang's mind, he privately thought Iggy was lucky.
"You want to feel them?" Iggy asked prudently after a pause.
No hormonal teenage boy would pass up the chance, Fang included. He went over and soon both boys were experimentally groping Iggy's new additions.
"I think they're bigger than Max's," Fang whispered.
"Really now?" Iggy said, sounding pleased.
Unfortunately, Max, who had been watching with a look of morbid fascination, was within earshot and she stepped in between them.
"Stop. Please," she said, "At least one of you doesn't realize how weird you guys look together."
There was something in her eyes that flashed out a clear warning. Fang stepped back and Iggy must have heard something dangerous in her voice and did the same. At that moment, Asher picked a miraculous moment to waltz in with Gazzy, Nudge, and Angel in tow. All of them were in St. Celestine uniforms, though Gazzy and Angel's blouses sported bows instead of ties and they had light blue blazers instead of the navy that the older students wore.
And if Fang thought he was upset, he was a pale comparison next to Gazzy. Angel was holding her brother's hand and trying to comfort him with minimal success.
"You look so pretty, Gazzy," she said with a brilliant smile as her older brother looked ready to break down in tears.
"I know," he said sadly, pushing the curls of his wig from his eyes, "I know…"
"It'll only be for a few weeks," Max explained gently as Nudge mobbed Iggy and Fang with humiliating compliments.
"Think of all the girls you'll be around," Iggy interjected with a dreamy smile and earned himself a smack from Max and a painful ear flick from Nudge. Gazzy, who was all but nine, only appeared more upset.
"That's a lot of cooties," he muttered, miming the cootie-shot ritual.
Asher gave Gazzy a sympathetic shrug, knowing that within a few years, the younger boy's opinion might change. He had been carrying a few folders and handed them out to each of the flock members.
"Okay, let's get down to business," he said, grabbing everyone's attention with his serious tone of voice, "In each of these folders, you have a cover story. It is imperative that you memorize these. Your fellow classmates will want to know where you're from, your standing, and what your parents do. Believe it or not, networking through children has become very popular in rich schools. You need to blend and socialize."
Fang flipped through his folder, pulling out the first sheet. He skimmed through it and frowned.
"My name's Nika? Nika Palmaris?" he asked, ignoring the flock's giggles.
"Ooh, sound familiar, Nick?" Asher replied innocently, "I just thought it would be easier for you since you've used that pseudonym before."
"How thoughtful," Fang muttered, going back to the sheet and found that his 'father' was one of the department heads of an independent company for developing technological equipment. His 'mother' was a civil rights activist in Africa so apparently they had to ship their daughter off to the boarding school.
Max had finished her basic data and with a skeptical quirk of her eyebrows she asked, "Are our 'parents' real people? These cover stories are really… detailed."
Asher nodded absently as he helped Gazzy and Angel.
"Yes," he said, grinning, "They know all about this stuff too, so feel free to make phone calls home. It'll amuse them, I'm sure."
Nudge suddenly dropped her folder, causing everyone except Asher to turn in alarm.
"Oh, my gosh! I'm Oprah's niece!" she exclaimed, "It says Oprah's paying for me to go to St. Celestine!"
"Well, yes," Asher smiling. He had taken a liking to the chatty girl and answered without his usual sense of irony. "She's also part of our little organization. You'll be pretending to be Oprah's niece. Actually, she's more of your patron, as you two don't really know each other. It's always tricky with celebrity-related cover ups."
Iggy had been quietly reading his folder. His fingers paused over the brail encoded sheets and he glanced at Asher.
"Okay. This is all legit and all, but I think you're forgetting something crucial to our disguises."
"Oh?" Asher asked, interested, "And what might that be?"
Iggy tapped his throat, "I don't think me and Fang can manage a convincing falsetto."
Asher smirked and lifted a hand to wave someone from the back room in. Jeb appeared, carrying a box and gave Fang an 'I–told-you-so' look. Fang glared at the scientist, but kept his mouth shut.
"Presents for the boys," Jeb announced with mock cheer. He opened the box and held out two little chain necklaces with a gemstone pendant for each one. "Iggy has the green one, and Fang gets blue. I believe Gazzy obviously doesn't need one."
The boys took the necklaces dubiously and put them on, knowing better than to question Jeb or Asher.
"Very good," Jeb said, "make sure the stone rests on the hollow of your throat. Press down once and it should stick there."
"These are basically voice changer boxes. I won't tell you how they work, because I don't know myself and neither does Jeb," Asher hummed and added flippantly, "He stole them from Itex. You've got a bad habit for that, Dr. Bacheldor. First the hybrids, now thousand dollar voice manipulators…"
Jeb only sighed and Asher trailed off, still grinning.
Fang gingerly pressed downed on his pendant. He heard a faint click and cringed when the device sent his neck tingling.
"Hey, is mine on?" asked Iggy and his light tenor suddenly leaped a couple of octaves in the middle of his question. He blinked, flushing at the sound of his own feminine voice. "Oh. Wow, I guess so! Awesome."
"Hello?" Fang tested and found out that he sounded exactly like a surprised girl. "Oh damn."
"That is so cool," Nudge said after the moment of shock had passed.
The boys then spent several minutes testing out their necklaces, much to the amusement of the others.
"Okay! I think you guys need your objective now!" Asher called over the loud and exaggerated moans of Iggy and laughter from the rest of the flock. Jeb had left the salon, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.
"I'm glad you boy are taking this better than I thought you would," he admitted wryly before leaving, "You guys are astounding."
"Or ape-shit crazy," Asher finished with a wink.
tbc.
