I should have known, I should have known
That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around – Taylor Swift
Eric POV
I should not have come into Fangtasia this evening. That much is obvious to me.
Then again, it is not the only thing I probably should not have done tonight.
I look back at the paperwork I have been trying to go over for the past hour. It consists of three pages and I have not been able to make it past the first paragraph. I swipe the papers off the desk as I feel the bonds I have been closely monitoring all evening spike with hurt.
Again.
The only thing that saved the computer the papers had printed out of, was Pam. My child was already upset with me and I did not need her angry because I have broke my computer and she would need to buy a replacement.
Again.
Pam will already be upset of having to get the couch that I have torn fixed. Yes fixed and not replaced. There is no way I am getting rid of this couch. It holds some good memories and it seems like memories are all I have left.
Again.
I pick up the phone and call out to the bar again asking for Clancy to come in and give me a quick run down of the last few evenings. Might as well try this again. I would have rather it be Pam of course but I knew not to push her to come tonight. I fear we would have both said things we would regret if I had.
Or I should say I would have even more regrets than I already do tonight.
So with no Pam, I am left with Clancy. I would have rather speak with Thalia. Hell, even Chow would have been a better choice at the moment. But Thalia has told me Chow met the true death, which counts him out. Pity. We appear to be going through bartenders very quickly as of late. Soon it will be hard to find someone willing to do it. Thalia is acting even more sourly towards me tonight than usual. That got her put on door duty, which I know will not help her attitude. I know she will not harm them but I do almost pity the humans in line tonight.
Almost.
Clancy comes into the room and drones on and on about Area business from the past few nights, okay maybe the past few weeks. To be honest I stopped paying attention to him after the first sentence or two. He does not really know anything of that much importance. I need to find out what happened with the Weres and any information about what has been going on with the Queen. Neither of which he is able to tell me.
I groan and send him out of the room. He is not telling me anything of meaning nor is he helping to distract me. Distract me from my own thoughts or from the feelings that have been vibrating through the bonds I have been trying to ignore all night. If ignore means watching carefully, of course.
And simply thinking her name causes my mind to flash back to when I woke from my rest this evening. Before I know it, I am trapped in a memory.
The first thing that I noticed was that I was surrounded by Sookie's scent. That alone was a wondrous feeling that brought a smile to my face. When I felt Sookie curled up against my chest, I can't think of another time in my existence that I was happier. I thought that for the first time in a thousand years, I was wrapped in a dream. Vampires don't dream. Probably something to do with brain waves, or lack there of I suppose. Thinking it was a dream I pulled Sookie closer to me, never once opening my eyes.
It is when I realized I no longer felt the danger the sun presents that my smile started to falter. If the sun isn't up then I am truly awake. This is not a dream. My mind is racing through what it could mean that Sookie is down here, in my locked basement. My eyes shoot open and I take in her naked form, pressed tight against me.
How could this have happened? How could I have let this happen?
It's another large spike of pain coming from Pam and anger coming from Sookie that takes me out of my own mind and has me picking up the phone to speak with my child. I am worried about what I am feeling. Hurt I can understand. It may kill me to have to feel the two of them hurting so, but that does not mean they are in danger. It is the feeling of hurt couples with anger coming from Sookie. Sookie has not felt anger all evening, which has actually surprised me. She has felt other emotions all evening but not anger, which would be understandable after my actions. Pam said it was safe for Sookie to return home but what is she was wrong? My worry only increases when Pam does not answer.
I am out of my chair and leaving my office as I call again. Pam would not ignore my call twice if she could help it. I would be calling either because I needed help or because I was worried for her. I am out the back door of Fangtasia as I hear the phone ring twice before being sent directly to voicemail. Not good.
I immediately call her back but it does not even ring, instead going directly to the automated system telling me to leave a message. I growl thinking about all the reasons her phone would not be working now. I start to panic as I think about what those things would mean for my child. And for Sookie.
I stop myself from taking to the air as I double back and head to the front of the club. Preparing to tell Thalia to get a few vampires together and meet me at Sookie's house, I take a risk and call Sookie's phone as I walk over there. I close my eyes thanking whatever deity would listen to a vampire when Sookie picks up her phone. I simply say her name as a rush of calm runs over me. She would not be answering the phone if she were in trouble.
But when I hear her quick breathing and I realize she is out of breath I rethink my theory. I repeat her name but say nothing else. I have long since decided to never ask if she was ok. The wording of that statement makes it seem like the person should be ok. I can tell by her feelings that she is currently not ok. That knowledge and that of what I did sends a shudder through me cutting deeper than a knife.
I should have had more control.
I shake my head, bringing my focus back to the phone call. Before I can make sure she is not in any immediate danger she says, "What do you want?" I can hear her teeth grinding as she talks but I could have told you that she was holding her teeth tightly together simply by hearing her voice.
I start walking back into my office through the back entrance of the bar. This is not a conversation I wish to be overheard. Of course with the Queen still having my office bugged, I cannot really head there and hope not to be overheard. I also cannot have the Queen worried that there might be a problem if Sookie's telepathy is needed. That is the last thing that I need at the moment.
I turn again, this time heading to my car, as it is the only thing I am sure has not been bugged. It is a simple sedan, instead of the convertible people have been accustomed to me driving. It may be a while before I can take that car out again.
I make it to the car, but I have not said another word. Sookie, her voice a little softer yet still anger filled, says "Eric." Even though her voice is still so harsh, it is the softness to it that I loose myself in. I am not lost for long however, as she then says, "What the hell do you want," her voice having lost any of the softness it held.
"I do not like you being in pain," I tell her the words spilling from my mouth before I can even think about it. And I hear the rest of the thought reverberate in my mind, 'Especially when it is I who have caused the pain.' I rest my head on the top of my car for a split second before remembering where I am. I quickly lift it off and get into the car.
"What," she asks sounding confused.
"I am sorry," I say to her as I start the car. I hear her choke back a sob on her end of the line. And I am though I know words in this circumstance is weak. I hate what I have done to her, especially with everything else that has happened in such a short period of time.
"You don't have to come riding in on your high horse to apologize, Eric," she says, her voice sounding surprisingly calm to me. "It's a little late for apologies. You meant what you said at your house. You don't say things you don't mean," she says quietly, her voice for the first time unsteady.
"Sookie, I," but she cuts me off saying, "No, Eric. Just no."
I open my mouth but again she starts talking first saying, "You know. I owe you a great deal of thanks. I don't want to even think about what would have happened if you didn't show up when I was locked in the car." She pauses and I hear her swallow. "You got me to face things I thought I had long dealt with. You got me the help I so desperately needed and didn't even know it. You were there for me when I needed someone the most. You fixed up my house, Eric. My Gran's house. There is so much I am thankful for.
"You taught me I could live again. You showed me there was something worth living for," she says, her voice wavering. "But I am coming to learn that not every story has a happy ending. In fact, it seems like most don't."
I want to say so much to her. I could have been her happy ending. I wanted to be her happy ending. Fuck, I still do. I slam my hand into the steering wheel.
She clears her throat and says again, "Why did you call, Eric. I doubt it was to apologize."
"Pam did not pick up her phone."
"Yeah, her phone had an unfortunate accident."
"I was worried," I offer in explanation.
"I'm not entirely sure that's something you get to be in reference to us anymore," she bites out.
I swallow the anger I feel due to her words. My voice is nearly steady as I tell her, "Pam is my child. There will not be a day that goes by where I do not worry for her." And I have to bite back what I want to add to that statement, that as my human, I have every right to worry about her as well.
A statement I currently am not able to make. A statement that I may never be able to make.
"Put Pam on the phone," I say softly.
"Why so you can yell at her some more?"
I take a breath I don't need to take as I pull into my driveway. I park in the garage but stay in the car. "Sookie," I start but she cuts me off.
"No, Eric," she says. "No. Pam was taken Eric. She was held captive, tortured, and left to hang with silver rods through her torso. You're lucky she doesn't have sliver poisoning. And instead of being there for her as her maker, you yell at her because you suddenly regret that you didn't want to keep it in your pants."
I lay my head on the steering wheel as so many things rush through my head. The most prevalent is Pam with the rods sticking out. I close my eyes and imagine the hiss of my child's skin as the sliver burns it. I can smell her blood as her wounds bleed. I am filled with the need to speak to her, the need to make sure she is well for myself. "Please put Pam on the phone, Sookie," I say.
I do not know what is different about me asking this time. I do not know if it is something she is doing for Pam. I do not know if it is the desperation I am sure she hears in my voice. I do not know if it is simply that she no longer wishes to talk to me. But whatever the reason I can hear the sound of the air moving as she goes to hand Pam the phone.
Of course, she could also be flinging the phone through the air.
However, I feel the first tear I did not even know I was holding back as I hear Pam say, "Eric."
Sookie POV
I am not exactly sure why I hand the phone over to Pam. It might be that I just don't want to hear Eric's voice anymore. Okay, it may be less of 'don't want to hear' and more 'can't' right now. Or it might that I heard the desperation in Eric's voice. It's clearly there even if I don't understand why at the moment. Or it might have been the look of hope that flashed on Pam's face, as she seemed to overhear that Eric wanted to speak with her. It was gone almost as quick as it came, but I didn't miss it.
Yeah, I am going to go with the hopeful look one her face. One of us should have that.
Is it wrong that I wished it were me?
I hear Pam address Eric. She sounds cold and unattached but I have come to find out that is what she sounds like when she's afraid to let her emotions show. She's quiet for a bit as she must be listening to what Eric is saying on the other line. She turns away and takes two steps. Vampire pacing at its finest.
When she responds to whatever Eric has said, it's in his native tongue. She looks at me and switches back to English while telling Eric she's not going to be rude. That manages to put a smile on my face because it was never something she was worried about before and it probably won't be the last time they use their language too.
But it hits me then that it may be the last time in front of me.
That thought sends me wanting running for the hills. But there are no hills in my house so I do the next best thing. I force a smile and I put my hand on Pam's shoulder, telling her it's okay. What exactly I am telling her is okay, I'm not entirely sure. I then make my way upstairs to my room where I get ready to take a shower and go to sleep.
When I am back sitting on my bed, the only proof that I have that I even moved is my wet hair. It was nothing except going through the motions. 'I just hope I brushed my teeth,' I think to myself, as I get myself under the covers.
I can just make out Pam's voice downstairs. It's not enough to make out what she's saying but it sounds like the gentle humming I have gotten used to when trying to calm myself down. Except this time, it's doing the opposite.
Something didn't feel right before Eric's call and it still doesn't feel right now. I burrow myself under my covers, trying not to think. Of course when you try not too, that's when you can't stop thinking.
I just don't get it. Eric had sounded so…small on the phone. Small and fragile. Like he, himself was hurting. Which left me with the big question of why? He's the one that said those words.
Part of me had wanted to reach out and hug Eric when I heard him on the phone. To draw him in and hug him tight and tell him it will all be okay. The problem with that is that the other part of me, the bigger part at this point, wanted to draw him in and throttle him. And I don't even know what 'it' is and if 'it'll' all be okay.
It's not like Eric is eager to play share time. Hell, he's not even willing to let Pam play at this point.
Speaking of the female vampire, I hear her as she starts up the stairs. I curl into myself as I hear her enter the room. It sounds like she takes a few steps into the room and stops. I turn over to face her, worried that she'll think I'm angry or upset.
Both emotions I am feeling right now, but none of them are aimed at her. I try to smile as I ask, "Good conversation," not knowing what else to say. She takes a few more steps the room and nods. I can tell by her face she feels conflicted. I sit up in the bed and say, "He's your maker, Pam. You're kind of stuck with him. It's good if you can make things right again."
"I'm not exactly sure things are right, Sookie. My maker is being fucking moronic at the moment."
I stare at her for a second surprised at her words towards Eric. Then before I can help myself I start to laugh. When I do she comes over and sits on the edge of the bed. When I can stop "Promise me something, Sookie."
"Depends on what that something is, Pam," I tell her with a wry smile. After living with the two of them for a few weeks I have learned never to make an open ended promise to a vampire. Okay, maybe just to never make an open ended promise in general.
"Promise me that when Eric is ready to talk you will listen." I am about to tell her that I owe him nothing but she quickly adds, "For you, Sookie. You need to hear him out for you."
I look away and say, "It's not going to make a difference, Pam. He obviously has regrets."
"Oh he has regrets, Sookie. And believe me when the dust settles he will have plenty more." She pauses for a few seconds before saying, "But as I said, you need to hear him out for you. You need not to be wondering why. I'm not suggesting it will fix everything. I'm not saying it will fix anything. But you at least will have an understanding and I think you are the person who needs that."
This is sounding eerily familiar. It sounds like the conversation I had with Eric about confronting Bill. As painful as it was, it was good that I confronted Bill. It was good that I heard the truth straight from his mouth. In truth I probably needed it to start moving past it. As hard as it would be to hear why Eric suddenly changed his mind, knowing why would probably help. I nod showing her that I would.
I lie back down on the bed and pull up the blankets. "You know where you're resting during the day," I ask her, needing the subject to be changed.
She says yes with a pinched look on her face. She then gets an eager look on her face and she says, "Unless you want to have a true slumber party. We can have a pillow fight and cuddle," she says with a smirk on her face.
"If you hit me with a pillow Pam, I have a feeling it will feel more like a steel pipe."
"We can get right to the cuddling."
"Yeah, I'm not interested in having my bedmate spontaneously burst in to flame."
"Where's your sense of excitement, Sookie?"
"Goodnight Pam," I tell her shaking my head at the vampire. She pats my head and says goodnight and walks out into the hallway leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Hello lovely readers. I cannot say how excited I am that you are giving the next leg of their journey a try. I really appreciate all the added alerts and reviews. Thanks to those who signed in as guest and I cannot respond to. So we get our first Eric perspective in this chapter. We also get some clues to what may be going on to have him react the way he did at the end of Amnesia. Again, it will be a few chapters before everything comes together.
I am off camping for the weekend with extended family. Fingers crossed no emergency room visits are needed.
