Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.


Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without those two I'd never even dare to post. Luv ya!


Like with Any Way the Wind Blows, I've created a blog for this story. It holds visuals for the outfits discussed in the chapters, the people, places and vehicles featuring in the story and, of course, the amazing banner and blinkie Ange de 'l Aube made. You can find a link to the blog on my profile.


I imagine that right now, you're feeling a bit like Alice. Hm? Tumbling down the rabbit hole?

Larry & Andy Wachowski, The Matrix (1999)

1

Chaos.

It was running wild all around her it seemed, with people moving in every possible direction, seemingly without purpose or even the presence of mind to think about the other hundreds of people doing the same.

There was shouting, cursing, crying, laughing…it was one of the most overwhelming situations Bella had been in throughout the last couple of years.

It was the arrival terminal at Chicago's O'Hare airport.

And it scared her to death.

"Do you need a minute?" Edward whispered with his arm firmly around her shoulders as she ducked into the safety of his hold. They were standing on the fringes of what seemed to her to be a large hall constantly thrown into a total state of bedlam and there was nothing she wanted more than to rush back to the quieter corridors they'd just passed to get there.

But she knew she couldn't.

No, she wouldn't.

She had to be strong; prove she could really do this. To herself, to Edward but most of all to those nagging voices in the back of her head who told her she would never be able to keep her head above water in the real world.

So she shook her head, her hand grabbing the back of Edward's jacket as tight as the fabric would let her as she forced her left foot forward. "Let's just do this."

"That's my girl," Edward chuckled and, even through her nerves and fear, she could feel the pressure of his lips pressing a kiss into her hair. Love. "I love you."

Even though Bella felt it with all her heart, at that moment, her mind was too full of all the things going on around her to formulate any other words in response than those which were a direct reaction to what she experienced. "I never thought it would be so loud," she muttered as they slowly progressed through the crowd, Edward steering her in the direction of one of the conveyor belts that would soon start to vomit out their luggage if his explanation of airport dealings were to be believed.

"Huh?" Edward leaned closer so she couldn't quite determine whether he didn't understand what the hell she was saying or just hadn't heard her over the noise. Which only proved her point.

"It's so damn loud in here!" she repeated, a little louder than the first time just to be sure he would hear her. "I never knew people could make so much noise!"

"But you used to live right in the middle of this kind of craziness when you lived in LA, didn't you?" he responded, securing them a place to sit next to the still unmoving luggage carrousel.

"That was a long time ago." Bella shrugged. "And living on the streets was different. I could still find a quiet place when everything got to be too much, you know?" She tried to suppress the unhappy memories of life on Los Angeles' streets that Edward's mention of that time threatened to rake up. It had been the hardest she'd ever had to fight for her life; living off the scraps of half-eaten and discarded food she could find in dumpsters and trash cans or stealing merchandise from honest salesmen and trying to steer clear of the pimps, dealers and deranged psychos she shared the streets with. She'd been constantly on the lookout for danger, for police officers and other do-gooders wanting to 'help' her by delivering her back into the hands of her legal guardian but, most of all, she had been scared that he would find her.

Phil.

He would have killed her if he ever managed to get his hands on her. She knew that, which was why her relief had been palpable when she found out a few days ago, through a mysterious process that Edward called 'googling', that he was dead now; killed not too long after she'd fled by some of the lowlifes he'd associated with.

"Living in this city won't be so much different," Edward mused, unaware of the cold shivers running down her back at even the thought of his name. "My house – our house…" he paused, giving her such a joyous meaningful look as he corrected himself that it made her feel all warm inside even in spite of the fear her surroundings still instilled in her, "…sits on a relatively quiet street and there's always parks and stuff nearby if you want to escape the craziness of downtown. It's a lot different than Forks, though."

"Yeah," she sighed, staring out at the unorganized cackle in front of her as she added a wistful, "I can imagine that." Her hazy memories from her days in LA were enough to let her know that the plush greens and quiet nights of Forks would be about as far removed from city life as they could be and it frightened her. At the same time, though, she knew that being afraid would be pointless. Edward's life was in this city and if she couldn't make city-life work for herself…

She didn't even want to think about it.

As much as she'd grown to hate the trees and the silence over the years, she found herself already missing the muted colors and predictability of her organized little life with Aro. Back there she knew exactly what she was up against and what she was going to happen and when. The only uncertainty in her life had been whether or not Aro would wake up in a good mood or not and even those both options she had encountered so often they were starting to become routine.

Right now, however, her mind was under a constant assault of new impressions and constantly trying to decide whether those new things where worth remembering or not. There was so much newness to this world that it completely knocked her over, though part of her was still bubbling with excitement to discover it all. But the noise and the colors and the pushing and moving of people who all seemed to be in a hurry all the time…it was maddening and already she could feel the onslaught of a killer headache.

No, I will not give into it. As they waited for their luggage to appear on the belt she kept on repeating that little sentence over and over again until she found herself slowly starting to get used to all the noise and the chaos around her, her nimble mind starting to add filters to keep out the things she didn't need to see and hear and only focus on what was important. See? I can do this.

Resolution or not, the sound of the luggage belt coming to life still startled her enough to make Edward chuckle next to her as she jumped and scrambled closer to him for protection, which in turn made her even more resolute to not let anything the world threw at her knock her off her feet. And so with a scalding glare she rose, watching as the first bunch of suitcases started to appear. "So, what's the deal with this thing?"

Edward was still smiling as he joined her, dragging some kind of cart behind him. "The trick is to identify our shit and grab it off of there before someone else mistakes it for their shit." He waited for her to nod, her eyes fixed on people executing the plan of action he'd just described. "And, of course, the most important part of that is to do all of it without ending up in the ER."

"Ah," Isabella nodded, her eyes widening as a woman dragged a suitcase that appeared to be half her size and heavier than she could ever be off the belt as others were nearly thrown onto the moving belt as the people behind them pushed forward to grab their own belongings. "I can see how that might be a problem."

"Just stand back, angel. I'll handle this." It was Bella's turn to smile now, her heart throbbing at the adorable way he puffed out his chest and acted all 'caveman-slash-provider-type' as he went off in search of his prey, or suitcase as was the case.

That seemed a strange, almost an animalistic practice, though, retrieving of luggage at an airport and, as she sat watching the man she loved engage in open warfare with a group of tourists over a spot that ensured he would be able to get to their luggage without seeing it make another trip around the belt, she had to wonder if there wasn't some more dignified way of going about this.

There had to be, right? Because the scene in front of Bella reminded her an awful lot of something she'd read about the dog-eat-dog world of the African Serengeti desert.

Bella wondered what Aro would say if he'd been sitting next to her at that moment. His way of capturing a situation in only a few well-chosen words had always fascinated her to the point of awe. Working alongside him on the book had been such a gratifying experience and she'd learned so much. He'd had a kind of magic about him, an aura that radiated from his brilliant mind as soon as he sat down to dictate his words of the day.

She could still see that gleam in Aro's eyes as they slid halfway closed; bridging the gap between the world he inhabited and the one he saw in before him as he folded his hands across his stomach and spoke. His tone always even and decided as he gave her sentence after sentence of beautiful words and insights into the characters he was working with and the world she had learned.

She even got to know herself a little better through his words.

As bitter a lesson as she had learned about trust in the end, she would not have traded those moments for anything, even knowing what she did now about those final, horrible days and the violence that had become so much more frequent in the months before that.

It hurt that she had not been able to say goodbye to the side of him she had grown to love and respect so much over the years. That had been gone almost in the blink of an eye, leaving only the cold, distrusting and mean man to wither away in that big, awful house in the middle of nowhere.

Edward emerged from the raffle triumphantly at that moment, his suitcase lodged firmly on the luggage cart as he grabbed the bag holding the few meager belongings she had been able to grab before Jane had thrown her out of the house.

"You're thinking about him, aren't you?" His face fell as he caught up with her, his movements tentative and slightly brusque, which was how she knew that underneath all of his care and worry for her was also an underlying tone of jealousy. After all, there were still parts of her he couldn't reach.

It hurt to see the man she loved so much in pain because of her, especially because, if only she worked harder at protecting him and focusing on moving forward instead of looking over her shoulder like she had been doing just now, that pain would not be there.

She was failing.

"I'm sorry." She sighed as she pulled the coat Esme had given her tightly to her chest, feeling the strong desire to crawl underneath it and hide, though she hadn't quite decided yet from whom or what she wanted to escape. "I know you probably just want to forget he ever even lived but, to me, he was more than the man you came to know."

"I know," he reluctantly admitted, "and I really don't want you to feel guilty about thinking about him, but, I just…" He ran his hand through his hair in a movement that had already became familiar to her; one signaling he was feeling frustrated. "I don't want you to become stuck in the past like I did. There are people…"

"I'm not seeing a therapist." She lifted her chin, hopefully letting him know once and for all that this topic was not up for discussion. She didn't have much hope he would get the message, though, seeing as she'd already delivered it about a hundred times already. "I mean it, Edward. I'm not crazy so I don't need some outsider poking around in here." She tapped her head as she fixed him with a look that hopefully meant business. "And even if I am crazy, I'll never let some stranger all up in my thoughts."

The reason alone freaked her out. For all her life she had been forced to be someone she wasn't and live a life under constant scrutiny. Her mind had always been that one perfect place where she could be herself; the only place that was just hers.

Giving that up…she didn't even want to think about that.

Edward was already gearing up to argue with her, which meant that she was already feeling the strong urge to square up and meet everything he said to her with a withering glare and a ready reply, but before any words could be said, the shrill sound of his mobile phone put a stop to what would likely have been one hell of a discussion.

"Shit!" Edward groaned, looking at the display. "I have to take this."

She didn't like the way he turned away from her, shielding his words from her ears as they were drowned out by the sound of various many people saying too many things around them. She didn't like it, because that left her in the dark.

Just like he had.

Just like they both had.

A chill ran down her spine when she thought about life with Phil. She had been so terrified back then; afraid and gutless. Well, until she found out all about his little master plan of selling her virginity to the highest bidder to get rid of a gambling debt. Still, even though Bella had somehow found the courage to get away from him before it was too late, there were still nights when she woke up, covered in sweat and with vibrant images of what might have been plaguing her mind.

"That was Tanya." She jumped as suddenly Edward's voice was there again, clear and close above the constant murmur. "Carmen can't make it to the airport today so she's coming to pick us up instead."

She was already halfway through an approving nod when her mind backtracked. Wait…what? "Your ex-wife is coming to pick us up?"

"Well…erm…" Edward scratched his head, looking like a boy who'd just left a trail of dirt all over a clean floor. "She's already here…waiting for us outside."

"Right." Bella needed a minute to process, her brow furrowing as the wheels in her mind kept spinning. "Won't that be awkward, though? I mean…she used to be your wife."

"That was a long time ago," Edward tried to reassure her, though his words didn't completely hit their intended mark. "Besides, things between us aren't like that anymore. We're just friends now." He took her hand in his as he sat down beside her again, his gentle squeeze forcing her eyes up to meet his and see his honesty. "I swear it's the truth, Bella. I don't have any romantic feelings towards her and the same goes for her."

She nodded, believing the truth in his eyes. "But won't it be weird to be in the car with two women you've slept with?"

"Maybe a little," Edward shrugged, "but it was bound to happen one day as Tanya and I are still close friends. What I want to know, though, is if it would be too weird for you, because if so, I can always call her and tell her we're taking a cab."

"No." She shook her head, knowing in her heart that it would be an affront to the woman whom she couldn't avoid, especially if she was as close a friend of Edward's as he claimed her to be. "If she's okay with it then I guess I can be as well."

From what she'd heard, she knew those words would have to be the truth, whether she meant them or not. If this woman was a part of Edward's life, then for her own sake she would just have to put up with it.

"Shall we go then?" Edward offered, holding his hand out for her as he rose. "I'm not such a big fan of airports that I want to spent any longer in them than I have to and besides, I think Tan was getting a little impatient."

Great! A diva and his ex-wife. Bella stealthily rolled her eyes as she followed after Edward, her trepidation growing with each step as they neared the exit and walked towards where Tanya was parked, her hand holding his more firmly as she was constantly thrown between the fear of being separated from him and dread of the situation itself.

Get a grip, Bella. This is what normal life is all about. You have to be able to do this if you want to keep living it. She ground her teeth, keeping her poker face in place as she first breathed in the crisp but slightly odorous air of the big city.

"Tanya!" Edward shouted, waving his free hand at a woman leaning against a garish sports car Bella wasn't instantly jealous of in the slightest. Nope. Who in their right mind would ever want a classic and, from the looks of it, tremendously fast little red piece if genius engineering?

"Edward!" the woman had joined them in a flash. One moment she and Edward were just standing there, admiring the car, the next Edward was letting go of her hand to keep himself from toppling over as the woman previously leaning against the car threw herself at him. "I missed you!"

Again Bella had to work hard to fight off the venomous flares of jealousy, knowing it would do her no good to alienate herself from the woman whom Edward seemed to greet like she was the one he truly loved.

It wouldn't help to take off her shoe right now and smack the woman right in the face with it until she stopped breathing.

Nope.

No matter how much she wanted to.

"I've missed you, too," he spoke into the woman's hair, driving the stake even further into Bella's heart no matter how much he'd spoken to her of loving only her and not this woman who used to be his wife; who used to have all of him. She did breathe a little easier, though, when he extricated himself from her hold and turned his attention back where it belonged. "Tanya, I want you to meet my Bella."

She cherished being called 'his', her lips forced into a smile as genuine as she could muster as she finally lifted her eyes to the other woman in greeting. God, why make her so beautiful? "It's a pleasure to meet you," she forced out, trying not to feel like a squinting, cross-legged leper standing next to this Raphaelite beauty.

"And I you!" The woman – Tanya – cried with an enthusiasm that made her take a few steps back in surprise, even more so when she too found herself wrapped in an embrace that was almost too solid to belong to another woman.

What on earth is going on and why is this woman touching her? For as long as she could remember, she'd never liked having other people in her personal space unless she truly loved them like she did with Edward.

That woman, however, did not qualify, and yet, she was pawing Bella like she was fair game.

"Come on!" Tanya grabbed her hand, oblivious of the shell-shocked look Bella was sporting as she dragged her off in the direction of the sports car. "Let's get you two home."

Home. That was strange, Bella mused, as she slid in the backseat of the car, how the concept of a home seemed to be something people were willing to sacrifice a lot for, yet it would shift as soon as they had found a better place for it.

She was curious to find out what this new home of hers would look like. Edward had not spoken to her about it so she didn't really know where he lived or what his house looked like. All she knew was that, at least for the time being, she would have to make it into a place he would want to return to after a day of work at the hospital.

The only place he wanted to return to after a day of work at the hospital.

The music that blasted from the sound system as Tanya switched on the ignition was nothing like she had ever heard. At least, she didn't think so. The sound of heavy guitars and drums almost splitting her ears as she listened, eyes wide open, to the sound of what could have been a male or a female tearing off into a song that could well herald the end of the world.

What the hell is this? Having been schooled in nothing but classical music and opera for the past couple of years and not having much experience with any kind of music before that except for the songs of Sesame Street her mom and she used to sing when she was little, that noise was nothing short of revolutionary to her ears. It didn't play by any kind of rule she had previously held on to when listening to music and she was sure a lot of people would hate it.

But not she.

The guitars and the strange, almost androgynous voice stirred a kind of excitement inside her that only grew when the little sports car tore out of its parking space, the engine roaring triumphantly as it navigated the hectic roadways around the airport. It was the true sound of freedom.

"Muse?" Edward meanwhile huffed, turning the volume down much to Bella's dismay. "Couldn't you have picked something a little easier on the ears to ease my girl into modern music?"

"What?" Tanya spat back, the car veering from left to right in a frantic bid to find a bit of open road for it to stretch the engine's capabilities. "Like those boring old farts you like to listen to? That's not modern music, man, that's like making her believe a Commodore 64 is a modern computer!"

"She already knows a thing or two about jazz, Tan," Edward grumbled. Even in the short amount of time they had spent together, Bella had already learned that her beloved didn't like it when his choice in music was criticized so she was rather startled that this woman just blatantly made fun of it. Maybe that's why they got divorced?

"I'm just saying maybe something a bit more accessible would have been nice?"

"Fine!" Tanya's smiling eyes caught hers through the rearview mirror as she rolled them theatrically, one-handedly speeding along the freeway as she fumbled with the controls of the radio, the all-consuming, overpowering sounds of guitar music making place for a sound so pure and lovely it almost brought Bella to tears on the first few notes. "There," Tanya, unaware of the emotional rollercoaster she was sending one of her passengers on, sneered at Edward. "Better?"

"Much," Edward nodded, leaning his head against the headrest as he, too, let the soft, mellow tunes wash over him.

As Edward and Tanya quietly argued over the roads that would get them to their destination as fast as possible – truly, she was starting to wonder why the two of them had ever gotten married since all they seemed to do was fight – Bella drifted off, the sound of the music lulling her into an almost melancholy state as she tried to absorb the vast amounts of grey surrounding her.

She was definitely not in the forest anymore.

There was a kind of rough beauty about the landscape she was travelling through, one that reminded her of the first time she'd driven into Los Angeles. It seemed almost light-years ago but she still remembered what it was like to be surrounded by tall buildings again after so long of living in the outback of Arizona. Being there, right there and then in the backseat of a flashy sports car, felt pretty much the same, though without the sense of dread she'd been feeling when she'd entered LA, unsure of how to make a living or even how to survive on the streets.

Well, not completely without a sense of dread…

Much like back then, a lot about her future was still unsure. She knew what she wanted – what she'd dreamed about on all those nights when the thought of what she stood to gain by keeping to her end of the contract she'd had with Aro was all that kept her going – but whether or not Edward would allow it?

She sighed, once again letting the soothing tones of the music bring her back to a more happy state of mind. As much as she loved Edward, with all her heart, she hated being dependent on him – on anyone – once more. It would have been so much different, coming here with him, if only she had been truly free and independent…

She would just have to get used to it, though. Bella sighed, letting her eyes drift out the window as the concrete city embraced her in its roughhewn hold. Things were the way there were. There was no changing it. The only thing she could do was go with the flow, hope for the best and trust in the gut feeling that was telling her in Edward she'd finally found a man in her life worth loving.

And as if to reassure her, the chorus of the soft song that had been playing picked up as three men sang in perfect harmony the words she just needed to hear at that moment. Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise

That's just it. All her life – or at least for the past couple of years – she had been waiting for the moment to finally be free and now that the moment had come, she was ruining it by only thinking about what could go wrong.

"You've gone awfully quiet back there." Her heart thumped violently as Edward turned around, his green eyes happy as they zoned in on her. "What are you thinking about?"

"Just…the changes in my life, I guess." She shrugged, pulling at the sleeves of her coat, a nervous habit she'd picked up when she was still living with Phil and forced to always wear a long sleeve to cover up her bruises. "Sometimes I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed."

He nodded, turning as far as his seat allowed him. "I can't even begin to imagine how all of this must feel to you."

She knew deep down she should probably say something about how she truly felt; about how half the time being in this world was like being thrown into the deep end without anyone teaching you how to swim first.

But she didn't

Instead she referred back to her time-honored way of dealing with situations that went far over her head: acting like she had it all under control. "It's okay," she answered, mustering as confident a smile as she could manage as inwardly she immediately felt bad about lying to Edward. She would have felt worse, though, if she'd made him worry about her and ruined his day.

This was supposed to be a happy day.

The drive to Edward's house didn't take long. All too soon they were leaving the freeway, following the signs to Forest Park as finally the ugly scenery surrounding the expressway started to give way to a slightly better view of homes and gardens, bringing back the foggy memories of the street in Philadelphia, the town she'd spent the first five years of her life in.

This she could do. She smiled, feeling slightly emboldened by the sight before her and the happy memories they made her remember. She used to be happy on a street like this…

"We're here." Edward's voice held a mixture of relief, apprehension and excitement as his ex-wife pulled up in front of a white house that looked…unlike she'd ever even dared to imagine.

And so much better.

Getting out of the car she could immediately see that the place looked unlived in, which wasn't so surprising since Edward had spent the past six months in Washington State. There were no flowers in the window or even curtains giving the place a warm feeling. The porch that spanned the whole width of the house was empty of chairs and other accessories that welcomed them home and, though it looked like someone had at least taken the trouble of sweeping away the leaves and other dirt that must have accumulated over the months, the flower pots remained empty and the flag pole bare.

She would make this into a home again. For him.

Edward took her hand, his nerves naked in his eyes and his slightly clammy hand reached for her as he helped her out of the car, constantly studying her reaction to her new home. "So, what do you think?" he finally murmured. "Does it pass inspection enough to take a look inside?"

"I can't wait," she replied, honestly this time, squeezing his hand as they walked the small pathway leading to the front door together, for what she hoped would be the first of many times.

"It's a small place," he warned her, his hand hovering over the knob after he'd stuck his key into the lock. "And I have to warn you, decorating hasn't exactly been high on my list of priorities over the past couple of years."

She rose up on her tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his cheek because she just couldn't stop herself. He looked simply too adorable at that moment, all nervous and shy, to resist. "I'll keep an open mind." Then, a little firmer and with her free hand on his hip. "Now open the door and show me."

He chuckled, a nervous laugh but Bella was happy she at least got a smile out of him. "Yes ma'am."

As soon as he opened the door she could see what he had been talking about just before as the whole 'unlived in' theme continued inside. It was reasonably clean and, from the looks of it, well kept up but there was nothing about the place that told her someone had made it home for the past couple of years. In fact, it looked like someone had just moved out.

She frowned, noting the empty spaces where, logically, there should have been furniture; a missing dining room set, an outline on the wall that indicated a bookcase used to stand there, a big open spot on the rug that should have been home to a coffee table… "What happened to the furniture?" She'd blurted her question out before thinking about it, her bottom lip immediately disappearing between her teeth as she caught Edward's discomfort.

"When Tanya and I got divorced…" He started, scratching the back of his head as he nervously switched from one foot to the other. "Well, she took some of the furniture she'd brought in when we moved here and…well, I guess I never really got round to replacing it."

"Oh." Bella's brow furrowed ash she remembered that Edward and Tanya's divorce had been quite some time ago. Strange. "Well, we can get new stuff, right?"

"Of course," he nodded. "I imagine you'd want to make your own mark around the place."

Bella struggled not to break out in giggles as she nodded since making her mark, to her, sounded an awful lot like something a dog would do and somehow she didn't think Edward had meant that she should be peeing against what furniture was still there.

"Now," his smiled turned mischievous, "I think it's time we honored a time-old tradition, no?"

Before Bella had time to ask what tradition he meant, she was hoisted upon the air and carried over the threshold, her surprised shriek only adding to Edward's joy as he carefully put her down again on the other side, a tender kiss to her lips welcoming her into his home. "Do you think you can be happy here, angel?"

She looked around her, seeing not what the place used to be or the history that came attached to it but the future she and Edward could build there. "Yes," she nodded, her heart throbbing almost painfully as Edward's face broke out into a radiant smile. "I believe I can be very happy here with you."

"Good." His smile was still in place as he pressed his lips to hers again, two, three times before stepping back. "Now how about you take a closer look at the place while I go get our stuff from the car? I imagine you'd want to look around in privacy or maybe freshen up."

"Okay." Always obedient, Bella started to walk around as Edward rejoined Tanya at her car. The kitchen, the downstairs office and spare bedroom seemed to be in pretty decent shape and not missing anything essential at first glance but, like the living room, they didn't have anything that made them special either.

And it was much the same upstairs.

There was only one bedroom up there and it didn't take Bella long to figure out that this must be where she and Edward would be sleeping. If the size hadn't clued her in, it would have been the en-suite bathroom and the large closet that did the trick. Not the décor, though, since apart from the fact that all the necessities such as a made bed and towels and stuff in the bathroom were there, the theme he'd spotted downstairs continued up there.

It wasn't until she'd checked out the upstairs rooms and made use of the bathroom to freshen up that she went downstairs again, or would have done so if a heated argument going on in the living room didn't make her stop at the top of the stairs.

It was Tanya who, after waiting in the car outside to give Edward and Bella the space and privacy they deserved, who was vigorously laying into her ex-husband. "…and you didn't think this through, did you?"

"What?" Edward spat back and Bella could just see the look on his face in front of her without even being there; eyes shooting fire, nostrils flaring and his hands either clenching by his sides or running through his hair. "Is there a guidebook for situations like these that I should have consulted? What was I to do, Tanya? Dump her at the nearest truck stop and let her find her own way out of this mess?"

"No," Tanya was quick to counter, "but did you really think bringing her to this house – our house – was a good idea?"

"Oh, don't you get all sanctimonious with me!" Edward snarled. "This hasn't been your home in ages and even before that you hated this place, remember? Besides, where should I have taken her? To my dad's house? Yeah, that would have been a great idea!"

For a moment Bella felt awfully like a piece of luggage, a dead weight keeping people down or an unwanted relative encumbering on the privacy of good people. She hated it, most of all because part of it was true. She was a dead weight. She knew nothing, could do nothing.

But the argument went on, leaving her little time for self-deprecation even if that was the only good thing to come out of it.

"That's not what I meant and you know it!" Tanya's scathing reply came and Bella could hear the creaking of the wooden floor as the two moved around. "What I meant was: do you have any idea how it must be for her to come into this house knowing you used to live here with your former wife and your child?" The silence Tanya's words left were deafening but she wasn't done yet. "How do you think she'll feel walking out this door knowing that right in front of her eyes is the spot where Claire died?"

Bella gasped, her hand clutching her chest as if to hold her heart together. In all the chaos she hadn't even thought about the fact that little Claire…Oh no! Her eyes were drawn towards the light shining in through the bedroom window behind the half-opened door near her. She'd died there, on the street.

"Don't you pull Claire into this!" Edward howled and Bella could almost feel his pain radiating off him, making her wonder if she shouldn't maybe interfere before either of them did something stupid – or more stupid – that they were going to regret. Pure self-preservation made her stop though, remembering what it felt like to be on the receiving end of someone's wrath. "Besides, it doesn't seem like it's too hard for you to come down here."

"Don't talk to me about grief, Edward!" Tanya's voice held a strong warning, one that would have put Bella on her guard if she were downstairs, although, she somehow doubted Edward would even pick up on it, given the state of mind he was in. "Just because I don't carry it around for all the world to see doesn't mean I don't feel it. God!" A sob, or at the very least a sharp intake of breath, pierced the air. "Don't you see I'm only trying to help?"

"Then you're not doing a very good job, Tan." Even though his words were picked to sting, Bella could hear the resignation in Edward's voice, a short silence heralding a sharp change in the atmosphere. "But then again, did we ever?"

"True." The same resignation seeped into Tanya's voice as the sound of creaking leather told Bella someone had sat down on one of the sofas. "But you have to think about what will happen when you go to work next week; what it will do to her to sit here, all by herself, all week with nothing to do."

"You're right." Edward sounded tired all of a sudden, all of the fight that had been so strong with him now vanished as she heard the sound of another body hitting the leather sofa. "I never stopped to think of that."

"Well, you should," Tanya advised him. "And soon." She took a deep breath. "I'd hate for her to become disillusioned or for the two of you to have to go through what we went through."

"It won't be like that." Even in spite of everything, Bella had to smile at the conviction in his voice, telling her of his determination to make things between them work, no matter what his ex-wife might say.

"Maybe not," Tanya agreed, "but that doesn't mean you can take things for granted."

"Alright." There were a few seconds of silence before Edward went on. "I'll talk to Carmen tomorrow to find out if she knows of some volunteer jobs or charity work that Bella might like and maybe I should could even try to get her enrolled into some sort of college or shit?"

If Tanya replied, the sound of her voice was drowned out by the thundering shock that Bella's mind had to reel from because there it was… another man deciding what she should be doing with her time. Another man laying out her future in front of her without asking her what she wanted first.

The blow came harder and more painfully since this time it came from someone she had dared to trust. No! Bella sagged into a small heap sitting at the top of the stairs, tears streaming down her face as she battled to remain still and not make a spectacle out of herself.

Would she ever really be free?


Thoughts?

Due to my work as a teacher starting back up and all the obligations that go with the start of a new school year, I've decided to take next week off from updating. Normal weekly updates will resume from September 12th.