The New 52 has had good intentions and some positive moments but overall, DC has dropped the ball and now continuity and character development is a mess. I decided I needed to add another chapter to express my thoughts.
Batman sat on the gargoyle overlooking his city. He was the silent protector, the watchful guardian, the dark knight…
"Hey sexy thing," sang a sultry voice. Batman turned around to see Catwoman sauntering over to him, adding a little sway in her hips.
"What do you want?" Batman growled.
Catwoman looked confused.
"I don't understand. A few weeks ago you had no problem despite having trust issues sleeping with me now you're being all cold? I can't believe I downgraded my character to be a lovesick booty call instead of the forbidden fruit femme fatale."
"This is the New 52 Selina. Characters can act completely different in separate issues."
"Why do we still call it the New 52? It's over a year old!"
"I don't know," Batman said shrugging his shoulders. "Probably a plan by DC to keep fans hooked on their crappy writing because the 'new' implies this only temporarily and they'll keep buying until by the time they realize they've been fooled, it has become established canon."
Suddenly Tim appeared next to Batman in a Robin costume.
"Are you ready old man?" Tim asked.
"No!" Batman said angrily. "You aren't supposed to be Robin! Remember?"
"What?" Tim asked confused.
"I'm sorry but the writers made no effort in continuity so in a desperate attempt to close the gap they decided to come out that you were never Robin."
"What? But the whole point I was created was so Batman could actually have a sidekick who wanted to be Robin. That seems a little disrespectful to my history…"
Catwoman let out a snort of laugh.
"This is the New 52 kid. Respect to history has been thrown out the window."
"Yep," Batman said nodding. "I'm sorry Tim but we had to sacrifice your history so I can have my own son, who is still a source of controversy among fans, be my sidekick. Oh and by the way, remember your girlfriend Stephanie?"
"Yeah. She was awesome. What happened to her?"
"Yeah well she doesn't exist anymore. Sorry."
"What the hell?" Tim asked. "She was an interesting Batgirl! What did she do?"
"Well DC decided to give the finger to all paraplegics who were inspired by my character and make me able to walk again so I can be Batgirl," said Barbara who appeared out of nowhere. "Is that a good enough reason?"
"No!"
"Well too bad," Batgirl said. "This reboot is making money and attracting the short attention span Michael Bay generation. Opinions of long time devoted fans of good story structure and character don't matter anymore."
Then suddenly for no explained reason because this is the New 52 so who cares, Superman and Wonder Woman appeared.
"Hello Bruce," Superman said.
"Oh it's about time!" Batman snapped angrily.
"What?" Wonder Woman asked confused.
"Despite being called the 'Big Three' and the 'Trinity', there has been little to no interaction between the three of us at all in the Justice League. I mean what's the point of having a superhero team if you're not going to focus how each character interacts with one another so you can focus on Steve Trevor?"
"Hey that's not fair. We interacted pretty nice in Morrison's Action Comics," Superman complained.
"You mean the comic no one has any clue what's going on? The same comic that decided to make everyone except me in a universe where heroes are African American? The same comic that broke away from the main storyline to produce one issue that really doesn't seem to advance the story or background to it at all and feels like political propaganda?"
"How dare you insult Grant Morrison and the New 52!" Wonder Woman shouted. "I will hunt you all down and swear vengeance on you!"
"What happened to the peace and love you were supposed to promote?" Superman asked confused.
"That's too boring!" Wonder Woman complained. "Batman makes the most of the box office, therefore every hero must be like him! Dark and edgy!"
"Hello, we're still here…" Selina complained.
"Let's get out of here," Tim muttered. "It's not like we matter anymore. Watch I bet by tomorrow DC in an attempt to add another stunt will make one of us half robot."
"Dark and edgy huh?" Batman complained. "Did you ever consider the reason why people like my dark and edgy personality is because it stands out? Making yourselves like me might not only alienate your long time fans but turn off my appeal to the general population!"
"Clark honey what's going on?" Lois asked suddenly appearing out of nowhere.
"We're not married anymore honey," Superman whispered.
"Oh yeah sorry," Lois said. "Wait do I know your identity or not? It gets so confusing with these mixed signals the writers have been sending."
"Wait I thought you guys were dating?" Batman asked while pointing at Superman and Wonder Woman confused.
"We are, well it's complicated. DC teased it only to jerk it away and make it look awkward so they could force it down everyone's throats even more."
"But the cover had you and Superman making out in passion!" Batman complained.
"The cover of Wonder Woman #12 also had me making out with my half-brother Apollo which even for Greek mythology is still a little gross…"
"So I'm confused," Superman said. "The writers for Justice League seem to want me to be with Diana but the writers of Superman seem to have plans for me to be in love with Lois still or some other one time love interest they created."
"It's the New 52," Batman complained. "The writers don't consult each other at all because canon is pointless. When it starts becoming too conflicting we can't ignore anymore, they'll just come up with another 'Zero Issue' stunt and put a lot of characters on the chopping block to cover up their mistakes."
At that moment a tidal wave came followed by the arrogant laugh of someone everyone thought dead. When the water cleared, there stood Aquaman looking proud and haughty.
"You know I never thought I would say this, but I envy Aquaman," Superman complained. "He seems to be getting the most respect out of this whole reboot."
"Hello my fellow heroes," Aquaman said. "Kind of funny, a few years ago I was the laughing stock of the superhero community. Now look at me, I'm king of the world bitches. Kind of sad that Aquaman is one of the few characters that is able to attract new readers without alienating old fans."
"You know they easily could've improved your character without a reboot," Batman pointed out. "In fact they could've just done a revamp. That way you can make changes without risking pissing off longtime fans…"
"But that's too much work! Come on Batman, this is the 21st century. Working hard and actually putting an effort into something is a thing of the past."
"The Marvel film universe begs to differ," Wonder Woman muttered. "In fact the writer for Twilight has put more effort in writing her crappy romance than DC has in writing my relationship with Superman. I mean if you're going to pair two heavy weights in the comic universe, shouldn't you at least put a little effort besides a media blitz and misleading art?"
"Like I said Diana. Working hard is the thing of the past. Why look. Within two years we're going to have a Justice League movie so we can compete with the Avengers sequel!" Aquaman said with deluded hope.
"Doesn't that seem a little rushed? I mean shouldn't you invest the effort to properly establish the characters and the universe like Marvel did?" Superman complained.
"The Transformers Franchise made no effort in good acting or writing and became a blockbuster hit. If it ain't broke don't fix it," Aquaman replied.
"Still you would think it would be nice to actually award the fans and give them what they deserve," Superman pointed out.
Aquaman laughed.
"The fans are fools. They're sheep. Even if they are dissatisfied with the work, they keep buying the New 52 hoping despite all evidence to the contrary their faith will be rewarded. DC and Warner Bros. can just take them for granted…"
If you like the New 52, more power to you even though I feel like it has single handedly made DC heroes into nothing more than cheap thrills. However if you don't like the New 52, then stop giving DC money. DC is responding to money, not your concerns. If you actually want to make your voice heard, don't waste your time just complaining on forums, actually stop rewarding them for crappy writing. Buy the comics you like in the New 52, not the ones you're hoping will turn out good despite them being crappy so far. Don't reward mediocrity because of the brand name, reward the good stories. Make the writers have to work for your attention, don't let them take it for granted.
