Ahhh! I'm sorry! I don't like to upset you! I hope my writing is good enough to keep y'all interested, even though its all a bit angsty. You'll just have to trust me, stick with it!

Much love as always! x

April 5st – 2012 – Entry 14.

"It's been a while, Harry."

You'd stopped going after you and Nikki got together, convinced you were fine, convinced you didn't need it anymore.

Not to mention how difficult it would have been to hide it from her.

You're here because you feel yourself losing control again. You feel like you've gone back to square one. You feel like you've fallen down a hole and you can't get out of it. The Majewski case has brought everything flooding back, as if you hadn't talked anything out at all, you'd simply learned to swim though your sea of problems. But now you are sinking, drowning.

We all have things that happen to us, the waves that crash.

"You need to detach yourself from that case then, Harry, don't you? The case that's making you feel this way?"

She doesn't understand. It's obsessive, you find something and you want the answers, PDQ, you just have to have them. Every moment is spent analysing, scrutinising, calculating. You sit up at night and look through the notes again and again. Why would someone want to brutally murder an innocent young woman and her unborn child? Sometimes the world makes very little sense to you.

"You need to let go, Harry. Remember?"

"What about her partner? The Father of her baby, you think he can just let go?"

"Harry, you're projecting. Do you remember we spoke about that? It's vital that you learn to be objective about cases like this. Obsessing over them isn't going to bring Anna back."

"I wasn't talking about Anna!"

"Really?"

She doesn't even try and stop you as you storm out, slamming the office door behind you.

….

You slam the door of your house with matching fervour and find Nikki on the stairs eating a bowl of what looks like Turkish delight and cream.

"Where were you?"

"Do I have to tell you everything?"

You walk straight past her to the kitchen and when you hear her following you, your anger increases.

"I was worried, I phoned the lab and Zak said you'd gone home but you weren't here either, I didn't know what had happened."

"I just went – out, okay?"

"Well no actually it's not okay!"

"Oh for Christ's sake I don't have to listen to this."

You slam the house keys down onto the table and push past her back out the door you'd only just came through.

"Where are you going now?"

"BED! That okay with you!"

You don't stay long enough to see the tears building in her eyes.

You're not sure how long you lie watching the ceiling, alone, before you hear her on the stairs. She spends a few minutes in the bathroom and then approaches the bedroom. You shut your eyes and pretend to sleep, you can't handle any more talking now. As she moves around the room, folding, tidying, out of the corner of your eye you notice she is already in her nightdress, she must have changed in the bathroom, you think, something she has never done in the past. She's never had to. It's the short, pink one, with the lace at the bottom. Your favourite one.

You feel her lift the covers at her side and kneel onto the mattress, her face comes close to your own. Her lips touch your forehead as she whispers "Sorry, darling." before placing a silent kiss there, turning over and settling.

She's asleep within minutes, you can tell by her breathing, and only then do you open your eyes again into the darkness and continue to glare into the darkness.