Disclaimer: Nope. Still don't own Castle.

[No Spoilers in reviews please...]

A/N: So in response to copious requests... well ok, one request (but hey TORONOTOSUN you account for 33% of all reviews on Soliloquy: major league all-star batting average!) I'm adding a chapter here... Just a what if, what if I write a story after insomnia and a hangover?

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"Do you need to go back to the precinct today?" They were now sitting on the couch, not touching, but watching each other; slowly sipping the coffee.

"I suppose, I sort of bailed on the case; should talk to Ryan and Espo anyway, let them know what's going on." She glanced down at the ring then, started to twist it on her finger; round and round.

"What are you going to tell them Kate?"

She hummed a little, not looking up from the ring she was twirling around her finger, "that I had a job offer and declined. I wanted to stay, have a life."

Castle sat up a little straighter, realizing she'd only indicated telling the boys about her plans, her professional future.

"I meant about us. What are you going to tell them about us." There was the slightest of edges to his voice, just a hint of tension he knew he hadn't concealed, but Beckett was distracted, he had no idea if she'd picked up on it.

He could see that Beckett's eyes were still focus on the ring, shifting it, touching
it, watching it glitter. "I don't want to say anything about that now Rick, just keep it between us for now okay? I'll wear the ring on a chain, around my neck, is that okay for now?"

Castle stood from the sofa then, nerves frayed, raw; the though of more secrets, more hiding just a little to much for him. He started heading toward the apartment door, "I have to go Beckett. I'll see you later okay, call me or text me when you're done telling the guys about your job opportunity. Okay?"

Beckett stood abruptly too, "Rick! Where are you going? We're not going together?"

"What's the point? It's all your decision anyway." Putting his hand on the door handle he looked over once again, "I'm going home Kate. When you've done what you need to do, come over; I'll make us some dinner."

Beckett stepped quickly toward him, reaching out to place her hands on his shoulders, "Rick, tell me what's going on; don't leave now."

"You want to know? You want to know what I think about us?"

She gave him a squeeze to is shoulders, offering a jerking nod, "Yes!"

Castle took a deep breath before answering trying to control his tone, "You want to keep things secret again Kate. Again! After it worked so well the last time. You never wanted to tell anyone, we never did; it just slipped out, people gradually found out but you never wanted to come clean to anyone."

"Rick, I thought it would have stopped us working.."

"Yeah, I know, you thought it would get me thrown off the team, out of the precinct; that we wouldn't be allowed of work together if we were open about us. Turns out though you were one murder-driven revelation away from taking a job that would never allow us to work together anyway. Right? I'd never be able to follow you as a Fed, never be allowed to be your partner."

"Really, you were so close to ending our partnership, maybe the partnership doesn't mean that much. Maybe protecting it wasn't why you wanted to keep everything secret at all."

"Rick..."

"You keep your boyfriends secret don't you Beckett? Hid Josh from everyone until he surprised you at the precinct. Is that what keeping secrets is really about here Beckett? Hiding so it's less embarrassing when everything falls apart? Did you have no confidence we'd make it?"

"Now you want to keep us secret again, I just wonder how confident you are; how confident I should be.."

"Rick! I told you before. One. And. Done! I'm in this."

"Really? I've heard a lot of words from you before Beckett. I'm a one and done type. I just want you. I want to be there for someone. I love you. So many words Beckett, so many words that seem so empty a while after you said them.

"What if there'd been no murder? Or just a regular run-of-the-mill husband kills wife? No subtext for you to grab onto, nothing to drive your epiphany moment? Then what? Then you'd have come to talk to me eventually right? To tell me you were taking the job and we were over? Or maybe that you wanted the job and to keep me even though you say it would never work, you'd never have had time, never been there."

"We'd have worked something out Rick, if it had come to that; you could have flown down to DC for weekends..."

"That's right, because I have no job and because I'm a millionaire? You would have kept me around because I'll flexible and can spend money to make your life work? What if I was a struggling writer, poor Beckett? Would you have expected me to bend over backward then? Or move to DC, give up my entire life so you can have yours?"

"You said whatever I decided Rick.."

"I did. I did. I also said we deserved more. You're the one telling me this job you've told me nothing about wouldn't leave any time for more; first I've heard of that - just how incompatible you think it was with there being an us at all. But you were going to take it anyway."

"Rick! Focus, let the writers imagination go. Please! None of that matters, none of it is real. I'm staying, we're engaged; I want a future together."

"I wanted a future together too Beckett. But I don't want to be your dirty little secret again for months; we and I deserve better than that, that's just the same old pattern, nothing more than we've been and done before."

"Wanted?"

"I think I made a mistake."