I present to you the second mission in which a simple, mundane task becomes everyone's worst nightmare. Enjoy. :)

Mission Two - Operation Mailbox

It was a simple cut and dry mission that insulted his intelligence. He was the highest ranking Turk in the business and now he was being asked to assign a mission so simple, even an infantry man could do it. The Gongagan plague was looking pretty good right about now.

He turned to his three subordinates and held a small manila envelope before him.

"Gentlemen," he looked towards Reno. "And lady. Your first mission of the day involves this envelop and the address on it."

Rude grasped the red haired Turk by the scruff of his jacket to restrain him from tackling Tseng for the comment as Cissnei retrieved the envelop and studied the address.

"Sir, is this some sort of cruel joke?"

"I wish it was. But no, that letter is now under full bodyguard protection until it is placed in the mailbox."

Reno snared the envelop from the shorter Turk's hands, earning a jab to the ribs. "So let me get this straight. You want us, the elite of the elite, the most fearful of the fearful, cloak and dagger assassins, to put a letter in a mailbox?"

"That is exactly what I want you to do."

Reno broke into laughter and almost crumbled the letter in his fist by accident. "You got it, boss. Just call me the mailman."

"Good. Now get out of my office."

Some time later, Shinra Postal Floor...

Mailbox 35 P.

Cissnei read the golden letters of each of the three hundred, unalphabetized and unnumerically arranged boxes in frustration. It was no wonder Shinra never got anything done. By the time one located their mail for mission orders, the mission was more than halfway over. Something told her that they were nowhere close.

"I think I might have found it." Rude peered towards a small box tucked in the bottom corner.

She jumped down ladder and read the letters upon the mailbox.

35 P.

"Just put the damn letter in already and let's go," Reno shoved the envelop halfway into the slot and turned to leave, his untucked shirt and unbuttoned jacket fluttering in the wind his stride created. Rude nodded, but was hesitant to follow, as though having second thoughts about leaving the envelop behind.

The elevator chimed at the end of the hall, signaling the end of the mission and Reno strode in with a cocky grin.

"You gonna take the stairs or what yo?" Both Turks hurried to join him in the elevator as the older gentleman who collected and delivered the mail emerged from the stairwell, burlap mail bag slung over his shoulder. He whistled a frightening little tune and reached for the envelop as the elevator door began to close.

"Wait," Cissnei reread the sigh outside of the elevator. "Reno you moron, that was not the right mailbox!"

"What do ya mean babe? Of course it was."

Rude adjusted his sunglasses for a better look, the mailman retreating for the stairs that would lead to Sector Eight. They had placed it in an outbound mailbox going to the privates of military stationed in Wutai, instead of the one going to the president.

"Don't ever call me that again."

"Cissnei!" The bald man pointed to the retreating older gentleman. "Stop that mailman!"

"I'm on it."

She threw the shuriken at the man's lower legs, the shrill whistle alone alerting the man to the threat. With a cry of surprise, his legs became tangled in the weapon's spin, throwing him hard upon the ground.

"Nice." Reno activated the EMR and bolted for the unfortunate mailman, who's eyes narrowed in determination. With a shove, the bag of mail fell from the stairs, sending letters surging into the air as it bounded towards the second man waiting below.

"Run, Floyde! Run! Leave me! The Mail must be delivered on time!" The gentleman watched his comrade gather the scattered mail and take a flying leap for the idling pickup truck bearing the Shinra logo along its side. Smoke filled the air, the man known as Floyde flooring the gas pedal.

"Stop that mail truck!"

Rude barreled down the steps after Cissnei and Reno, into the streets, and towards the highway leading to Sector Five. They would never catch the truck like this. And then he spotted it - their salvation on two wheels.

"We need to borrow this for a moment!"

"Hey!" Zack reached for the metal flower wagon handle but Reno zapped him with the EMR and climbed into the wagon amongst the daffodils and tulips. He offered a hand to Cissnei as Rude began pushing the wagon to get it started. The cart flared to life with the sparks raining from the tip of the EMR and it lunged down the hill towards the highway, the three Turks balanced precariously within.

"My wagon!"

"My new Shinra Weapon!" the scientist cried.

"Oh yeah! Now this is how to travel!" Reno gave a whoop and placed both hands on Cissnei's shoulders, standing up to watch the truck up ahead. "Ladies and gentlemen! Please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times! Here we GO!"

The wagon rumbled down the hill, picking up speed as Rude fought to keep it balanced.

Floyde paled and looked out the window, not believing his eyes. Were those three Turks in a flower wagon doing ninety on a downhill highway? Judging from the curious looks of those along the road, they were. He reached for something in the mail sack. No one stood in the way of the Shinra Postal Office. Not even the Turks.

"Reno! Projectile at two o'clock."

"I never knew you wanted me that way." He smirked and felt an elbow connect with his ribs. A split second later, an unidentified object smacked him in the forehead. He raised the EMR high above his head with a shout. "Damn mail rental DVDs."

A second assortment of packages came crashing towards the flower wagon.

"Look out! Wall Market Greeting Cards!" Cissnei countered the ninja-like letters with the shuriken as Reno swatted at a renegade coupon book that had attached itself to his shoulder and continued to bat him in the face.

"Porn!" Rude cried out in horror as the magazine depicting Scarlet of all people on its cover covered his field of vision. The wagon veered sharply to the left.

"Cissnei! Use Libra." Reno begged as a second coupon book joined the first. "Find a weakness! Any weakness!"

She cast the spell. "His brown shorts and polo shirt make him immune to all physical and magical attacks, status effects, dogs, small elderly people, and children."

A book of freshly licked stamps formed a cloud along the air. Rude paled, having just now managed to get the disturbing magazine out of his eyes. Two stickers of hummingbirds and sunshines covered his sunglass lenses. The wagon teetered onto its left wheel.

"Oh F-" A brilliant explosion cut off whatever the auburn haired female Turk was about to say, startling even Reno. He had never known her to use that word before.

"Damn-" Reno picked himself off of Cissnei and Rude with a groan, a sad looking tulip draped between his eyes. The wagon smoldered around them, its remaining wheel still spinning in the breeze. Sirens blazed in the distance. "That was fun."

The female Turk brushed the dust from her blazer and winced. "I just got that Phoenix down too…"

"Man, and I thought Sephiroth was kidding when he claimed that his sole defeat was by a guy in brown shorts and a polo shirt when he tried to access his mail account on another continent." Reno leaned against the wagon as Rude began to stir.

Cissnei picked up her scorched PHS and dialed the familiar number.

"Sir," the auburn haired Turk reported. "We're going to be a little late getting back. Meet us at the hospital."

Shinra Headquarters, unknown time...

Rufus blinked at the three hundred and seven different post marks and messages decorating the envelop. Who knew that a letter from ten feet down the hall had to travel the whole way to Modeoheim and back before it arrived in the mailbox outside of his office? No wonder the price of stamps were so high as of late.

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Coming up next on One Hundred Tiny Missions

"The Happy Turtle."

Until we meet again,

SageQuill :)