The Worst Feeling in the World
Hanna's P.O.V.
Around 2:30 I started to get hungry, so we all decided to go grab a sandwich inside and come back to the beach after we ate. I led the group across the porch and into the screened-in portion of the deck.
"Don't forget guys, Aria is sleeping so we have to be quiet." Spencer reminded everyone as we tiptoed into the house. We neared the kitchen and I took the things out of the refrigerator to make sandwiches. Everyone was quiet, trying not to disturb Aria, but I think we were all a bit more disturbed at what we heard. Let's just say, they definitely thought they were alone in the house. The six of us in the kitchen sat in awkward silence for a second before we all started giggling.
"We should leave guys, this is really something we don't need to hear." Toby insisted, so I took all of the lunchmeat, cheese, and bread to the table outside on the porch where we couldn't hear the couple having sex.
"They're never going to live that down." Emily laughed so hard she was almost in tears.
"Hey, I'm just glad they're doing it again." I shrugged my shoulders, hoping this was a sign that things were returning to normal for her. But what even was normal for her anymore?
"Tel me about it. Did you see how skinny she looked today? I felt like I could see all her bones." Emily sighed, trying to keep the conversation quiet so Ezra and Aria didn't hear them.
"I saw, I tried not to look, but I had to. It's like a train wreck, you want to look away so bad because you know people are going to be hurt, but you have to watch to see if anyone's okay. It's gotten really bad guys." Toby chimed in, knowing now was one of their only chances to talk about it without Ezra or Aria around.
"And Ezra has resorted to just ignoring it." Spencer huffed, feeling like they had no other options for their friend.
"He's not ignoring it Spence, he just doesn't know what to do. He tries talking to her about it and she goes full on ballistic. He ignores it and she gets worse. He tells her she's beautiful everyday and she just can't hear it. She has to want it for herself for something to really change, but I think that's coming soon. I really do," Caleb added on, defending Ezra and Aria.
"I just don't get it, she was so pretty before all of this started. Now she's barely skin and bones. Soon she's just going to disappear," Paige questioned.
"Yeah. We're basically helping our friend waste away to nothing by not doing anything," Spencer said, knowing that someone would have to say something to that.
"We aren't helping her kill herself, we aren't saying 'you're fat, starve yourself.' If we tell her that she has to get better otherwise we aren't going to be friends anymore, how do you think that will make her feel? She'll feel even worse about herself, trust me, I've been there once and it will just make things worse Spence," I snapped back at Spencer.
"But you were never this bad Han! You were trying to lose weight, she's trying to kill herself!" Spencer spat back, both of us frustrated with the other and this whole situation. We all finished lunch in relative silence and headed back down to the beach.
Ezra's P.O.V.
I rolled over and looked at the clock, which read 3:45. I had just woken up from Aria's and my "nap." I turned my head to see her beautiful face, which was resting on the pillow next to mine, even though the rest of her body was snuggled up to mine. The bags under her eyes were darker than ever, and the skin around her face seemed to droop. Her hair was dry and limp. Her skin was so pale that she was beginning to look like a ghost. And if she kept up what she was doing, soon she would be. Today had been great though; I just felt that I had to be so gentle with her now. She was too little now and I could break her at any minute, especially doing the activities we were doing earlier. My attention was drawn to her bare, exposed wrists. I wrapped my thumb and index finger around her wrist to see if I could reach all the way around her wrist. I wasn't very surprised when my fingers touched with no issues, and that there was extra space too.
"God, Aria, when are you going to stop doing this to yourself?" I sighed, even though she was asleep. I was overcome with sadness all of a sudden. Aria was dying, and if I couldn't do anything about it than I would lose her for good. I let go of her eerily small body and climbed out of bed and headed for the shower.
She was still asleep when I got out, so I got dressed in the bathroom, as not to wake her, and went downstairs towards the kitchen. Everyone was back now and they were chatting in the living room. I walked in to see what they were doing and was greeted by a rowdy group.
"Well well, look who it is. Have a nice nap I presume?" Spencer teased me, but I was a bit confused.
"Yeah, it was great, why do you ask?" I took a seat on one of the couches in front of the TV that had a baseball game on.
"Let's just say we're all pretty sure there wasn't much napping involved." Toby joked while he grabbed a beer from the refrigerator. Everyone else laughed while I blushed.
"That wasn't what you think-" I started, only to be interrupted by Hanna.
"Oh, so Aria screams like that on a normal basis?" I blushed even more.
"Don't even try to deny it, I embrace it." Caleb said, mentioning his and Hanna's sex life, which was discussed often, too often for my liking anyway. I just smiled. It felt good to have Aria back again, at least in that sense, even if she wasn't totally emotionally back.
"Alright, but she is napping, so unless you want to wake her, I suggest you quiet down." I winked at the girls who were yelling back and forth. We all knew how much Aria hated it when someone woke her up. We made dinner together and then I went to get Aria when it was ready. We were having grilled chicken and corn on the cob, with a salad.
"Baby, it's time to get up now, it's dinner time." I squatted down so my head was level with hers. I ran my hand over her hair to wake her. She didn't open her eyes, but she did acknowledge me.
"I don't feel great, do I have to?" She asked me. She sounded so weak again.
"You know I can't force you to do anything Aria, but you do have to eat. You don't feel well because you aren't eating. You haven't eaten since seven this morning. Come on down, everyone wants to see you." I said quietly, hoping she wouldn't have a meltdown after I said that. She just nodded her head and started to get out of bed. She threw my t-shirt on from earlier and asked for me to throw her a pair of shorts that were on the floor near me. I picked them up and couldn't help but look at the tag. They were size 00 and they still seemed to sag on her hips. I threw them at her and she put them on and put her hair up in a bun. I lifted her over my shoulder and ran down the stairs. That was our thing, she always screamed to put her down, but I knew she secretly loved it. I delivered her to her spot at the table and she laughed the entire time. Her laugh was infectious. I was so glad to hear it again.
"Was that shirt your prize?" Hanna smirked and I reddened again.
"Hanna!"
"What do you mean?" Aria asked as she put a small bit of salad on her plate.
"You know, your prize for seducing Fitz yet again." This time it was Aria's turn to blush.
"How long were you guys in the house for?" She was suddenly embarrassed, knowing that sometimes she can get a bit…vocal.
"Long enough, trust me." Toby joked as everyone else sat down at the table. Aria buried her head into my shoulder. She was giggling, even though she was slightly embarrassed.
"After dinner I have to run to the hardware store in town, does anyone need anything?" Caleb offered.
"What are you doing that for?"
"Oh, I have to get something for the garage opener my mom asked me to fix."
"Can you run to the grocery store too? We're a little low on some stuff." Emily suggested.
"Alright, what does everyone want?" He pointed at Toby, who had a look on his face that he wanted something.
"Can you get some of those chips I like?" Toby asked to which Caleb nodded. He pointed to me next.
"Lucky charms."
"No problemo." He responded while his finger moved on to Aria, who didn't need anything. He looked at Emily.
"Bagels!"
"Sure, Paige?"
"A frozen pizza or two that we could have for dinner next week."
"That's a good idea! Han, need anything?"
"Yes I do! I need tampons, the ones I normally get."
"That's not happening." He said, as all the guys got shy quickly. None of us wanted to hear this conversation.
"Caleb, I need them and you're going out!"
"Yeah, but I'm not getting those! I don't even know which kind to get! Aren't there a million and a half different kinds?"
"I'll write it down specifically. I promise."
"Why don't you just come with me? I can go to the hardware store and you can go grocery shopping. They're like right next to each other anyway. The topic quickly changed, thank God, but I couldn't help but wonder about Aria. She hadn't needed any of that kind of stuff since before I can remember. It had to have been months at least. I started to get a little worried and remembered to look it up when she went to sleep tonight. After dinner, Toby and I did the dishes while Hanna and Caleb went to the store. The four other girls were out of the porch drinking wine and basking in the summer evening. While Aria was out back, I decided that this was my chance to look up what I had wanted to at dinner since it was really bothering me for some reason. I didn't even know what to type into Google. I decided on "eating disorder missing period" A bunch of results popped up within milliseconds. I clicked on the first one, and then the second one, and even the third one. It didn't take too long to get the overall message. When a woman is severely malnourished and underweight their period doesn't come because their body is trying to save as much energy as possible. I shook my head; nothing really surprised me anymore about her condition. I read more, knowing that I was only punishing myself for reading on. I read more posts on how women who suffer from eating disorders have trouble getting pregnant later in life, some women can't even have children due to an eating disorder in their teens. This was disheartening; I wanted Aria to have my children one day. A day far in the future, but someday. I shook it off, shutting my phone off. I slid it in my pocket and went out back to get Aria who was drinking a glass of white wine.
"Hey babe, do you want to go get ice cream? Or we could just go for a walk?" I offered, trying to get her out of the house.
"Sure!" She stood up from her seat on the porch and grabbed the sweatshirt I brought down for her. We walked along the beach for a few miles until we came across the ice cream shop. She didn't get anything, and I didn't expect her to. I got a small mint chocolate chip cone, knowing that she would have a few licks of mine.
"So you know this beach pretty well, huh?" I asked her, noting her night runs.
"I guess you could say that." I offered her a lick of my ice cream, knowing that it was her favorite. She obliged and took a big lick of it. When I realized that she would probably finish it if I didn't mention it. We walked hand in hand until we got back to the house and she finished the ice cream.
Caleb's P.O.V.
We arrived home from the store and I realized it was the perfect time to set up what I had bought at the hardware store. I had explained my idea to Hanna on the way, who thought it was a good idea and I let everyone else know about what I was installing. It was an alarm system so Aria couldn't leave in the middle of the night. I wasn't going to tell her, but I would let her figure it out on her own. Just as I finished putting it in, I heard the couple coming back inside. I smiled to myself. I was going to do whatever it took to keep that promise to Aria. She excused herself to use the bathroom when they got back inside. The rest of everyone was in the living room, picking a movie to watch. When I saw Aria leave, I followed her, not noticed by anyone. I heard her feet pad against the carpet. She went into her room and I knew she would emerge from her room in a few seconds with her toothbrush and then retreat to the bathroom. I was standing in the hallway waiting for her. The door opened again and I grabbed her.
"Aria, no. Don't do this!" I shook my head, signaling that I knew what she was going to do.
"Caleb, I'm not doing anything. I'm just going to the bathroom."
"No you're not Aria, don't you dare lie to me." She broke from my grip on her arm and started yelling.
"Caleb, mind your own business! Okay?"
"Aria, you asked me to do this! You asked me to help you!"
"I don't need your help!"
"So you think that doing this is getting better? You honestly think that this is the right thing to do?" I asked her, giving her an incredulous look. I was frustrated that she wasn't listening.
"Caleb let me make my own decisions!"
"Sorry, I can't do that." I yelled back at her. I was sure everyone had heard us arguing by now. She tried to shove her way past me to the bathroom. I blocked her and she started to hit me. I grabbed her arms and wrapped my arms around her. I held her until she stopped squirming and she started to sob. I could hear footsteps coming up the stairs to see what was going on. I didn't turn around to see who it was; I just waved them away. She didn't need everyone being all worried. She just needed to calm down. She finally calmed down and I led her to her and Ezra's bedroom. I made sure she laid down in the bed and I sat outside the door until I knew she was asleep. I made sure I could hear her steady breathing before I went back down the stairs.
