Chapter 2: The Pilot

In Downing street, the press were clamouring for any kind of response from the government. Outside the gates, the public were massing for much the same reason. Sadly, they were being frustratingly quiet.

They rushed forward suddenly as a car drew up outside Number 10. They stepped back in disappointment when they saw that the passenger in the car was merely Joseph Green, the chairman of the Parliamentary commission for the monitoring of sugar standards in imported confectionary. Not the most useful person to be interviewing.

If the public were in a state of confusion, it was nothing compared to those in the government. The entire staff at downing street were rushing about, searching for reports and trying to find some clue as to what they were supposed to be doing. Tea servers and cleaners had to be called in to answer the phones, since there simply weren't enough staff to handle the volume of calls.

Indra Genesh found Mr Green stood by the front door looking at the chaotic atmosphere in confusion. He hurried over and introduced himself, while leading the man towards the stairs. "Andrew Genesh, sir. Junior secretary for the MOD. I'll be your liaison."

"Where the hell is he?" Was the first thing Green asked. Indra knew who he meant. It was the same thing everyone was asking. It was getting harder to deflect their questions.

"Can we talk in private?" He said.

"Excuse me." A woman behind them got his attention. "Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North."

"I'm a bit busy right now Ma'am."

"But I had an appointment, for 3:15."

"Yes, and then a spaceship crashed into London. The schedule got changed." He turned away from Harriet and led the way up the stairs.

"Where's the prime minister?" Green insisted again, once they were out of earshot of the staff downstairs.

Indra looked around. "No-one knows. He seems to have disappeared. I regret to inform you that with the city gridlocked and the cabinet stuck in traffic, that makes you acting Prime Minister. effective immediately." He saw a look of vague alarm creeping into Green's eyes.

They'd reached the second floor. He led Green into a room to one side. The entrance to the main cabinet rooms was on the far side. "This is Margret Blaine, of MI5."

"There's no more information sir." She said. "I personally led the Prime minister from the cabinet rooms to his car. This is Oliver Charles, transport liaison."

"The car's completely disappeared." Said Oliver. "There's no record. It literally vanished."

"Right, er, well let's get inside, tell me everything."

The three of them turned to move into the cabinet rooms. Indra got their attention just before they got in. "Um, sir. These are the emergency protocols. Detailing the actions to be taken by the government in the event of an alien incursion." He handed them a red briefcase.

Green thanked him and shut the door. He waited ten seconds before he was certain that the secretary had moved away, then turned back to Margret and Oliver, grinning evilly. "Looks like it worked." He said.

Margret laughed manically, Oliver and Joseph soon joined in. They were in charge now. Time to start having some fun!


Rose spotted The Doctor slipping out of her flat and Promptly hurried after him. "And where do you think you're going?" She said once she'd caught him.

"Fresh air." Said The Doctor. "It's getting a bit... human in there for me. Off on a wander, that's all."

"Right. There's a spaceship on the Thames and you're just off on a wander."

"Nothing to do with me." Said The Doctor. "That was a genuine crash landing. Angle of descent, colour of smoke, everything."

"So..."

"So maybe this is it! first contact. The day mankind first comes into contact with an alien race. I'm not interfering, 'cos you've got to handle this on your own. Just this morning you were all tiny and small and made of clay and now you can expand!" He grinned madly. "You don't need me. Go and celebrate history. Spend some time with your mum."

"Promise you won't leave?" She said.

The Doctor rummaged in his pockets. "Tell ya what." He said, pulling out something metallic, "TARDIS key. 'bout time you had one." He handed it to a Rose to act as a reassurance that he'd be back.

Satisfied, Rose went back inside. The Doctor's ploy had worked. He'd convinced her to patch things up with her mother, which she'd be better at doing with him away. In the meantime, he wouldn't be gone too long.


Mickey went to retrieve his trainers from a drying rack on his balcony. All around him people were having wild parties and hanging out banners reading The aliens have landed! or Ello ET. Mickey wouldn't be joining them. He hardly left his flat these days. If it wasn't for work and the need to visit the supermarket, he'd shut himself in permanently, hidden from the scathing looks everyone on the estate was giving him.

Glancing at the square below, he was forced to do a double take. The TARDIS was there! The thing he'd been searching for all year. And The Doctor was marching towards it.

"DOCTOR!" He shouted and bolted for his door.


The Doctor paused for a moment when he noticed that some vandal had painted Bad wolf onto the side of the TARDIS. He'd deal with that later. Right now, he just needed to make a quick trip.

Mickey lept through the front door of his block just as the TARDIS engines started up. "Wait Doctor! DOCTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!" He roared, charging at the dematerialising TARDIS. He wasn't sure what he planned to do. He was simply determined to catch this man before he disappeared again.

The TARDIS vanished a split second before he could reach it. His momentum carried him straight into the wall. The mechanic picked himself up and tried to think of a new plan. Rose hadn't been with him when he'd seen him. So maybe, just maybe, he'd find her at home.


Harriet Jones peered at Indra, sat by the cabinet room door. It wouldn't be fair to say she was pleased that he looked exhausted by the sheer level of bureaucracy that was building up. But it did give her an opening to talk to him personally. She was determined to the best for her constituents, whatever it took.

"I've brought you a coffee." She said to him. "Don't suppose anyone's brought you a coffee yet."

"Thanks." Said Indra, and took a sip. "It doesn't mean I can let you in though."

Harriet shrugged cheerily. "You've seen through my cunning plan then."

Indra got up to look through a filing cabinet across the room. He had no time for this. There was too much going on to be worrying about whatever was troubling Flysby, or wherever it was Harriet was from. But she kept berating him.

"It's just that I don't get to walk these corridors much." She was saying. "I'm not one of the babes, just a faithful backbencher. I know we've had a brave new world arrive on our doorstep, and that's wonderful. That's... probably wonderful. But ordinary life keeps ticking away as well. I need to enter this paper." But she still got no response from the secretary.

Fortunately, the acting Prime Minister chose this moment to step out of the door. "Oh, Prime Minister." She said to him. "I know you're busy, but could you please put this on the next cabinet agenda?"

"What is it?" Green asked.

"Cottage hospitals." She explained. "I've worked out a system whereby they don't have to be excluded from centres of excellency. You see my mother's in the Flydale infirmary, that's my constituency, tiny little place you wouldn't know it, and I believe that..."

"By all the Saints, get some perspective woman!" Green interrupted. "I'm busy!" He left without another word, the others trailing behind. Indra went after them, though he gave her an apologetic look as he went by.

Harriet stood, disappointed. It could be months before she'd get another chance to come here. An idea struck her as she spotted the open door to the cabinet room. She slipped inside and pulled the door shut behind her.

All she had to do was place this report somewhere prominent. With a little luck, it would be found and looked into whenever the government got itself organised. She took a moment to consider where would be a good place to leave them. It couldn't be too obvious or it would get swept aside, just like she was being. But too vague and it would never be found. Spotting a briefcase, she decided that would be best and went over to open it.

As she lifted up the file that was in there, she inadvertently read the title Emergency Protocols. Curiosity got the better of her and she opened the first page. She knew she shouldn't look through it. But then she shouldn't be in here anyway. She was in too deep already so it couldn't hurt to give this a read.


Toshiko was sat in the mortuary, reading an article she'd located in the UNIT files, regarding the most likely signs of an organism of extra-terrestrial origin. Looking down at her notes, she hoped she'd memorised enough to satisfy the experts when they eventually arrived.

Her concentration was broken briefly by a banging behind her. For a brief moment, she thought something was banging on the inside of one of the metal draws. She quickly cast that idea aside and returned to her reading. Metallic Skeletal Structures:...

The banging came again, much more furious this time. Something was alive in those draws. And it wanted out...


The TARDIS was more suited to long flights across star systems. Short hops like this wreaked havoc with the quantum dampers. The Doctor had to flip open a panel and beat them with a rubber mallet to stop them popping out of their holdings.

Finally, it landed. He'd stopped in a storeroom of Albion hospital so as not to draw attention to himself. Satisfied with a job well done, he patted the TARDIS and made his way to the door.

He stepped out into a staff room, where about a dozen UNIT soldiers were milling about having tea. The entire room froze as he walked in, startled that anyone could have broken into a room with no windows. Seconds later, they sprang to action and shouldered their rifles, aiming at him.

Before The Doctor could reach for his psychic paper, a scream echoed from down the corridor. "Defence plan delta!" He shouted. "Come on!"

He rushed from the room and ran for the morgue. After a moment's hesitation, the soldiers ran after him. They weren't sure why, The Doctor just seemed to be the person who knew what he was doing best.

Bursting into the morgue, they found a draw hanging open and empty. On the far side of the room, doctor Sato was cowering behind some boxes. A trail of blood was running down from her scalp, though she didn't look too badly hurt.

"It's alive!" She wailed. "It got out!"

"Spread out." The Doctor said. "Tell the perimeter it's a lockdown." Once more the troops paused. "Do it!" He shouted.

"Just do what he says." Said a Sergeant. "Get moving!"

The soldiers fanned out to sweep the dimly lit building. But every room they opened was empty.

"I swear it was dead." Said Toshiko.

"Coma, shock, hibernation. Anything." The Doctor replied. "Did it speak to you? What did it look like?" Just then a low clang sounded from behind the mortuary slab as the creature knocked something over. "It's still here!" He gasped.

Getting up slowly, he beckoned over a soldier who'd been left on guard at the door. He got onto all fours to get a good look and crept round the side of the slab. Not wanting to startle it or rush into an ambush, he inched slowly round the corner, looking carefully at the far side.

Finally the creature came into view. Its face was pink and chiselled and lacking a chin. It also had a flattened button nose. The Doctor wasn't sure whether to be relieved or disappointed. The pilot was a pig. Its limbs were distorted, it stood on its hind legs and was dressed in a tiny flight suit. But it was still a pig.

"Hello." He said. The pig responded by squealing and running round the far side of the slab.

The soldier raised his rifle but The Doctor told him not to shoot.

The creature, meanwhile, raced out the door and down the corridor. At a junction, another soldier saw it coming. Without even waiting for orders, he raised his rifle and fired. The creature dropped to the ground.

"What did you do that for?" The Doctor shouted. "It was scared!" He sat next to the creature and took its trotter as it gave its last grunt.


Harriet Jones's attention was caught by an angry voice outside the door.

"I've got the White House phoning me direct because Downing Street won't answer their calls!" Asquith was shouting. "This is outrageous! You haven't even started the vaccination programme!"

Harriet hurriedly shut the briefcase. She couldn't be found in here, even if she wasn't reading top secret documents illegally. She opened the door a crack and saw Asquith talking to the acting Prime Minister and his aides. They were about to come in there.

"The nations of the world are watching Great Britain and you have done nothing. This is appalling!"

Harriet ran for the far door but found it locked. Panicking now, she found a cupboard, roughly the size of two phone boxes, which had been left ajar. She dived in and pulled the door to with seconds to spare.

"I'm sorry, it has all been a bit of a shock." Green said, as the four of them entered the room.

Harriet peered at them through the partially open door.

"Your leadership has been shameful!" Said Asquith. "We're facing a time of national emergency. We need positive leadership! The capital's ground to a halt. Furthermore, we can only assume that the Prime Minister's disappearance is the direct result of hostile alien action. And what have you been doing? Nothing!"

"Sorry. Sorry. I thought I was Prime Minister now." Green said, with a hint of glee.

"Only by default. And if needs be, I can replace you."

"Oh." Green smiled. "But I've been having such fun."

"It's a hoot this job!" Margret smiled, and began to giggle merrily. The other two laughed along.

Asquith rolled his eyes. Somehow, this entire country had been put in the hands of three people who were behaving like a bunch of children. "What are you playing at?" He growled. "Where's the rest of the cabinet. Why haven't they been airlifted in?"

"I cancelled it." Green laughed. "They'd only get in the way!"

That was the last straw. "Sir!" Asquith shouted. "Under section 5 of the emergency protocols, I am relieving you of command."

Green stopped laughing. "Oh I'm scared." He said, with the air of a sarcastic school bully. "That's positively, hair raising news. In fact, literally hair raising."

He raised up his hand to brush away his fringe. Just below his hairline was a flap of skin, almost unnoticeable. He peeled it back to reveal a zip, which he drew across his forehead. A dazzling blue light flooded from the slit.

Next to him, Margret and Oliver did the same. Asquith was rooted to the spot by confusion and alarm.

Through the gap in the door, Harriet didn't have the clearest view. But she saw the vague silhouette of some creature, seven feet tall, rising from the politician's heads, the skin slid down them like a suit. It advanced on Asquith, towering over him.

By the time Asquith regained his presence of mind, it was too late. One of the creatures had already caught him in its massive clawed arms. The moment they tore into him, Harriet had to look away and restrain the urge to be sick. Asquith's agonised screams echoed throughout the room. But several inches of heavy wood panelling and reinforced steel meant that the rest of the building was blissfully unaware.


Author's notes: I did think for a long time about whether or not to include the fart jokes. Whilst they're relevant to the plot in places, there are ways around them. And I just think they interrupt the tension in certain scenes. If their absence produces gaps in the story later, I'll go back and re-write it.