He practically ran to his room, slamming the door shut behind him. Labored gasps passed through his lips as he felt the whole world threatening to crumble around him. He was slipping. Falling. Drowning. It had been days since Hatori had refused to help him. Separating him from his lover. So he had no other choice but to take comfort in another. If his previous lover had been a cruel mistress…well…then this new consort was a sadistic, heartless bitch. It was far more veracious and demanding on him. Taking up more of his time and effort.
Tilling my own grave to keep me level
It was taking all of his strength to make it through the day. It was becoming harder to focus. To see straight. To think. To breathe. He had to remind himself to breathe. Why couldn't he just breathe? He wanted to breathe. Oh how he just wanted to breathe. An agonized, shuttered breath trembled on his lips as he fell to his knees. His lover was calling to him. Calling him to come out and play. But…they never played fair. They always moved the ground from underneath his feet and watched him as he fell right on his ass. And he found himself liking this game less and less. He didn't want to play anymore.
But at this point he really had no other choice. He was bound hand and foot to this new lover. Hanging his head in defeat he rolled up the sleeve of his shirt. His forearm looked like a scoreboard of bruises. Times he had won. Times he had been satisfied. Times he had lost… Always keeping score. Just one more game. One more. Fifty-fifty odds. If his lover let him live…it was a good day. If he was pulled under completely…well…then he wouldn't have to play anymore, now would he.
Jam another dragon down the hole
Taking the needle to his arm, Yuki let out a low hiss. It was getting harder to find useful veins. He'd have to try again. Play again. Taking the needle out he found another place on his arm, the sharp point pushing through a painful bruise as tears uncontrollably stung his eyes. Sorry. Try again. The bitch was laughing at him now. It had him right where it wanted him. On his knees, crawling like the wretched creature he was. Desperate. Begging.
Digging to the rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren
A light sheen of sweat covered his skin as he began to shake. Feeling the sick knot in his stomach twist and turn as he plunged the needle in again, a feeble whimper passed through his lips. But he couldn't stop now. The game had started…and he was petty enough to want to finish it. Try again.
One that pushes me along and leaves me so,
Desperate and Ravenous
So weak and powerless over you
He was only vaguely aware of the world around him. The world he had decided to distance himself from a long time ago. His brother had been in the kitchen with Shigure when he had come home from school. That's right. That bastard was still here. That's why he had come. That's what had brought him here now. Playing this vicious game…one he was losing. Damn…he was losing. Everything. Giving up on his arm…he moved to a fresh playing field.
Someone feed the monkey while I dig in search of China
Removing his shoes and socks Yuki gave a hollow smile. The bitch didn't see this one coming. Now it was his turn to laugh. Fresh ground had been found. A chance for a small victory. The playing field had been moved. The ground shifted. Spreading his toes apart, Yuki curled in on himself and plunged the needle straight into the soft flesh between his toes. Push that bitch in. He had won.
White as Dracula as I approach the bottom
Laying himself on the floor, he felt the warmth spread, the tender lover's embrace. It was playing nice today. It had been appeased by his suffering, and now it gave him release. Holding him. Pulling him in. Pulling him down. Congratulating him on a game well played. That's how this all worked. In life, as in love, his agony was rewarded. Pain first. Always first. That's what this new mistress demanded of him. But…if he was lucky…
He began to feel his heart slow its pace as his body beckoned him to sleep. Just sleep. Free fall into nothingness. His breathing came shallow as he felt himself pulled down into the undertow. Maybe he had lost after all…
Desperate and Ravenous
So weak and powerless over you
Feeling himself losing consciousness under the heavy weight of his lover, he thought he heard the sound of a muffled voice crying out to him. Who? Who would search for this wretched lost soul now? Now, when he had finally won some peace of mind. Now that the voices in his head had stopped. Who would dare come to him as he was now? Happy. Content. Becoming helplessly heavy in his lover's arms.
A discontented moan passed through his pale, chalky lips as he felt fingers glide tenderly through his sweat dampened hair. He didn't want this. He didn't want to be touched. This wasn't part of the game. Just leave him be. Let him have his moment of peace. He had earned it. Had worked so fiercely to obtain it, and now it was being disturbed.
"Yuki!" The voice came concerned and almost hysterical. "Please wake up! Open your eyes! Please!" But he didn't want to wake up…that would mean starting all over again, and he just didn't have the energy anymore.
"Yuki!" His name was screamed, shattering through the fog of sleep as he took a sharp, labored breath in. "Open your eyes!" The voice came forceful, and Yuki found himself attempting to oblige simply to make the voice stop as his lashes fluttered and his vision finally focused on the face of Tohru…his Tohru…his angel.
He heard a sigh of relief pass her lips as he felt her cradle him gently in her arms. But…the embrace of his lover was far more gratifying, even with its painful consequences and harsh demands. His face paled as a small smile graced his lips. With the remaining strength he possessed, he parted his lips and breathed in the softest of whispers.
"Little angel go away. Come again some other day. The devil has my ear today. I'll never hear a word you say. He promised I would find a little solace, and some piece of mind. Whatever, just as long as I don't feel…" And with this message delivered, he watched as a wave of sorrow and grief washed over Tohru's face…the last thing he saw before he crawled back into the nothingness that awaited him.
So…
Desperate and Ravenous
So weak and powerless
Desperate and Ravenous
So weak and powerless
Over you...
Yuki had won this battle. He had reaped its rewards. And its glory. But he feared…and hoped…that for him, the war was finally over. Oh how he wanted it to be over.
Over you...
A/N: Lyrics featured in this chapter are from the song "Weak And Powerless" by A Perfect Circle. Again, I recommend that this segment be paired with the youtube video "A Perfect Circle-Thirteenth Step (Full Album)" by Aaron Fraser. And so continues my ode to one of the best albums ever made by man...
