So most people seem to be enjoying this :) thank you for the incredible response for the first chapter. I love this little drama I'm having with them. Now Aaron's been put into a situation he's never been trained for and there's a lot of hurdles to jump. Do you think he's ready or even able to be a father?
Anyway, I hope you all like this one :) and if you're wondering, chapter 11 of Anchored will be up tomorrow night and I hope there'll be a little announcement with it too :) (I'm evil, remember?)
If you like this chapter, please review. It's still a risk to be going down this mostly untested line with them and I'm still learning. Hope you enjoy!
2
He blinks. He breathes. Whatever it is, it's not sinking in. What was that again? She's pregnant or may be pregnant or not pregnant? It's Schrodinger's cat and she wants to open the box. If she is pregnant, it's his baby. Aaron swallows and feels her eyes piercing him. Raising a baby on the run isn't possible, so logically it's better if she's wrong, if she's pregnant at all and yet there's a part of him that wants a family, craves a family and a home in her. It's a selfish thing to desire, the possibility of a life, but Aaron thinks he deserves a break from hell, even in fantasy.
He has no doubt she'd be an amazing mother and he hopes he'd be a good father. Except he wouldn't. Aaron is volatile, a weapon made from war and bad intentions. He could protect people, he could save people, he could eliminate threats and throw a punch, but he isn't fit to be a father, not with everything he's seen and done. Aaron isn't exactly a genetic goldmine. What if the baby is like him? Born an idiot with the IQ to match it. He imagines every scenario, every bad scenario, in his head. It's his own fault.
He should have made sure they were safe, that she was safe. A pregnancy is always risky, he knows, but a pregnancy while dodging people who want to see you dead on the ground? She could have all kinds of complications or lose the baby and Aaron knows it'll kill her either way. Fuck. What is he going to do? He keeps staring at her. He should say something. Say something!
"Pregnant?" he manages to utter.
She chews on her lip, "I think so. But I need a-"
"Test, yeah." He nods and runs his fingers through his hair. His eyes stray down to her stomach and flicker back up. "I just… I don't understand. When I first joined Outcome, they gave me a vasectomy."
"I know, I know but I swear I haven't had sex or anything with anyone else in nearly two years, Aaron, if I am pregnant it's yours." Her hands hold onto his shoulders desperately. He doesn't doubt her. They've never spent more than 10 minutes apart, if that. He knows it's his. God. His baby. She could be having his baby.
Now he can't take his eyes away from her stomach. "We should find out. I'll go and get a test from the mainland."
Marta leans into him and he's not sure what to feel. He loves her, wants to marry her in an ideal world but this isn't an ideal world; they needed freedom first. As if freedom is ever going to be possible.
"Aaron, please don't look at me like that." She mutters. He looks up and sees her eyes are glistening with unshed tears. Even warriors bleed.
He melts immediately and wraps his powerful arms around her suddenly tiny frame. She could break if he holds her too tight. Aaron has to protect her from the devils in the world and that means him too. Marta deserves a better life and now she's tied to him forever. He's selfishly happy. She has a reason to stay now, stay with him, even if it means her life may be in more danger. He tries to rationalise his own selfish need for her; it's instinct, protection of his potential progeny but it's not enough. All Aaron Cross craves is her and a family.
Growing up, all he'd ever dreamt of was a family, a purpose, and love that he'd been cruelly denied. Now that he's found a piece in his puzzle he isn't about to just give it up willingly. Marta's sunk into his shoulder and he can't help but comfort her, his calloused paddles of hands tenderly run up and down her back. He won't give her up for anything.
"I think…" she mutters against his chest, "I think when you viralled off on greens… the virus spreads to your very DNA, changed your chromosomes and healed you quicker internally." She pulls back a little and looks at him, "Even stuff that was intentionally cut."
"So the viralling healed the vasectomy. That's how…" He lets out another breath. "How long have you thought you might be pregnant?"
Marta runs her fingers through her hair, having pulled back from him completely. She seems to glow a little in the barely new sunlight. "Two weeks, maybe three. I thought it was just stress or something but then we settled here and I'm not stressed here. I'm happy, Aaron, I really am." She smiles at him. "I want to stay."
He wants to indulge her like he did before, wants to keep them together in this beautiful paradise together, god, to be together. "We can't." Those words kill him.
"But we're fine here, this place isn't inhabited, I doubt it's even got a fucking name, Aaron. Please, I want to stay."
"It's not safe, Doc."
"It's not safe anywhere!" she shakes her head, "Remember? It's not safe anywhere."
"More the reason we have to keep moving, we can't stay for more than a few weeks, a couple of months at the most."
She shakes her head, "Well our plans just changed. This baby changes everything."
"We don't even know if you're pregnant yet, Marta. We need to think of all the options."
"Screw the fucking options." He blinks as she yells. Marta never yells. "The options have changed. I know I can't be sure, not 100 per cent; but I know, Aaron. I've treated women who were pregnant and I know the symptoms and I know my own body. I know."
Oh. A freight train weight crashes onto his shoulders. For once in his life as Aaron Cross he's not sure what to do. He has no answers, no plan, no control. "Baby."
"Yes, Aaron. Baby." She takes a step towards him. "I know it's not what we planned but it's happened and I won't regret it." She chews her lip as he stays silent, staring at her. "Please say something before I break your nose like I did in France."
"I love you." He mutters and claims her lips for his. Maybe he is selfish, maybe he's a weapon, maybe he's insane for thinking this can work. Maybe this is all a dream of his fevered mind and he's still in Manila with a virus running through him. Maybe it's a gift or a curse.
All Aaron wants is a family, and here's Marta handing it to him on a damaged platter for the taking. He can't bring himself to tell her it'll never work; he wants it to work so bad that her belief is enough to make him bend again. He's a weak man after all. Aaron keeps kissing her lips softly, leaning back and sighing a little, "We'll make it work. I'll find a way to make it safe for us. All of us." He swallows. They both know it's a lie but neither cares. He kisses the corner of her mouth as she sighs. "Is that why you've been getting up early? The morning sickness?"
She shakes her head, "No, I think it's too early for morning sickness yet." Marta seems thin, so thin. She needs feeding; immediately. They don't have food? What kind of man is he?
"You should eat. Go and lie down, I'll catch you some fish for breakfast, okay? I promise."
"Aaron…"
"Or I can hunt down one of the boars and you can have some fatty protein, it'll put some weight on you."
"Aaron…"
He's panicking. His heart is racing even more. Aaron needs to provide for her, to make this work and make his lie of a life true again. "I should go to the mainland now, it's not that far. Get you comfier pillows and proper food and everything you need."
She grabs his hair and pulls back, "Aaron. Stop. I'm fine, the baby's fine. I don't need luxuries we can't afford, I just need you to keep calm." She kisses him, "So calm down, please?"
He breathes. Aaron puts a paddle calloused palm on her stomach light as a feather. He doesn't want to do any more damage, especially not now. "It doesn't feel any different yet."
"It won't for a while." She mutters, looking down, "Not for a couple months maybe."
Aaron knows this is going to change everything. It'll make their lives even more dangerous, even more fraught. Being a warrior isn't enough for either of them now, or it never was. Strength can only get you so far in life. It feels like power in your hands but then it slowly turns to pain when you realise there's nothing you have to give but strength. He has no idea what to do.
It scares him to think not only is he responsible for her, a woman he's trained so well, but he's now responsible for the life growing inside her. It's all on his shoulders; his entire burden to carry but Marta's the one who has to feel the pain. It doesn't seem fair. He leans up and kisses her again, pushing his fears and panics down. He's going to give her the world.
Or die trying.
A/N: So you think that was ominous? Or am I being evil again? :)
