Chapter 2

When Beckett and Esposito arrived at the Lincoln Center, part of Broadway and Columbus Avenue had been blocked to the circulation. Kate felt the world crumble under her feet as she got out of the car and discovered dozens of ambulances and police cars stationed in front of the building. The Feds and a SWAT team were there as well. Kate stayed petrified for a moment, unable to move, unable to take her eyes off the twinkling lights. She eventually closed the door of the car and started walking slowly, absent-mindedly, towards the building, one step at the time as though she feared getting any closer.

"Katherine!" she heard in the distance.

Her eyes set upon Martha and Alexis who were standing with Ryan near the do not cross tape. She joined them with Esposito.

"Castle?" she whispered, hoping they would have some news.

Ryan shook his head, looking sorry. Martha and Alexis were in tears.

"Nothing yet. I spoke with a medic. He said it's complete chaos in there. He's never seen anything like it..." Ryan explained as some EMTs were taking yet another injured person out of the building.

The man on the stretcher had a respiratory mask on the face and was covered with a survival blanket. He was small, thin. It was someone else's boyfriend. Someone else's son and maybe someone else's father. But it wasn't him.

"I'm going in," Kate said.

"Wait, are you sur-"

"He's somewhere in there. I'm going in," she said, as determined as she could be.

Ryan gave a quick look towards Esposito, then nodded agreeing with her decision. He knew there was nothing he could say to make her give up the idea.

"Okay. Javier, you go with her? I stay with them. Let me know when you learn something... When you find him."

The same thought crossed everybody's mind. They would find him, eventually. Dead or alive, it remained to be seen.

# # #

The sight in front of her was unbearable, worse than anything she had ever seen in her career. Shattered glasses and plates were scattered all over the place. The walls were riddled with bullet holes. Bodies were lying on the floor. They were all well dressed. Tuxedos, thousand-dollars suits, dresses... All surrounded by pools of blood. Some had been hit in the head. They were barely recognizable. Her heart was beating faster every time her eyes landed on another body. She was always fearing for the worst. What if he was lying there? What if he was one of them?

Kate was slowly wandering in the main room, tears uncontrollably running down her cheeks as cops, Feds, medics, medical examiners were all rushing everywhere to assist the wounded or cover the corpses of men and women.

"The shooter's been killed. Twelve casualties and fourteen injured so far, including two in a critical state. Still counting," Esposito briefed her.

She wasn't even listening. She was not here for work. She couldn't think clearly. It was too much.

# # #

A man was sat on the floor, his back against a pillar. He was not moving. Even his look seemed static, directed toward a body lying on the ground just a few feet away from him. This man's white shirt was stained with blood. It was another victim maybe, because he did not seem to react to anything that was happening around him. He was totally impervious to the chaos surrounding him. It seemed no one had noticed him hidden behind this pillar.

"Castle..." she mumbled under her breath. "Castle!" Kate yelled, running towards him. He absent-mindedly looked up at sound of his name, at the sound of her voice. "You're hurt!" she said seeing the blood on his shirt. "Somebody help!" she yelled, looking for a medic.

"No, no. I'm... I'm fine, it's not mine, I'm okay. It's..." he told her softly, closing his eyes when he saw the body lying a few feet away.

"Oh my God, you're okay?" she asked shaking from head to toe, knelt by his side, her hand on his cheek. "Castle?" Kate asked again seeing he wasn't answering. "Rick? Rick, look at me," she whispered, gently making him turn his eyes away from the man lying in front of him. "You're okay?" she asked again, sobbing. He stared at her for a long moment then nodded softly. "Okay... Alright, good. Can you... Can you stand up? Easy, easy..." Kate said as she helped him get back up on his feet.

He needed to lean on the pillar as he tried to stand on his feet. He winced of pain as he set his right foot on the ground. Esposito was standing aside, talking on the phone. Kate let herself fall into Castle's arms. She was feeling selfish. With all these people injured around them and the casualties, she was feeling relieved... But for once she felt she had the right to be selfish, she had the right to care more about her own life and his than the others. Tears were flowing down her cheeks, and his.

"Alexis... My mother?" he asked as they pulled away.

"I just got off the phone with Ryan," Esposito said as he approached. "He's outside with them. He told them you were okay."

Castle gripped his shoulder and nodded in gratitude.

"You're hurt," she said seeing he was limping, barely able to stand on his right foot.

"No, I just..." he started, sounding completely shaken. He looked like he had just woken up from a bad dream, like he had no idea where he was and what was going on. He was definitely not in his normal state. How could he be? "It must be from when I jumped for cover. I must have hit something. It's okay," he reassured her.

And really, compared to the injuries of other attendees, he just considered himself lucky.

"Let's get out of here, okay?" she said, her hand gently caressing his cheek.

Esposito helped Kate support him as they slowly walked to the entrance hall. A medic instinctively came to Castle, seeing his limping and his shirt stained with blood. But Castle refused his help. He was fine. Compared to others.

# # #

When she finally saw her son limping out of the building, surrounded by Esposito and Beckett, Martha ran towards him and jumped in his arms. Alexis did the same.

"Oh Richard!" Martha exclaimed, crying.

"Shhh, I'm okay. I'm okay," he told them, before kissing them both. "I'm fine."

"Dad..." Alexis said, sobbing.

They spent a minute embraced in each other's arms. He was alive and well. For a moment in there, he had thought he would never see them again, that he would never even walk out of this building alive.

"Darling, you look like hell. Let's take you home, okay? I'm gonna ma-" Martha said.

"I'm afraid he's gonna have to stay a while longer, Martha. The Feds want to talk to every witness. He needs to make a deposition, tell them... what happened," Esposito told Castle's family.

Castle could barely retain his emotions at these words. What happened. But he managed to keep his head up.

"You should go home, I'll be right behind you," he told them in a husky voice.

"We're not leaving you," Alexis said, gripping his arm.

"I'm okay," he said hugging her again. "I'll be there as soon as I can, I promise," he told her before giving her a soft kiss on her forehead. "Please... you shouldn't stay here."

"I'm gonna drive them home. I'll call Beckett when we've arrived," Ryan said, reassuring Castle, who shook his hand to thank him.

He knew he could not utter any more word without breaking down entirely. He gave them a last forced smile and watched them get in Ryan's car. As soon as they were out of sight, he collapsed, his back against the wall.

"Hey, buddy. Are you alright?" Esposito asked.

Castle looked up at him. How could he be alright? Physically, he was okay with probably just a twisted ankle. A few days and he would be able to walk normally again. But what he had experienced that night was beyond anything he had ever seen or felt. Kate squatted next to him, holding his hand.

"See?... My job is as dangerous as yours," he said. "I wasn't fond of those parties before... but now I really hate them." It was the only way to not completely break down. He could feel it. He was about to. But this was his way of trying to resist. His coping mechanism was back. "Please never come with me to an event like that. Even if I ask you, even if I insist. You refuse, okay?"

"Rick... Shhh," she said trying to comfort him. "It was an isolated act. It's over."

Castle looked her in the eyes for a moment before resting his head backward against the wall. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. But he opened them again quickly. What he was seeing was worse than the reality in front of his eyes. Memories. Bloody and scary memories.

To Be Continued...

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