Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Your comments made me dance with happiness :) (as well as type faster to escape potential thrashings...)

It should be noted that although I am from sunny England, Tokyopop translated the manga into American-English, so in order to keep them all as much in-character as possible, I have kept this spelling in the dialogue. First set of lyrics are Your Possible Pasts by Pink Floyd from The Final Cut album and the second are from Dogs from the album Animals. Enjoy!


CHAPTER 2 – ECHOES OF THE PAST

Do you remember me? How we used to be?
Do you think we should be closer?

By the cold and religious we were taken in hand
Shown how to feel good and told to feel bad.
Tongue tied and terrified we learned how to pray
Now our feelings run deep and cold as the clay.
And strung out behind us the banners and flags
Of our possible pasts lie in tatters and rags.

Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen... The last of the sunlight lingered on the horizon and Kazahaya was little more than a silhouette against the window. Bent over, his careful hands slowly unscrewed each doll, placing the empty shells beside him.

Twenty six, twenty seven, twenty eight… Rikuo watched with growing impatience. An hour later the room was brilliantly lit by moonlight and Rikuo could make out the sharp gleam of his partner's eyes as they focused on the wooden toy in his hands.

Seventy one, seventy two... The summer night wore on. Eventually a bored and irritated Rikuo broke the hour long silence, unable to share in the peace that had descended upon Kazahaya.

"Hey, hand it over and let me do it."

Rikuo's exasperation increased as Kazahaya clutched the Russian doll to him protectively and Kazahaya's noisy temper flared instantly.

"I don't need your help! I can do it myself, thank you very much."

"I can do it faster, you're taking forever."

"Well excuse me for being careful!"

"Look, I can break it, a layer at a time. Move your hand."

"No! I can do it!"

"Move your hand." Damn, Kazahaya could be annoying.

"NO!"

"Just move it!"

"Shut up! You're always telling me what to do! Why can't you let me do it for once?"

"Because you are doing it too slowly! Now let go!"

"NO! I'm sick of you telling me what to do all the time! And I'm tired of you thinking that I'm so useless that you have to follow me everywhere! It's not like I need you!"

"You don't need me? Who was stupid enough to run away from home in the middle of winter? Who nearly drowned in a lake because he couldn't swim? Who ignores all common sense and rushes into weird visions and gets sucked into books? Who yells loud enough to wake the dead at the slightest thing when stealth is essential? Who gets attacked by depressed spirits and can't even work out why? And who saves your sorry ass every time? Who-"

"Well why do you bother then?!"

The wood beneath his hands began to crack but Kazahaya only gripped it tighter.

"Kazahaya, shut up and MOVE IT!"

"NO! If I'm such a pain-"

"Just let go of the bloody doll!"

"No! You don't even care!"

Rikuo lost his temper. He felt something inside of him snap and he lost control. The world went black and he felt the wooden doll shatter, layer after layer, splinters of wood flying in every direction. Somewhere outside in the darkness Kazahaya screamed.

Rikuo was suddenly reminded of the destruction his mind was capable of and he struggled to restrain himself. The wood stopped splintering, the noise died and Rikuo came back to himself, breathing a little unsteadily. It had been so long since he'd lost it like that. It must never happen again. He paused to glare angrily at Kazahaya before glancing around at the broken pieces of doll lying on the floor. Never again.

"See. That took half the time it was taking you. Now let's go."

No reply.

"Hey, idiot. Stop sulking, we need to get back."

Kazahaya's face was white and drawn tight. It was then that Rikuo realised that the doll wasn't all that he had broken. Kazahaya's hand looked hideous; green and purple bruises were slowly staining the pale skin, bloodied pieces of wood had ripped right through the flesh, piercing through to the other side. Then Rikuo realised with a sickening jolt that every single bone was broken. He had felt them crack.

"I..."

Kazahaya shot him a glare of pure hate. Bright golden eyes radiated pain and horror and utter loathing. Rikuo felt a stab as the ferocity reached his heart and he realised what he had done. And at that moment he abruptly understood what he had long disregarded. Kazahaya absolutely hated him.

"...told you to move your hand, idiot."

Kazahaya staggered to his feet and stumbled down the stairs, ignoring the dangerously creaking floor. He looked as though he were about the pass out any moment. Rikuo didn't touch him. He followed a little way behind, the guilt and horror making him cold and distant. He said nothing. When they reached the Green Drugstore Kakei made a shocked sound in his throat and as he guided Kazahaya to a seat, Saiga went immediately to get the car. Rikuo did not enter the room, instead staying hidden near the door, reluctant to listen yet unable to walk away.

Kakei gently eased the remains of the wooden doll from the maimed hand and looked grave not even trying to disguise his worry. The last layer, the tiniest doll, had no head. It had shattered and was buried in the ripped flesh of Kazahaya's hand.

"Oh dear Kudo-kun," he sighed, sitting next to him and producing a tiny bottle of something to help deal with the shock.

Kazahaya drained the bottle, shaking. His head dropped onto Kakei's shoulder and a badly suppressed sob wracked his chest. Kakei gently stroked his hair and that tender gesture, such a stark contrast to the pain and bitterness, was enough to break down the wall and Kazahaya cried. Cries of agony and distress mingled with hot salty tears and Rikuo heard it all. He couldn't block his ears. He deserved this, he deserved to hear the chokes and quiet screams as his partner released all his anger and hatred and hurt, and he deserved to know that he had caused it all. Kazahaya had hated him for a long time. He hated himself even more.

Eventually Saiga appeared next to him and called through the doorway.

"The car's ready. I'll drive." He turned and Rikuo could feel Saiga's gaze piercing him from behind the dark sunglasses.

"We'll talk to you later."

They left, Kakei carrying Kazahaya who had at last passed out from the shock and Saiga followed with a reassuring hand on his lover's shoulder. Kakei glanced at Rikuo as they passed, face expressionless. Rikuo looked back; face also carefully devoid of emotion. Then they were gone and he sank to the floor, his head in his hands.

What had he done?

XXX

And when you loose control, you'll reap the harvest you have sown.
And as the fear grows, the bad blood slows and turns to stone.
And it's too late to lose the weight you used to need to throw around.
So have a good drown, as you go down, all alone
Dragged down by the stone.

XXX

Kazahaya returned from hospital two days later, his hand in a pale green cast that came to the elbow. Each finger was splinted and he could not use his arm at all. He did not speak to Rikuo and Rikuo said nothing to him. Kazahaya could not cook for himself, nor could he do the washing up or any of his other chores but Rikuo did them without comment. He received neither thanks nor confrontation. The silence extended. The rift grew wider.

Kazahaya's cast had doodles on it. 'Get well soon' messages and smiley faces from scores of customers adorned the arm, and on the hand were two marijuana leaves signed by Kakei and Saiga (the latter had drawn his with eyes and a smiley mouth and said "get well soon, BOY! Ha ha ha ha!" underneath). Rikuo did not offer to sign it and Kazahaya did not ask. The rift grew deeper.

The days passed and then, one pale morning a week later, Kazahaya vanished. He took nothing except clothes and his savings and he left no note. The Green Drugstore closed early. Kakei strained himself to the point of exhaustion but was unable see him anywhere. Saiga searched for him in his own mysterious way while Rikuo searched the streets and scoured Kazahaya's favourite haunts.

Neither Kakei nor Saiga had spoken to Rikuo about the incident in the end. They had realised how he felt and seemed to hope that understanding would also soon dawn on Kazahaya. But now he was gone and could not be traced. Kakei wouldn't let the police get involved and since Kazahaya seemed to have run away from his previous home, they drew no public attention to his disappearance. But Kakei did not replace Kazahaya's position in the Drugstore.

Eventually Kakei confessed that he could no longer see Kazahaya at any point in time. Apart from their memories of him, to the universe he might just as well have never existed. At night Rikuo thought of his long search for Tsusiko and gave up all hope of ever seeing Kazahaya again. He would rather have died than admit the reason he missed him so much.

XXX

Rikuo sat down beside his unconscious roommate and indulged himself in a sigh. Save Kazahaya. Right. Simple.

"I can't say it will be easy," Kakei said with a small smile. "But at least it is possible."

"Explain to me again how he got like this. Inside the last Russian doll was a 'pocket of time' and-"

"No, not exactly time. A memory trapped in time. Kudo-kun was supposed to search through the memory using his gift and help the young woman in it. Needing your help he would pull you in with him, you'd solve her final problem and then she would give you the tiniest doll to bring back to me."

"Probably the least complicated task you've ever set," Rikuo commented dryly.

"Yes, but as you are now very well aware, it was also very dangerous. If anything went wrong, such as you or Kudo-kun being unable to work out what to do, then the memory would implode, possibly killing him. As it was when the doll exploded the time pocket, which was acting as a protective shield, also split. This meant that as the wood entered Kudo-kun's skin so did the memory-"

"And the memory has taken over him."

"Yes."

"But why?"

"That woman had serious issues that were not resolved during her lifetime. After she died, her mind could not rest and it kept possessing those who went to visit her grave. It was eventually sealed inside the doll, where Kudo-kun would reach it and I believed that you two would both be able to help her to rest."

"But now the memories are possessing him and I've got to get him out."

"Yes, before she consumes his soul."

"I guess," Saiga interrupted, "you could say that he's a little low in spirit... Ha ha ha ha!"

A frosty silence stretched through the room as Kakei and Rikuo ignored him. Saiga shrugged and appeared to fall asleep again. Rikuo paused before summarising, "so I act as a psychologist, he tells me all his worries, has a good cry, this woman is released and we all live happily ever after."

Kakei smiled a little too pleasantly.

"That makes it sound a little too simple, Rikuo, but yes, something along those lines. Of course, if you don't hurry the memory will possess him completely and destroy the real Kudo Kazahaya. Remember, we do not know how long he has been lost. Time is against us."

"He can't talk. So how-"

"You have go in search of him!" Kakei smiled and there was a significantly sadistic gleam in his eyes.

"What? Go in-? And why do you look so happy about all of this?"

"Don't be silly, Rikuo, you know I am concerned to the utmost about Kudo-kun's safety. Now, you must go into his mind and find him. Bring him back. Destroy the layers, break down the wall."

"Go inside his mind and find him? Seems impossible to me."

"Not quite."

"And how am I supposed to break through these 'layers'?"

"Oh, I'm sure you will understand when you get there. Now go to sleep Rikuo, you'll need all your strength if you're going to invade someone's mind."

"But-"

"Sleep well."

Kakei left, smiling in a 'this conversation is over' way, leaving Rikuo to fume. Saiga placed a supportive hand on his shoulder before settling down to watch Kazahaya. Defeated, Rikuo headed back to his too-empty apartment and drifted into an uneasy sleep.

XXX

Morning dawned pale pink and cold. Rikuo headed down to find Kakei and Saiga waiting for him by the twitching body of his partner.

"Ready?"

"Yes." No.

"Hold out your hand."

Kakei took it and Saiga handed him something small. It was the broken head of the last and smallest Russian doll. The rich wood was still stained and discoloured. Saiga pricked Kazahaya's finger with a pin and allowed the swell of blood to drop onto the fragment. The fresh blood soaked into the wood, mingling with the old as Kakei looked into Rikuo's eyes.

"Find him, Rikuo, and bring him back, or there will be nothing to come back to."

With those words he pushed the jagged wood deep into Rikuo's hand and then he was falling. The last words he heard were, "do not remove the splinter from your hand until he is safe."

The world turned itself inside out and upside down. Rikuo felt as though he were being squeezed inside the tiniest of atoms and yet at the same time floating in an immeasurable emptiness, a vast infinity of nothing that stretched across Rikuo's mind. The darkness was overwhelming, he felt as though he were being crushed.

This place was where Kazahaya's voice had come from. That haunting voice had sounded exactly how Rikuo felt now, as though he were so lost that the words were entirely separate from his body. Rikuo stepped forward waved a hand in front of his eyes. Did he even have a hand in Kazahaya's mind? Where was his body? Was this just an illusion? He wished Kakei had explained better.

Out of the darkness a light appeared, glimmering in the distance. Or was it only a few feet away? Contrary to all he had ever read and seen in films, Rikuo moved towards it. But the distance did not seem to be closing. How long had he been here? A few minutes? Hours? Days? Years? It seemed like eternity. The darkness seemed to oppress his very soul; it was as though it was all he had ever known.

Rikuo wanted to curl up into a little ball and scream. He was drowning, drowning in nothing and everything. He felt his mind begin to cave, hysteria threatening to seize hold. But Rikuo knew that Kazahaya was here somewhere, lost and undoubtedly terrified. He had to go on. Moreover, he feared the consequences of losing control in a place such as this.

The light was suddenly much nearer and brighter. A voice drifted across the void, little more than a whisper, rippling on a still breeze.

"Here..."

"Kazahaya?"

Rikuo's voice didn't sound like his own. He shivered and, seeing no one in view, set out towards the light again. At long last, or was it only moments? Rikuo could see it clearly. The pale light surrounded a shape. A human shape, slender, with an attractive face and beautiful eyes framed by light, unevenly cut hair.

Kazahaya.


The lesson for today is: Do not piss off Rikuo, he may break your hand and trap you inside your own head. Never fear, this will start making a little more sense soon! And there shall be more dialogue and lots more Kazahaya!

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